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Famous as a child and is keeping it together as an adult and I really enjoyed talking to her. She's a cool chick. Please give it up for the Great and Powerful Miley Cyrus
The Joe Rogan Experience trained by day Joe Rogan podcast mind.
How are you? I'm good to meet you.
You also I'm happy to be
here. I'm happy to have you here. You have a fantastic voice not just a singing voice when you're talking voice a very unusual. It's like makes you step back a little like,
oh, I've actually recently I was walking around in Boston. I went to a museum and this like older man walked up to me. I no idea who I was he was just enjoying the art also in the museum and started talking me forever about my voice and my and then
There was a college some sort of trip to the museum and then everybody started freaking out and it was so cool to see how someone stopped me about my speaking voice because that'll never happen to me before I think it's always turned around and I have the mullet so I could have been you know anybody I could have been anyone
it's a heavy course
the heavy voice. You didn't always
have a heavy voice though. Like when my kids love Hannah Montana by the way. Yeah. So when I would watch the your voice was
different, it's definitely a change. I actually I
I kind of learned a lot about the voice and how our experiences affect our voice. I had a surgery in November on my voice. I had something called Ricky's edema, which when my doctor told me about it. He said no one shot I ever has this this is for abuse of the voice. This is for people that talk way too fucking much and usually this happens when you're like in your 60s or 70s. How do I not have that? I don't know. I don't know mine. I think honestly,
Really I started touring, you know at probably 12 or 13 and Not only was I the adrenaline that you have after a show. It's not really the singing that affects your voice is much. It's afterwards you're totally on and then it's really hard to get that sleep. You stay up talking all night later the talking all night turn into smoke and all night. And now this is kind of where we're at. We got some dirt on her, you know, she's the boys can be like like a face it collects wrinkles and and it tells a story if you look at yourself and you go
No, I didn't have this until these this trip, you know, I set out in the sun or I partied too much or whatever your voice does the same thing. It collects
dirt. It's very distinctive.
Yeah. Yes. It gives me a way. I mean, I'm pretty much one of the only chicks in LA with a mullet. So that gives me away also,
will you not in the right neighborhood? There's plenty of
and I got a guy out to the to the desert. I
guess. That's right. Yeah. Yeah go out to Joshua Tree exact on the chicks that are tripping. Exactly. Yeah with handmade tattoos like the had a couple of those two, but this
Of them very distinctive about a voice you earned,
you know, it's true. It's kind of like, you know when you see somebody and and I think I think especially being like a female in the industry I think growing up and changing and like kind of that there is such a kind of stigma with aging. It's very kind of scary thing as a female in the industry and I thought about it a lot and thought about my voice I actually had someone when I was doing an interview a couple months ago said, you know, she sounds like she stayed up all night smoking too many darts, and I said, well I fucking have
And that's just the truth. And if you know that was anyone else, you know, it's kind of like your weathered or your age or you've been through it and you know, we'll talk about it as we go but they're there over the last year. I noticed a really big change in my voice kind of a heaviness to it and I experienced some heavy things. And so I feel like it is a reflection it is kind of a scar in a sense. But also just by having the surgery was kind of a gift also because I was able to understand my instrument. No one ever explained that to me, you know, I sat in a room with
Piano and did scales and shit, but no one taught me about how do you have longevity? You know, you are near with athletes all the time and Recovery days of the most important days. I didn't get recovery days there that was not important for someone that was making so much capital for such a big Corporation, you know, the off days are days that that money is not coming in and I definitely probably didn't get the training that I needed to say. Hey, you know what? I don't want to do this on 15. I want to do this till I'm 80 and
And that wasn't always considered definitely not complaining it gave me an amazing launch pad for everything I'm doing now, but I hear
it but it had to be really odd to be working that much and be a young girl
the balance it trained me to have it's something that I don't think you are going to get taught any other way besides jumping in the deep end of the pool and hoping you know how to swim. That's the only way I there was no way I could have prepared for the amount of balance. I would have to
And to kind of Teeter because you know at one point again it went from it was school then it went from you know, how many how much we can actually smoke and still play a teenage Superstar on the Disney Channel and then like and then like
what's the answer to that question more than you would fucking
think? I remember one time when and I don't smoke anymore and I'm sober and so but I I've been sober since the pretty much the vocal surgery.
I kind of did it for me because I just learned so much about the effects which again, you're just not taught. It's not really the drinking it staying up all night, you know, once you have your drink you end up smoking and I kind of I have a I've become the face of a lot of things kind of against my will I guess from my opinions when you're someone in my position your opinion becomes your identity and it also becomes kind of almost like
You kind of become this like preacher. You become this. You know, they don't really let you just always have your own opinion. So I've decided to start telling people. I live my own life style alcohol was never my problem. There was other things that I end up, you know, I like to go up. So I now just avoid really drinking because I like to wake up at a hundred and ten percent but it's never really been my problem and I could see myself having a drink of Celebration the future but I get so fucking hungover now that I'm like, why would I celebrate with like just
In like volcanoes erupted in my brain, you know, so it's really just a personal preference but it's definitely not anything that I promote in. I think it's a lifestyle. Everyone should be I think everyone should experiment it's a good time and you learn a lot of things about yourself and the people around you but now I'm watching I have younger siblings and they're going through that and I don't know how my mom did it with me because it's
scary. Yeah. I don't think I think if we're going to acknowledge the fact that all these things exist cocaine exist pills exist marijuana exist.
And we should teach people how to do it, right? Yeah, really? I mean you're leaving children. It's the same thing with sex, right? Yeah, we leave children to their there's the information that they're going to get is from other kids. Yeah, and if you're learning about sex from another 14 year old or you're learning about Coke from a 14 year old, that's not good like someone we played this game with children where we try to pretend that, you know, they live in a
movie. All right, we'll listen to this is actually funny and bring this up because I had the idea that
Weak not that I really have time to do this in the near future, but I would like to at some point my life. I want to do my own children's book series of realistic children's stories. Mmm because I don't like the idea that we teach them that this is sunshine world and everyone walks on a rainbow and everyone's equal and you need to say like that's not what are you gonna do about it? That's not true. What are you gonna do about it? And I think there's a way to not terrify children of life, even though I go in and out of periods where I think life is really overwhelmingly terrifying.
NG and that's coming from my position and my position I told myself all the time if you're not enjoying this life honey, you got to come in the next one because I better fucking love this life. It's the best one the I couldn't imagine being in a different body and having different
experience an awesome life. If you do it the right
way, it's an awesome life. And I also I didn't hurt myself Beyond repair in my experiences I survived and I don't even mean heart still beating survival. I mean, I have a lot of people that love
Around I didn't kick all the people that had my best interest at heart out. That's the that's where you die. If you kick everyone that says hey, are you okay, you know out no, of course. I'm okay. You don't trust me get the fuck out. And so now that I have people that I've had in my life, I feel that I have people in my life that I've known for 15 20 years and not many people my position going to say that my parents are awesome. My dad's loopy as hell, but I've loved him so much.
He has no way of ever hearing this because my dad doesn't have Wi-Fi or anything but a Blackberry so I can tell you what I got here is a birthday. My dad has to blackberries which ankle and iPhone which is not true. But that's what he says. So for his birthday, he said that he wanted to see if he could go 365 days without eating pizza because he had never done it before so my dad has now gone a year without having pizza and my dad loves bubble baths. He's gonna kill me for saying this but his country as loves bubble baths hilarious. And so he loves a smoker's joint. You just pizza and get a bulb last week.
That's what I'm gonna do for my birthday. So for his birthday, I've organized a five-foot Pizza to be delivered to his farm so he can have all he can eat and I'm the pizza delivery person on the box. I had someone draw it where it's me with my tongue out in the mullet delivering the pizza and I got a bathtub on Craigslist and I put it my dad has 500 Acres. So I put it in the middle of the farm filled with bubblegum just like my music video and so my dad's going to have a bubblegum bathtub in a 5-foot pizza for his birthday that's adorable next week
that I like the fact that he has no wife.
By no
internet. No Wi-fi, no internet every now and then good that way he'll drive to my uncle's house to FaceTime us every now and then. Oh, wow. Yeah.
Well, he's to make it drive to
face that it's not far. All of us are just like my dad's kept us Pebbles throw away for sure. We all live on property. We all live really close to each other. So if
you did this thing like if you really decided to do children's books, like realistic children's books, like How would you do that? Would you get a ghost author and sort of come up with the ideas what you were trying to get across to kids? Well we
I wish somebody told
you.
I like that you mentioned that no one talks to us about drugs. I know this is going to be controversial to introduce drugs to kids. I think that there's a way I don't have to think about it Wayne Coyne is a good friend of mine and I did the dead pets record with him Flaming Lips have been my favorite bands. I was in fifth grade and he's obviously an amazing artist and he just had his first child year and a half years old. He's sick seat is out of baby. They're coming to visit me right now and I would have him do all the illustrations. So it stays in that kind of surrealist world because I think I think that's what
Would get the kids to want to read this book is that the illustrations are still surreal and I like that about children's books. But I do think that we do need to talk about, you know equality and I do think there needs to be diversity in children's books. And I think also we just need to talk about the fact I was actually happy to talk to you today because I didn't go to therapy today because I would be with you but it's kind of the same thing and I was talking to him and I said, you know, sometimes it scares me that I'm too tough and and I feel like I'm not jaded and I'm not cold, but I feel too tough and he goes well,
I'm proud of that because life is tough and is not to get hard.
I mean by that we mean by you feel like I like that you're too tough.
And so I feel that I worry sometimes that I can get over things easily. I don't fall to the floor and crawl up in a ball the way that I used to and I think that's a part of me growing up like when you know, I recently just went to a very public divorce that fucking sucked. Well really sucked about it wasn't the fact that me and someone that I
loved realized that we don't love each other the way that we used to anymore. That's okay. I can accept that. I can't accept the villainizing and the just all those stories that like, it's just amazing to me that the public kind of thinks that there's no gap of time that they didn't see that could possibly be what led to this like, it's not one day you were happy on the carpet and the next day you were making out with your friend in Italy what the fuck there was a lot of time in between that the you
It didn't go I didn't like I didn't you know,
yeah, but you can't rely on someone else's narrative, right? No specially someone who doesn't know you really shouldn't even read what people write
it. Well what's crazy is my dad again. You know, my dad's been a real figure in my life and my dad when he got his Grammy nomination, he wore a he went to the Grammys in a John 3:16 shirt and he didn't get the Grammy and the next day the New York Post is someone put even God can't save Billy Ray Cyrus and his career and he was sitting next to John.
Any cash they were going to something. I have a Johnny Cash tattoo that was handwritten to my dad from around that time. And he said what the hell just like you say to me right now. You're my Johnny Cash. You know, he said what the hell are you doing reading that and my dad said I just never really picked up picked up the paper again. But again, my dad didn't buy that paper. It was just kind of in your face and I thought that was funny. He does now now he just says well whatever will get Johnny Cash to come and sit next to me and talk to me now. He now he loves it.
And it's been really good to have him go before me. You know, it's kind of that buddy system. I think I'd be really scary if I would have been able to see that but to your point of I don't click on this shit, you know, it comes into my life by the walk by a magazine stand which I like to walk on the street and it says like Miley's on drugs and Pregnant and then I think one of those things are true, but not the other fuck you for lying about me.
Yeah, but that's all they have. I mean what?
When someone's in the public eye and someone's as prominent as you are you become a way for them to access money, right? That's all you are
clickbait advertisement. And I totally get it. It's that unprogrammed being of also. I think what's interesting sitting here with you is that all of this is kind of new. I mean even just like the idea of podcast what I used to do when it was like promo time for an a record. Okay, so I'm 12 years old and I'm printing physical.
Copies of my album so I have to write my fucking music, you know, six months before you actually so I did the dollies new album for Christmas and I had to record a Christmas song in July. It was the weirdest thing I've ever done in my life. But when you make physical copies, that's what you do and you're telling a story from always being behind especially when it comes to the media. So now what I love about this what I love doing, you know a show like yours is like we talk about it right now and people here right now. So you're getting the real information. You're not getting information.
Nation from all right, I you know, I shot a magazine cover. I did an interview. I was lol in love with my boyfriend. I mean that literally happened when I did Vanity Fair. I flew there like a week after I got married by the time the damn thing was on the stands. I was divorced. It was old news. It was like come on, you know, so you really not able to tell your Story in real time. And that's what I love about the new way that music is happening in streaming and I love the idea that like I threw up that Flaming Lips record. I did on Soundcloud and it was like, you know, no one had to buy it or I sound a
But it's very exciting because I really hated always being behind myself. And I think that's what now I can use my art as my kind of I guess the way that I can talk to the Press isn't what bothers me. It's kind of the public, you know, and I got in this habit where when people would meet me I guess I didn't get in the habit just became a thing that happened constantly was I'd meet someone and they go man you're not as crazy as I thought you'd be and I'm like
Thank you. I don't know what you thought I'd be doing right now. If you thought I'd be in like, you know space buns dropping acid or something, but people say that to me all the time that I'm not as crazy as they thought I would be and that's just a weird thing to say to someone.
Yeah, but the Public Image, like what they sold of you, you know here you are Hannah Montana and then all the sudden your this very sexual singer you doing all this crazy stuff and you're on television shaking your ass and everybody seeing that and I like oh Miley Cyrus is out of control now, she's well, so then that
The Narrative right
funny when people make the narrative when you become in control that now you're out of it, yeah that's was always really interesting.
What's also youth right like like think about the marriage thing, right? You take it you say Vanity Fair the write the article you're deeply in love by the time it comes out you already divorced night. That's so Hollywood. Yeah. I mean to them that's like, oh we've seen this fucking story before we know where this going. Also your child star. Yeah. Oh shit. We seen this story before and so you get stuck in that narrative to write because they
Want you to fall down the exact same path. They don't want you
to read the bills are passed. Yes.
