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GUEST SERIES | Dr. Paul Conti: How to Understand & Assess Your Mental Health
GUEST SERIES | Dr. Paul Conti: How to Understand & Assess Your Mental Health

GUEST SERIES | Dr. Paul Conti: How to Understand & Assess Your Mental Health

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Andrew Huberman, Paul Conti
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37 Clips
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Sep 6, 2023
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Episode Transcript
0:00
Welcome to the huberman lab, guest Series, where I and an expert, guest discuss science and science based tools for everyday life. I'm Andrew huberman. And I'm a professor of neurobiology and Ophthalmology at Stanford School of Medicine. Today's episode marks the first in a four-episode series, all about mental health, the expert guest for this series is dr. Paul Conte dr. Paul Conte is a medical doctor and psychiatrist. Who completed his medical training at Stanford University, School of Medicine,
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And then went on to become chief resident of Psychiatry at Harvard Medical School. He then went on to found the Pacific Premier Group which is a collection of psychiatrists and therapists who are expert in treating all types of psychiatric disorders and life stressors across the four episodes of this series on Mental Health dr. Conte, teaches us about the structure of our own minds and how to think about our own minds as a way to enhance our mental health. He explains how our subconscious mind, and our conscious mind interact to drive our
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Emotions are decision-making and our behavior. And while any series about mental health requires that from time to time, we discuss personality disorders in psychiatric challenges, the main discussion in today's episode. And in fact, all four episodes in this series are about what it means to be mentally healthy and how to build one's mental health, through specific practices, either done alone or with a therapist, today's episode addresses, several key questions as well as provides, protocols for you to address questions about your own mental.
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For instance, you will learn what constitutes the most mentally healthy version of yourself. You will learn to assess and indeed. You will learn protocols for addressing levels of anxiety, levels of your confidence. How to think about your beliefs and internal narratives how to think about yourself talk and restructure yourself. Talk, we discuss common challenges such as overthinking. We talked about the role of defense mechanisms and other aspects of the conscious and unconscious mind interactions. That can lead us toward or away from the
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A theist versions of ourselves. You'll notice that during the first five minutes or so of today's discussion dr. Conte describes a framework of what he refers to as the structure of self and the function of cell and he describes several pillars for understanding. What those are, I'd like to highlight that while that short portion of our discussion does bring up a number of terms that are likely to be novel to you. They certainly were novel to me that as our conversation precedes, you will really come to appreciate just how simple and yet powerful that
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Framework is it will help. You understand. For instance, the relationship between your conscious mind and your subconscious mind in ways that you can really apply toward enhancing your mental health in addition to that dr. Conte has generously provided a few PDFs, which illustrate, that framework for you and that are available completely zero cost by going to the links in the show notes captions. So you have the option to download those PDFs. And to look them over either prior to or during or perhaps after you listen to these four podcast episodes as a final note before.
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Or beginning, today's discussion, just want to emphasize my sentiment, which I'm confident will soon be your sentiment as well, which is that dr. Paul County shares with us, immensely powerful tools for enhancing mental health. That at least to my knowledge. Have never been shared publicly before. In fact, is somebody who has done more than three decades of therapy, I've never before been exposed to a conversation about the structure of the mind, and the subconscious mind, as well as tools and protocols, for enhancing mental health, as powerful as these
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For me, the information was absolutely transformative in terms of reshaping my thought patterns my emotional patterns and indeed several of my behavioral patterns. And I'm confident that the information that you'll glean from today's episode and throughout the series will be positively transformative for you as well. Before we begin. I'd like to emphasize that this podcast is separate from my teaching and research roles at Stanford. It is however, part of my desire and effort to bring zero cost to Consumer information about science and science related tools to the general public in keeping with that theme. I'd like to thank
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The sponsors of today's podcast our first sponsor is better help better help offers Professional Therapy with a licensed therapist carried out online. I personally have been doing weekly therapy for more than 30 years and while that Weekly therapy was initiated not by my own request, it wasn't. In fact, a requirement for me to remain in high school over time, I really came to appreciate just how valuable doing quality therapy is. In fact, I look at doing quality therapy much in the same way that I look at going to the
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Jim, we're doing cardiovascular training such as running as ways to enhance my physical health, I see therapy as a vital way to enhance one's mental health, the beauty of better help is that they make it very easy to find an excellent therapist. An excellent therapist can be defined as somebody who is going to be very supportive of you in an objective way with whom you have excellent rapport with and who can help you arrive at Key insights that you wouldn't have otherwise been able to find and because better help therapy is conducted entirely online. It's a
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extremely convenient and easy to incorporate into the rest of your life. So, if you're interested in better help, go to better help.com huberman to get 10% off your first month. That's better help. Spelled heelp.com, hubermann. Today's episode is also brought To Us by waking up, waking up as a meditation app that offers dozens of guided meditation sessions, mindfulness, trainings Yoga, Nidra sessions and more. By now, there is an abundance of data showing that even short daily meditations can greatly improve.
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Mood reduce anxiety improve. Our ability to focus and can improve our memory. And while there are many different forms of meditation. Most people find it difficult to find and stick to a meditation practice in a way that is most beneficial for them. The waking up app, makes it extremely easy to learn, how to meditate and to carry out your daily meditation practice in a way that's going to be most effective and efficient for you. It includes a variety of different types of meditations of different duration as well as things like Yoga Nidra, which place.
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The brain and body into a sort of pseudo, sleep, that allows you to emerge feeling incredibly mentally refresh. In fact, the science around Yoga. Nidra is really impressive, showing that after a Yoga, Nidra session levels of dopamine, in certain areas of the brain, are enhanced by up to 60%, which places the brain and body into a state of enhanced Readiness for mental work. And for physical work, another thing I really like about the waking up app is that it provides a 30-day introduction course. So for those of you that have not meditated before or getting back to a meditation practice,
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That's fantastic. Or if you're somebody who's already a skilled and regular, meditator waking up, has more advanced meditations in Yoga. Nidra sessions for you as well. If you'd like to try the waking up app, you can go to waking up.com huberman and access a free 30-day trial. Again, that's waking up.com hubermann and now, for my discussion about how to understand and assess your level of mental health with dr. Paul Conti dr. Paul County. Welcome. Thank you. I'm very excited for today's episode.
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And for this series because I like so many other people out there have a lot of questions about myself and themselves and not just about ourselves but how the different personality types out there the healthy types, the Narcissus, the, you know, all the things that we hear about these days gaslighting, all these sorts of things. What all of that really is perhaps. We can dispel some of the myths that exist during the course of the series, I'm sure we will sure you will.
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Thank you. And also raise certain important questions that we should all ask ourselves in terms of trying to understand who we are and how we can be the best versions of ourselves, how we can experience the most happiness. Also, the most richness in life, because, of course, life isn't just all about being happy. So, to start off this question, I want to raise a parallel with something. I think for most people is more concrete, which is physical health. No, while there isn't an ideal.
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Circle self that's been defined by the medical community. We know, for instance that there is a range of blood pressures that are considered healthy. Hmm. There's a range of body mass index that's considered healthy, although that's a little controversial because depends on how much muscle Howleen people are etcetera. But, you know, I think it's reasonable to say that the healthy individual is not going to get exhausted walking up a flight of stairs. They could bend down and lift an object without hurting themselves. They might even have some additional strength or
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Darren's Etc. Within the physical health domain. All of that is fairly well, scripted and there are protocols that people can follow to improve their physical health. We've covered many of them on this podcast before when it comes to mental health and it comes to concepts of the self Things become much more abstract for people. In fact, I think most people including myself were kind of wandering around in the dark wondering whether or not we are the best versions of ourselves whether or not, we're thinking about ourselves and the world around us in the best way.
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He's so to start things off, you tell us what is the healthy version of cell mean? What what, what should we all be aspiring to? You've worked with people who presumably are healthy and people who have severe pathologies of different psychiatric types, right? Bipolar narcissistic sociopathic, and everything in between. So, for me, and for the listeners, what is a healthy self? What should we be striving for healthy? Self approaches life.
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Through the lens of agency and gratitude, if you look at happy people, you know people who like their lives, right? No matter what stage of Life, they're at right, and no matter what their socioeconomic status is, you know, race religion that there's so many things that we think matters, right? And and and and they matter to a lot of things. Do they matter to? Is someone happy or not, right? They are not factors. Write the factors that tell us is this person enjoying life? I think they take care of themselves.
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A happy. They're here. Are they engaged productively in the world is agency and gratitude and if we have those two things then it is interesting. You almost never see someone go wrong, right? And even if their difficulties, even if there are the things happen in life that that can make some unhappiness, right? It doesn't take away the person's engagement in life, the person's enthusiasm for life. And I think if you look at even traditions of understanding, how our people happy, whether it's in,
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Gayatri. Or it's through literature, or through a religious lens, it is always people who approach like through the lens of agency and gratitude.
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Could we go a little bit deeper on agency and gratitude show when I hear the words agency in gratitude, I think agency and ability to affect the world around me in the ways that I want and I think gratitude being thankful and we did entire episode all about gratitude practices some of the neuroscience and neuroimaging and neurochemical changes that occur in the brain and body when people exert a gratitude practice. But I have a feeling that when you talk about agency in gratitude you might be talking about something.
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Slightly or maybe even quite a bit different than the way that I'm defining it. Yeah, I would say, agency and gratitude are these amazing rewards, right? That sit on top of the highly complex brain function inside of us and the highly complex psychology in all of us. So if we think about a self, right, that identify a self, I'm in. I right if I'm going to approach the world with agency and gratitude that's sitting on
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On top of a lot of healthy things, right? And the idea that okay, there ways in which we can be mentally unhealthy, right? But to start with like what is going on inside of us, right? And what does it look like when we're healthy? So there's a structure of the self, right? There's function of the self and we, if we look at the structure and the function and the parts, the components of structure and function, we can come to understand. Okay. What is going on in us? What might we change for the better?
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How do we build empowerment, right? Is it empowerment is is the the the ability to navigate the world around us and to bring myself to bear in ways that are effective and from empowerment arises the sense of agency, right. I have agency because I am empowered and also from a healthy structure of self and function of self we end up with humility, right? We come through that with a sense of our place in
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In the world and our power in the world to to navigate as we choose but also a sense of the world around us. That's far more complicated, right than just, we are extends Beyond us to other people to the climate around us to the health of the whole planet, right? We feel a sense of humility that I'm here and I can do good things. I'm fortunate to be here and I'm part of this bigger ecosystem, right? All the way up to the scale of the ecosystem of earth, right? And if we feel that humility,
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Then we approach the world through the lens of gratitude. So the idea that a healthy structure of self and a healthy function of self leads to empowerment and humility and then upon that, we are, we are sort of imbued with agency and gratitude and that leads us forth to happy lives. Okay? So it's clear to me why having agency in gratitude would be wonderful, perhaps even the goal state that we
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Should all be seeking to achieve. And it also makes sense to me as to why empowerment and humility are important components that feed into our ability to have agency in gratitude. Yes. Right. Because all of that, at least to my mind sums to a very clear statement about having agency and gratitude is the best way to approach life. That all makes perfect sense to me. And yet, I've never really thought about it that way. And I think most people haven't ever been told this, right? I mean, what should we be?
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Get agency in gratitude. Yes, so we've heard endless number of podcasts including this podcast about physical health. And we've been told by physicians and everybody else that, you know, we should seek to have a relatively low blood pressure. We should seek to have a relatively low heart rate that our cholesterol should be at a certain level Etc. So within the physical health domain, there are strong clear messages about what we should all be striving toward and in a similar way to
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How we're discussing the self in Psychology, you know, I don't think anyone seeks to have low blood pressure or low heart rate because that's what they want per se. They want those things along with some capacity for endurance, the ability to, to, you know, lift an object. So some strength, Etc, because of the way that those metrics have health, allow them to move through the world in the best possible way. In other words, having some degree of endurance allows you to walk down the block, may be a lot further where to walk up several flights of stairs or to have some strength.
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Easy to pick up objects in effectively move through life, right? You're telling us that having a sense of agency and gratitude and that agency and gratitude are undergirded by empowerment in humility. And that's the best way to move through life. The most effective happiest if you will way to move through life. Well then I think we have to ask ourselves. The same thing we would ask about physical fitness, which is what goes into, creating a sense of agency and gratitude, empowerment in humility. You know, what are the
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Action steps because if I want more endurance, I know to get on an exercise bike or a treadmill or go out for a run, a few times a week or more. If I want to get stronger, I'm going to lift objects that are difficult to lift until they're easier to lift. I mean it's all pretty straightforward in the physical domain but in the, in the mental health domain and the psychological domain it does become a bit more abstract. I think in part because no one's ever told us certainly, no one's ever told me what you really need and is agency and gratitude in order to have the best possible life. So I very much
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I appreciate that you're telling us this and I'd love for you to tell us what are the action steps that go into creating these things that were calling agency? Gratitude empowerment and humility? There's actually quite a strong parallel between the physical health dimension of the mental health Dimension. So, so, as you're saying, like, why do you put in the time to energy, the learning right to be physically healthy, right? It's a lot of effort and and we put so much of ourselves towards it. If we decide that we value,
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Value that. Right? Why do we do it, right? Because as you said, it's the best way to approach life. Like there may be something that I want to do. I want to run a race, right? All right. You know, I want to climb a mountain, right? But ultimately, we take care of ourselves physically because we don't know what's coming next in life and we want to be prepared for it. Good. Bad. And otherwise, right? And the same thing is true of mental health. So I can feel grateful for something. I can feel grateful that I'm still breathing right now, right? I can exercise agency
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I can pick up that cup and take a drink, right? But that doesn't mean that I'm living life through the lens of agency and gratitude which is consistent with every opinion. If you look psychologically through the lens of literature through the lens of Science of sociology and psychology agency, and gratitude make happiness right there, ways of approaching life and just like physical health is undergirded by by cardiovascular health, heart health.
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Muscle strength, right? There is an undergirding of agency and gratitude and empowerment and humility, are ways of describing, okay? What arises right from understanding ourselves taken care of ourselves that then gives us the agency in gratitude? So we have empowerment. We have humility. But where does it all come from? Right. So just like, we have to understand the physical body and what to do to it in order to be healthy, right? We also have to
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The mind, right? The self that wants to be healthier. And that comes to understanding the structure of the self. And we have enough science through the lens of neurobiology and Psychiatry to understand the structure of self. And then the function of self-righteous how we work. Wait, how we interface with the world so it's actually not more complicated than physical health. It's just that we don't spell it out that way, right? We come at it through the lens of pathology of what
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Wrong and who has some diagnosis. And, you know, we're looking for the problematic instead of saying, like, what do we look like when we're happy, right? And then going and digging down into the mechanics of it, all right? And if we're not in that state, right to go and look at that and to make changes just as if you were very, very physically healthy, right? But, you know, your heart rate couldn't go up that much. Without you feeling very, very fatigued, we'd say, well, look, you're doing a lot of the right things, right? But let's work more on.