Well, didn't they let yourself get out for you? This is what she's doing. Now. He's on drugs and she's
pregnant. I've had to connive had to now I don't read those types of things. But I've had to unlearn that they're not true because sometimes I right thing I write things down when I want something to get put into my head. Even if I'm going to have a hard conversation with somebody you should I kind of write a little mini script for myself. So I kind of know where I don't like going into
Them with no Direction what I want this to go. What are my goals? What do I want? That's what any of your athletes would do. It's like I know that I have that as an artist. I want to have a long career I have to do the things to be able to have that longevity. And so I would write down, you know kind of a kind of an idea of where I'd want conversations to go even with the people in my life. And what do I want out of them and I had to stop going. Hey just because they wrote that down. It's true because something about writing it down gives a lot of power.
Our I don't like to write down things that I don't mean that's why I don't write songs that I hate because once you write it down, they are like
alive. So what you're saying is that like reading things that other people wrote about you made you think that those things were real. So yeah, it fucked with your own personal narrative. Yes, so trying to
prove something that I didn't need to prove like all of a sudden I'd be trying to prove that. I'm not crazy when I knew I wasn't crazy. And yeah, I just think
Also, I mean we're talking about realistic children's books. I think the stigma that kind of surrounds, you know youth growing up rebelling and then craziness and then what's the line between that and mental illness and you know, I do have some kind of genetic family history of alcohol. I mean that totally gets a race when you're a celebrity. It's like Hollywood did this to you? It's like no dude. My great grandma was an alcoholic, you know, my granddad was an alcoholic my grandma's an alcoholic, you know, so I
Obviously had it wasn't Hollywood, you know, its genetic I
think for you. I mean, I don't think there's anything wrong with writing a book and running a realistic children's book, but I think you could do a lot of good but just making little YouTube videos. Yeah, you make little YouTube videos just talking and explaining. Hey, this is what I did and this is where I fucked up and this is why you shouldn't do it this way. These are the drugs you got to be really careful about these are drugs that are really dangerous and look if you want to have like one drink you want to have
One drink just have one can drink if you can't have you can yeah, if you want to if you want to smoke weed take a hit. Yeah, like don't get crazy. Yeah, like figure this out like you can have a good experience on marijuana or you could fuck up your life and have a schizophrenic break
down. That's one thing that I feel like, you know, when I was smoking weed like my mom all the way that I don't smoke. She takes care of both my parents. I have nothing against weed. My whole family's a bunch of Stoners. I just felt like when you're talking about kind of some of
the episodes that they can kind of bring on, you know, I maybe have a little some of those kind of Tendencies already
and that's that's something that people who love marijuana don't like to talk about no pretty adamant about discussing that
yeah. I know
people that have lost their fucking mind me to lie on Edibles. Yeah. I know some people that literally became schizophrenic
and I really like looking at I like looking at facts like that and I don't know, you know, I do think that there are
Like I like information. I'm a real I love to process new information. I love to receive new information. I love to go. How do
you get your information? Are you person who reads do you want
documentaries? I've read and I kind of I was going on a going on a trip when I was maybe 17 years old and I was walking through the airport and I saw a book that said change Your Brain Change Your Life by dr. Daniel Amen who's now been my therapist for 10 years.
And I couldn't get on this plane. I was having a full anxiety attack was smoking a lot of weed. I will take a lot of shrimps. I was seventeen
Seventeen smoking a lot of weed and taking on the Shams and I started getting a
little yeah, sorry getting a little cray-cray, you know, sometimes I'm in doing some things with, you know, causing some fights with my boyfriend that were unnecessary. They got heightened. I remember one time. I wrecked my car into my gate and I said, this is all your fault. I was the one driving the damn car and a house is your fault. I didn't not have a great idea of reality at that time.
I was going to I was leaving the country for the first time without my family. I was going to Costa Rica and I was walking through the airport. I saw this book change Your Brain Change Your Life. I'm like, I want to change my life. I don't like where this is going and my brain is actually I don't like who I'm living with the person upstairs is like annoying the hell out of me. So I got this book and it got me to get onto the plane. Now. I had a few anxious breakdowns on that when you know, when you go to places like going in the middle of jungle, you take all those little planes and all of a sudden you're on a four-wheeler going where we're going every now and then I have to stop because I would
So lightheaded stabbing chest pains and all this and he said drop we'd first of all get rid of the weak get rid of the psychedelics and I also cut gluten from my diet from a little bit of a time so I could get an idea of like, what's my body on a natural level and I started doing you know kind of blood work and I did some specs cans which he specializes in so like actually looking at my brain because what I really like about the specs can is you know, you wouldn't tell me I have a broken arm without freaking looking at it. I could tell you how it hurts bubble butt like what does the specs can so
Aspects can we went out to look up exactly what it stands for because I don't I don't remember this. But basically it's kind of like an x-ray and it kind of shows you almost like in those thermal type colors of the activity of your brain. There we go.
Single-photon emission computed tomography. Yeah. So I have one of these nuclear medicine study that evaluates blood flow and activity in the brain.
So that's my doctor Amen Clinics. That's that's his website right there. And so I have a couple of these because it brain look, you know,
What so he says this isn't right surprisingly good for the abuse that it had become distorted my girl. For example, the amount of time everyone's okay. So the amount of activity if we're looking at like female and male brains. I mean, they're totally lit up in different spots, you know, actually, I think he's even worked with some some athletes of yours. He works a lot of like with football players because he says, you know, like, you know, I'm almost like a football player for the life that I lead. I gotta do everything else, right if you're going to go and live under this amount of stress, which is pretty abnormal. It's
You're getting hit in the head and I'm normal amount of times. Then I got to do everything else. Right? So I got to be pretty diligent about my supplements. I got a really care about the food that I ate. My mom always says like you guys are overthinking it IV and Cheetos every single day true for the rest of my life and I'm like, yeah, but you're not like a, you know, you're not a superstar that has to go on stage and do to our shows, you know, my heart really needs to be in good condition. I need to be in good condition. I can't by the way, my mom has crazy panic attack. So like I can't have any that my mom has had me slant like had them slam the brakes on.
Airplane to take off and made me drive home from Canada to Tennessee. I drove from Tennessee to Canada nine times because of her anxiety. I've driven from Nashville to California like four times because of her anxiety. So I don't listen to my mama cheetah. Exactly. My grandma was on a popcorn diet where she took a trash bag to the movie theater and filled it up with popcorn and she's like don't I look good. I'm like on the outside. It's fine on the inside. I'm worried. Meanwhile, she's gonna outlive all of us. So sometimes I worry about that, but I think
Inc, I am kind of like an athlete in the way like if I'm going to be doing this kind of Admiral type lifestyle then I have to do everything else. Right? So my spec skin looks pretty good. But I like looking at my brain and knowing okay. So this isn't looking at me and going there's just something wrong with me and I don't know why I had a head injury when I was you know, two years old what happened? It's bad. My dad had me this is really bad, but he can't go to jail. I don't think it's long enough time away. He had me in a baby backpack.
And I was on a dirt bike with my dad and he was riding and a tree had fallen and he ducked and I didn't I hit my head on the tree. Oh Jesus Christ. Oh, that's what's wrong. Everyone's asking me that for you.
You know, that's a common theme with wild people. Do you know that? Yes, Sam Kinison got hit by a car when he was like a little kid and his brother Bill said it completely changed his life. We have to get inside same thing with Roseanne Barr. She got hit by a car when she was 15 before that. She was like mild-mannered.
Really good at math after she get hit by a car. She had to spend nine months in a mental institution couldn't count anymore. Yeah. She became his wild lady who everybody knows his Roseanne
right having maybe at maybe I'm thankful for it. Maybe it like I don't know knocked me into this Identity or
something. I think there's something to I'm
not he knows that there's something to that. Dr. Ayman we've talked about this a lot. So when I get really overwhelmed I also have a tendency that if I know something stupid, I just got to try it to know that it's stupid which is makes it stupid because I already know about it. Sometimes I'm like this.
Better to know it's dumb and do it or do not know it's dumb and do it.
Don't you think part of that the head injury maybe but also
it's the vial all of your brakes. But you know,
the way you developed as a human being being that famous at you know, 12 years old doing
stadiums, but I do like I like looking at my brain and going okay listen, like someone cut my brakes right on my brain and I have to take all the things Omega I've been was vegan for a very long time and I've had to introduce fish and omegas into my life because my brain wasn't fun.
Running properly and
tell that to the vegans that comfy.
That's they're going to come for me, but that's okay. I'm used to people coming for me and it's going to be that I call Mallory. No, I listen if I give home. I have 22 animals on my farm in Nashville. I got 22 and my house in Calabasas. Like I'm doing what I need to do for the animals. Okay, but when it comes to my brain, you're not vegan. No, you can't be vegan and living this kind of and not being this quick. But sure you can some people can I
Not because it was really giving I was having a lot of your brain. I feel that I'm much you down now. I'm so so much sharper than I was and I think that I was at one point pretty malnutrition. Like I remember going to Glastonbury and that was a show that I loved. I loved my performance but I was running on empty like I was on another zombie
into my ask you what you doing a vegan diet like meticulous. Guess you never know. What were you doing intelligently? Like we all my supplement?
I
do all my protein drinks. I've watched every bodybuilders YouTube about how they still can't pay attention Okay. Now that's what I'm saying. All of a sudden. I'm like celery and like why are my thighs like fucking huge like a vegan
bodybuilder guys, they're almost all on steroids. It's it's it's not
steroids. Well the amount
and they're, you know, they're different bodies to to some people. I have good friends that are vegan and they are fine on it. My friend John Joseph. He's been vegan for like 30 years.
That's like they need Diaz. I was stoked.
To Terry vegetarian. No, he won't point or pescetarian
message. That's what I like to do. Yeah, that's why I'm at there's a lot of people that function really well with that but some people it's everybody's different, you know, we all have different ancestors and our dancers come from different parts of the world. And you know, I don't know if the blood type thing is accurate, but some people really believe that
so this is another thing that I like about seeing the brain as I try to eat for my brain type and not my blood type register like my brain type. So my brain type I
Ali need brakes on my brain because I did not have that. We're I in my new song it says I can't bite the devil on my tongue. That was like a really hard thing for me to learn how to do but instead of going I'm just totally impulsive and the most reactive person ever. I look and go well, but my dad also slammed my head into a tree when I was two so, you know, it's maybe it
wasn't dad. That's hard to hear that scares a shit. I've given him
a reward for worst. Dad ever got one. Every time I go, you know for on Hollywood and there's the best dad award I scratch out.
Best input worst, but he was also the best because he would allow me to do a lot of other crazy things that were
awesome. Well it you're fine. I mean my dad let me drill
chickens from the Malibu Barn that Little Red Barn when you come down to panga my dad they were going to feed these chickens to the snakes and they let us back there and my dad was like listen, I'm Billy Ray Cyrus. I'm gonna totally distract him you shove as many chickens in the back of the Corvette as you can while I'm signing autographs and we're going to get the hell out of here. So I did I went and did my brother got all these damn chickens and we shove
him in the back of his car and he was gonna make someone hungry. He was about to go work for David Lynch you while he was going to audition for him for Mulholland Drive and my dad brought the chickens in the Corvette and he said if you're going to have chickens in the Corvette, like you're playing the pool guy, you know, that's a full guy thing to do. So my dad got the job up so because he got the job. He had to say in LA and we had to go back to Tennessee. So he told me and my mom to tell the people on the airplane that they were exotic Himalayan cockatoos and we did and they let them on the plane and we had them in the purse and
We they lived in a bathtub and like on Hollywood and Highland in some hotel for a long time and we got home and the night we got there are dogs got in the chicken coop made them all so they died anyway, but that's the kind of dad. My dad is he sets you up for failure and for disappointment but I like that about him because you made me tough.
Well, I mean, it's hard to keep dogs out of chicken coops. I had a dog got into the chicken coop to all right back. I had a lot of chickens at one point in time. And then after the last fire out here, yeah my chicken coop my house stayed. Okay, but my chicken coop burned to the ground damn and
we had to put them in a smaller chicken coop in the coyotes got them.
That's the thing. That's the thing. You can't blame Dad for nature. That's the way it
is, you know dogs will eat chickens. Yeah, they vomit chance
several snakes.
Apparently, it's fuck. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So you your brain like when they do the scan do they they tell you what you should do to make it better. Like what do they look at and go? Oh you're fucked up to
make it better, you know, he works kind of with, you know, I guess a lot of you
Kind of mostly athletes people to kind of live abnormal lifestyle and so injuries. Yeah just posted a cool picture with Tyson and he just works with all dip. He'll I love seeing the other brains and I'm allowed to see also because it kind of is fun too. I would love like a match.com but like where people just put their brain scans. I'm like, I like that one. That's not enough the right where I need it. You know, you got something I don't
have that would be actually amazing and that's how it worked because you won like personalities are weird, like people sometimes you go. Why don't they just work
together?
Exactly and I made it has to do with that. You know, I'm not really looking now, I guess for as much as I'm looking for the this I wanted the soul connection, but I'm worried about the brain connection. I'm a very logical I like to have kind of logic in my life because I used to be kind of owned by emotion in a way. I was very emotional and that's what I meant by think we spun off of what I meant by tough. So I used to be very emotional and that you
should not cry about things and now you get over there and also more
like
Would really kind of just like I would just become such a recluse. I have that tendency. My dad. My dad said he's everyone's just getting on social distancing. He's been doing it since 1992. Like my dad's been on social I said as soon as we walked in here, you know, I it made me
around Achy Breaky Heart time. Yes, right. Now you two is
that was right when I was born and that is when it was all crazy. So that also explains. I mean, I think somewhat of my just who I am my personality how I how I
kind of your dad. Talk to you about what the
Anxiety was like for him when he became famous. My dad. Your dad was my dad. People don't know in the night early nineties. Your dad was a fucking Superstar,
but he had a very different lifestyle than I did as my dad grew up in a house that didn't even have an indoor bathroom. My dad hadn't gone to the dentist until he was thirty years old. My dad had never gone to a dance my dad grew up for my his my uncle still lives in the same house. He got an indoor bathroom now because my dad G and put that in but he still lives in the same house. And yeah, so my dad
I grew up in like you probably have seen it's one of the poor areas in the country my dad grew up in Appalachia and Kentucky so it's my mom. So I've been there a bunch and I've been able to see what my dad's from so he had a different relationship to fame because he went from nothing to everything. I went kind of from having, you know, everything if we look at really the way I grew up lived in a big house on a big farm. The only thing that was sad about his but didn't have kind of neighbors or normal kids around so I lived
On this big kind of isolated Farm but went to school had this normal life. But I mean if we really look at it, I didn't know when I was a kid that I had everything but I had everything so I went from having it all to having more and that I don't know what's harder to kind of to kind of humanize I guess about yourself because my life is very unique. And so it's very hard for me to sit with someone and relate to them and I think that made me really scared because my mom doesn't like to be alone.
So I have that fear and my mind if I don't want to be alone, but I think what makes you lonely isn't the amount of people around but like am I relating to people and I really connecting and you
must have a hard time connecting to people because they don't have the same life experiences you your reality? It's like you're in a you're in a fishbowl you're a different reality and you're hanging out next to people that aren't in the fish
bowl. Here's the difference of the Fishbowl. So we usually put the fish in the fish bowl. And I you know, I'm buying the fish right we do it.
And I was born into it. But then again I put myself into it. So if you get a beta you're the one that does
it you did it when you were a little kid and you didn't know what you were doing. My parents didn't
really want me to so my parents. My dad wouldn't even really go with us to the auditions. He was actually kind of mad at my mom about it. That was kind of a thing and then my mom's like I'm gonna do this so, you know, she stays in this small town. She's going to be like everybody else that is ends up on drugs. So she took me to La mom like hello what you didn't smoke weed yet? Well, this is done. That's not the a be that I
Ever heard of like let's avoid drugs and Nashville. So let's get more and better A lot better drugs in La.
So what what's we're going way off track. What what bothers you about being more resilient. So that's what it sounds like it does when you say more tough guy you're talking about the difference between someone who reacts overly emotionally something you would follow ground and curl up in a ball and cry about things and now you can get over them that to me is the
son of perspective. Okay. So here's where it is, and I don't even want to have a conversation.
Ation about like really, you know sexism or men versus women is like I love dudes, you know, and I actually relate to dudes a lot more but I think men in my life had told me that I'm cold. I'm cold fucking bitch because I leave when things are done. I was actually going to say well maybe no and dating bitches. I'm really into a lot of freaky things, but I don't fuck dead guys and when it's over it's over and you're dead to me and we move on you know, so that's why I tell you about it that's have and I'll do a lot of things but I don't do that. And so I think that that's where I
Gotten the idea, which actually I'm glad you just said that to me because I get this kind of beaten into the brain from all different angles my moms. Like, you know, everyone else is proud of me for being like you said resilient and I have a lot of guilt I'm a very guilty because it
sounds like you're talking to guys who want you to feel guilty because you don't feel emotional about it ending and this is the first time learn how to just let shit go if they like you or if they
love you they have to they
don't want you to be happy. Just let it
It pass and then be friends. Okay. So if they can do that that's on them. That's not just because you're
Vasily older man, because these like guys that are you know, I definitely should be with someone. I think that of fun Nick Nolte this is what I'm thinking. This is what I'm think this is what I'm thinking. I don't need a man or a woman that's gonna take care of me. I can take care of me because I've got money. I've got all the things that I need to take care of myself. I need them to be able to take care of them because somehow I keep getting into when you
need someone with autonomy.
Yes, that's what you need. You need someone who they don't need your constant approval and
affection. And another one is in this word need and I just for the record, I guess I really don't need to be in a relationship at all. So that's good. We got to this point. See this is therapy.
Yeah, you don't need it. But now it does sound nice people can poison you with their ideas of what you should be and if you don't meet up to their expectations and oftentimes, their expectations of you are just to reaffirm themselves. They want you to love.
Them they want you to tell them how awesome they are. And if you don't feel that way, you're cold. Yeah something wrong with you because they don't have autonomy. They can exist independently, right? That's the problem. Right? The problem is a lot of bitches out.
I like it. You said it not me. That's how I feel and honestly we're talking in a very this is a super like kind of pivotal moment for me right now. I haven't been single and like I guess really from 2015. I mean there's been little month. So maybe about five years like I've had, you know a few months.
Here and there I've been single but not for a long period of time and you know something I'm really excited about is this VMA performance it's coming up and I love that. It's the first time I'm going to be on that stage as a single badass grown evolved secure woman that's done a lot of work. I've done I've done the work and that's the thing is some people say, you know, like, how did you how did you get here? You know, you turned out pretty good and it's like dude. I've worked really hard at
it, but just seriously
Get it in your head any time someone gives you a hard time about being strong. You're not a bad person just because you're strong just because you don't cry as easy as use to that's ridiculous. That's ridiculous perspective. That's all it is. You not a bad, but you later all these fucking animals you have how can you be a bad person if you love animals and I
put this stuff called monkey butt on my dog's what is monkey every day this baby powder for dog butts because I got this got one of my
My friend who said oh my God. This is a holder. So my friend who's sitting out there right now try to immediately, you know make me happy. So I just went through a breakup and showed me a hot guy on Instagram and I started school and I see him putting this powder on his dog's ass and like I don't want him but I want that stuff for the dog's ass. That was great. So ordered it right away monkey butt, so I have a dog her she can't see she can't hear she can barely walk. She was dropped at a fire station. She was over bread. She's a bulldog, you know, they presently them crazy and she can barely get off the floor. She's so overweight and her name is Kate Moss.
And what I love about it is I tell everybody when I'm coming to set you know, I'm going to bring Kate Moss. Make sure she's good. She's covid tested. We're all good. And then all the men on sets face are the best because it's like I thought Miley Cyrus bringing Kate Moss is gonna be the best day of my life. And then she comes in with her big ass literally that I have baby powder. She has diapers because I put diapers on her from when she comes to set because her butt is like
atrocious. Do you just need to get her on a diet?
I have on a diet. Honestly, I'll show you some pictures when we're done with this because
She had this thing called a cherry eye and everyone should have both eyes. So they were trying to get me to like either remove her eye or do all the surgery whatever I'm like, let me do this the old-fashioned way. So every day I get up I clean her eyes. See, I'm not a bad person. I clean her eyes. I put four drops into times a day give her three tablets. She's lost probably 10 pounds already and the cherries are completely out of her eyes. She is healed and when I love about her and I'll show you these videos is she does she can sing. That's what really locked her in so I've never known this to be a good for a dog.
To do this when I do scales and I warm up for my shows. She howls and sings with me and she's got Perfect Pitch. That's cool. So I hadn't even adopt her yet. I was Foster and I was going to take her to set hoping you know, somebody's kids wanted a dog and they would want her and the first thing that someone said is a face only a mother can love and I was like, that's not true. I love her and so I love her cause she started singing to me and then I adopted her right then. She's so ugly that they waved the adoption fee. They said that's not a lie. They literally she was free and I know
Drew my myself. They say the best things in life are free. And when I look at her and her big ass, I know it's
true, but she's free. I had a friend would wolves he had wolf-dogs and you could you could like sing in his house and the Wolves to start howling you go. Yeah, and they would see my
but my dogs do that with the ambulance here.
Oh, yeah, let's do that.
Yes doll. So they start going then my dogs are going so all the dogs saying but they none of them do it to scale like Kate Moss. That's adorable. Yeah, she's
good. So yeah, don't
Let anybody tell you that there's something wrong with being resilient. Yeah that but me turning do that and we'll do that. I see a lot of men do that with women. They want women to feel bad and want him to feel bad for not being a motion. I
used to get small. That's what I'm telling. You. See. That's what I used to be really easy to kind of put me back in the you know, kind of jack-in-the-box kind of thing, you know, you can get me to come out and just for a little while but it's become suspiciously convenient timing it always seems that I get told that I'm a
Bitch before I brought was done right when I write when I'm ready to put out fucking music and happens every time
because your focus on other things hugs
and things exactly dating bitch and then it's like, you know, and then I it's just it's all it's a whole thing. It's
you have so much energy like the way you talk and all the sentences run on into the next do you exercise? Yes, I exercise. What do you do? I love
Pilates and it's not super I guess cardio think you need to do something wrong a little bit more. I ask you something.
Bag being put in my house right now. So I'm gonna next time I'm here. I'll show you I'll be able to push it out of it
tucked your hands like yeah, he's Nails come off. I just haven't
taped on this is Dolly style. Everything about me is taped on honey. It's an easy at night. You just go watch my like, yeah, it's all this tape
people that have seen them play guitar and oh, yeah go instruments and they hurt their hands. I
actually had a I had a guy told me that I had grubby little kid hands and I like that about it because I did have dirt and that was because
This was at a time where I was doing drugs, and I wanted to know where the hell the Gophers go. So it was a gopher hole in my backyard and I'm like, where do they keep going? I see them pop up in the go in. I'm like so your vagina you can dig a fucking find a golfer. So here I go
can't really dig to China.
I know that much and you can't find the Gophers
either you can knows how to get them. I could
not find the Gophers and I looked for a very long time. I even tried to get him out with pizza. I brought pizza down into the hole hoping that, you know, everybody loves pizza.
Apparently not
Gophers rarely see Gophers, but you see their holes. Oh, that's
what I'm telling you. That's where I was trying to go. That's it. You know when someone tells you that they've been enlightened they saw Jesus and you know, whatever. I wanted to see I don't want to see Jesus. I just want to see a damn gopher. So I went into the hole and I never saw a gopher Saucy a wolverine guy disappointed
if I was one animal I could see in the wild. I like to see a
wolverine. See you're like that's that's next level. I just want to freaking regular degler gopher in the back.
Yard of cereal that he
rarely see him, but I know but I I think the Rains of dope so cool. Well, I just think seeing one of them fuckers and that's rare. It's really one of those things in the
world. My dad my dad wanted to see a bear for 30 years. He had this dream this is so I have some I don't know if he's lying or he's what the hell's going on, but we're on this plane and he's so excited. He's like, I'm gonna see he my dad's a little kind of intuitive that way. He's like, I'm gonna finally do it. I've been looking for 30 years and when you look hard enough and you
And you're diligent about what you want. You know, I believe that you get it through diligence and I've been looking for bears for 30 years, whatever and so he brought catnip to he so he could get the bear to come out. I'm like what the what's the deal? So, of course my dad ends up going on some hike and he sees a bear and he leaves the catnip for As a treat he ends up leaving and now I was so scared, you know catnip gets the cats hype like it's like crack for I'm like, please don't give crack to the bear and works at what was just I hope to God that I don't know how would you know does anyone ever get
Catnip to a bear. I'm sure someone that's very Niche. I'm pretty sure if one person has done anything
dogs. So why would it work on
Bears? I don't know dogs aren't Bears. I don't know.
I seem to be like more close your dogs like than cat
like well, no bears ended up going ham and do anything crazy, but I'd see a bear. He was somewhere on the East Coast doing the show that's
plenty of places see Bears. You have to wait 30 years.
My dad probably was lazy as hell and Papa said I looked everywhere probably open this fucking door bear one.
I'm saying there and went back inside. Well, that's what people think. They're not worried about
bears left. Go outside. Look, we'll just go to the right
place in bearers. I want anymore. I spent a little bit of time in Vancouver BC with my brother. There's actually one of the crazier things I've ever done people think I'm so crazy. But this is the craziest thing but it's not even that nuts. I was following like natgeo on Instagram and I love the pictures of the spirit Bears. I love those like beautiful Bears up and BC and I kind of started reading about the wolf call up there and I got really kind of invested in these animals and
Sent a DM and said is there any way that some point I could go with maybe some of your researchers and I could see some of these Bears or Wolves for myself because I think I'd be even more inspired to kind of like fight for them. If I could actually see them and know that they're really real because I've only ever seen them from picture and they responded and said sure you can come up and hang with the spirits. This is kind of like I don't know if it's catfishing or I don't know what was really going on but someone's telling me sure so me and my brother load up we I didn't really want to get my parents involved. So we got a coach flight and had to go through San Francisco. Then we got this shitty little hotel room because we were just
And how do I didn't know how to do it? I've everyone's always done my travel for me managers and all these things. So I was just booking it. So we end up taking like two little planes three boats and we end up getting to but this dude Ian who shoots and for natgeo and shoots up and be seeing it was just amazing and when I got to see all the spirit Bears, I got to go into like where they do all their research on their boat. So they'll leave these like kind of like trap Combs where they it just brushes the Bears hair when it when it walks by so they can
And kind of more about it and then I tell ya started looking about like all this information again, this is one of the kind of weird things that I've done that I didn't really know who was going to be waiting on that boat. I mean, I know we took girls not to go out into the middle of a boat. How old are you when you're doing this? This was a two weeks after the VMAs in 2015.
So you already Super Famous and you're super famous going out there to find bears with my back
Graham. Yeah, there I
am.
Yeah, and
that's you find that if you're not glam.
It up there. I have to you can kind of sneak
around all this is kind of funny because there I think it's happening in a second. They gave me a caterpillar that if you look it's belly your tongue goes numb. Oh great. And I pretended that I was it might happen somewhere here. Oh, yeah, say the BC
wolves, but if you like you don't wear makeup and shit. Can you sneak
around? Um, yeah, I sneak around pretty good. It's the voice. It's not the mega. I just have to shut up. Yeah, it's that voice when you fuck with your voice and
make it high. Can you pretend
not really not really?
Have a phone voice. I think I apparently, you know, I directed this last video and apparently when I read my presentations, I have like a different voice, you know, like when you have some fun, but I think it sounds the same my phone voice I think is like I think it just sounds the same. Hmm.