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On your heart, right? We would go look at the specifics of it because that's how we understand it and we just don't apply the same science logic, common sense to mental health, as we do to physical health, but it's time for that to change because we have the knowledge and ability to do just that when we had dr. Andy Galpin on this podcast to do a series on physical health and fitness. Essentially, he said something that really
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Stuck with me, which was at the number of different workouts that people can do out their bodyweight workouts work. With weights with machines, you can run far, you can run shorter distances more quickly, you can do planks, you know, sit-ups so many variations on exercise routines. But what he very clearly stated was that there are only a few core adaptations that the body can undergo that lead to these byproducts that we call lower blood pressure. Enhanced endurance in
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Of strength improved, neuromuscular function, improve brain function for that matter. It sounds to me, like there are a lot of parallels in creating the healthy psychological self. So what are the core components that I and other should think about in terms of understanding, he described them as the structure of the self and the functions of the cell again, just to draw a parallel. We were talking about physical health. We'd say, okay, there's connections between nerves and muscle that allows us to move our limbs. If you apply a certain amount of resistance, you get a certain adaptation, which is the
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The neuromuscular connection gets stronger, the muscle might get bigger or just stronger Etc flexibility you know you just push your range of motion just a little bit into discomfort you do that. We it's so happens to be the case that you do that for just a couple of minutes each day over the course of about a week or so you get a significant increase in flexibility. Okay so it's all very clear in the physical domain. In the psychological domain I hear you telling us that the action steps that we all should be taking in order to be the happiest version of ourselves by achieving agency and gratitude
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is to explore the structure of self and the function of self. So if you can tell us about, what is the structure of self? Like, what goes into Andrew being, Andrew, and Paul being Paul and whoever The Listener is into being who they are, what is that? And what is the function of self? How, how does a psychiatrist think about that? How should we think about that? Okay, if I could start maybe to set the stage for that, right by pointing out that as we go up the hierarchy, right?
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Of Health, right? Everything should get simpler right. Not more complicated, right? If you think about physical health, there's so much complexity on the initial levels, right? So we think about, you know, your physical health status versus mind, right? It's going to be different, right? We're gonna have different cardiac function and muscle function and pulmonary function, and if we're going to be healthy, we could do a lot of different things. Right there might be a whole set of choices that would work well for you. Different choices that would work for me and we can gauge intensity timing.
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Frequency, right? It's a very complicated when we're on the lower levels of the hierarchy, as we get higher up, let's say you and I both do the right things, right, then? What happens? We both have endurance, right? We both have some strength, we're both robust, right? Things are getting simpler because we're approaching the unique idiosyncrasies in all of us, right? And we have to look at that and look at that in a very specific way. But what we're trying to get to is is something that's common for all
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Of us. So stamina, for example, in physical health and endurance, right? And agency and gratitude in mental health, right? So then if we go and we look and we look at the structure of the self and the function of self, we find that there's more complexity but that it is also understandable. I mean there's tremendous complexity in the body just as there's tremendous complexity in the mind and we can understand what is the structure of self. What is the function of self? And we can look at that in
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Assess that in the same way, we would physical health parameters. So that we arrive at the place, we want to be be it endurance or agency, or gratitude. So structure of self, right? We all have an unconscious mind, right? And we pay so, little attention to this part of us that really is the biological supercomputer, right? So millions of things are going on all the time like in every Split Second. So for example, I can say these words
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It's right, you can listen to the words, you can say things back and I can listen right there, are millions and millions of things going on under the surface, much of which comes from either biological predispositions, right? Or habits over time, right? Thought process is patterns, right? So, this unconscious mind, this supercomputer is doing all of these things. Like, you know, at the speed of light, right there are electrical and chemical signals and, you know, multiple Pathways as common as complicated.
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Skated, as super highway systems that then could consolidate and communicate with others, right? And then what comes up from all of that? Is the conscious mind. So imagine an iceberg, right? And it's a really, really big Iceberg, right? And and we see the part above the surface, right? That's the conscious mind, right? But there's a huge part of this Iceberg, maybe 95% of it. That's underneath the water right there. There's this hulking mass that we don't see that's the
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Unconscious mind, right? And it's feeding up to the conscious mind which is a much smaller part of our brain function, right? But it's the part that we're aware of, right? It's sitting on top of all the unconscious things which are extremely important. But then we become aware so that we can engage in the real world. In order for us to have this conversation, the millions of things per second have to be going on underneath the surface. So that you and I as conscious eyes, right? As conscious selves can
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Ride Along on top of it. So that's the part of the iceberg. That's above the water, it's the conscious self. Then imagine that the conscious self is girded by by a set of you know long tendrils that come out from under the water, right? That their defense mechanisms that are unconscious to us that sort of GERD the conscious mind. So do we rationalize automatically? Do we avoid automatically, do we
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Doubt automatically are these things in Us in ways that we can observe and change. But that are there to try and protect the conscious mind from the the slings and arrows of the world around us, right? So if you imagine, there's the big part of the iceberg under the water, the unconscious mind the conscious mind is riding on top of it, but the conscious mind that part sticking out of the water is vulnerable, right? So imagine that there's a defensive structure then that arises from the part of the iceberg. That's
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Underwater that is there to defend and protect the conscious mind. So when you say to defend and protect when you say that, the conscious mind is vulnerable, what do you mean? Do you mean that it's vulnerable to physical attack or that it's vulnerable to us realizing that we're just a bunch of neurons that are clicking away underneath, but in other words, where does the vulnerability of the conscious mind really reside? Not physically. Where does it reside? But you know, what am I so worried about in
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Of my safety. I mean, right now, we're in a room. I feel pretty safe. I don't think you're going to attack me verbally or physically. I suppose. It's possible. That could happen, but it seems like a very distant possibility. So when you say that these defenses, are there to protect us from some sort of awareness, what awareness are we trying to avoid? So, the vulnerability of the of the conscious mind is to fear confusion despair. There's so many things that we can fear, right? Some people are afraid of snakes.
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Snakes or spiders, some people are afraid of death. Some people are afraid of health issues that could come to them or to people. They love, we can get confused and not know what decisions to make, and how to navigate the world and how to be who we want to be to ourselves and to others, right? We can feel tremendously, vulnerable and despairing. If we lose others or we know we start to see things happening in the world around us that that we don't like. But we start to feel like what will happen to the planet we live on. Will there be War where I live when my children?
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Be safe, right? There's so much that we need to protect ourselves against so that vulnerable part of of us, write the part of the iceberg sticking out above the water, needs a defensive structure around it, to protect it against the vulnerability of fear confusion despair, right? And because the conscious mind is sticking out of the water with a defensive structure around it, right? It is the the raw material from which we
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beitar character structure. So, the character structure is all of that. The part under the water, the part above the water, the defensive structure. So, imagine like a nest around all of that and that's the character structure that we utilize to interface with the world, right? So the character structure is, it's like, the thing that I'm using, right? It's like if you're driving somewhere in a car, right? The car is the thing that you're using to go there, right? The character structure is the thing that we're using to interface with the world? So for
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Sample, how trusting a my versus suspicious, right? How readily do I come to make friends with people, right? How, how much do I act out if I'm frustrated, right? How much do I, you know, exclaim something - right as opposed to holding it inside of me. How much do I rationalize? If something isn't going well. Do I want to look at it and maybe see that it is so that I don't have to face it, right? How much do I avoid problems in the world around me? How much do I?
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Sighs altruism, right? These are all the ways in which we are engaging with the world around us and this determines the self. Imagine that the self. Then grows out of this Nest from the, the character structure that we used to interface with the world. And the decisions that we make so far, character structure is its the thing through, which we engage with the world, then we're enacting but what is inside of us, but what we've determined through our unconscious mind or
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Just mind our defense mechanism. There's a certain us that the comes at the world in a certain way and if we're more or less trusting, more or less avoidant, we rationalize more or less, these are the factors that determine like, where do our lives go, right. Because on top of all of this, imagine that the nest of the character structure around all of this grows from it, the self write the product of the feelings inside the things that we know about ourselves, and don't know about ourselves the decisions that all
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Love it leads to. So I may choose to be for example, more trusting and that may bring an opportunity to me that I wouldn't have otherwise had right. I may choose to be more trusting and it may bring risk to me that I wouldn't otherwise have had. So we want to be as healthy as we can as knowledgeable of ourselves in the world around us so that it's safe for us to have a healthy character structure through which we can engage in the world around us with a sense of prudence, right?
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Reasonable risks right? Not too little so that we shut ourselves down and maybe end up despairing, not so much that that scary things can happen to us and we end up fearful, right? But the idea that if we know ourselves well the character structure is healthy right? Because it's built upon a structure of Self in a function of self that are healthy and out of it is coming empowerment, right? And empowerment and humility, write that then lead us to agency and gratitude, right, the idea
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In here is that this is the character structure that we create that can then interface with the world in a way that's good for us and good for the world around us that leads us to be able to live in much more Harmony inside of ourselves and outside of ourselves. So if I understand correctly defense mechanisms that grow up out of this portion of the iceberg that we're calling the unconscious mind, they protect our conscious self in ways that can be adaptive.
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Or they can be maladaptive. In other words, defenses can be healthier, they can be unhealthy. Yes, and perhaps in a few minutes, we can get into what a healthy versus unhealthy defense. Looks like, but the way you described character structure, sounds to me like an array of contextual dispositions, I don't want to add unnecessarily complex language, but it sounds to me, like, a bunch of dispositions like like if I'm walking into the office.
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I swear I know everybody and I see familiar faces. There's no reason for me to be on guard if I trust those people, but if I'm walking down a street at night, that I'm not familiar with and I'm starting to get the sense that, you know, this neighborhood might not be the best. It makes sense for me to be on relatively high alert, so different dispositions depending on different conditions. I can't help but mention my Bulldog Costello, who had basically three dispositions. It was a sleep but in all seriousness, the second one was
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Um got a board, the Bulldog face of cardboard or if something was given to him that he liked or if we were doing something, they like Delight, he busy at three dispositions as far as I could tell, I think one of the reasons we like dogs so much or that many of us like dogs so much. Is that their decisions are very predictable, take him to the park. He's happy unless you happen to be ill that day which was rare, you know, feed him he's happy right. There wasn't a lot of I don't like this particular meal or I don't like this particular Park.
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Or this Bijon, Frise doesn't smell so good to me, you know, there's a, it was so simple and yet, people are very complex, right? I can look at myself and say, okay, what like, what is my character structure, character structure, is certain things. I like certain things, I dislike certain things really irritate me certain environments and people, I just delighted, okay, so is the definition of a healthy character structure, one in which the dispositions match the context perfectly. I mean, I don't know how any of us.
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Be like that. But is is that sort of the ideal much in the same way that you know, we could probably arrive at at an ideal degree of stamina that one could have. I mean some people want Run, ultramarathons, 100 miles or more. Somebody want to run a marathon, some people like me, don't really desire to run a marathon but I want to be able to run a mile if I need to without being completely exhausted and injured. So you know, when we when we ask ourselves about character structure
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Are we asking ourselves about context-driven dispositions and how do we start to evaluate that for ourselves? I think, because we're more complicated. I think it's not dispositions as much as its predispositions, right? So, so in the example that you gave right, you of a certain predisposition to be either trusting or weary right? And and you and that's healthy in you, right? So when you come into a setting where there's not a good reason to feel mistrustfully,
34:37
I feel anxious to feel vulnerable, right. Then you feel at ease, right? So you walk into the work, setting their people, you know, the people you like everything is, okay, right? You have a different predisposition when the context is different, right? So if the context, could bring a lack of safety, then you respond accordingly with the lack of safety, right? But but it's possible, certainly those predispositions, it can be in unhealthy places, right? So for example, you might have been traumatized in a certain way or
35:07
You might approach the world in a certain way because of Prior experience that you may not register it as trauma. But it may be that within you, is a predisposition to be Miss trustful. So you could walk into a room of people that, you know, of people who've never meant you any harm and still feel unsafe right now. This happens most often after trauma but there are other ways people can get to that. Where the predisposition isn't so healthy, the converse is true too. Right there are people who can have too much of what's called an omnipotent.
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Defense, and then they don't recognize danger when danger is around them. So, the idea that character structure that Nest, right? That's built around the defensive structure, and the conscious mind that sitting on top of the part of the iceberg. The unconscious mind underwater, right? It's that Nest, that is interfacing with the world, through a whole set of predispositions. I'd like to take a brief break and acknowledge one of our sponsors. A G1 H G1 is a vitamin mineral, probiotic drink that meets.
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And probiotics that I need to enhance my mental health, physical, health, and performance. If you'd like to try a G1 go to drink, AG one.com huberman, to claim a special offer. They'll give you five free travel packs and they'll give you a year supply of vitamin D3 k 2 again. That's drink, AG one.com huberman to claim this special offer. I think most of us are familiar with assessing and assigning names to the character structures of others, and at least for most of us, we do that with no professional.
37:37
Training or authority, right? Was it? That person is great. They're super nice persons a jerk. It's literally like, weird, you know, etcetera, Etc. I think very few of us are familiar with assessing our own character structure, right? And I have to presume that some of what happens when somebody comes to you as a psychiatrist or to a psychologist, is that certain questions are asked and certain narratives are told that start to reveal to the clinician the character structure.
38:07
And perhaps from there, some of the possible defense mechanisms and, you know, structure of the person's unconscious mind and conscious mind that obviously are unaware to them, but would be cleared by a clinician much in the same way that if somebody goes into the doctor and says, you know, I don't feel well, they can start probing with questions or they going to put, you know, take a take a listen to their breathing right there, Heart Right? Amazing out the stethoscope and figure it out of the pros. Whereas that the psychiatrist or psychologist uses words and language to probe, yes,
38:38
What are the sorts of aspects of character structure that we can be aware of in ourselves? You know, in other words, should we be asking what type of character do I have dependent on one circumstance or another? Should we ask ourselves what sorts of defense's we have? And maybe this would be a good opportunity to address this issue of what are healthy versus unhealthy defenses. Because it sounds to me, if I understand correctly, that
39:07
At the defense mechanisms are very strong component in determining. What our character structure is MHM. Right? Because the defense mechanisms are unconscious and the character structure that Nest around the defenses, in the conscious mind through, which we interface with the world, right? Is very, very complicated. So there is many character structures as there are human beings, right? So it's very, very complicated. But there are factors that are consistently relevant across people and get identified as such. So
39:37
One example would be isolation versus affiliation, right? So it does a person tend to group with others, right? Or does the person tend to avoid grouping, right? And, and go about thoughts tasks, approaches to life in a more singular manner, right? So it's just one element, I'm making value judgment about it because it can be good or bad on either end of the spectrum, right? So we're just saying, what are the factors? So am I more affiliative or do I tend to isolate and be more a singular?