Yeah, so that's what gets you
that's what gets me every
time no. Yeah the like wait, but
listen to the voice telling you it's her. Yeah exactly. I want
you.
That's the worse when you hear those
Whispers. Yeah. There's a weird Whispers, right? Yeah for sure your life of
Going up famous is that that doesn't end well for most people you're remarkably together for someone who grew up famous. You know, that's a it's a weird way. It's a weird Alchemy to put together a human being where and your developmental stages preteen. In fact your hugely famous. Yeah. What it what do you think that did for you to do for you? What do you think? That's a good thing or do you think it's a manageable?
Thing I
would say it isn't recommended because like I kind of said in the beginning of this it's like jumping in the deep end of the pool and not knowing if you can swim or not and it can go one way or the other. Luckily. I swam
but it almost always goes the wrong way. I know almost all
we're not I don't think comes very recommended and I wouldn't recommend it. I don't know. I don't know what it is. But I feel I feel like I've kind of been given this like special. I don't know the kind of special.
Little understanding of I don't even know where it comes from because I'm really not religious and I maybe it comes from like education of getting a good understanding of you know, I've got kind of a good idea of like what Fame does on kind of like looking for looking at it from a level of were
you thinking about this when you were young
one thing about this when I was young but I started thinking about it at the time where I think it kind of mattered that I could go one way or the other and that was probably when I was 17 and I bought. Dr. Raymond's book about understanding like kind of I get it why I can't get high.
Enough like on drugs and why I end up doing more drugs than anybody else. I wrote a song where one of the line says, I'll go toe-to-toe. Like I'm olly like I'll just I'll do more that could be the biggest guy in the room and I'll say I'll be able to do more drugs in you but it's because my level of what high is is I felt it from I mean when you're having 15,000 people scream your name and sing along to your songs. It's like, you know how you're saying. Your float tank is getting high without drugs. It's like that but times a billion. I'm sure so it's really hard to come down off that and I never look Ali had a problem with
like taking downers to bring myself down but there was a lot of people around me that was like, you know, just take half of these and you'll be mine. Yeah, you know, so I'm lucky I didn't start messing with downers.
I think it also might have to do with your head injury. Yeah. Now that there's there's a real big connection between people with traumatic brain injury and the the need for either alcohol or cocaine or absolutely something to perturb your your natural state of
consciousness. And a lot of my brain is really really on its got like over.
But then again if you kind of look at the part that frontal lobe that kind of tells you, you know, yes or no or stops you from making a bad choice mine gets a little sleepy sometimes when I'm not doing especially when it comes to the diet when my diet isn't, you know, it's annoying because I do like to want them country. So I like to eat bad food. I had never my mom used to get mad. If I would tell her I don't want butter like my mom is like great for ya. Now, I'm fine and but I just remember going up by my mom, you know, we
Frozen waffles and all that. We don't know anything about nutrition I grew up on that country diet. And so I learned a lot. I honestly I Mark a lot of my I guess kind of like my grounding in the weight that I have to my diet to my supplementing to my maintenance to the diligence to the sport that being an Entertainer
is it is a sport. Yeah. It is Are You The Boss? Yes on the bottom of the boss and the boss. Do you have a mentor you have someone that you can consult?
With when shit is
weird, I send faxes back and forth to Dolly Parton because that's how
she shit. That's how we listening that if you need a mentor that's the mentor as a woman who's done
it and I kind of I try to kind of you know, my life moves so fast, I try to kind of send her a little kind of rundown of what's going on. Every other
month you guys fact
she backs is me then I sent an email and they faxed her they email the factional. Yeah it is she yeah. She she records everything.
On the cassette and all that but she wasn't on the cassette and so she she have actually a recording of her saying it it's somewhere it's on the beginning of rainbow Lander at the end of it. But she
says well I listened to that she goes
I'm gonna put this on my can say it then I'm gonna run it down onto a CD. Oh, I'm so high tech.
Yeah, we played Jolene your coverage only known this podcast ones. Thank you very much. Yeah, thank you know when my
kids kind of think that's my song now. That's what I like doing about covers. I think you were talking about
That Cornell tribute at one point also, I'm yeah, that's what I love my fans. You know, they they wouldn't really know unless I introduced it to them and that's something that I really love and that happened recently with midnight sky and Stevie Nicks. There's a sample of edges 17, which I got I got blessed by her to be able to allow me to do it. I had another Melody Abby Melody. It's definitely below a because it's not I just 17 which is my top 5 favorite song ever. And she said you can borrow from me anytime which like that's all.
Awesome. So
cool. Yeah. Yeah, that's kind of more pretty badass to be able to be in contact and to collaborate with all these amazing artists and I
went on the road with Joan Jett for a little while to and she was on tour with the who I wouldn't hang out with her for a little while for a little while and you know, even if I show up there and I move in partying too much and she would yell at her manager Kenny who's you know, been her manager and in her band from the beginning Kenny we got to get her like some Mexican food or something. Look at her like she's like your she's gonna break.
Enough and you know all the sudden all this food starts on its my room and you know, I think she's probably seeing, you know, not just in her own band, but you know, I think everything she's seen everything and I think she's seen it Go the wrong way, you know how we're talking about whether you swim or drown. I think she's seen a lot more people drown and so she always tries to feed me but
that's where it's got to be really hard. If you're a woman like her who's been there done that and then you see some young girl coming up and you're like damn this this lady right now is in the waves and you know, and you've been in the waves many times where
that ship is rocking back and forth and you don't know which way it's going to go. Yeah, when you're a 17 year old kid and you're doing a lot of mushrooms and smoking a lot of pot and and and also your super fucking famous and really people can't tell you shit. Yeah, which is part of the
problem. I know that's why my mom's the best. I didn't understand she was the best at the time. She's still taking my cell phone. I'm like, how can you take it I'm paying for and she's like that gave you life shut up, you know and my mom still took my cell phone until I was almost
20 you have like an almost manic way.
Talking your way of talking is almost like a fountain like a crazy Fountain like where is just keep coming and ideas. Just keep coming and know like, how do you how do you shut that off?
I am into a lot of these I love the idea of these hypnosis apps. I have a lot of those which ones you I like. I like a man clinics. So I'm all about my boy. Dr. Raymond. I listened to headspace a lot and I like calm I use that a lot all sounds great. Yes. I actually my favorite thing about
Faces, I love the Sleep skate and my favorite one is the cat Marina because I do love boats and I do love cats. So that's a dream for me after a long day.
And I work on you. Yeah, calm me down in
my house burned down. I literally I'm not joking the cat Marina got me through. I was Shannon in South Africa and every night. I'd be like hello and good evening. You're at the cat Marina lucky for you. You love cats. What do you love more boats? You know and it's like hell. Yeah. I'm at the
Nina my house is on the ground and a million pieces and I'll never see anything that I love inside of again. But I'm at the fucking cat Marina. I'm
not a doctor but if I was I would tell I was prescribed to you some ridiculous rigorous exercise. I think you are. You're like a little Ferrari I needed to get out there on the fucking racetrack. Let's go. I really think that I got my see all this fucking energy. You have them like that ladies like an overflowing
battery. This is why I like this is why I like to work hard and maybe that's why I'm sure yeah, I love
to wear your
A thoroughbred
I do and when I don't work, that's when I get in
trouble, but you also got to think about there's genetics involved. You know, your father was a musician and you know, just and then all your life being in the public eye like that and Performing and working and then just the amount of effort that you put in when you were a kid touring all the time mean you're fucking Geared for that shit, you know, and I just feel like people like that your body can betray you sometimes you
don't have a lot of physical pain to be honest with you.
And that's something I'm working on and trying to figure out to and that had a
lot you got physical
pain physical pain my hips like really really hurt me and my hips keep driving me crazy-like more if I fly I think I don't know. Maybe it's just the to stretch I do stretch. I'm actually overly flexible. I'm like kind of double jointed everywhere. And so I have a lot of like shoulder like my shoulder will just slip out what all the time like, it kind of just does weird things and my arms twist and weird
directions. Are you physically strong
physically strong pretty song
Been stronger. I've been stronger. It's like a
muscle thing maybe need to
exercise but I have to I really really loved lifting and doing all my weight training my resistance and then the kind of the veganism. I was kind of trying to I think I'm really kind of building myself back up to realize what works. I'm actually right now in a very experimental period it's actually fun to talk about with you because I know that you kind of have probably some good suggestions on that but I'm experimenting a lot with like my diet and my body and my routine and my exercise
right now because I mean kind of like, you know, leaving veganism is a really terrifying like you said the public kind of will destroy you for that and how long will you vegan since I was vegan from 2013 till 2019.
So in 2019, what was the first thing that you ate? My
my ex-husband cook me cook me some fish on the grill. I cried like for a long time fish type of the fish and I
Little fox. They're not take care of their kids. Listen. I have some videos on
my phone of my fish at home. I have a blowfish that runs to the side of the tank every time I come home. So it really hurts me to eat because
it thinks you're going to feed it.
And I do every time that's it. You know what I haven't really
had you get shot in the head that fish doesn't give a fuck.
Well, that's what that's what my ex said about the dogs and I'm like I can't do this the dogs and he's like watch this starts feeding them the fish. They like they're happy, you know, they'll eat it. But um, so that's what I had and it was because of the hip pain I had actually going
Go to we are flying to I think Poland or something on a tour that I was on and I started sobbing crying on the plane so I couldn't sit any longer because my hips were hurting so bad. So this was pre and laying on the
floor pre quitting gluten.
Now, I'm back on gluten that was at the idea to trial period of 18 of like kind of removing things because I think when you try all these different diets like okay now I'm going to try keto now, I'm gonna try vegan. I'm gonna try this you're doing it at such a kind of it's really hard to know what's affecting you so I tried to go slowly like
It takes a freaking long time but going through and going I'm going to eliminate this now and then I'm gonna put it back and see how I feel my body. When I am supplementing especially with the omegas like the omegas. It really changed my life for me. I think again, you know, you kind of you kind of refer to me as something like a car and I think that we are kind of like a car and I was like so dry from having none of these healthy fats in my diet. I did what I could with like as many fucking avocados a day as I don't think that it's hard to get the fat. It's not as bioavailable when you bring
In is you know, your brain really needs those fats and you know, it was really really
hard for fish oil is the way to go. Yeah, I know people don't like it then they don't like the idea behind it if but God damn it so good for your
brain. Yeah. I love I do kind of like the fish egg vital
Choice also because I was great loved by fish eggs the way to go. That's what I do. Yeah. I mean
that's really helps my head room. I gonna sell mine now that's an
inflammation issue then
yes. Yeah, I think in general my brain like you're saying it's kind of on fire. It is inflamed. I think in general I'm inflamed. So I'm looking.
For in my life not just in kind of like dating or relationships, but in general the people I like to have around I like to have this kind of water signs. I like someone that can kind of or Earth signs, but I love water signs because I love being an in general. Like I love people that are kind of like fluid and that can kind of put some of that on my flame because it's it gets overwhelming sometimes the amount of heat and like energy that I generate actually was reading something about ducks. That's interesting the way the Ducks handle their
energy.
Ducks yeah, how they handle the energy
so Ducks, you know, I guess their form of exercise. So apparently I was reading this in a book last night. I don't know if it's because it goes with my real a realistic children's stories, but I was reading about ducks how they like kind of ferociously flap their wings and then they kind of swim off in peace and you'll kind of you'll see these weird kind of patterns that they do and especially if two ducks are together. So you still a piece of bread in the water one of the Ducks get it they get a little fight going on then they both Separate Ways.
Is they go to their own spot and start flapping their wings all crazy to get out some of that energy? Hmm, and then they just swim away in peace and I'm like, I guess that's kind of what you're saying that I need. I need to be more duck. Like I need to whether it's the beginning of the day or the end of the day. I need something to go and like flap my wings and get out that extra energy because I think that's part of the physical pain like when I when I went to go check in on the pain before and I've been to a lot of people here and no one seemed to help me with the physical pain and actually gets really really bad like especially if I
I fly I usually have to lay on the ground because my back hurts me so bad and my hips hurt me so bad. That's crazy. I know and I'm pretty young to be this young. Yeah, that's
crazy. And there's no real injuries. You could point to that's the
closet. So I overdid a strong yoga for a couple of years because I am extremist right hand side. There's a little controversy between the stronger yoga and the kind of like hip injuries. Yeah hip and reading them. Like, I don't know everything and everything looks good. You know, everyone says we have no idea, you know,
Kind of what's going on, but they're not really taking into consideration My Lifestyle which that has to do something, you know how to put it somewhere doesn't matter energy. I don't always get it out. You're right. I need to freaking run more. You know what the running helped me a lot when the house burned down to in South Africa. I was running every day.
Yeah, I would think that someone like you you need something
rigorous. If I don't work out. I'm not a great
person. Yeah. That's what I'm saying. I could guarantee
you. Oh, yeah. I know when we don't do calls or work meetings before I work.
Gout that's the we know this. Okay, we've learned from the past that have a trainer important. Yeah, I do. This is a good trainer. I was somewhat a trainer, but I need to I think in times where
My trainers kind of like family like for me now and maybe getting a little too salty too comfortable little too soft in the way that when I'm going through like, you know this week, I went through like another public breakup. I had the VMAs the song was coming out at the same time and when I got into the gym like I would sometimes just start crying because I love them like families when he walk-in. I would just start crying
because you know that you can be comfortable or
uncomfortable and then I think there's it's hard to go. Okay now I'm going to beat your ass because I think he thinks life and beating my ass, but maybe I need to just
Maybe some
things chuckling. Yeah, there's a job to be done. Yeah emotions great and it's wonderful that he loves you and you guys are friends.
I think it's a little bit my my bad for like wondering how hard I want to be
pushed. Well, it's also you're the boss. That's the Pontiac thing when you're the boss and you're Miley Cyrus. You can't say listen, bitch. It's time to go to work. Yeah, you
know it he'll do it to me sometimes which I would die like, yeah
can't do it too much because then you're like no. No, I'm the fucking boss and then
you go then I think I guess then I think I I want to kind of
I don't know what it is not give up, but then I think sometimes I wonder how much and I really don't even like saying this because I kind of guilt from my life. Like I don't mean it's too much like I can't take anything else. Like I know that I don't have the hardest life. I know how
lucky I am. But I know that don't you don't need to compare because just what what you do is very difficult. Don't make any mistake about that.
I have a hard time with that. I feel very guilty the
nonsense throw someone else into your existed like first of all a you didn't choose it. Okay. You were a little kid.
Came famous be being in the public eye and just dealing with the things we're talking about about people writing stories that are fake about you. All that stuff comes at a price and if you read it, it comes at a heavier price, but even just knowing it exists get it gets in your head. You have to be very strong to be able to war that off and the idea that you don't and then it's easy and that a regular life is easier horseshit regular life is just a regular life. It's not easier or harder. But what you do is fucking hard, it's very hard. You're very famous.
Being very famous is weird and being very famous. Your whole life is even weirder. So a normal person develops, right you go through life and you meet friends and you have to show that you're a good person to get people to like you you have to show, you know, some sort of some Excellence. It's something for people to praise you you're getting fucking praise from the time. You're a baby. But basically it's a weird way to develop. Yes. I'm so for you to reach adulthood and try to be conscious and try to be
Antion and try to like to just stay balanced it's you're dealing with a situation that 99.999 percent of the population has no fucking idea what you're handling. Yeah, the only people that are going to understand that are people that also grew up famous.
Yeah, which I have a hard time with because I haven't made that exactly my peer group and now I kind of am like I think I've been really searching for some sort of normalcy in my life. And for sure and so I think I haven't
Surrounded myself with the top of of kind of people that are also at this at this level because I feel I have a lot of guilt like I feel like I would be I feel like that would make me shallow or something for only surrounding myself for like rich and famous people
what kind of things do that because of the only ones that can relate to you. That's what I'm working on you feel like people that are regular folks. They treat you weird or they like you more than they should.
Should or that they you know, they praise you more than they should because you're an alien. Yeah, you're this was like, oh, she's version fucking Miley Cyrus. Yeah, you're not like a regular person that walks into a room and you'll never be a regular person
and I think rather than trying to prove like excellence in any way when I walk in a room. I try to prove really hard that I'm
daddy. You're normal. Yeah exhausting. Yeah,
but I don't want to be normal which is funny because it's kind of like you make a goal, you know, I do this with a man about making a goal and then going towards what I want. It's like I don't want to be normal. Yeah.
But I constantly struggle with am I a fucking Rich
asshole? Well, this is the beautiful thing. The beautiful thing is that you're thinking you think about all this you're balancing it out. But this is not a path that very many people have gone through successfully. Yeah. And so that's why careful because you're here right now. You're okay right now my res Miley Cyrus in 2020. You're great. You're good. I mean you've gone through divorce. You've gone through this you've gone through that but you're right here right now. You're okay. Yeah. The path forward is treacherous. Yep.
It is going to be because you didn't develop like a normal person every fucking child star mean like maybe like Jodie Foster like how many how many of them made it through and see I don't know her maybe that lady's crazy. She's an amazing actress, right? There's a few that made it through there's not many. Yeah and it's not a good path. It's not a path that I would ever recommend to somebody and once you've gone through it, there's no way to go back and do it all over again. Right
but I say with confidence that I feel like I could be the one because I
I feel like I don't expect it to be easy and I don't even want it to be actually I had a guy trying to be shitting me one time said you want a guy that I'll just do whatever you want. I said that's where you're wrong. I want like all the challenging things if it's something that's easy. I don't fucking want it. I never have that's why I didn't keep living my life and Nashville where we were the biggest fish in the small pond and all that kind of thing. You know, I needed more and the reason why I say that with confidence is because I'm really willing to do the work and I'm also
I'm willing to look at myself from a human level and also look at like what my body needs to thrive and I know that I can't be cocaine for me. And I know that it can't be alcohol and I know that unfortunately, I love fucking fish. But at this point I gotta eat it to be able to have my brain to work as quickly as you and I are going right now or what I have to do later today and going to the studio tonight and I understand myself from a human. There's nothing about me that thinks I am super human and I think that
I think I would I would take that as something that that makes me unique because I don't think that I'm really I know that there's something special about me and my life but I don't feel that on this level of being a human that I'm different. And so I know what it takes to keep this motor going and and and I also know when to take
time, we'll all those things. You said it perfect as long as you have doubt as long as you want to do better as long as you're recognizing who you are is not exactly who you want to be. Yeah you
Be better you want to figure it all out. You want to work it all through and you have this weird guilt from growing up in this weird way bad. It has to be your fucking Superstar when you're a little kid the guilts crazy. There's no way around it. And if you hang out with normal people They going to stick that in your face. A
lot of people hold my guilt of they know it's a weakness. So they use it with me a lot to find people that don't do that. Yeah. That's why my my crew is pretty small
beautiful. Well, they're all nice people
they are and all been my in my life for over 10
years and that is possible. People ask people that are famous. Like is it possible that you could
Find people that don't get weird around you. Yeah, you could find them but they have to be strong people exactly. You have to have people that don't have their own personal sovereignty. There are people that can hold their own space. They don't need you. They just love
you. Yeah, that man's man. You know, I had someone that that tried to tried to hurt me and say that I mean, I really have had I've had really amazing people in my life, but I've had people that have tried to hurt me too. I even brought my little scarf doesn't case I got emotional because I really might add someone
Certainly. Try to tell me that everyone in my life is afraid of me and that like that really makes me upset just
because I bet a lot of people in your life are afraid I
think everyone in my life that I have in my clothes Inner Circle really loves me. And so to say that everyone in my life acts out of fear of me my mom. I'm almost reckon 30. She whipped my ass if like my mom will actually hit me but I
mean in a bad way, I mean that they're afraid of you like like afraid you're gonna do something terrible and they're afraid around you. I mean, you're a powerful thing your
You mean this there's no getting away from who you are. You got to kind of accept that your Miley
Cyrus got ya know. Very
strange thing. Doesn't this one Miley Cyrus on the universe that we know of it. It's you and you're really fucking famous and you're really young. That's weird. There's no getting around that. Yeah, and the fact that you feel guilt about all this and the fact you want things to be difficult. Those are all the the best indicators that you're trying to do better. Yeah, like you get it. Yes, you do get it and you know, they have a hard Road and the people that don't think you have a hard Road there are other
I can mine but I didn't get famous to tell as much later in life. I and it was a slow drip into my 30s and into my 40s.
I think health care. It was way off here. It seems healthy,
but I also during the whole time did martial arts. Yeah, so it was always humbled. I was getting my ass kicked. Yeah, and I feel like those two things are the only things that save me from my own brain. Yeah, because you're like people are not designed to be famous. Yeah. That's why kings are all tyrants. Yeah, when you hear the one person who gets to make all the calls absolute power can
It corrupts. Absolutely. It's a common expression, right? Yes
that happens with famous be trying to have a good relationship with the power and feel feel a healthy Dynamic the
way you're describing in his perfect. How many look look The Ellen situation? I don't know. Ellen is probably a nice lady, but she's in control. She's in control of all these people they're all scared of our she's like Fuck you. Where's my tea? You know that that kind of shit. That's not a good place for a
person to be did you have that what's wrong with I'm really proud of myself that I don't live in that world and I think I
It probably also marked that up to animals and how much I love them. And I think that's what led to my veganism for time was like the fact that tonight. I have to put powder on my dog's ass that makes me happy do I don't get what the
power parently I think it kind of
just hopefully could seals and some way how disgusting it's very very out there and in your face and I think it's more of like a concealer, but I'm really happy that Kate Moss. Hey guys, I got to say Kate Moss makes me put
Be powder on her ass just use that as the teaser one time Kate Moss movie put baby powder on is called monkey butt. So I that that makes me happy and like my one of my dog's he's obsessed with drinking out of the pool. And so he like throws up all the time and it's disgusting and it all didn't seem always makes me happy and the one thing that I like about my dogs at they don't know who I am. I mean, they know that they got a good living situation. They're probably like, I wonder what she does for a living but because your life is pretty good and they get to go to other cool places also,
Yeah, my dogs don't know who I am side like that when the cat scratch the shit out of me all the time and the pigs are horrible. They bite my ankles. I love it about him.
Yeah. Well I bet that's one of the ways you achieve balance is through animals. It's probably why you like them because they don't treat you like you're an alien. They just treat you like your
mama exactly and they yeah, they're their appreciation and gratitude level is something that I aspire to kind of recreate in my own life. I love how gracious they
are. I think I really respect the way you're looking at things. I like I like the
The fact that you know that you're in this weird situation and you actually feel guilty for it all thing is necessarily good to feel guilty. But the fact that you do yeah is strong because it shows that you're conscious of how weird it is. Yeah, and you know, I've
been working on my guilt a lot and what's funny is like always want to cancel therapy when nothing's going on which I guess is when we kind of need it but always want to cancel it and then we start talking about guilt and like we got it, you know, we got to work on your guilt and whatever but I'm like I only call you out of guilt. I don't want to do therapy and I don't even want to talk to you about what's going on my life. So
Get rid of it too much because guilt makes us do good things. I feel the same way about fear and anxiety also to how did your whole thing
xiety? That's one of the things I like about weed. That's the mask. I like to get scared you like you get scared. Oh, yeah. I like to see the devil is my friend. Joey Diaz says, I don't like that anymore. I like to see the devil. I do not like that to be paranoid. I like to freak
out. I had a very great Ayahuasca experience that I saw some things I saw like, I guess people take Ayahuasca a couple of times and up seeing these snakes and end up like taking
the underground and you kind of meet Mama Ayahuasca and she walked you through everything. So Ayahuasca, the woman that I was seeing it was at the time where I just kind of started to become like really dedicated to the veganism and she reached down my throat and pulled out every dead animal. I had ever eaten and made me throw it up, but I didn't see the animal that it was like I didn't see like a cow or pig or chicken. Like I saw me puking up all the animals. I saw me picking up seals puking up a seal not fun elephants all these different animals.
I would see all the animals coming out of my body and you're not supposed to have like a companion in your Ayahuasca trip. It supposed to be this about you but I you know it like my life the good perks. I got special treatment. I could have my dog. So I had my dog and I held my dog the entire time and I had a really really intense trip. But since then I haven't really loved getting high as much as I used to it like unlock something now. I'm like, I just don't want to puke up seals again.
Well, that sounds like you were dealing with some sort of personal
dealing with guilt.
Well, yeah, not just guilt for being famous. But also guilt for killing other lives to feed your own life that you already feel guilty for. Yes. So psychologically connected this like what you see through psychedelics. Yeah is in it's not just the Psychedelic. It's what you bring to the Psychedelic. That's why I set and setting and so
important. Well, you're supposed to be sober I think two weeks before you actually do the Ayahuasca, which I was the only one that didn't do that.
Yeah. I don't know if that's necessary.
I got think cray-cray. Yeah.
T will take you there no matter what
done some good DMT and it's all my personality's great me one time on DMT all my personalities. I saw and then I was like, I saw me as like a really ugly crier and then my piece screaming yelling at people and I was nice I as I was sitting on the couch and it started to hit me they almost kind of like a Cordy and back into my body, you know, my
personal the thing about all this craziness and the manic behavior and all of your guilt and all of your anxiety. There's something that comes out.
And your music there's some there's some of that that comes out in this energy when you sang and I don't know if it would be there without it. I think all brilliant artists are crazy. I've never met one that isn't there's something that they have when you know, they're bottling it all up inside and whether it's they're playing the guitar with her singing when they sang it comes out, you know, and when you sing it comes
out, but it's kind of that tight. It's kind of new also like it's coming out in the whole nother way, you know, I
I look a little different. I'm very different and I honestly feel like my voice changed a lot after the fire. I could sing better after the fire in some way. It's almost like it like Unleashed something. Yeah, like it did and like maybe that's what it is. Maybe I earned it. Yeah, that's what it is because I noticed that my voice got better as I probably
you're more comfortable with who you are having gone through that. Yeah, the thing about having like a really not an
Easy life but a privileged life like, you know, you've had so many doors open to you and so much wealth and so much success. Like when you do something hard or something hard happens to you at least you go. Okay. I got through that. That was real. Yeah, I gotta earn that. I earned my point of view my place of Peace after storm and every storm that you go through there. That's why when you listen to Johnny Cash
saying her and I mean
that is like what the hell was he when he died?
Recovery's like a TIA I was it's on the list tires. Yeah.
Damn you hear that voice and it's like there's something
didn't old John thinking about
it, right? There's something that comes through in the in the Muse in the voice. There's something that comes through in someone's art when they've experienced things. Yeah, and this is this is what you're getting in this is what your emotions and all that shit that that bothers you and freaks you out and all the chaos when you get in front of
That microphone that comes
out. It's almost yeah, I guess your life is almost like it's kind of Art in the way of kind. I feel like I'm always doing performance art in some way even in my personal life. That's a problem. Right? That's got here is be it's scary hard to
be in the moment and just be you always feel like you're putting on a show it is that's because your whole life you develop putting on a
show and we talked, you know, obviously I think a little bit about kind of in the beginning of this talking about technology and how it's changed things for me and streaming and all these things but
Also given everyone a voice. Yeah, the people that don't need one sometimes to say the things that they they say it gives them a lot of power and you've got to have a lot of restraints. Like listen you're sitting with someone that loves to do drugs. I can't take drugs anymore. I want to but because there's a repercussion I won't the same way. I feel about looking at shit and yeah looking at Daily Mail and looking at these things, I won't do it not because it's not tempting and because in a way that gives you a rush to write you look at it you get those adrenaline's and the Butterflies. I'm someone that likes to get high.