40:07
That's just one example, right? Another example could be things like, for example, use of humor, right? It does a person use humor. And in what way, right, is a person use humor to deflect, discomfort and negative situations is a person use humor in order to belittle others, or to be little themselves or does the person not use humor, right? So the these aspects of character structure and so much research has been done on this over the years to determine what is most Salient right in this.
40:37
This thing that we use in order to interface with the world around us about of which grows our self. It makes good sense and it makes me want to revise a little bit. What I asked about before which is I said that when it comes to an exam of physical health measure blood pressure measured breathing Etc maybe even a blood test. Look at some biomarkers but what you're describing is a little bit more analogous to the
41:07
Action addressing a patient, who's having some physical discomfort or malaise and saying, tell me about your day. You know, what do you do when you get up in the morning? If the person says, well, you know I drink a, you know, quarter pint of vodka. It C is a very different answer than, you know, I go outside and get some light in my eyes, drink a glass of water and maybe have a cup of coffee, right? Right. You know, or if somebody says I have six espresso, if I understand correctly, the character structure is better revealed by exploring the action states that sometime
41:37
Delays and isolation versus engagement as opposed to a read of one specific biomarker. So as to structure, brought to life, right? Yes. Immediately. I'm thinking about movies and books where we learn so much about somebody through observing, the way that they interact with people in in very, very potent ways. So, for instance, I can think of countless movies, where you learn a ton about
42:07
Somebody in the first scene simply because of the way they react to somebody who you know Cuts them off on in traffic they just explode. Okay well then we think of that person as reactive from that point on unless there's a significant amount of material to revise that but it's in the action of getting explosive and cursing etcetera as opposed to if they just kind of laugh it off or laugh at themselves or blame someone within their own vehicle or something like that. So is are those the sorts of things that a clinician like yourself is
42:37
Something for when somebody says, you know, I don't feel well and he said, well, tell me about what's going on lately and they start describing what's going on in their life and are you listening for those places where the defense mechanisms can be? Our start start to reveal themselves? The character structure starts to reveal itself through these action steps that the person seems to be taking is it? Yeah, yeah. Maybe one way of looking at character structure is that it's potentiality, is and predispositions, right? That there's so much that that
43:07
It's latent that then interfaces with events, like the person stuck in traffic. How does that person respond? If that person weren't stuck in traffic, there wouldn't be a response to it, right? So, so their potentiality is their predispositions and then we live through enacting them as we're moving, then through life, right? And the attempts to understand. So using the physical health parallel, right? If you came in and you said, I don't feel well, right? We might run a lot of tests, right? We might get an MRI.
43:37
Or a CAT scan or even putting the stethoscope and listening to us inside of you. Those we can say our unconscious things like, you know, you're not aware of what the Imaging may show, where the blood test may show or how your lungs may sound when someone put the stethoscope on them, right? So so a clinician if you're trying to understand and help someone, then you do want to look for those things, right? You want to look for the things that are underneath the surface, but that, but they can be very, very important. All right. You also want to look at everything that's on the surface, right?
44:07
So, if you're, if you're engaging with someone, you're engaging with the self, right? The self that grows out of the character structure Nest, right? So, by engaging with and, and doing one's best to understand the self, then you learn about what is underneath it, right? So, I may then learn, well, how do you respond in certain situations, right? Just like, I could ask you questions. Well, when do you not feel well or raise? So you're asking a person questions? Because the idea is to understand elements of the characters,
44:37
Sure. So, how do you respond in certain situations? What's going on inside of you, right? What do you understand about yourself and what do you not understand about yourself? Right? How do you bring yourself to bear in the world around you? So there's a similar process going on. But here we're trying to understand the self, and the understanding of the self can help us understand the components underneath of the self because that's where we're going to go to make things better, right? The idea is. There shouldn't have to be mystery or certainly not mystery anymore than there.
45:07
Air is in physical health. I mean, you know, rarely someone comes in and they're really not feeling well. And a whole set of everything that should be done is done right Labs physical examination, history Imaging, right? And you still just don't know, right? I mean, sometimes that can happen, but it's very rare and the same should apply here that if we are examining a self, right? And we're looking for the components out of which that self comes right, then we should be able to understand well enough.
45:37
I have to go back to the components of self and to make change so that the self is in a better place, right? And, and that self can then be empowered can feel humility, right? Can then come at life through the altruism and gratitude that we seek because again, you show me someone who's coming at life, through altruism and gratitude and is not happy with their life and you'll be showing me something I've never seen before something entirely new. So if we want to get there,
46:07
We want to know how to get there and there are ways as there should be that parallel, physical health, that aren't mysterious that we can come at to make understanding and change. I'm wondering about the role of anxiety in all of this. The reason I asked about anxiety is that you said that so much of character structure is determined by a set of predispositions and potentiality 's and earlier, we're talking about sample of either being
46:37
Afraid or unafraid in particular environments or feeling like we can walk into a classroom and learn or whether or not we overly concerned about what people think about us or both. But it could be a mix whether or not, we can Embrace novel environments and safe and adaptive ways whether or not we can grow from them as opposed to whether or not we can be overtaken by them or perhaps even the injured harm psychologically, physically or both.
47:02
Anxiety to me is a very basic function. I think about in terms of the autonomic nervous system and degrees of excitability and Etc, and ability to sleep at night, ability to wake up, feeling reasonably, good but not have a panic attack but anxiety to me does seem like a key node in all of this meaning, you know, most people including myself, I don't walk around thinking about my character structure. I don't walk around thinking about how I'm going to behave in a bunch.
47:31
Of hypothetical environments, think about the fact that most mornings I wake up and I feel pretty good to be quite honest, not as good as I would like to feel and then I said Italy, because anything is wrong, but because I think I'm wired to be a little bit more on the anxious side and to predict what's going to happen next and what needs to be done. And so until I'm actually engaging in certain behaviors that anxiety homes, a little bit high for me, gears turn a little bit faster perhaps than I would like when I wake up in the morning but once I engage, I feel like that the speed of
48:01
Of that gear turning matches the demands of Life pretty well. I feel agency. Okay. So if you don't mind, could we explore this. This feeling of anxiety or lack of anxiety, that I think people are pretty familiar with within themselves different times of day and in a under different conditions. Because to me, it seems like it an interesting lens to explore this notion of character structure. And defenses is anxiety, a healthy defense or an unhealthy defense, or does it simply
48:31
On the circumstances. Mhm. Well, we all have some degree of anxiety in us. Right? We all have some awareness that we're navigating the world and like not everything is perfect, right? This is not Nirvana. So, there's some anxiety within us and the thought is that, that anxiety can keep us. Vigilant about the things, we should be vigilant about, you know, health and safety, right? But that too much anxiety, Then becomes counter productive and we can look at this in a very regimented.
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Way, right. So, so some anxiety makes sense, right? It keeps us being careful. Keeps you because you being careful, as you're pulling out of a driveway, for example, right? So, okay. It can be, it can be absolutely fine. But let's say you bring something to clinical attention. That isn't absolutely fine. All right, let's say I didn't know you. And you come in. We have the example that we that you use before, where, where you walk into work, and there's the group of people that you that, you know, well, in like, right let's say you told me when I walk in there, I
49:31
I feel very anxious, right? I don't feel like things are, okay? Right, so then we would go through it. We said that's not good, right? Maybe it's impacting a professional life. Things are not going well. Like you really want this to change because it's impacting your life in a negative way, we say. Okay, let's look at that from the perspective of structure of self, right? So first unconscious, right, is it, that just genetically, are you built with just higher levels of anxiety, right? So we could learn. Okay. Have you always been anxious? Like this is this is this always
50:01
Men in your life since you were a little kid, no matter what. So, we're looking for biological nature. So to speak variables, we might also look for things that have happened to you that are lodged in your unconscious mind. Right? Is there trauma that you haven't processed right that now is underneath the surface, but is spinning off more anxiety, right? It let's say you tell me. Oh it wasn't that long ago you started being anxious. I like did something happen that I did. You walk into a group of people and I don't you tripped and he felt bad about something, right? And then
50:31
Then you get more anxious, right? So are there things going on underneath the surface that are impacting? You like let's let's look into that, right? Because that's the biggest part of the iceberg, right? Then your conscious mind we could start thinking about. Okay, what's going on? What do you actively thinking about? Right? So this is where sometimes cognitive behavioral techniques can can come into my like, are you thinking like oh no, I'm scared isn't going to go. Well, right look like having thoughts are the thoughts and making you more anxious, right? What's going on in your conscious mind? Right? I would also be very
51:01
Very interested in the defense's around you. So for example, do you tend to avoid right? Has this been getting worse for three months? But you just your mind wouldn't acknowledge it, right? And by the time you have to acknowledge it now, it's really bad, right? Or do you not avoid? And like this started just started happening and you want to nip it in the bud, right? So I would be interested in the defense mechanisms, right? That our girding, your conscious self and I would be interested in the character structure. What decisions are you then making? Like are you
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Going anyway, right, are you having trouble? So sometimes you avoid are you then making decisions that make you late and that causes problems? How does it impact you once you're there? Are you engaging differently with people doing your work differently? So, I want to understand the character structure, and ultimately. You understand all of this by probing the self that's riding along on top of it. And then what is the experience of that self? Like, do you see that? Okay, this is a problem and I want to address it but like look,
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I know that I'm good at what I do and you know, I mean, this isn't some like awful thing about me, I just have to deal with it, right? Or is yourself impacted. When you start thinking, maybe I can't do this anymore. I'm not good enough for, you know, we want to understand what's the experience of the self and if we do all of that, how is it that we don't get to a place where we can understand that anxiety. All right, and we can make things better so just like in physical health. Okay, maybe we can't, but that is a dramatic outlier.
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If we bring ourselves to Bear, we would say you should not have to have this in you, right? Because it is something - it is making unhappiness for you. It is taking away from empowerment, right? And it's also taking away from humility, right? Because if someone's beating up on themselves, you're beating up on yourself about it, then that's not humility, right? Then, that that's being falsely persecute Tori, right? This is not an honest humility to that. It leads us away from health, so it's like, we don't want it to be this way, right? Because
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That is working against agency and gratitude so we can understand it and we can go after it and make it better.
53:11
One of the most common questions I get on the internet and I get a lot of questions is what can be done to improve confidence and I've thought a lot about that question. And you know what is confidence in the context of what we're talking about? Now is one reasonable definition of confidence, our ability to trust our predispositions and our potentiality. He's enough that where we to encounter scenarios a through z.
53:41
We feel pretty good that we respond the right way in a way that wouldn't threaten our conscious mind at a core level. Right. You know that we wouldn't I used to use the term and joke-a-lot in my laboratory with the phrase, you know, dissolve into a puddle of our own tears, right? It's kind of this like, hyperbolic explanation of what I think many people fear, like they're going to be called upon, to answer a question publicly or give a speech or they're going to be at a critical moment in and
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Relationship or something in there, and just everything is just going to go so badly. Wrong that it's just going to dissolve them as a person. It's impossible, right? Dissolve in a bottle or of our own tears is impossible but I think that's a fear that a lot of people live with because we can get into this a little bit later and we will, I'm sure, you know, this notion of like protecting one's ego is seems really vital to being a human being some level. Like we don't, we don't want to dissolve into a puddle of her own tears. So is confidence the ability to trust ourselves.
54:40
In a bunch of different contexts. And at the same time, I do have to raise the this notion of narcissism. I think, you know, this word gets thrown around a lot lately, but it seems to me that any truly psychologically healthy person would also not want to be the idiot that thinks that they're better than they actually are. That's a, what are your thoughts on this? Well, I agree with the things that you that you said about confidence it
55:11
I would add two factors that I think are really big, big factors, right way, one being State dependence and the other being phenomenology, right? So think about this state dependence first, right? We're talking about confidence, it's not uniform right? Or it's not automatically uniform, right? So if so if you were to tell me oh I lack confidence right. Then I want to understand is that across the board is like is that a way that you feel about yourself that? Like I I'm not good enough at anything for
55:40
Example, right? Or do you lack confidence in a specific area, right? And this is often the case, right? And it's a huge difference, right? It says that person has the Machinery of confidence, so to speak, right? They have the potentiality is in the predispositions for confidence, right? When that character structure, the self build upon? It is engaging with the world, right? But they're not able to bring it to bear in certain in a certain special situation so to speak. So for some people, for example, the way
56:10
We most often see this is like the carve out of romance, right where because it's so emotionally Laden, right? And like rejection can feel so bad right that we can see people who are very confident in many, many aspects of life, but they are very different about romance and they'll say different. Oh, it never works out for me or no one will ever like me, right? And he's like, that's not how that person actually feels right about themselves, is a whole human being, right? Which it's just, then we are coming at how to make that better.
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Her in a way. That's very robust, right? We might say something like, hey, here's the good news. Is you have the tools in the Machinery that you need, right? You're confident in so many ways, right? In fact, maybe in always accepted this one. So let's go take a look at like, why is that special right? And then and where are we were back to? Is it something in the unconscious mind? Is it something in the in the conscious mind about how that person is engaging, right? So we have to understand what the state is and if the lack of confidence
57:10
Is State dependent. If the person is not confident across the board. Then again, we go back to the same. You always go back to the same places to look, right. But then you might more think, okay? Is there an impact of childhood trauma or early life, trauma that, that took away from that person, you know, their ability to gain confidence? Right? Because if you have no confidence across the board, there's a deeper problem, right? Because there would be this something anyone can be good about and feel confident in right.
57:40
Right? So the state dependence is very important as is phenomenology. So what is your experience of being confident? If you tell me, well, I'm let's say in a different version of this example. You say, you know, actually I'm quite I feel quite confident when I, when I walk into a room of people say, Okay. I want to understand more about that too, right? Because if I ask questions about that and you say, well, I feel confident because you know, look I'm a I'm a
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A smart person I can think on my feet I can I can deal well with with people if something doesn't go right I can recover from it like I've got you know as why I have feel confident, you know, and say okay that sounds pretty good. If you say well I feel confident because I know that I'm better than everybody, right? Who now we have a problem, right? Right. Like that's not going to go well in other, you know, in other aspects of life and engagement like this, you know, it's not going to lead to humility and gratitude. And so, where's that coming? From it again. Maybe there's a
58:40
Deeper problem, right? As you said about narcissism, right? Which can be a reaction rate, which is a reaction to vulnerability, right? So then there's was going to reaction formation, and now the person is actually deeply diffident, right? But presents as very, very confident and with a sense of superiority and that that's not a recipe for happiness, right? So, so in the, in approaching it, we do want to understand all the things that you said, what are the factors and the set
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Predispositions and the set of potentiality is. But then what's the real world experience of that across situations and what is the person's experience of that inside? Which is why if we're going to understand and help people, like, that's the understand part, right? You know, it's why the conveyor belt medicine, you know, it doesn't work right in situations where we're dealing with human beings, like mental health, right? We have to understand something about people, to understand, whatever. They're telling us means other
59:40
Wise, you have no context, so you have no knowledge, another very common set of questions that I get, and I believe is very directly related to this is about beliefs and internal narratives, you know, people ask me all the time, how can I change what I believe about myself and they also asked, how can I change the script in my head? How do I typically? It's how do I shut down? A particular narrative in my head, it seems to fit very well in, think about structure of self, because as you pointed
1:00:10
Out, you know, the self or the structure of self includes the unconscious mind. You know what's going on below? The surface of the water in, this Iceberg model, what's going on in the conscious mind that the conscious mind is protected by these defense mechanisms that grow up from the unconscious mind from that character structure. And then this thing that we call the self, right? But when it comes to beliefs and internal narratives, those seem to me things that people are pretty well aware of. In fact, the very example that people are asking me this all the time, how to change beliefs
1:00:40
Internal narratives means they are aware of them. It also suggests that for many people out there their beliefs about themselves and their internal narratives are not healthy or at least they don't feel are serving them well, or that they are intrusive. I don't know how open people are about their beliefs and internal narratives when they come to you in the in your clinical practice. But if you could tell us a little bit about beliefs and internal narratives and whether or not they are important to rewire in and reset. Mhm.
1:01:10
This part is extremely important, right? So imagine, for example, that I'm saying to myself over and over again that I'm a loser, right? Or I'm not good enough, right? I mean imagine trying to go through life and someone else were saying that to you all the time, right? I mean it's worse when it's inside your own head, right? So what's going on inside of us, our internal dialogue, our internal narratives are extremely important and here's where we run into a very big problem. Is that we live in an era and
1:01:40
In a culture that is very attuned to Rapid gratification, right? And all of this that we're talking about can change, but it does not change quickly and it's amazing to me when you'll see under Insurance paradigms often, right? No matter what's going on with someone they have ten sessions of cognitive behavioral treatment. Right? If there's something we're trying to change beliefs it's a guarantee of failure, right? Because beliefs don't change.
1:02:10
That fast, right? So imagine, for example that we you and I chose a word random word and we decided to say it 500 times, right? We teach be saying it tonight, right? It's not going to be out of our minds by tonight, but because we what took a random word and set it 500 times, right? So imagine that there's something that's highly emotionally Laden and we've said it thousands and thousands and thousands of times, right? That's not going to go away quickly, right? But it can go.
1:02:40
Away. And during the process of it atrophying, right? Our lives can get better, right? This is the opposite of hopeless, right? It's actually very very encouraging but in a world that's rapid gratification, right? Like how do we fix? Is how do we fix this? Now, that doesn't acknowledge this. We hear all the time. That person is failed therapy, right? Like this is said, all the time that person failed. It was failed therapy mean, right? I mean I think therapy failed that person right? But we
1:03:10
Will I cope a person isn't better? Right? But there are things going on inside of us that could take months and months or years to make better. Now again, that's okay, if we're aware of what's going on, just the very fact that we understand and we're making change, right? Helps us feel better about ourselves and more confident right? That we can change all of this but we have to approach it in the right way. So let's say that I'm telling myself over and over again, you're not going to get there, right? And let's say a place I want to go pro.
1:03:40
Session, only, right? Or no one's ever going to really want you, right? If it is I'm looking for a romantic partner, right? So so imagine these things are going on and they're going on over and over again. And you can imagine now that it's intruded into the unconscious mind it's going on in my conscious mind, my defensive structure is Shifting in negative ways and becoming more avoidant. Like nothing about this is good and I want it to change and I wanted to change to something that says like you can do it, right? Or you are lovable
1:04:11
You can be a good partner to someone with. So I want to change it, right? So imagine. Now, when I start to make that change I'm blazing a path, right? And and I'm blazing a path with her, wasn't a path before, right? And I can blaze a path and I can go through that path, but that path is going to be nothing. Like maybe the four-lane highway, right adjacent to me where the thing that I've been telling myself for years and years and years born of trauma. Right. Is is, you know,
1:04:40
Is going back and forth, right? It's got a four-lane highway, I'm cutting a path, right? But over time, you cut that path, more and more. You tread that path, more and more, you take energy towards that path. It becomes better. Now, let's imagine like the path is well lit, and it's 12 feet wide and maybe we can pave the path. So more more traffic. So to speak goes down it and we're taking energy away from that four-lane Highway, and maybe it starts to be overgrown a little bit and there are cracks in the road like we can change all of that, but we
1:05:10
Have to understand what's going on and identify it. Like, what is going on inside of me? What do I make of it, right? How do I understand the process of change? How do I increase my empowerment during the process of change? If we come at it? The right way, all of this can be changed, its not hardwired in us. It's just very, very strongly reinforced the same way. Our brains are built this way, so we don't forget our own names, right? You know, we don't forget where we live, you know, back when we were
1:05:40
Hunting and Gathering. And we don't, we don't forget, you know, where where the good fruits are, right? I mean, it goes on in human life. Now we have to remember things. It's very very important. If something is has high, emotional balance and we thought it a lot that we don't forget it but that mechanism gets hijacked by things that are not good for us and we can take it back but not if we don't understand what are the tools or the questions that you give or ask of patients in order to help them.
1:06:10
On that pathway because I totally agree that changing beliefs and internal narratives is very, very hard. Just one quick example, that meshes, with the physical health realm, Iva, friend, and colleague. He's a very accomplished scientist who was very overweight for a long period of time. He finally made some behavioral changes that allowed him to lose. I think it was in upwards of 80 pounds, a significant amount of weight felt much better, looked much better.
1:06:39
He just delighted in his ability to do that but then started to reveal to me that he was deathly afraid that he was going to lose control and start eating the way he was before and stop exercising in a way that would return him to his previous weight and feelings of malaise. And I said, well all the things you're doing are in the direction of Health, none of what you're doing, speaks to the possibility of this all crumbling. This was the
1:07:08
To a puddle of my own tears kind of narrative, but at this point coming from him and he just said, I know, but despite doing all the right things, I'm still incredibly afraid that it's going to happen. It was as if that the beliefs and the internal narratives hadn't changed despite the fact that he was engaging in the world differently and more positively I haven't checked in with him recently to find out where he's at with this. Now, several years later, he has kept off most of the weight. Not all, they gained a little bit back but he's still far.
1:07:38
A healthier than he ever was. So, hopefully, he experienced some relief. But, you know, what do you tell a patient? Who is saying, you know, I've got this Loop in my head, that tells me I'm not good enough or that, even when things are going well, they're going to return to that state that I fear so much. Once again, this kind of like, you know, lack of agency, right? Just lack of agency, lack of agency, lack of empowerment. What? What sorts of practical tools can can one give them?
1:08:08
Elves or that you would provide to somebody, no matter what is behind, what's going on in that person's mind. It's addressable but you don't know what it is and how to address it until we asked the question of what's going on inside, right? So if he's afraid that he's going to gain all that weight back, right? And he has a history that if significant negative things happen, he throws self-care to the wind, right?
1:08:38
Then we come at it through that pattern, right? Because he would have a very, you know, he'd have a good reason to be worried, right? Because this pattern of something bad happens and I can take care of myself for six months. You know. Maybe someone I'm just making this up, maybe someone in his life is ill or he's fearing a death, you know. And if you choose something that would say that's a very legitimate fear to have like, let's let's talk about that. Let's look at where that comes from. Right? What got that person into the that pattern in the first place, right? By understanding the patterns
1:09:08
And by working together, right? Can we can we Stave that off, right? But it could be different. The person might say I'm really I'm having a lot of food cravings right? And we look. Okay well what does that mean? Where's that coming from or maybe he's depressed. And when and he's getting depressed and when he's depressed he can't stop eating more, right? So you know you would look or might just be plain old fear. Like this is so good, right? That that I'm worried it will go away, right? Then we might want to reinforce like, okay, like, you know, you're a person who's able to use circumspection and
1:09:38
Rinse and preserve goodness, right? So like you do that and you do that really well. So let's let's make sure we're doing that here, right? So you know a lot of times a person is worried but that worry is coming through the lens of Health like they're healthy, right? So then we look at okay, can we Sue that way? We're going. Where's that coming from? Right, we can come at it and reinforce the positive but if there is something - there's a trauma driven cycle, there's depression their Cravings, we can understand that too. So so I come back to this idea.
1:10:08
That there's answers to just about everything and in a very regimented, scientific way. It's not that hard to come to them, right? Just like in Physical Medicine, like we have the print. We have the tools that we need to bring to bear, but you have to understand the person again, if you come in and say, I'm not feeling good and someone else comes in and says, I'm not feeling good. The doctor better not do the same things, right? As is, how are you not feeling good? Okay, let me understand that. And then let me map that also to you whatever underlying state of healthy.
1:10:38
May have or diagnosis. You may have the same is true in mental health. If we just apply that, then it's remarkable. The good that we do, which I've seen very consistently across 20 years of doing this, not only in my own practice while they who are the people who do really, really well, trying to understand and take care of people including sometimes not doing too much and realizing like, hey, this person is okay like there's a state of healthier, but this person is worried. How do we reassure them, right? How do we help someone living a good life live? A better life, right? If we're going to do all of
1:11:08
This we have to approach people as individuals. It's just I mean the science tells us that and Common Sense tells us that too, but if we do that, a person can get to the place they want to be, I'd like to address a different person as an example, a hypothetical person. Okay. And I'm certain, there are many, many of these people out there. These are the sorts of people that think, okay, there's a self and a mind and a unconscious mind Etc. But you know, at some level
1:11:38
Not just do what needs to be done in life. Like the people that don't want to explore the self, you know, because to me it seems so absolutely clear that just as it's important to have a certain level of endurance strength flexibility. So that one can extract the most joy and agency and gratitude and empowerment and humility from life. That it makes sense to explore the self to ask, you know, where am I internally strong? Where am I internally week? You know, where might I perceive myself as strong, where, as I'm actually week I'd be seen.
1:12:09
You seem like very important if not crucial questions to ask, but I know that there are certain number of people in the world. Think all of that is just kind of a waste of time, right? It's all about doing stuff. It's all you know, why explore the self, you know. And I think the rest of us are looking at that person often than thinking, well, you're exactly the kind of person that needs to do this because of the way that you great on other people, but, but not always right sometimes. You people just appear to be just very effective. They're all about the out.
1:12:38
Word expression of what they're doing and I certainly don't know how other people feel waking up in the morning and going to sleep at night and throughout the day, but to the person that feels like introspection and exploring, maybe even Excavating for trauma that they haven't been in touch with or haven't dealt with yet. But the person that feels that all of that is just kind of not really worth the effort and that's all about action. You know, what can we say to that person or those people?
1:13:09
Put differently, does one need to change and need to believe in the power of these sorts of approaches. In order for them to work, we often hear that people don't change until they want to change. And, and could we also say, perhaps that even for the people that feel like they're functioning extremely well in all domains of life? I know, no such people and I know some very high achievement was, as you do too. I know no such people, the only people who seem to exist in that sphere are the Nars, the
1:13:38
They're narcissists that to them just seem like they're doing great but everyone else can't stand them by the way. Narcissus. No one else can stand you. What do we say to those individuals? Because I think it's a big swath of humanity and I think it it accounts for a lot of suffering in the world, including their own suffering. Yeah. So I would make an appeal to common sense, right? So imagine you take someone who doesn't know anything about health, they don't know. They don't know how to exercise. Don't know how to eat. Well,
1:14:08
They just don't know and they're very, really, really unhealthy. Right there are overweight, they have low energy. They have sleep apnea, they didn't know. Need to have you. And, and any why not just say to them? Well, like just go be different. Like in fact be different now. Why don't you different right now, right? Like, of course we would never do that because it's absurd. Oh, and by the way also would be cruel, right? So it's absurd and its crew so we would never do that, right? Let's say. Now you let
1:14:38
I'd say we fast forward some period of months, a make it up, right? And we see that person and wow, they are much healthier. They have much more energy. They've lost way. They're physically fit. A lot will have gone on in between those two snapshots of that person that person has to learn a lot, right? How does one take care of oneself, right then more specifically. How do I take care of myself? Right? What healthy foods, you know. Will I like with healthy foods? Will I, will I eat? How will I put that on the table? What kind of exercises
1:15:08
Work for me, how they work for me, how do I strengthen muscle? How do I strengthen the hard? How do I increase lung capacity, right? There's learning, there's diligence. You know, they're stick-to-itiveness, right? There's resilience. That's how the person gets their right. Is no different in its mental health, right? If we say, well, you feel you feel different across the board, or you feel Superior across the board or whatever it is like, life isn't going well. And you don't have things you want. And know the self talk is
1:15:38
- and we said, well, look what just be different right now, right? I mean, it's remarkable that people will say that at times, not just in a way that's denigrating an awful for others. But to themselves to write, I mean, I hear people say this most often to themselves, like, I, why am I not just different right? I want to be different or what's wrong with me that I'm not and I'm like, yeah, it's like everything else. Like you have to play understanding and work and effort. Like the good news is you can get to whatever change.
1:16:08
Want it mean a person can get to whatever reasonable change that person wants like, you know, I'm 54 years old. I'm not going to climb Mount Everest. I'm not a mountain climber, right? But if I want to, like, I want to learn to climb some mountains. I want to get out there and do some things. I can go do that, right? The same thing is true with our mental health goals, but not at the snap of a finger, not by Magic, right? It's through applying the same science and Common Sense combination of Science and common sense that we apply to other things. That's why we go through this procedure.