It gets you high drama. So I try not to watch any dramatic TV or things like that because I'm also kind of a parrot. I'm a sponge. I never grew out of that, you know kids. They hear something they can do it. Like I've always been like that you show me once I can do it right now, but that's why I shouldn't watch dramatic
Television, right? Well, that's why I was feel weird when girls are really into those True Crime shows about rape and
murder relationship, but no shut that off. Yeah. No, it's not his Crush. I don't think it's really really that healthy. That's why I love RuPaul's Drag Race. It's like
Thing really harmful is gonna come out of this slapping some wigs on and calling it a day would they do death drops when a whole other way than what you guys do out there on the mats. This is like this is some intense shit. I have never watched one ever seen a death
drop. What is RuPaul's Drag Race do with
my God what this is crazy. It's my fav. Okay, honestly like RuPaul RuPaul when I said earlier, I'm not religious. That's a lie. I am RuPaul's batarian like
I fuck with RuPaul RuPaul is God route Paul lives by if you can't love yourself. How in the hell are you going to love? Anybody else? Can I get a chainman
Ranch in Wyoming? I love that. I'll figure it
out RuPaul. Ma Maru. She's my life. And the reason I love to watch her so much is really there's this there's this other thing that they do on the show and it's called the reading room. It's called The Library.
What is the show because I can assume the show me I don't even know what it is, you
know, so the drag queens from all over the country and
I'm going all over the world. They've got RuPaul's Drag Race everywhere. Oh shit. Oh, yeah. It's all over the world. I watch RuPaul's Korea RuPaul's Canada. We watch everything and just oh yeah. Oh, this is one of my favorite Alyssa Edwards. I think I might even be in the audience. You know who that is? Yes, I am. Yeah. That's what I'm telling you.
Look at that guy. Oh my God, I the way they're clouds your look at our smile. Look at her the way their class y'all amazing. Oh my god. Well, yes kick off the Latrice.
See I know that is yeah. I know latrese.
Oh my God.
God that's a big person. He's got kind of a
called big big girl and she says wait come over here and Paul some more food upon this plate. I ain't going to the gym bitch. I ain't losing no way look at me I'm sickening. Yeah, I'm sickening you I may be fat bitch, but you're ugly and I can lose
weight. Oh shit. I'm right there. There I am. Oh my God
audience. So are my two friends that are here with me today. Oh my God. She's so sickening Yachts Kennedy. I know Kennedy has I know every single one.
Do the same move they drop down and do the split.
That's what I think when I'm watching your shows to you know, all the same stuff. But
this this move of the splits they all do this. That's the
move. It's the money move the money moves.
Look at what she got money in our hands up there throwing it out her own money on her.
Can she go? She's an OG call
this show I do the splits death drop. I got a highlight video all these it's called Death best death drops. Oh I've seen this one. So is that death drop when you do the
splits? That was a death drop and split that's also a
a very that's oh here she goes. Yeah. Whoo. Ha whoo, y'all's
bam. So is that a death drop? No, that was a split. Okay. What is the
difference death drop? You'll see it's when you go from standing. Let's see now. That's a splash Bliss. You gotta find out drops. That's not a death drop look up its season. I believe maybe 10 or no season 9. Laganja's.
Estranja. Laganja, estranja there.
Gone dress shopping.
There you go. What about
Jinx more lodging options does a bad split baby
that she needs a little bit was a great flexible of
Monet's she's Miss Congeniality
Monet's needs a little bit of flexibility.
I don't love her something. I'm okay.
That's funny. Like they have to go all the way. This is my favorite. Oh,
so she's got her own show. She's a she actually did the VMAs with me. Now. You have to see the friends.
You'll split to be taken serious. So there that's a good one. That's a good
Good one, that's a good one split. I'm clapping. You can't have a bent knees that
knows respect. I mean, you're not going to get any cash on the
stage. So if your knee is bent it's not good.
Now, that's all gone - he's got the best one. Boom. That was her big split but she's gonna probably do another death drop. They're probably they're right here. This is a real death drop right here. Ready? Go. Yeah. That's a death drop. That's a death. Trap. That
is a good way to blow out your ACL. Look at that right knees. I don't look good. Oh man, if I was doing commentary in her, I'm where you go? It's gonna be hurt. Ya boom.
That is terrible for your joint. It's got to be
awful. Oh look at her knee and she goes that's terrible camera. Here we go. Bam Michaels.
Well, that's a full side split. Look at that my goodness.
That's a lot. So when you ask me why my hips hurt so bad at sometimes position accessing this no. Oh, I don't don't stop. I do not death
drop that will fuck you up. I mean, that's what fuck princes him up. No, I don't do that.
I tried it one time at GA Y and it was
worth it. What is GA
y my favorite gay club in
London. It's boy. They were just fucking nail it on.
The head g a lot. It's so gay. Just called Gay. Why not? Its iconic? What did you say? What do you want? Was that what happened?
Oh, this one's really crazy. Oh no. Oh
no. Oh my God. That's the craziest death drop ever Aces. So that's wow doesn't brain damage death drop. That's a death trap for five feet up. That's
crazy. But like I feel like I've come alive since watching this what it does to me as like on like on a level that I just like it. I love it. So fucking much WoW.
Waring them. Well, usually in the boss likes you can the ball which is what you're doing. You're bringing it to the ball. Like you're doing a Runway. Usually it's a one through ten ten being the bass and it's you say tens tens tens across the
board. So this what's happening
here. Oh, this is a really good performance that I love ya. Um, and these and this these are that the other pit crew pit crew kind of like the the bitches that bring out the shin like they're kind of like they kind of get yeah exactly.
Ali yeah, that's what I like about the show too. And I think all the the men kind of like having to be the background dancers because usually the first outrageous she's at her name's Alaska Thunderclap
our Alaska Thunder Fuck Yeah. She's one of my favorites might be my new favorite show. I'm telling you Alaska start
watch Alaska Thunder Fuck is absolutely my favorite Queen Jesus. I love kitty
girl. I think you've already had three or four favorite Queens just in
Alaska is the one that I love her personal music. What about Alyssa you turn your back on? No Alyssa is my favorite
performer.
Alyssa
is my favorite performer / dancer. Well, I don't in Alaska Thunder has got amazing.
Music. Oh, so Alaska Thunder fucks
musician. Okay, her big hit single is called your makeup is terrible.
I might have to watch this shit. Oh my
God, that's
detox detox. That's Larry
grew up hanging out with her. She worked at beacher's madhouse, which was like a freaky
club. I'm not that sick before. Yes. I'm at The Comedy Store. So
she
I I end up I kind of that was like my you know Studio 54 like that era. That's what I did. So she was there she was one of the performers so I know her that is
hilarious. Thank God damn it. So is this show like this every week? Yes. It's so every week is RuPaul and
until there's a new episode. I watched the same one every day and who are the folks on the panel. So you see there's a guest judge and then his best friend Michelle Visage and that's Todrick Hall who is like a big choreographer an artist hilarious. I know a lot about
this you do.
There they are how often you want just
like you're walking watch. I'm so thirsty for new episodes on watching RuPaul Canada right now. RuPaul's not even on it. It's just a
spin-off what with what
how known that in doing
it if it's a
spinoff she's a genius but she's the new
McDonald's so got it. So she just said listen, I'm just gonna put my name on this and just spread it out to Thailand and love it and I hate lamb. Oh,
yeah everywhere everywhere around the world. Wow, they're really fun to watch one's not but without roots really not the same because she drops knowledge.
Uh, no knowledge, but what kind of knowledge like when I do feel guilty about like all my you know, kind of what we talked about it just like when I start feeling that guilt and I feel guilt that like when I tell someone I can't do this because I need to focus on me or I need to like take the time that I'm cooking for you to be using that time for my meditation and I become that person like I just give so much and I just love that she says if you can't love yourself, how in the hell are you going to love anybody else? I really loved that and point to really good point. I'm trying to
Like that needs to be tattooed on my on my
brain. So RuPaul's also been around a long
time. Also a really great
pair ups and downs
and look what you created like from a world that I mean still even in 2020. That's just not acceptable. I live in Nashville Tennessee. That's none of my friends in Nashville. They all don't know what I'm watching. I can't believe that and it's just like the way that she's won. I think she's up for like 14 Emmys this
year. What was her? What did she break out with? What was like the first thing that she got
popular?
Booty what's her of movie Something booty something. You could look it up RuPaul booty. I'm going to be so annoying sound of the DVD. Yeah,
but she famous for a
song like well, yes, it's like you better work.
That's right the model like it girl. Right? Right, right. What year was that?
When it like, what does That 80's 90's
that might have been right around the time your dad pop 90s
will never understand
that would have
That would have pushed him over the top. I really would have yeah. Yeah. So RuPaul Drag with that remarkable longevity for RuPaul, right? I'm
telling you right Paul RuPaul is the only one that in my book Compares a dolly that is
crazy. If you really stop and think about that that is 30 fucking years.
That's her. That's her. Wow, the picture of her
there you go
isn't all look how
beautiful look at the exaggerated femininity that drag queens.
Is Embrace I love that aspect of it that's
called difficult that's called painting for the
gods painting for the gods painting for the God show me
painting for the gods. I'm not painted for the gods right now. I'm done with the makeup. So when you're like your painted for the gods, that means like your makeup is like you have drawn on
that face. No, is that okay only is that a drag queen expression? Yeah for the gods, you know, Casey
drag queen gakuin's all at the all good.
Okay that one hung around we love drag queen. You know, I'm saying like there's
And expressions from even a
drag queen on the show. That is a straight male. That just says drag wait, what does a straight male on door?
Yeah, you can talk him into some gay stuff. You just straight male get him drunk sure. He's turning out all of us point. He is we have for sure I believe body. Well, he's probably really good at it. Right really good as a drag
queen. He knows what sexy knows what he
wants. Hmm. Right? Right, right. Yeah, but I was explained to me about some men who
Who'll I love women? But like the dresses women like there's a kink? Yeah, like they like to
be I actually dressed as a man for Rupaul's Drag Race. My name was BJ if we can show you that because I'm kind of like a hot dude. I look a lot like Justin Bieber people tell me that all the time like when I if I have a little scruff and like a side swoop. I go Bieber really quick. Really? Yeah, but my name is BJ on the show and I dressed as a guy and I kind of thought it was kinky.
So yeah, do you feel like a bad girl when you dress like a boy?
No, this is 20/20 like playing with gender roles is so not there's no shock value to anymore.
No shock value no shock value. So not in my not in my community. Oh your community of dragon my community and
this is my God. We're paying for the gods were beat the beat that's like you're beating your mug. Well, that means you've fucking pounded that shit into your face. Like even if you took a wipe and went like this, you'd still look like a woman like you have that's what it's called. Yes. Eat your mug. Yes. You should see me if I had my
Brush in here I'd show you what how you do it. Wow. You just like pound it there
goes. Oh, yeah. There I am, there you are
so they can't see me. I'm gonna double sided mirror so they just see themselves, but I see that's you. Yeah.
Oh, that's hilarious. That's the fakest looking beard of ever seen in my life. That's like Team America World Police. Remember when the dude had to put on a fake? Remember the puppet put the fake wig on the
figure? They recognize me right away, but I swears the voice, but maybe it was the beard. It's your neck might even the beard my neck.
You've got a girl's nuts too Fem.
You have a girls neck. There's no way you're a guy it's not physically possible. Sure about a hundred percent. Yeah, if I saw you if you were like with the fake beard on your face you had known then the neck I'd be like, that's a chick hundred percent. Yeah. Sorry. It's okay does some advice drag queens they could pass as a large one. I brought a scarf. What if I wear this? Okay, I still have any neck. Yeah, you need a hoodie or something like zip it up and put it over the top. I think you're a young boy
who design
portion hoodies are now.
Fashion. What is
hoodies are fashion. I like wearing them in my own time. Just telling me see
where happens on your own time, but not in public. No, why not?
Because I'm Dolly Parton's god daughter. She would actually shame me to the end of the Earth. So are there rules again? He's like I'm in here telling you about my Ayahuasca trips. This is all fine. And dandy with Dolly. Let's not even start talking about
hoodies. Okay, you know what Molly won't let you wear
hoodies. I mean Dolly just it's not Dolly approved this earth needs.
To be Dolly approved telling you.
Oh my God. That's so funny. Dolly. Is everything somebody had a funny tweet about Dolly Parton. Once they said I just saw a picture of Dolly Parton when she was young and she goes in the Tweet said what the fuck did Jolene look like? I want to know who is Jolene chicken, right? She must have been ridiculous have been a fucking hard 50. I mean there was no one
more beautiful than Dolly and about as hot as it gets. I love the way that she created like her identity to you. She paid her identity from the town whore. Yeah that everyone made fun of and she was like I was looking out.
I'm like, this is an entire brand. I loved it and she goes I just tried to recreate that. That's hilarious. Yeah,
and she also just was so nice. Oh my God, I just came through and everything. She did. It's like she was so likable
man. She brings merch everywhere and she will get from the bottom to the top. Whoever worked on that set to day getting a dolly hat getting you know signed getting donuts delivered like she's just she's just as cool as it gets. I mean I do.
I think that that's a big reason to that. I've been able to not even because she's going to be mad but you just don't want to disappoint Dolly.
Well, it's just you are very fortunate to be connected to this like this lineage, you know, the fact that you know, you're tight with Dolly fucking Parton. Like if you're a young country singer a man and you know, Willie Nelson, holy shit. Yeah like you tight with Willie like you gotta you gotta cultivate that
relationship outside of my dad with George Jones. That's who I grew up around my whole life like George was
My dad's right hand. I was really painful for him when he died because that was my dad's just stake in the grass, you know? Yeah,
for sure. Yeah this there's something about that right like this Old Guard that like nurtures the young people coming up. Yeah that reminds really want to I
want to be that person if I make it through the treacherous path we discuss You're Gonna Make You know, I think I think so
if anybody's going to make it this gone through what you've gone through the way you're looking at it is look it ain't easy kid, but you can do it.