1:16:38
See, juror of unconscious, mind conscious mind, the structure and function of the self because that's how that's how it's done. That's how the after snapshot looks different than the before from the mental health perspective as well. That's very helpful and I think it's going to be very helpful to a lot of people and thinking about what to think about, what sorts of questions should to address, maybe even whether or not to get therapy and hopefully, we'll remap their Notions of therapy. I mean, of course, this
1:17:08
Critically relies on the therapist, being good to excellent and I think in the previous sit down, we had around the, in the episode on trauma. Specifically, you mapped out a number of the features of quality therapy, so we can refer people to that if they're thinking about it's time-stamped in that episode of. So you know what to look for in a therapist, what, how to assess whether or not it's going well or not whether or not to move on or stay put with that therapist and so on.
1:17:37
You've been telling us a lot about the structure of our of the self unconscious mind conscious mind defense mechanisms character structure self.
1:17:47
We haven't talked so much about the function of self. I realize it's been woven in here or there. Yes. Could you tell us about the function of self the functions of self verb actions? I mean, are these things that we are all doing right now, that reflect our character structure, are these things that we can change more readily than trying to snap our fingers and say, okay, I'm now going to be a more altruistic person because I can decide that right now, but then ultimately, I have to engage.
1:18:16
Some altruistic behaviors to lend support to that again saying with the parallel that I can just snap my fingers and say, lower blood pressure, you know, I have to do some meditative practices, some cardiovascular training and things of that sort. What is this function of self thing? What goes into the functions of self. Okay, so, so just stepping back to the framing, right? So there these two pillars upon which we build our lives. The struggle
1:18:46
Sure of self and the function of self. And we've been talking, as you said, more about the structure, which is more than nouns of it, like there is an unconscious. What is in that unconscious, for example, their defense mechanisms, how are we using them? I guess not all nouns, but it's more. What are those things? And then we start talking about how we put them into practice. The function of self is much more the verbs, right? So if the structure is more nouns, the function is more the verbs, write the actual engagement, right?
1:19:16
Right. So, so that would start with an awareness of iso, a function of self has to start with an awareness that, like, there's a person there isn't there isn't me that is separate from others. And I have responsibility for this. I write like, it is me, no one else is guiding it, like, it's me. I know there's a me. Okay. Then on top of that, we start seeing defense mechanisms in action because we're thinking about function, right? We're aware that there's an eye, but the first thing,
1:19:46
It starts happening to that, I are unconscious things, right? So the defense mechanisms because we're not choosing them, right, they start doing things automatically. So if for example I have a defense of avoidance, right? Then I'm not thinking, you know, if it's, I'd like to meet a new person but I automatically am shying away, right? Then that's not. It's not good, right? It's a factor, right? But it's a factor. I'm not aware of until I start this process of in
1:20:16
Respecting right? So the defense mechanisms are then kind of determining the lay of the land, right? So in that example I'm sorry to interrupt but yeah, sorry to interrupt but in that example that the Turning Away you described as reflexive. So you're talking about someone perhaps who would like to have a romantic partner or meet. Somebody have a companion and they go to the grocery store and somebody says something is they're reaching for the milk and you know there's that moment of opportunity where they could say something back. But instead they
1:20:46
Kind of go. Oh, yeah, thanks and then they kind of way. And then they, the narrative in their head might be, gosh, that was sillier. I did, but they don't really think about the the alternate possibility or there might be no narrative, but they just, they're just know. He had often. They hauled off to the produce section, and then they go home and, and sends his own anything happened as it goes, you mean, he wants to grocery shop? No. Right. Because all unconscious, right. Okay, right now, again, we can, can we explore that and change that? Yes. But it's important to understand that.
1:21:16
That whatever that nest of defense mechanisms is like, that's what I've got right now, right? And I'm living through that right now, right? It's performing a function, right? Just because it's an unconscious function, does it mean it's not a very, very important function. I can see in that example how it protects the conscious mind from risk, because there's always the possibility of rejection. There's a possibility of over interpretation of what the other person is talking to them. For Right? Light is the person interested in them, or whether or not, this is just, you know, front.
1:21:46
We banter the sort that anyone would have next to anybody. That is not special to them. So you can see how the unconscious turning away is protective against all the negative possibilities. And in some sense is pretty rational because the the probability that that one interaction could ratchet up to a life of companionship and romance with somebody is it is in exceedingly, small, really, although you could imagine a set of data points where you string together
1:22:16
Together, you know, like five second Clips, you know, all look the time something like that has happened, right? So maybe this is a person that, you know, intermittently like people are interested in that we're saying, Hey, or saying, hello? Or showing interest? You could string all those together? The person hasn't noticed, one of them, right? And then could have a very negative, see nobody? No one wants me. No one's interested in me or says, whatever the person is saying, but but like it's different if you see from the outside, like it's objectively different. But that person
1:22:46
Doesn't know. And that's why after being an awareness, there is an eye. The next thing that I think of in the in the function of self is is the defense mechanisms in action? What are some other examples of defense mechanisms in action? Because I think there's immense interest in this, you know, the idea that we have unconscious processes in us that are reaching up out of the iceberg and preventing us from seeing our life and ourselves.
1:23:16
The way that it actually is occurring and perhaps preventing us from achieving these ideals of agency and gratitude, empowerment and humility, you know, I mean, you seem like very powerful and important forces. And, and I, and I know many other people out there want to understand whether or not what we're doing and what we're feeling and experiencing whether or not that is serving us well, or not. So I think the, the place to start is to say that there's something very, very complicated going on.
1:23:46
The part of the iceberg underneath the surface right that biological super computer, that's running at a million thoughts and a million actions and million. Internal processes is second right, is constantly shifting, our defensive structure, so so it's complicated. And you can almost imagine that like one leaves and another comes in, and they're shifting and there's a little bit of wine and some of another like. So it's a very complicated process, but we can look at it and understand. So, so an example of a defense mechanism
1:24:16
That's very common and can cause us a lot of problems is projection, right? So I'll give two examples of projection, so. So one is the experience of sitting in a car, right? And being stuck in traffic being a little bit late, right? And feeling beleaguered, right? I mean, this has happened to me more times than I can count. But at some point, I started through my own therapy looking at like, what's going on in me, right? When I'm doing this right? So think about the be feeling beleaguered, right? As if
1:24:47
What does that mean? Like this something called traffic that exists and has a mind and wants to thwart me? Right? Is it individual cars? Is it the people in the cars, right? What's going on is I'm having a perception of hostility. I feel beleaguered, right? But it's anger and frustration inside of me, right? I'm the one feeling angry and frustrated, there's there's there's no one and nothing but me that's feeling anything about this, right? But I have this sense of the world around.
1:25:16
And me being hostile because I'm projecting my anger outward right now. I think this isn't good because instead of sitting in traffic and saying, look, maybe it totally makes sense that I'm stuck in traffic and that I'm not happy. Like maybe I should leave a little bit earlier and I wouldn't be late or if it's going to work. Should I live closer to work? I could make a whole set of decisions that I'm not making right or maybe I'd know I thought was going to be a 15 minute drive and like there was an
1:25:46
Sit and dry and okay, there are things that I can't control. I am I supposed to control everything, right? If you think about, what can I control being aware of that and what can I not control right then it can make the situation much better. So this doesn't happen with this frequency and it also takes away the anger and the frustration, right? So I think that's a good example because it happens a lot. It's very, very common, but projection then also happens with people, right? So let's say you and I work together and we're going to do something.
1:26:16
Operative together. And I'm just not having a good day and something negative happened before I came to work. And, you know, I'm not at my best and I'm a little bit. I'm a little bit irritable and frustrated, right? This happens all the time within the person sits down with someone and then I'm being irritable and frustrated which doesn't feel good to you, right? And and you may become irritable and frustrated, right? And then I say, oh look, he's irritable and frustrated, right? But even if you don't the fact that I feel that way, right? That projection
1:26:46
Oftenly would lead me to think that it's you. Who's that way? Here I come wanting to do this job and you're not at your best. It's me who's not at my best, right? But we do this all the time and then we make incorrect or inaccurate, attributions, right? Soso projection is an example of a defense mechanism that can cause us a lot of trouble, right? A lot of trouble, another can be displacement where if I'm feeling angry
1:27:16
anger or frustration say in a certain realm, then I the idea of feeling it at work and then kicking the dog, right? Like it's not good that we do that, we're not acknowledging what's going on inside of us at work, what we could change what we could make better and the dog doesn't want to be kicked, right? And the dog is often, you know, also the family right? And that could be physical or could be through words, right? But the idea that with that there's something - being generated in us but inside, where were perceiving that it's coming from.
1:27:46
Somewhere else, right? I mean, the thought because all things to lead us astray, right? When they're - defenses right there can be positive defenses to such as altruism, right? That that someone could do something negative to me, right? And instead of me passing that along, I could decide. You know, I'm going to do something, I'm going to do something nice for the next person. I have an opportunity to do something nice for right. Like that's a defense as sometimes we could think of it and decide that way. But there are people who react that way, like, there's something negative that happens.
1:28:16
And they respond with something that's, that's different from that. So, defense mechanisms can work against us, they can work for us, they're complicated, their combinations of them but we can look inside and say, for example, if I'm using projection all the time, right? And I think everyone around me is kind of always angry and frustrated, right? And there's always bad traffic, right? But then as we start to talk about it more it becomes apparent that there's a lot I'm angry about. Right? But I'm not aware of it and then reflection or
1:28:46
Here, I take it. Were a good friend, were talking to a can help us see. Right? That? Hey, this is going on inside of me, right? And that can really help us same with use of humor. Like, if I'm using humor and I'm, I'm kind of decompressing uncomfortable situations or things that make me feel uncomfortable. Maybe that greases the wheels of social progress. But maybe over time, I come to use humor in a way that self denigrating, right. Well, that's not so good anymore but I may not be aware.
1:29:16
Of the shift just because I can maybe be funny in certain situations that I'm now not using that for myself anymore. I'm using it against myself and by talking to people why reflection like we can be aware of the defensive structure that's going on inside of us. And then there's not an automaticity to it. If you point out that I'm using projection a lot, I can start to be aware of that. Just like if someone, let's say you were with me at the grocery store, right? And someone says something nice and I shy away. And you say,
1:29:46
Hey, you know, you don't have weren't even aware. Someone said, hello to you and then Isis saying, I want to be more aware of that. Like I want, I don't want that thing to happen, unconsciously. So maybe now I think, okay, anytime someone, I don't know, says something. I'm going to just stop and think like what's going on here, right? Is that person being friendly to me? Is it is they just, you know, it's just person, exchanging money to cash register like what's going on. So we take what's on conscious and we make it conscious so that we can change. It sounds to me like exploring and thinking about
1:30:16
Out, our reflexes is what's really key here. The example of displacement that you gave, you know, kicking the dog. I couldn't help but smile not because I think it's a good thing to do. I never once kicked my dog, by the way folks, terrible thing to do also he was the size of a boulder. It will change your name more than would have injured in, but I never would do such a thing. However, in Academia, there's this phenomenon, it's very common that that I refer to, as trickle-down anxiety, where the person running the lab
1:30:46
Tori is inevitably under a tremendous amount of stress, grants and papers, Etc, and graduate students. And postdocs, will immediately be familiar with what I'm describing. But for those of you that haven't gone to graduate school, this will be a little bit foreign, but you'll think of other examples where when the lab head is under stress
1:31:05
It's incredibly common for lab heads to walk through the laboratory and start asking about experiments and telling people to do additional experiments and basically just assigning busy work to people or pressuring what simply cannot be moved. Along any faster. And when I was a graduate student, I worked for somebody who is the exact opposite of this phenotype. When I was a postdoc, frankly I worked with someone who's a little bit of that phenotype, although I still liked working for him very much. But I used to have a response that at least for me was adaptive, which was, I would always say
1:31:35
I'm working as fast as I carefully, can because no, scientist ever wants to somebody to cut Corners. No. Good scientist. Anyway, but trickle-down anxiety is common in every occupation. I think we see this sort of displacement all the time where someone is anxious and so they go start creating anxiety for other people when you can just as you're describing I was just seeing how pathologic that is for everybody involved. So that the academic the trickle-down anxiety that you were just talking about, is it's a related but it's a different
1:32:05
defense mechanism and it's projective identification, right? Which is, which is causing others to feel the way that you feel in order to get your needs met? Is this a form of projection? And actually, perhaps you could clarify the definition of projection versus displacement versus projective identification. So projection is, when you don't own it. So so it's not me who's mad, it's you, right? So I don't own that, I'm mad at all, right, I just think that it's you even though I'm the one who's mad, right.
1:32:35
Displacement is, what comes out of us, or what were our attribution can shift, right? It's it's not. This person is making me angry. It's that person because that's a safer person, right to be angry at, right? Or if I'm, then going to take out my anger, right? Instead of metaphorically, kicking the person who might who might respond to me in a way, I don't want. Maybe I kick the dog. That's helpless to respond back, right? That's displacement. Projective identification is theirs.
1:33:05
There's an expression of an emotional state inside of a person that then becomes contagious to other people. Even though the person isn't trying to do that, the person says I'm going to make you anxious, that's not a defense mechanism anymore, right? So here's an example, I think I did. This is the best example of projective identification. So for a little bit of time at work, I would occasionally lose my keys, right? So now I'm trying to go and I can't find my keys, right? So I say, oh, I don't know where my keys are, right, so I'm gonna start expressing something, right? And I'm anxious and I'm tense right now, people around
1:33:35
Hear that right? And what do they start feeling? They start feeling anxious and tense the way that I do, right? And now they're like, well, now they want to know. They want to find my keys, right? They want to help me so that I stopped spreading anxiety and tension into the whole environment around me, right? So then they helped me find my keys. I say thank you. My own emotional state comes down and upon reflection. I think look, I don't want to do that, right? I got my, I'm getting my needs met by making other people, feel in a way.
1:34:05
That's like, not a good or comfortable way to feel. So here's a way around that, like, put my keys in the same place every day, right? So then I can avoid that because it doesn't feel good to me like that. If I get out to my car, like I find, you know, I'm a little bit. I'm breathing, a little heavy. Like I don't doesn't feel good because I was just agitated, right? And I did that to other people too, right? So it's an example of how projective identification works and it's kind of a simple example, but what it shows is happening all the time, you know, all these things are happening all the time but we can become aware of it and I don't lose
1:34:35
Like he's I don't have to feel bad about off to activate myself for no reason and they don't have to activate other people for no reason. So so thinking and reflecting like change that thing for the better and it can do it with much bigger things to thank you for those clarifications. I'd like to touch on humor for a moment. Obviously humor is a wonderful thing or can be a wonderful thing. I've also seen a lot of examples of where very smart and or accomplished people because those are not always the same.
1:35:05
Same thing. Use sarcasm.
1:35:09
As a form of humor and it can be very funny. But I have to imagine based on everything I'm hearing from you today that there's a form of sarcasm which is an unhealthy defense. I'm thinking of the person that no matter what someone else says, that's positive word or no matter what someone does, that could be viewed as positive, they find some way to diminish it by like through sarcastic humor. Yeah, I see this a lot and I think closely
1:35:39
Nested with sarcasm is cynicism. In fact I have a family member. I won't name who they are to protect the not. So innocent who used to be very cynical and I want to ask you what is the thing about cynicism? And they said well I have had a particular genre of schooling growing up a formal schooling where if anyone behaved too happy Express too much happiness, rather too much delight.
1:36:09
They were viewed as stupid like, as if to be happy, is to, to be unaware of of the sophistication and the importance of things in life, right? And I hope that this is unrelatable to most people listening, but I do think that sarcasm is a double-edged blade in this sense. And that cynicism is, is perhaps a double-edged blade as well, but that it might even be worse than sarcasm because it's a way of really now reflecting.
1:36:39
Backwards by definition. What's not good about life, what's not good about what's happening and, and it does seem protective, right? It protects one from disappointment. If you're already disappointed, how could you be further disappointed? It's also seems to me like, a bit of a power move. It's like, you're going to be happy. Well, I'm going to take that away forever from everybody, like something that's like for myself. And it is any of this, actually, hold in the inside, of just went clinical literature because, again, I enjoy a good
1:37:09
A stick joke. In fact, there's a collaboration around a sarcastic joke. It can be truly funny to everybody but sarcasm and cynicism, I feel like are often used to cut down what would otherwise be benevolence or or bonding experiences absolutely? Like, I grew up in central. New Jersey, humor is a weapon, right? Or it certainly can be and people can be very aggressive through humor. So so acting out which is you just letting our aggression.
1:37:39
Flow. Right, that's a defense. Right? So just being aggressive and pushing someone back, write it. However, that means like I if I don't feel good about myself, I want you to feel not so good about yourself, right? Is where we start getting into into envy and humor can be used that way. So, so that sort of biting sarcastic. Humor is a form of acting out. It's a form of aggression, right? It's not humor as a healthy defense, right? We can call it the same thing, but we could also call it different things. It's just a Nuance of our
1:38:09
language, right? If if humor can be a defense, like, I trip and fall, I make a little joke. People are laughing with me instead of at me, right? Hey, humor is a good defense. I made myself feel better May things flow more easily, but if I'm using sarcastic humor to assail someone, right, then that's not, it's not that thing anymore, right? And, you know, now it's a manifestation of aggression, right? And the idea that cynicism, you know is is more than was talked about a worldview, right? Like sarcasm is
1:38:39
It can be done now like we can make a sarcastic joke, funny. Or not then it's over, right? But cynicism is a way of coming at the world is a different kind of Defense, right? The idea that hey it's like the fox and the sour grapes. Like I don't I don't think there's anything good to be had anyway, right? So you can't take anything away from me. Can't make me feel worse, right? I already feel very, very bad about the world and about everybody in it and I'm protecting myself that way. Like, that's then an unhealthy defense because what does that lead to
1:39:09
East isolation at least to mistrust, you know, we know that if people are happy, if they lived through altruism and gratitude and they're well connected with others. So so the cynical point of view, which again, to some degree being in the world, build some cynicism in us, right? Like that's okay, that's part of, that's just a part of awareness in some sense. But I think what you're talking about is a very pervasive cynicism that than is an unhealthy defense. That is very harmful to others it, right. The idea that I feel lousy about everything
1:39:39
And if you don't, I'm going to try and bring you down, right? Like too much happiness will label that as something right? We label. It is stupid, right? So now it's like, it's not okay to be happier than some sort of cynical Baseline, right? And again there's nothing about altruism and gratitude. That's not happy, right? I mean who's happy in that situation, cynic, the people who are overly cynical, or not happy and the people around them are not happy. Nobody's happy.
1:40:04
Thanks for the clarification on New Jersey. A good portion of my biological family is from New Jersey. I'm not well armed, I adore them, but it's true. I there was once a moment at a family gathering where somebody said let's let's hug or something and the reaction was like, oh we're gonna hug now, you know. It was like it was it was, it was entirely sarcastic and cynical and like in the the hug that resulted from that was this like little like like distant hats kind of thing. It was
1:40:33
Now I'm laughing about it, it's funny and they're very loving people, but you're right. It's a it's a different style of humor and discourse. Yeah so you've been talking about these two pillars of the self and who we are and how things play out in the world for us as the structure of self and the function of self. And in terms of the function of self-described, self-awareness, this notion, or this realization, that there is an eye, there's a me and then we've been talking about defense mechanisms in action, how these play out
1:41:03
Out in the real world, both positive and negative.
1:41:07
Seems to me that a lot of what is happening here in terms of understanding, the function of self, has to do with what we pay attention to where we place our our efforts or choose to not place our attention, and not place our efforts. Do I have that right? Right. Yeah. Salience is is a huge Concept in I think in in human existence, right? Mean there are thousands upon thousands of things that you are. I could be paying attention to right now, right?
1:41:36
But we're not paying attention to anything, except what we're doing right here. So we are gaining out, so many other thoughts ideas, narratives inside. Now, if something were to shift very quickly, if we heard a loud noise, right? Our attention would shift, right? So, so our attention is it's focused. We're sailing it to one another, because this is what we've chosen, we're focusing, our minds and we are also somewhere inside of us aware that we could shift away from it, if something more important like something dangerous, like, weird.
1:42:06
Happen, right? So it lets us be here and be sailing it to one another and have this conversation, right? But in the course of Life, what's alien to us, is so complicated and determined by so many factors that is absolutely worth a lot of attention to. So, one example, is so many people have a negative internal dialogue, that's running in them over and over again or they're running through images events. You know, they may be traumatic events or things that they're not happy with images.
1:42:36
Of themselves in negative ways that these internal narratives or internal images can become so strong. That there's no room for anything else. So, you know, an example would be a person who, who really, really loved music, right? And could have, you know, just in addition to enjoying music, like had a good thoughts while listening to music, like you know what, I could go do this, right? And and, and that a history of of like that, really working out well.
1:43:06
Like following is interests and and like really creating sort of goodness in his life, right? Who now was going for long drives like longer than would be needed to go somewhere. Get something like why the extra time in the car and I had had a presumption. Okay, person's listening to music and thinking, but it didn't quite add up. And then, I learned that the person is not listening to music, right? That they're using that time. So that the internal narrative, right? Which was a very, very negative repeated in
1:43:35
internal - you're not going to get anywhere. You're not going to make anything other of yourself, right? It could be there in his mind, right? So it was a form of self-punishment. It was a form of taking the anger and frustration inside and enacting it towards himself. And that was so Salient. That this person could not see his way to any goodness, like nothing could change. Nothing could get any better, I felt very sure and very resolved about that. And the answer was yes.
1:44:06
Right. They nothing can get any better with this constant Mantra running over and over again, but things can get better, right? If that becomes less Salient over time in your own thoughts and Reflections become more Salient. So at the other end of that shift, you know, that narrative that was still there, but it was weakened, right? Because it takes time to really change things. It was very much weakened. The person was listening to music again. Those thoughts had kind of come back to
1:44:35
To the surface and they were being sort of jumbled, you know, in ways that are that brought new and interesting thoughts coming from them. And the person was in an entirely different place in like completely changed their life, right? I mean this is it's this is true, right? It's a dramatic example. But dramatic examples inform us right where the salience shifted and then the life shifted. After that, what you're describing in terms of the specific example doesn't resonate with me in terms of my own experience. Although, as you point out it's very
1:45:06
King. It's very dramatic but it resonates with me from a different perspective. I'm not seeking a free clinical session here, but but to give meat to the example, I'm about to ask you for insight on, you know, I've never allowed myself to stay in a bad professional situation for very long. You know, when things didn't feel right, or when I send someone, I was working with or for wasn't the right situation. I got out. Despite if I were to really
1:45:35
We think about it. There could have been pretty severe long-term consequences
1:45:40
Fortunately it all worked out in fact, so much. So that I would say, you know, I pay attention to whether or not people I work with, and for our of the sort that I want to be working with. And if I sense a particular type of danger, I'll look at that. And I'm 100% so far, knock on wood, but 100% so far on recognizing later that it was a great decision to move on. And on the flip side of it, I've made, I believe excellent decisions in terms of who to work with.
1:46:09
In terms of my podcasting in terms of my academic career, Etc. But I've had to move away from people that just weren't right for me. Hmm, I don't think they were truly Bad actors. But thank goodness. I moved away. And thank goodness. I found these other wonderful people to work with. However, there are circumstances that have been repetitive in my life where I've just be honest, repeatedly made not good decisions about who to be.
1:46:39
Involved with over a fairly long periods of time and there can even be an awareness or I should say there has been an awareness, like, this isn't a good situation and yet I'm persisting in, in seeking out this and similar types of situations. So, I consider myself a at least partially rational human being with some degree of introspection.
1:46:59
You know, when I look at this and I think, okay, this is a choice to focus on placing myself in. I have to assume it placing myself into situations that are challenging for me in a way that I know is preventing me from living in certain ways that I want, and from being Quantico, happy in certain ways that I want, when you hear a scenario like that, like, I can do it over here, but I can't seem to do it over here. In fact, I see myself doing it, the wrong way here, right? A little bit different than the exam.
1:47:29
Will you give a moment ago? Because, yeah, I was driving to work, not listening to music, but it wasn't putting two and two together about what was going on. But when somebody can see what's going on, I think this might even be called the repetition compulsion or sometimes. Yeah, sometimes. Yeah, what is that about our people trying to work out, something specific? Or are they deliberately creating some friction to accomplish something else, right? I mean, I realize this could be infinitely complex. And again, I'm not trying to extract
1:47:59
Clinical insight for my own sake. I started on block on that, thank you, but I think a lot of people do this. They do what they know, they shouldn't be doing
1:48:12
They know they shouldn't be doing it. Duh I just said that two ways and but they do it like it must serve them in some way. You know, you think about when you get a dog in your talk to a dog trainer they say, you know, a dog's do what works, right. They get a reward for doing something to continue doing it. You apply that to the same sort of thing. I'm describing for myself and that I've observed in other people and you must say, it must work for them. You hear this and kind of Pop.
1:48:41
Ology like it must work for them like you must be solving something.
1:48:47
Why the hell do I do this? Why do people do this? Is it real pathology? Or is it a roundabout way to get to something else? That's actually pretty adaptive. I mean, instead of defining it as pathology would not Define it as pathology I would Define it as humanness, if humanness is not in and of itself pathological, then all you're doing there is is describing something that is common widespread across human beings. Now it doesn't mean we can't understand it and make it healthier, right? I work in the
1:49:16
Wants to put a number on everything, right label, it as something and then do something about it. That's more often than not ineffective, right? Because we're not looking at things in a top-down way. Of what is Human Experience? What are the natural aspects of human experience that are less than ideal, right, that we can then understand and make better? If we come at it that way, then we see. Ah, this is a great example because here's where structure meets function, right? So on the structure side, we said, okay, there's defense
1:49:46
Eames and we imagine the branches right there because that are coming up from the unconscious mind, right? And the hear it meets function right defense mechanisms in action on the function side then determining Salient. So what I would imagine in your example. My image is that your defensive structure when you're doing the thing? That's effective, right? The professional decisions, right? Looks elegant, right? Like, there's Harmony to where those branches are, the Consciousness is sitting in between it. You can see, you can see the Elegance to it, right?
1:50:17
That I can just imagine shifting, right? When the to when you're not doing the thing effectively, right? Because now, you're using an entirely different defensive structure, which is going to function differently and create different salience. And I imagine that it's convoluted and you know that it's sort of piecemeal that it's not something elegant, right? So is that okay what does that actually mean? Let's translate it into. What are the actual defenses? So let's think about what you're not doing.
1:50:46
And you're making good decisions in the professional realm, right? You are not using denial or avoidance or rationalization or projection or projective identification or acting out, right? There are all these things that you are not doing that. Are the sort of unhealthy defenses beckoning to us like, oh, wouldn't it be easier to Kick the Can down the road, right, you know, wouldn't it be easier to just ignore? And everything's okay, everything's going to work out. Okay, wouldn't it be easier instead of being angry at one person?
1:51:16
Who is really intrinsic to the environment if you know, it's actually somebody else you do or you just placing a projecting that that's how people that's what we get ourselves into trouble, right? And if that's going on then that set of defense mechanisms in action right quick, it creates something that obscures the ability to make good judgment, right. But with none of those things going on, then what are you doing? What? You're applying your intelligence, you're applying your discernment, right? You're applying your desire to make.
1:51:46
Things better. You're able to look at it. You're able to bring diligence perseverance, right? You're able to bring healthy aspects of self to the question and decide like, oh, I don't want this in, it should be different, right? And there again, what's going on? There's a complexity under the surface, but now, we're coming up towards Simplicity, right? We're coming up towards the things that are healthier, that are simplistic. If we look then, okay, what's going on? If you're making the same mistakes over and over again? Well, we could, you know,
1:52:16
We would dive under the hood and really look and took it. What are you doing there? But it has to be an array of unhealthy defenses. There's no other thing. It could be. So we would say, okay, are you using a are using avoidance, maybe a little, maybe a lot. What about denial? What about rationalization? What about projection? Like, you know, you go through the unhealthy defenses and you see what is it that you're bringing to bear. That is leading you astray and then and then of course the goal is to use the role modeling and
1:52:46
Role model for yourself how to be healthy, right? So let's take that role modeling and apply it to the thing, you're sort of carving out and and treating differently. And that's a reason when people talk about repetition, compulsions, you know, that's it's not a formal term because because what we're really talking about is repetition, right? And we're interested in, like, why do we repeat things now? That's one, that's one reason, right? Because we bring an unhealthy set of defense's, and then at the end of the day, things,
1:53:16
Has come out the same because we're bringing an unhealthy set of defense's right. There can be other motivations that are related to all of that and there's going to complexity to it. But but the compulsion part can be that we can re-enter situations that didn't go well with the idea that we're going to we're going to fix what happened in the past. We're going to make ourselves feel better. We're going to take away the mark of trauma because when we trauma doesn't care about the clock or the calendar, so that's why you'll see someone who has had
1:53:46
Say five, abusive relationships. That looked very much of the same, right? And is about to enter the sixth, right? And he said, it's not because hopefully, in most cases, not because that person like wants to be hurt, right? I mean, sometimes the different problem, right? But but there can be a drive inside of us to try and fix something. If I can make it work, this time I won't have to feel so bad about the other five, right? So, an attempt to change the past through one's current actions, right?