Do it. Well, I would want to be that way with the next artists and I still am like even from my position. I never like to see say or seem like I think I know something that a new artist doesn't but I've been doing it now 15 years my show came out when I was twelve and twenty seven going to be 28 in a month. It's
not even about whether or not you know, something that they don't it's just what you know, it's relevant. I don't know it's what you
know, and I just feel like it's kind of you know, I never knew Jeff.
Jealousy or competition through Dolly through Joan through Stevie. That's why when I reach out to Stevie. She says like I know that this grown-up things going on, but can we sit 6 feet apart in my backyard and talk. I just want to be there for you, but you wrote last time, you know, and it's like going through what I'm kind of been going through over the last two years all these I think honestly some of the physical pain is Growing Pains, you know, like I feel like some of the growth that I've had less stress and and were and and quickly just stretching like beyond beyond, you know,
I just put just of those who lack of being stable like in your mind in the tension that stuff manifest itself in back injuries all the time. Yeah, people always have weird back pains that are related to just their life being all fucked up. Yeah, you just you just you're always
tense. Yeah. I am am I no, like my back crack's like crazy everything, you know down to when I'm asked what hurts I literally feel embarrassed to say from the end of my toe to the top of my head pretty much hurts a lot of the
Time but I'm working on that pain management and I do like CBD
CBD is awesome. Yeah, misleading gigantic love it. Yeah, but I feel like for you I can't say this enough. You need rigorous exercise. You need something like really hard. So when it's done, you're fucking spent. Yeah. Yeah, just laying on the ground can't breed puddle of sweat that type of shit. You needn't laugh sighs the demon.
I have a seven-month German Shepherd at home. So that seems like a good if anyone's going to run me right now. That's who's going to put me through it.
So you need
When the guys are good. I wish you need a you need to purge the demons you got demons. Yeah. Yeah, they're in there a hundred percent this but again, like you don't want to gonna hold on to them a little bit.
I like to use them to my advantage sometimes it
man. There's something about the demons that came out in the music Biz. I mean look, that's always why the the great artists like the thing about Robert Johnson, right? They'd even thought he sold his soul to learn how to play the blues the way he did and that's because it's
Because there's the fucking life experience came out in his music. Yeah, you need both of the you can't be some person who just lives in a fucking Monastery and Breeze in and Breeze out all day and then put out amazing art. Yeah, you have to have pain in
life. I know that and I think that's the you know, I guess one of our words we've used pretty consistently today is balanced. Yeah, I think that's pretty much got to be my
Mantra. Yeah for you. I mean you are you're you are born into this treacherous path if this crazy
And that you find yourself thrust into we are very famous at a very early age. And also there's also these weird expectations because you're famous for a Disney show, right which is even crazier and then post Disney
show and traced by craziness and wild and you know being a provocateur and so now I feel like I'm breaking out of like another role in a way, you know,
you becoming just yourself instead of a rebellious person who's trying to escape the the sort of the boundaries of
Your persona.
Yeah. Well, that's why I wanted you know, I have in my music video. I have me with the microphone with the microphone stand and the reason why that was so important was like, I'm not just fucking getting naked anymore and swing around this it's about the music comes first. And I feel like and I think people are very Visual and if you can hold the fucking microphone in your hand and say this is who I am this comes first, by the way, I don't come without this like at the VMAs. They tried to get me to get rid of my microphone for something that I'm going to be doing and I said,
Fuck no. Look. What do you think? I can't be Britney Spears with the headset in the snake. What's important? I don't want the snake. I don't want the gag, you know, and there was actually even some comments that day about which is an interesting conversation and regards to lighting because I've been kind of learning a lot, you know from directors. I didn't go to film school, but I have been put through that and that way so I directed the last video and that's what I look forward to doing the next like 10 years. I'd love to write and direct and you know kind of work on film and that way and so now I have
A better understanding of cameras and lighting operation and so I was just asking some questions about not even on some device shit like only want to get shot from the side whatever. I wanted the lights to be turned off and that the lighting of the of the room to be just lighting me. So no key light no Beauty light and Beauty light is always used on women and I said turn the fucking lights off. You would never tell Travis Scott or Adam Levine that he couldn't turn the beauty light off. I want this red lighting. They said, ok. Ok, we'll do what you know, what just same thing that we do with the guys because I think that's what I
And then something that I was doing which I can't say but something that I was doing for the VMAs my bracelets kept getting caught and all the shit and they said, you know, you want to be treated like a guy and lit like a guy we wouldn't be dealing with this if a guy was doing it and I said well a guy wouldn't be doing this because a guy doesn't sell your Show sex the way that I'm going to and I and I'm aware of that. I know about connotations with had this conversation with the directors talking to me that's a ridiculous car. It's a ridiculous conversation also embarrassing because this any the
And once you see what happens on the show, you'll understand more if you see it, but it might be hard not to you know, if you take Walks Like I Do you might see it whether you want to or not utox if I usually walk down the street and there's I don't know maybe people sell magazines. I don't know about enjoying the programmer. You'll see it at some point and you guys could show me so yes, and so so they're asking a lot of questions about that and you know, like well, how long is Glam going to take and all the stuff and I was like, I mean, I can't really nailing enough to its
Like I did come from the world of Dolly Parton and I love pop culture for entertainment and escapism. And again, you know, we're joking about the hoodie conversation, but I mean like, you know for me, I there's nights where I don't do that, you know at Chris Cornell I had on a pair of black pants and a fucking Chris Cornell t-shirt. That's what it was. The VMAs is a pop culture show celebrating pop culture and I wanted to bring especially in this time of you know, covid-19 all these at home performances. Like I want to give my fans escapism good old pop culture. This is surreal.
How hard is it to deal with people that are directing you like that how hard is it to deal with like other people and their vision and they're talking and they're this and there that when you are just trying to get out what's in your head and what your your vision is you trying to done you get it
done. But the my to the balance that I found is firm and kind I don't lose my kindness. Hmm. But also don't become a matte but I am firm about what I want but in a way that you know, you might expect someone might see man. She was a diva she
Is a bitch but it's again. It's like okay like have the weekend come in here and say the same thing and you would say him Reno or Kanye is like a creative God and it's like come on. Why are my not getting that I'm like, you know creative Mastermind, but I'm be called becoming a bitch. It's like no one would ever say that about Kanye West choosing what lighting he wants on a
performance. It's such a delicate balance to write because when someone is as popular as you like you kind of you know, what the fuck you want to do like and if this person who you using as a director if you don't have a deep relationship with
them, that's why sorry
After my own shit. Yeah, and that's why I loved making my last video so much and directing it was because one I thought about my scenes almost like a relationship you're having a relationship with it when it's over. It's over the what's painful isn't the relationship. It's that one that's done you holding on for that extra. However long you try to make it work something that's not working. That's what I did in the video. And that's what I hated when I was a kid, you know from directors not knowing what they want and then getting frustrated with the child for not performing properly.
We it's like but you're not communicating and I'm a child and you're an adult and you're not communicating properly. So you're working me into the ground to get something that you don't know what you want. And that was always really frustrated me. And I think that's why now and non-negotiable and my relationship or dating life is you better know what you want because I'm just not interested in taking a know another 10 years like I did with my first love figuring that
out and when you are doing these like when you're putting together me
Zurich do you have anybody that like if you're doing an album or you have a song do you collaborate with people? Would you write the songs entirely on your own and bring them to other musicians? And how do you construct something
that's been different? So on bangers which I kind of think my career is like a as a solo artist, I guess kind of started there. I mean by me not really when I when I started working, you know on my very first record and it was called breakout and it was because I was kind of breaking out of the character that how long ago was this like
And and seven, I guess maybe something like that raised
2017 years ago. Holy shit
2007. I'd already had two records out already, but they were as Hannah Montana 14. I'm 27. Yeah, that's bananas. Yeah. Okay. So
when you're on Hannah Montana and
idea to albums that were like number one had done all the things and so then I had this like how much were you working pressure every single day every Sunday to Sunday every Sunday because I want to Jesus cry because I wanted to and he did I'm her one time. I came home and my dad.
I almost didn't let me go back on the road because I was so thin and he was like what have you been eating them like turkey cheese slices, you know, and he's like, holy
shit who's taking care of you when you're on the road of his not your dad
my grandma my grandma my mom my mom. My mom has been my like, my mom is a reason I'm sitting here.
So yeah the mom and your grandma would come with you on the road and you just go town to town Arena to Arena. Boom. Boom. Boom. Boom. Boom. Yeah. Sleep. Wake up. There you go. Here's the mic.
Michael beautiful go to
school school school school you doing I had my teacher on the road with me who's like she's as the best who I loved and lovely but no kids. What do you mean? No, no friends. No other kind of just my little sister and my little brother how weird is that? That's pretty weird. It made me it made my sister's life a little difficult also because her idea of like success is completely blown out of proportion also. Oh, yeah, she fought in my brother to but my brother is very simple and I love him so much and he'll probably be listening to this.
My brother just has a chickens and his ducks and he's in Nashville and he's a you know, small little place and and he's living more. I sometimes wonder if he's the smartest of us all I don't know
maybe as less stressed. He has less stress.
Yeah, and you should think about the life. It's like but he's also a fucking bad-ass talent, but he just saves it. He doesn't want to be on that level like he wants to make music because he loves it. He wants the people that are interested in him to hear it. He doesn't have the I got a grind tell
him. I'm sorry.
Oh that's online right now.
Yes, I'm sure that's online. Right? What's his name Brazen Cyrus
and how do you get dizzy have an Instagram? You have an Instagram? He'll kill me. I'll briefly is it want he has a
Spotify has a song. Yeah, I'll and he did Fallon and after he did foul and he's like, I don't think I want to do that ever again. I'm like what the fuck? He's like man. I was I was too scary. No, thank you. And he didn't I'm like, all right. Well good for him. He had two shows wanted CityWalk Universal down the street and he said no. Someone said I was fat in my hair was ugly. I like you know.
Many times my I've been called found my hair is ugly and he's like I'm not ready for that. He didn't perform again. Then he's like I'm gonna try it again Fallon. I'm like, you're gonna go from Universal CityWalk to Fallon whatever so I go there and I tried to change his shirt and he's like no, this is me. I'm wearing my flannel, you know, the whole thing so he goes out and kills and goes, uh, not for me.
Wow. No, that's it. Well, you know, maybe growing up and seeing all the crazy shit that happened to you. It's almost like growing up around an alcoholic and never want a
drink exactly. You can go one way or the other right? You either become my little
Sister who kind of wants it you know, and she's got a record out that I love called the end of everything. What's her name Noah Cyrus and it's the most depressing EP you'll ever listen to she's 20 years old. It's depressing. She's email. She's like an email kid.
She emailed me because she was on the
road. She has a song where she says my sister's like sunshine and it will follow her wherever she goes, but I'm more like a rain cloud, you know, it's like she's really got this idea of me, but she just
Go to the
doctor. She is what we are all at the doctor a lot. We have like a salary doctor that just born we got to deal with that. Yes. She's dealing with it you dealing with the but she's only 20 so I worry
about hardest age for kids today to it's so
hard dude. If you don't look like these girls on Instagram or they don't even look like - I don't want to see some crazy. Yeah, I do my
ten-year-old. Did we were in a restaurant took a picture of me my 10 year old thinks it's fucking hilarious when she does this she
You know where it is Jamie Wright that he'll put it up on the screen. She took a picture of me and she goes to let me take a picture you make a face. I want my belly just straight crazy kissy face and then she put it through this filter. That's me. No. Yeah, that's not real. That's real. That's me. That's me through a filter real. Yeah, that's me that you re looking kidding me how bad these goddamn filters are what's wrong with you what's happening with their Elliot? So that's the original picture, right? That's me and heard a restaurant and that's what it came.
What came out and meanwhile, you know, my ten-year-old. She's fucking hilarious. She thinks it's so funny. She's like
that's that's not right.
That is how fucked up these goddamn filters are why these girls just it's just a filter on an app. That's why these girls are so insecure because they think all these people that they see online or perfect. But every one of those bitches is using filters all of them all of them all of them and even people that I'm friends with that contacting me like this is crazy. I use filters, but that fuck that's fucked
up. I don't have
the filter on my phone and I need to know though what your daughter's using like, I don't even understand this
technology on it. It's Stricker. It's witchcraft. It's fucking trickery. Yeah. I know I've never said I couldn't believe that
was really thing I have on my phone is where I can swipe on the Instagram story thing and turn Paris. Yeah, you know, it kind of blurs out your pores or something. That's all I got
don't even use that. It's ridiculous. That's pretty good. Noooo. You look great. You don't know that chick no makes you a very cartoon. He
doesn't make it really good the shit would
like one.
That they want like no flaws. They want everything to be like cloudy. No, I
don't know it. That's basically what it does. It makes you look like
but that's not
good. There's so much on programming to do on
me so much on everybody. It's not just I'm programming. It's all these women out there that are there these unrealistic expectations. Like I'm sure you saw that Khloe Kardashian picture that looks nothing like her.
I wear it like goes from like the hairlines like yeah nonsense.
Yeah, they did. They used their used photoshop on her. I mean, it's like CGI. Yeah, you might as
Well be looking at a monster movie look we should turns into a werewolf. It's not what that's not who
she is. No, no crazy. And even like for me, I think you know in my real life, I don't wear any makeup. I don't even like today. Someone asked me like, what do you use on your hair? And I'm like shampoo and conditioner like I don't do anything to my hair. I don't really do anything and that's been really fucking tough for me over the last few months to because I don't know why I guess I I think as that keeps happening like as these technology things keep happening on Instagram in these filters keep getting better and better. I'm compared.
To the people altering, you know themselves either physically like with all these things you can do and lasers and all the shit or to the filters and I've had a really hard time with that, you know, and I think it's hard for me the other day, you know, I get past walk around my neighborhood and like a really shitty dirty Fleetwood Mac t-shirt that I've been in for five days tenant to hurt
just don't go online. Just just detox from all that shit my why don't I like beer a just don't pay attention to all these other women that are doing these
he's fucking wacky filters because that's where everybody gets fucked up. It's the comparison thing. There's a book called The coddling of the American Mind by Jonathan haidt and he talks about young girls and depression. Yes, gigantic uptick and depression that directly coincides with the invention of the iPhone and that as the iPhone came up and then pictures and then social media apps. So at first it was a lot of it was social media and people being mean to each other on Twitter and all those things because you're not seeing
Each other I've just know a lot
about this about the iPhone kind of I guess mimicking. Yeah, right Vegas slot machines and things. Oh, yeah, like there's it's actually isn't it? I think it was called what I listened to was the slot machine in your
pocket. Yeah. Well, it is a lot like that but the thing about it with women in particular with young girls is that they're comparing themselves to these cartoons these people that aren't even really that picture of
me know when I got sober I had to delete all the apps on my phone where I could purchase things.
Things like I had to take off Amazon and all the things on my phone because walk around with that slot machine in my pocket all of a sudden I'm getting these bills and things and yes, I care about that and I want to live financially responsibly and all the things and I'm looking at this. I'm like, I don't even remember doing this like a totally being high on drugs and things started showing up and you're like what the hell? It's too
easy. I'm in the middle of a book now about that. It's called irresistible find that it's on my Instagram to Jamie.
Irresistible is this book that is about how people are addicted. It's by Adam alter and it's about how people are addicted to your phones and applications. But it also goes into just the actual physical aspect of addiction and how it works on the brain and how it we always like to think of addiction is like it's something that you get hooked physically and you can't live without it. It know it's something that you have a compulsion to use and you can't avoid that.
That compulsion for some reason and it doesn't even necessarily have
to be good snow and it's gonna happen with you can happen with things like love and I'm not even thought that too when it's like the most stressful times in my life. It's like okay I can't reach for drugs anymore. Okay. I don't want to reach for bad food. Alright, I'm going to reach for someone to love me and it's like, you know coming down from something all the time. Well, he we are part of
Love is the most powerful drug you're ever going to taste like cocaine when you yeah, it's dope about straight dopamine right to the fucking van came in
as a book Brain in love, and I'm
Read it a lot because I had a tendency to need someone in my life at all times and I'm actually now I really love just factual information so you can go I'm not a total freak. That's got the sad. I'm not a love addict. This is actually what is happening to me on a level of this is uncontrollable of you can control how it affects you and what your I guess you kind of learn to control your reaction exactly. You can control your reaction, but when you love someone the first couple of months
No, you do feel like you're high on drugs it is it it's the same it's the same drip.
It really is. Yeah dopamine and I
kind of he writes how it kind of goes from like more like cocaine which is kind of a quick hit and wears off really quickly. So you need a lot of it and then it becomes more like, you know, kind of like heroin where it's something that almost Sue's you actually I called the love of mine who I was with and we got divorced. It was almost like a pacifier like it was that thing that I just needed not because we were in love anymore well because of the comfort of
Cause my brains a taught this feels better. This is comforting but actually knowing that I was giving in to an addiction made me feel way worse. I had the hangover next day K. We sleep together next day. We wake up. I'm totally hung over. Yeah, you know, it felt like a relapse every time I go
back. Well people do it to each other, you know, it's not even anybody's fault. It's like you don't even realize that you're a part of this drug cycle. Yeah, and then you get involved in that and then you find some new person and you get lit up give some new person you see at the gym or at the office or wherever.
You meet people and you like what what's what's funny
what's funny about? This is like, you know, I guess I just realized something about myself is all of a sudden. It's like unavoidable. You know, I'm telling you this is not true. So this is where I'm now retract what I've said because I need to I need to work on this a little bit. So it's like, okay. It's so untrue for me to see all these bad things are in my face. No matter what no matter what I want to look at are not I have a really hard time looking at the good things. Like when people send me the stats of my song. I don't open it when people send me the charts of the views, I don't open it. It's a
Cuz I don't want to get attached to successor numbers or mean that my art. Everyone said literally I'll show you the text of manager. He said unless it's a drag queen death dropping to her new single don't even bother sending it to her because she's not going to open it and
I that's good that's a sign of you avoiding narcissus,
but I wonder why I feel like I can avoid I can't avoid the bad things and looking at them like I'm gonna maybe a little addiction of that of looking at that, but then why don't I want the hit of the positivity of like seeing the
numbers because you want to work.
Hard because you want things to be difficult when you see too much success. You don't want to slack off. I have
no idea. How many people listen to My Song of the same thing? Yeah. I can't same thing. I was same
thing with podcast or the same thing with comedy specials. I don't read any of the reviews. I just keep moving.
That's what I don't do that and everyone's like you wanna hear some stats. I'm like, I literally you can ask them. I say I won't even know what it
means. Jamiel tell me some stats every now and then I'll just go what the fuck I don't want to hear. It means. Yeah, it's well gets nuts now, I don't know what it means. Yeah, what does it mean and a lot of the time Aliens stream?
A lot of end in the world of like how many 7 billion I could never get enough for me doesn't mean I like a million so glad I could do better right? Exactly. Yeah, they Millions on enough.
Well, that's I think that's a sign that you're looking at things the right way. I really do because I think that's a sign of you. You know, what you were talking about early you want to struggle you want to you want to earn it, you know, and because you think that you kind of got these crazy gifts being famous at a young age and all this wealth and success at a young age you want to earn it. So when you see success
In the trappings are successful wallowing around in all of your fortune. You don't want to do that. You want to hustle you want to keep going. I think that's a good sign. Yeah, I really do.
Yeah. Yeah, that's why yeah at some point. But you know, you can bring your kids. Maybe she can do that weird fucked-up thing to my face, whatever you should come and see some of the animals especially you're in your Nashville. I think you'll totally get it. I think you'll totally get if you're ever in Tennessee and you come out to the farm and you see the horses and you see the pigs by my ankles and all these things. I'm sure I think I think you'll get a really
Alan good understanding of my life and who I am
my last comedy special that I filmed strange times for Netflix. And when I was when I warm up for shows I've done all the work. I like to just put my brain in another place and I was listening to Malibu and
that's not what I thought you're going to
say. All the people on the set were making fun of me. So my friend Anthony Giordano who's who also directs the UFC by the way, I could imagine good friend of mine. He's like, what are you listening to I go mine.
Osiris and let he's like shut the fuck up I go look I go listen to it. I guess I put it it's Autumn and I had him listen to it. But that song is so removed from anything in me or my life. And I love your voice. Thanks. So it's a little skate for me. That's cool. So I'd be like dancing backstage high as fuck getting ready to go onstage listening to your song. Yeah like you that way
that was the first song. Well, no because I had done dead pets dead pets was where I started writing like my music where if you know,
You look at the list it says because I what's funny. Okay. So if you look at Stevie Nicks songs things have changed a lot in credits A lot of it says written by Stevie Nicks and it doesn't says any other Riders but there are other Riders because there's music that was written. She didn't play every guitar part and every piano part excetera now it's changed in our credits in the way we do think so actually you have to put written by for anyone that wrote anything Musical on the song So any guitar parts all that shit, so if you start looking at some of the dead pets up, it'll say written by and we'll say a group of people but
All the lyrics were written by me. It's just any of the melodic stuff in the
track. So I'll stuff that's new for for
money purpose. Yes, and I think the way there now streaming is kind of making things a little bit more difficult because you don't pay someone the way that you wouldn't record when a record sales they get their money whatever so that it's something to it that it's very complex and they say that some of the best lawyers don't even understand quite what's going on in the music industry right now because we're having such change such as shift in the way that everything's happening from sex sales of Records the records the streaming.
Videos to tick tock tick tock is like a freaking label now, but so they pay tick stalkers to tick talk to your music because it counts a streams. I don't even understand it. Why don't even understand it. But this is a thing Tick Tock is
weird. Do you pay attention all that shit with it's like the Chinese government owns it.
No, I mean, I know that that's a thing. I also know that it was like, you know, this is the new way of the new label basically labels pay Tick-Tock to be able to have these kids doing. I don't know if I'm supposed to say it but I fucking do so then I said,
Said it please say it's all I know is like it's true. So say it so they pay me to
take talk to certains. So save your a tick tock ER. Yeah, big-time tickets a
great stick stalkers that are like that from like Millions. I don't know about Millions we have it may be a different idea of like Richie Rich, but for kids living in a house here that there's Tick-Tock agencies. Yes Tick-Tock agencies.
So they like Marcia. I see a tick tocking. It's like a black beer. I'm telling you. It's like some
fucked-up black mesh a interesting. I didn't want the one thing that I told the kids that
You know these kind of influencers I've spoken to some of them before by doing some of this press, you know, they want me to play the song from the whatever and the one thing that I said that I like is like at least it's kids creating content for themselves because I used to have to go through all the middlemen before before I could put out a fucking video. I had to ask. Hey Gary Marsh at Disney's it's okay. Hey this person can I do this? But now it's like shit grab your phone put it up you're in control of your own
destiny and right you could mean if you wanted to you could set your phone up and just live on YouTube and play an acoustic set.
Set and do whatever the
flaw I love that about that
so that about today.
Yeah, me too. I love that. And yeah, so kind of to that point was when I was working on younger. Now, that was the first record. I was going to put out that was for sale because I did SoundCloud with my Flaming Lips record. So because I said people don't want to hear me singing a song called bang my box about me like having sex out of lesbian strip club. Will then I'm not going to ask him to buy it. I'm just going to give it to him as a gift and you're really the worst thing they can do to gift us throw it away or not. Open it like
That's it. Good is money thing of being in the position where you're in that you could call a shot exactly and it
and it's like listen. Okay, you're not gonna make money off of it. Like that's fine. I'm sure they're still selling a toothbrush somewhere that plays my fucking song and I'll get a dollar from
that took doctors out there to bang my
box. I don't think anyone's dick talking to bang my box
Jamie. Can you research that, please?
I don't honestly, I think everything on The Internet's been done, but I don't think people take talked about my
box. Love to see a bunch of RuPaul's drag queens tick-tocking.
To bang my box.
I don't think it's happening. It's my box is very very Niche.
We can make that happen. I feel like we could put that out there into the internet
has on their
work.
If I'm now, I'm trying to find a good version to show I'm trying to be quick
about it. I'm scared.
Listen, Jamie can find it. If it's out there. He has connections to the the dark
dark and dark web. That's all its funding. You got that hook you got that hooked up here into the grounds the best
googler on the planet. There's no one even close. Yes is a one-handed best Google or two. I know look at this. He Google's with one hand while he's working the camera together. Oh my God. Let me give me some volume.
I'm here a little bit. Look at this guy. Whoo. So we got a dude.
Okay. There you go. Look, this is how should it is. It's got to fucking likes.
Listen for now. It has two likes now people know about it. I know it'll have more eyes an influencer retweet that shit later send that to me and I'll retweet it. I want you to bang my box but point
being is that that was free and then getting to write younger now and writing Malibu I wrote on the back of the car.
On the way to vote on the going to the voice because I was looking outside the window in the car thinking like all of its true. Like I had never really gone to the beach the clothes that I ever really gotten was my parents taking me to Florida like one time and my sister got my toe caught in the revolving door and like I had to go to the hospitals and Nightmare and my parents for would never want to Vacation again, but most parents say I don't mean it my parents fucking met it meant that we never went on vacation
again, that's crazy that you did all that work and you never went on vacation.
Well, I went on my own vacations. We didn't go on a family vacation
that song.
It's so obviously written by you. Yeah, and that was one of the things that I think I liked about it that it was a you and you listen to someone singing a song like a really good song. It's an expression of who they are at that point in time in their life and you can get wrapped up in their mind, you know, and I felt like that's why I like listening to other like listen to songs before I go on stage because it gets me out of my own head and it gets me into someone else's head. And then when it's time to go, you know, and they're like you're on in three. Okay, then I'll take the headphones off. We'll do a shot. I'll stretch out a little and
We go. That's me. Oh hell. Yeah. That is that's me listening to your fucking song. That's crazy. Yeah legit. I'm not lying. That's nuts. Well, it's an honor that play that when Anthony was listening to it's like you fucking idiot. What are you listening to that's
fucking bottle. I never ever ever would have thought that never would have thought
that I liked it. Thank you. I like your music. Thank you. And I like you. You're a good person. Thank
you so much for Joy talking to
you. I did too. I'm glad we did this agreed. So you got something that's out right now. Yeah, what is it? How do people get
It
well, it's called midnight sky and even this the title is kind of inspired by Debbie Harry's Heart of Glass, but I pulled inspiration from edges 17 two of my favorite songs harder glass. The reason I love it so much is that the title isn't the repetition in the chorus. It's just a cool thing to say. It's not the chorus at all. And so I thought you know what my favorite part about it is is I love the the kind of visual painting of midnight sky and what that means and the midnight sky to me is
If you're really fucking partying the Moon is a disco ball and the stars are all the reflection of light on the ceiling and what I really like about the disco ball is that it's a bunch of broken pieces put back together again that when you're finally enlightened it makes this mesmerizing totally attractive like people it's like, you know, it's like the bugs to the light like people love disco balls, but it's really just a bunch of broken pieces put together and so I felt like that was reflective of me. Wow, pretty deep thing about it. That's heavy. Yeah, that's heavy when I saw it. I thought
Thought like I recognize this this is what I feel like. All right, so that's it. Send it on that and it's everywhere. It's on YouTube streaming. And yeah, it's everywhere and I'm naked in it. So hopefully people watch it. All
right, you're a bad mother fucker.
Thank you. Thank you. Thanks.
Bye everybody.
Cool.
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