1:54:16
Right? Which is rooted in the limbic system and how and how trauma affects us and how again it's outside the clock in the calendar. So that kind of magic, so to speak can happen. So the brain can seek that magic. But again, they're unhealthy defense is coming into play right there has to be denial, right? Otherwise, the person would map, you know, if the same thing happened five times in this looks the same. It's probably going to happen now, right? So, so anytime you think a person most often it's us right? You know is
1:54:46
Smart enough for worldly enough to like know better, which happens all the time, right? Then look for the answer, right? You say, well, shouldn't that person know better than to get into the six abusive relationship. The answers are yes, right? Like, because it's not that hard. If you saw a set of circumstances five times to map, that the six is going to have the same outcome, right? The person would do that in other scenarios, right? So then you say right, that is true. So now, let's look for why the person is doesn't recognize that and again, we go.
1:55:16
In into the structure of self and the function of self defense mechanisms in action, salience of things that were talking about now, does that fit? Yeah, makes sense. And what comes to mind is the idea of getting into a car that, you know, is going to get into an accident over and over and over again, but being quite cognizant of safety and its importance in every other domain of Life. Yes, not even jaywalking, right? But getting into like, if certain
1:55:46
Arrived with a little flashing light. That said this ride is going to have an accident like getting getting into that vehicle. And I see this in others as well. Yes. And it raises all sorts of questions. Like, is the person actually unconsciously afraid of the vehicle arriving where they want to go? Because then, like are people actually afraid of things working out? I mean, this gets to something that gives us an idea. We can, I can I say, yeah, that's we have to know the person right? Like who
1:56:16
Is that person, right? Why do they not want to get in that car? Right. Are they afraid they're not going to get somewhere? They further going to get somewhere, right? But ultimately, we're looking for unhealthy defenses and I so want to emphasize that that, you know, I will often think that the aspect of my education that's most helpful in me doing my job. When I'm when I'm in the job as a practicing psychiatrist is it actually my mathematics minor, right? Because there's a lot more math to this, right? You people tend to think of mental health, it's also
1:56:46
Eric and you consider say anything, you know, anything you want. And there's no way of proving or disproving. It's not like that at. All right. There's a mathematical aspect to it. So if you do the correct, logical, common-sense thing, right in all aspects of your life except one and you're like 100 times more intelligent than you need to be to figure it all out, right? Then if there's a carve-out, we say look that's a huge interest, right? I mean, the probability that we're going to find something interesting.
1:57:16
There's a hundred percent, right? Because we know that you know better we know that you do better but but why here? So that's so interesting, right? Like that's where the x marks the spot. Look, let's go dig there, right? So then when we go and dig their like we're going to find something, right? And and will take what is that? Like do we find that like oh it's an array of really unhealthy defense mechanisms, maybe we find that. Do we find that there's a deep unconscious motivation, right? Like we might find that to right there. We might find a lot of
1:57:46
Things, right? But we're going to find them. If we go back to, what is the structure of self? What is the function of self? If we go and look like that x marks, the spot means, there's Pay Dirt there, right? And then when we figure that out, then we go through and we can make things change. So if it's a deep-seated trauma, driven unconscious motivation, that is resulting in an unhealthy array of defense mechanisms will, let's go look at that, right. Let's look at the trauma. Let's take the thing that's unconscious and, and
1:58:16
Bring it to Consciousness, right? Then we can make that better and that array of unhealthy defenses again. We're not going to change it overnight, but can we change it very, very significantly, pretty rapidly. Probably yes. And we can almost entirely change it across time. So there is a mathematical aspect of this that I think is so important to point out because, you know, mental health. It doesn't even as a field, right? Just met. We all want to be mentally healthy. Like there's a rhyme and reason to it that. Yes, it
1:58:46
All the science and yes it also follows common sense and if we apply those things we get to answers.
1:58:54
It's very reassuring. Thank you.
1:58:59
Thinking about the functions of self and again, just to remind myself and other people starts with self-awareness involves defense mechanisms in action. Then there's the salience piece, but paying attention to what's inside of us as well as what's external.
1:59:16
And then you're now describing a lot of choices choice making and behavior in action in the world. I have to assume that for the person trying to improve themselves and get to agency and gratitude that paying attention to all of these is important. But of course, if a defense mechanism is unconscious, we can't simply decide, okay? I'm going to see the unconscious defense mechanism. Does that mean that we should ask ourselves about what is most Salient to us? Or should we be focusing on?
1:59:46
Our behavioral choices made in the example, I just gave I'm aware of my behavioral choices. Making certain decisions to engage with certain people and not with others. But should I be asking, for instance, you know what Salient like, what? Like, what are the thoughts, leading up to that decision? In other words, how does salience of internal and external cues and processes relate to behavior and which of these should we be paying attention to?
2:00:16
If our goal is to eventually change our Behavior. Mhm. So so think about we're starting, we're we're so starting at the bottom, right? So we're starting with okay. There is an I right. And that's just not just an apprehension, right? There's a lot to that, right? So for example, I know someone who is doing some mirror meditation staring into the mirror, right? Looking back at self with an it, with a desire to be aware. Like there is a me like, this me is in the world, right? This is the first I've ever heard of such a practice.
2:00:47
Except when I was in elementary school or maybe it was the ninth grade, I had a teacher who talked about look, gave us an assignment to look in the mirror and ask ourselves questions. But if I understand correctly, you think there's utility to people spending a few minutes or more looking in the mirror and thinking about oneself and the I as a way to build up this self-awareness it. Do I have that, right? If you want to take the best care of yourself that you Karen, right? You want to understand yourself the best you can and you want to make your life the best it can be then.
2:01:16
If there are answers right in, let's say, the answers are in five or ten different cupboards, right? Look in all of them, right? I mean, that's, that's the idea, right? That if we want to know, something, look everywhere for it and also realize what we are building, right? What we are creating maybe a recipe, there may be things from different cupboards that overlap. So the way to translate that practically is to say to find the answers to what? What is either ailing us, why we're repeating things. We don't want to repeat or even if things are going okay.
2:01:46
We want them to be going better because we don't quite feel the peace and contentment. We want to feel then look everywhere. So in this the function of cells and the function of self start with the eye. Right there are ways of increasing self-awareness you know they can range from contemplation of self to meditation to looking in the mirror right there. Things that we can do to more strongly emphasized to ourselves that there is an eye and this eye is going through life. Then we know that
2:02:16
Their defense mechanisms and that their present of their acting in us, right? We can't just see them because they're unconscious, but if we start thinking about them, we can learn about them, right? And that's where salience comes into. Play ceilings, kind of points. Both ways right? Sailing is can point us towards the unconscious mind? Right? Well, I realize I'm doing this over and over again, I'm saying this thing to myself over and over again. Where is that coming from? We start becoming curious about ourselves and we look to the unconscious mind and then we also look to
2:02:46
Conscious mind. That's why after salience is behavior. Like, what am I doing, right? And a lot of times we don't know, she said examples of we don't know why we're doing things, right? Someone who wants to lose weight, but always goes to the grocery store and comes home, and is like, has some sense of surprise that they're things there that they don't want to eat, right? Like, why am I behaving in a certain way? Why do certain things bother me? When other things don't write my my really touchy about one thing and not another. Why might there be things that?
2:03:16
Or others and not me or vice versa, right? So so you know, we're looking at what's going on inside of us and then how we respond, right? Because how what may be upsetting me or what's going on inside of me both conscious and unconscious is then determining? How am I acting how mm behaving in the world around me if I want a better job, but I never take an interview for another job. I'm not going to get another job. If I want a romantic partner, but I automatically turn away from anyone who Smiles at me. I'm not going to have a
2:03:46
Romantic partner, right? If I want life to be better and there's a certain thing I repeat and I don't want to repeat that. I want to understand myself better so I can change the behavior and that's why the the function of self ends with strivings the strivings are into the future. I know there is an eye. I know there's a network and web of defense mechanisms in action. I know that there's salience going on inside of me, and I'm only going to pay attention to a few things. From the thousands, I could pay attention to, I want to be aware of that and have more control over that
2:04:16
And then I'm in acting behaviors, I'm engaging in the world around me. And ultimately, I want things, right? I want life to be better. I want to have that feeling that you can get to. I want to be in the state of of agency and gratitude. So again, these two pillars structure of self function of self, that's where all the answers are. So there are all the cupboards right there. These five covers in the structure of self and five in the function of self and I know they'll be we'll have it out there in a
2:04:46
Yes, right, because you can go back there and that's where the vast majority of answers are to both understanding and routes to change. What you just described is incredibly helpful. It's absolutely apparent to me. Why looking at all the cupboards is Sookie. It's also apparent that many different aspects of psychology and Psychiatry at least as I understand them might probe for instance just at the level of behavior, you know. I think this is the
2:05:16
The just do it Mantra. Well just do the right thing, right? You know, you're not finding a romantic partner like you know schedule, three dinners with friends and ask them to invite over people who are looking for partners sounds really simple, right? But much as with the example of my friend who lost all this weight through behavioral change that, the fear still lives within him, very, very strongly. And so clearly there's some some stuff happening underneath there. Now fortunately he did lose the weight has kept most of it off, but it's clear to me that until he addresses some of these other issues of salience and
2:05:46
Defense mechanism, self-awareness etcetera, that the fear. He still experiencing makes total sense because the foundation of that change is not nearly as strong as it could be. Maybe maybe it doesn't have to have the fear, but he's not going to learn either one without the exploration. So he won't, if there is risk, he won't be able to avert the risk. And if there's not risk, he's then to the laboring through life, which is difficult enough without being worried about. Something you don't have to be worried about, right? So, the
2:06:16
SS of inquiry will always make that better. It's clear to me that his fear of regaining weight is absolutely sapping. His enjoyment and his productivity in other domains of life. So warrants attention, right because well because we're deciding in that sort of mathematical way, like it doesn't have to be that way. Doesn't mean it can change overnight, but it can be understood and it can be changed. Well, it's for that reason too many other reasons that I'm very grateful that you explain these two pillars structure of self and function of self and how these flow up to empowerment in humility and how those flow
2:06:46
To agency and gratitude, you've given us a yeah, a set of ideals and a road map of how to get there and one that we're going to continue with. In a moment here, I did want to reiterate what you said, which is that there is a pdf version of this structure. This roadmap of ideals and how to get there that's been provided as a link in the show notes captions, so people can refer to them, they're in visual form. If they, like, if you're interested in understanding yourself and in having goodness, in your
2:07:16
Your life as much as you possibly can, then you're interested in the structure of the mind. And this means that you're interested in the unconscious mind in all the things that go on a million things. A second that we don't know or understand one by one, but that we can explore and understand better in total, we're also interested in the conscious mind and being self aware or interested in the array of defense mechanisms. And whether or not they are elegant and light passes clearly through them or whether they're
2:07:46
Kool-Aid and creating misperception, if you're interested in the structure of the mind, then you're also interested in the character structure. I like, what is your character structure? What is the nest around all of it? How do you interface with the world? And then you're interested in the self that you grow from that phenomenologically. Meaning what is your experience of self? How does it feel to you? These are all important parts of this pillar of health and happiness. The other pillar is the function of the Mind.
2:08:16
Mind. And of course, there's overlap there different cupboards, but the cupboards all contain different ingredients that together make the recipe. I so if we're interested in the function of the mind, then we want to pay attention that there's an eye, we want to be self-aware and we want to cultivate self awareness. We're also interested in how those defense mechanisms work when they're in action, right? What Salient inside of us and outside of us, would we paying attention to how we behaving? What are our strivings? Do we feel hopeful about ourselves and the world?
2:08:46
Around us. And if we're interested in all of these things, we can't help but be respectful right of just how complicated this is. Like, life is difficult and understanding ourselves is difficult. You know. Wonderful, Joy can come of living life but it is hard and it's hard day by day and trying to understand ourselves going to these places. These pillars that hold the answers, they can't but Makin us a respect for all of it.
2:09:16
Right? And the respect for ourselves for others brings with it, humility, right? When we come to this point of looking at ourselves and exploring, then yes, we become empowered because we've gained a lot of knowledge, right? We're digging where the Pay Dirt is and we're figuring things out. And along with that, empowerment comes humility. A respectfulness for how difficult all. This is how complicated we are, how we can make happiness in our lives, but,
2:09:46
It certainly isn't easy and we take with us the empowerment and the humility and we express them. And if we're expressing empowerment and humility, we come to living through agency and gratitude. So here both are active words. So agency, it's easier to see it. It's an active word where I'm aware of my ability to, to project myself into the world around me. I know that I can't control.
2:10:16
Everything right. But I'm really trying to understand, what can I control, right? How can I control it? What did my decisions now? Lead to in the future? So agency is very, very active, right? Gratitude is active to right was, we're bringing an active sense of gratitude, a sense of the amazingness that we're here and and pride in ourselves and others for being here and trying to move forward as best we can. And then we bring that to our interactions, we're much more likely
2:10:46
You have a kind gesture towards others. Instead of being angry, who are much more likely to have something compassionate to say, including to ourselves than we are to have something angry to say that gratitude, accompanies agency, their their active words and their active together. And if we're living life through agency and gratitude, I mean, there's a lot of wisdom about this is a lot has been written and researched about this and if you look at what is it telling us, right? Remember things are getting simpler right as we're getting
2:11:16
Being higher up the, the levels here. Right. The unconscious mind is most complicated. Now we're at. Hey, can we live our lives with agency and gratitude at the Forefront? And what does it bring for us? And I think it brings what we are seeking that we might say, okay, we're seeking happiness and that can mean a lot of things, you know, a lot of different things that can be a very active thing. Am I happy in the moment and we can use happiness, sometimes to distract ourselves. Like happiness is important. But words, when people really think, like, what is it that they want,
2:11:46
On door. What is it that they have right? If they're Overjoyed to be alive? They're finding a sense of Peace. They're finding contentment, they're finding Delight. The ability to be delighted. This is what people want, our human history at our searchings, tell us this in our own experiences. Tell us this. And now it could lead a person to think. Well. Okay, what's going on? I mean is this someone who's, you know, levitating at the top of a mountain?
2:12:16
In like, is this just a state, is this a state that people are in? And the answer's? No, will be. Sometimes we could be in that state where we can feel peace. There's no tension inside of us, right? I can feel to have times when I don't feel tension inside of me, there's contentment, there's peace, I don't have to drive towards anything, right? But it's not the passive experience of it because we are living life. It's that that feeling goes hand-in-hand with a drive within us that were
2:12:46
When were in this healthy place, we are living life. The decisions that we're making, what is putting the rubber to the road. It is a generative Drive within us. There is a drive to make things better to understand and to explore and it's that drive that we access and cultivate and synonymous with happiness is it's not just the the state when people want to be happy and that very, very general way. Yes, contentment, peace Delight.
2:13:16
Right. But they're happening. As we're living life, right? As we're enacting a generative Drive where we're looking at ourselves in the world around us. And we're interested in understanding, we're interested in making things better and that's the place that we're trying to get to. I believe that with all might with all my heart and my, and my brain, right, my education training experience, and also experience living living life. And, and for 20 years doing this work with, people tells me this is
2:13:46
We're seeking and it's an active way of experiencing ourselves and our place in life. I love that because it merges both the nouns and the adjective 's and the verbs. You know, and this notion of a generative drive to me, is so compelling because I have the sense and I hope I'm right that we all have some sort of generative Drive within us starting at an early stage. Maybe the
2:14:16
Starts as visual foraging or touching things with our hands as an infant and that you know exploration of the world, right? It is what brings about the changes in the neural circuitry that allow us to engage even more and in an in progressively on the one hand narrower ways but also with more richness and more detail could you tell us more about generative drive? And and how this shows up in different types of people is it always positive. Can there be too much of it?
2:14:46
I certainly know a number of people who are addicted to work. Those of you listening, I'm raising my hand, but I would say, nowadays, I'm not as addicted to work, as I once was in the sense that I derive, far more satisfaction from less work. Now provided that the work is really in depth, you know, I think there were years and in graduate school where I wanted to publish a bunch of papers and then quickly realized through the not. So, gentle persuasion of my mentors that like
2:15:16
Let's just do the best possible work. We can do and there's so much more richness and experience and things to be gained from that. So I'm familiar with generative drive as I understand it. But maybe if you would, if you could flush out a bit of what generative Drive is and does it arrive in parallel with, or before we are able to access peace, contentment and Delight. Can it even be separated out from that? What? What is this generative Drive?
2:15:46
Yeah, so drives are built into us. So the the synonymous with our existence, like if we exist then then we have the drive. I mean, that's how the drive is defined, and we understand going far back to psychodynamic and psychoanalytic roots. And and when people were really thinking hard about human beings and what's going on inside of us that we've sort of identified and then validated over the period of time since that we have aggressive.
2:16:16
Drives within us and we have drives towards pleasure. Now, this often gets misunderstood that so aggression can be, it can be active violent, aggression, for example, but aggression can also be a sense of agency, right? Is the inaction of agency, like, I want to do things, I want to change things, I want to, I want to make the world a different place, right? That, that all of, that comes under this drive. So, so aggressive, and aggressive drive is not a bad thing. If we had no aggressive drives, the thought was, we just lie down and
2:16:46
Nothing else would happen and then we'd all be gone, right? So so there's a way in which this drive within us, moves us forward, right? And of course, extremely complicated. The ways we can manifest too much of it or too little of it, or how our defense mechanisms can intertwine with the drive. But the drive is there. It's like it's fuel within us that comes with our existence and then how that fuel moves us forward. How much of it there is though that is determined by the meshing of the drive with how we're
2:17:16
are living life, right? And the same would be true of pleasure. No. The pleasure Drive doesn't just mean that we all want to be hedonists, right inside. It means that we want things that are gratifying but we want to feel good, right? This isn't just, you know, the drive towards physical pleasure, like a sex drive, or eating food or having Comfort, like all of that can be part of it, but it's a drive for Relief, right? The idea that we don't want to be white, knuckling life, right searching for pleasure. So having
2:17:46
Action within us as we white-knuckle life and we searched for some pleasure and relief, right? These drives within us can be healthy they can be unhealthy, you know they can be anything right there, Wellsprings within us that then fuel us forward. And there's controversy to the idea of, is there a generative drive and they're certainly at parts of the field that do not think so. But there have been strong thinkers in the field that have thought we do have a
2:18:16
generative drive that it is within us to look around us to be curious to be amazed, right? To think. Like how, how can I engage with this and make this better or happier to think outside of ourselves right to think. If I if if I feel good and you're in pain, can I make you feel better, right? We having nothing to do with me right? The, the idea of altruism coming to the fore and having industriousness with us within it, right? And and the idea that
2:18:46
Is generative drive it strengthened when you look at how humans behave when you know we're not struggling right? That people are interested in learning, you know, you think about how how much of people give of themselves to learning, right? Or to serving others. Like there's so much of this goodness in the world around us. Now, if we shut people away, right? Have no you imagine, you know, God forbid, someone is in a solitary confinement from when they're the moment. They're born. You know, then there's not an opportunity for the
2:19:16
Active drive to thrive, right? And we see so many so many situations where it doesn't Thrive enough, right? You know, violence in people, surroundings lack of opportunities, right? That we can squelch a generative Drive anyone's generative drive, but if we give ourselves opportunities, if you know, if we're healthy that we are not weighed down by trauma and illness and misperceptions of self, and we can live life in a way that brings us to agency and gratitude. Now we're alive.
2:19:46
Playing with the generative drive that I absolutely believe is within us. I think just look at life, look at human beings. We observe that we have this drive within us and if that drive is at the Forefront and that drive then naturally, of course allies with agency and gratitude. Then I think we're at the place that is the place we ultimately seek, right? And that we can find it for brief periods of time. So so bye.
2:20:16
Really pursuing this and like really strongly and my own therapy and reflection and attempts to understand I can have periods of time where I can feel that way I can feel outward growth and interest in the world and and I feel good. I'm not trying to answer some question of like, why am I alive or like I'm doing things that I feel good about and I feel good about doing those things in about being in the world. And I think this is not uncommon, you know, it may be far more common in societies that are
2:20:46
Jubilee less Advanced, right? That is have less distractions or maybe, you know, less knowledge of all the awful things in the world that can happen to us that are constantly fed to us like this, their whole bunch of other questions and topics about it. But, but this, this I'm is absolute belief that there's this generative Drive in us, that wants to alai with agency and gratitude and that we all have it within us to bring those to the Forefront. And to find that thing that we seek weather,
2:21:16
If someone's person says it's Nirvana. The other person says it's Joy or happiness, or peace, or numbing you don't, whatever it is. There's, there's something to it where we're not feeling the tension within us. We're not feeling the anxiety. The pressures were feeling a sense of goodness. The way you're describing it makes perfect sense. Why peace contentment and Delight be so closely linked to this generative Drive. The the word peace as as you alluded to is.
2:21:46
Often brings to mind the idea of passivity, but generative drive and the inclusion of things like aggression, and a drive for pleasure or anything, but passive. So anything that's important for me. And for everyone to understand that peace, contentment and Delight can really be action terms again, move it moving them from, you know, from the more typical conception of them to
2:22:16
Verb States. So peace, contentment and Delight are not passive states. There can be periods of time where we can be just very peaceful and very much at rest, but those words are not synonymous with in action, right? In fact, they're synonymous with action. A lot of the time if we are suffused with peace. Contentment, the ability to Delight. Then what we're doing is, we're raising up.
2:22:46
Generative Drive, we're making conditions that are permissive for the generative drive to come to the Forefront, right? To be Paramount over the aggressive and the pleasure drives, right? In. Remember, we're not trying to get rid of those drives, right? We just want the generative Drive in us to be at the Forefront, then we'll be able to harness the aggressive drive through, for example, a strong sense of agency, fueling the sense of agency forward as opposed to destructive aggression, right?
2:23:16
The search for pleasure, which sure can include physical pleasures and in ways that are good and reasonable and healthy for us, but also the pleasure of learning, right? The pleasure that altruism brings that we can take the aggressive drive that we know is in us and the pleasure drive that we know is in us and we can dial them to the right places like this gets very complicated and it's easy to dial that too far up and it's easy to dial it too far down, but if both are serving the generative,
2:23:46
Five, because we lift up the generative drive and we bring it to Primacy by being able to handle Our Lives to understand ourselves to go back to those pillars and to build upon it. The agency and the gratitude that then leads us to peace contentment and Delight. We can put all of this together and like we're really and truly living in an active way in the world. That's good for us. Good for the world around us and doesn't leave us with a sense of Yearning or
2:24:15
sense of tension within us. You think it's also the case that generative drive has kind of a self amplification feature to it, what comes to mind as you're describing generative drive and its relationship to peace. Contentment and Delight. Is that approximately a half hour after I wake up. I start to feel more physically energized. I'm not somebody who just pops out of bed and is ready to go exercise or do mental work, but about 30
2:24:46
Sir. So, after waking my mind starts to wake up. And I've noticed that if I read a scientific paper or if I read a chapter in a book, or if I do something that feels a little bit, difficult, cognitively difficult in particular that the sense of satisfaction that I get from that is immense and it's not necessarily the case that I have to learn something that I'm going to use that day. But for me learning,
2:25:15
And and often learning and sharing what I learned with the world whether or not they want to hear it or not is part of my pleasure Loop. And and I've learned that if I don't capture some new knowledge in a way that's challenging in the morning time, I I feel like the gears are still turning but but I start to lose energy whereas if I find something interesting in particular and, and write it down, and
2:25:46
And I feel like I own it. That's what I enjoy so much about learning. It's like it's in there, maybe it'll be useful at some point, maybe it won't. But it's like a, it's like a animal finding a tool that it can maybe use to forage more more. Effectively later in life. I get such a sense of satisfaction that then I find that I have immense energy to do whatever is next. Like, whether or not that's exercise or learn more or prepare podcast or write a grant or writing work on a paper. And this feature of my mental life has is so prominent that
2:26:15
I almost have to force myself to do it each day, and there are so many distractions in the world. Nowadays that I've come to a place where I almost have to force myself to do. What I know works for me, but when I do, it feels like a almost like a chemical Rocket Fuel, and it doesn't make me Manticore crazy. I don't need to pick up the phone and call somebody or tell everybody about her post on social media. It's more of a deep sense of satisfaction and and I get energy from it.
2:26:46
That degenerative Drive. Well it's great that that works for you. What you're saying is that for you? Like you can prime your generative drive that way, right? And then you prime it is U prime the pump it gets revved up, right? Like and then and then you know, it's really manifesting itself inside of you. I mean there's many different manifestations of the generative drive as there are people, right? So some things are going to work for some person, other things are going to work for different person, right? But but but you're saying that, hey, I know this thing works for me.
2:27:15
And even though sometimes it's not easy to do, I do it. And then look what it gets for me, right? And that's that's really healthy, right? It's like knowing that this thing works for you and then you become committed to it because your generative Drive is, is really strongly supported by it, right? And then you have this sense of Good Feeling, right? So then you have that, you have the piece and you have the you just the overall sense of goodness, right? That, you know, peace and contentment and Delight that you're getting.
2:27:45
And learning and in teaching. So it's a, you you're figuring out like, hey, this works for me, right? And again, you don't have to figure it out through this lens. It's if we find parts that aren't working, then we go back and we figure them out, right? It may be a good example, maybe is. So let's say, you take someone who really enjoys gardening and get something out of gardening, right? So, there are as many generative drives, and how they're measured out as there are humans, but there can be common outcomes of that, right? So the enjoyment of
2:28:15
Of fostering plants growing a garden is like, that's not uncommon in humans, right? So imagine someone who hasn't been doing that, right? They really want to, they have a drive to do it. There's a plot of land in the back that they used to cultivate, right? So, if they're not doing, if there are any number of reasons, maybe maybe they were depressed and they needed mental health treatment, maybe they just got away from the path that they were on. Maybe their defense has shifted a little bit, whatever the case may be, they go back to the pillars and they figure it out.
2:28:46
Right? And now they're in a chord with themselves, right? And they're living through agency and gratitude and they flick way I can go back out there. And I can tell that land, I can, I can get the hell out. I can, you know, I can make the plus I'm going to put the seeds in. I'm going to nurture like I can go do that and I can do it even. What even though I was depressed, even though somebody assaulted me five months ago, you know, even though I lost my job even though even though even though right the overcome the even
2:29:15
Those right? And the sense of agency tells him, right? I can go do that, right? And the sense of gratitude, no one who's miserable. And, and hey, and, and now is, is in such an awful position about life because they were attacked or lost their job or something bad happened. Whatever it may be, or they're lost in cynicism. There's no gratitude there, right? It's a gratitude for being in Life or having the capability of going back and, and, and planting seeds in that Garden, that's the alliance between agency.
2:29:45
In gratitude and then the person goes and does that, right? So think of what's going on there, they do this thing, they feel good about this thing. They can have, they can look out at the Garden, feel some peace, right? Feel some contentment to them. Be delighted by what they did. Remember how much they loved it before? How much it means to them. So yes that goodness. Comes that goodness suffuses us and it raises up the generative drive that says, right, it's good. We breathe some life into it.
2:30:15
It right enough to get that Garden done. Now the generative Drive is further fostered forward by the goodness. The person feels so. So the example at the difference between the person who's like, wants a garden, feels terrible about themselves. If they're not doing it and they feels lousy every time they look out the window and there they are looking out the window, right? The difference between that and having made a garden, looking out, the window added is a night and day difference. And the, the person who's looking out the window with the garden that they
2:30:45
Overcoming whatever was inside of them because they went and addressed it and and prove to themselves that they could, that's what we're after in life, right? It's it. We all know this, it doesn't look like somebody levitating at the top of a mountain, right? That's what it looks like. The person looking out the window at the Garden and thinking about what they /, comment / came to create the garden and seeing the goodness of it all. I'm glad you said the word creating because it seems It's about creating things. Get real tangible things. But that the
2:31:15
Us to get there is every bit as important. Oh no, it's created. When you create knowledge that that's tangible, right? Like you, you create knowledge, may be that, that person looks down the row of beautiful flowers, and has the same sense of goodness inside of them that you do when you're willing, right? I just I just went and learned something as you describe that. I I've been thinking, I certainly hope so because for me it's an incredible sense of satisfaction and and one that I enjoy so much that I almost don't want to look at it too much because to me it
2:31:45
Sits in this rare domain of perfect. Like it's just it just feels so good. And, and that I can get back. There is very, is very comforting to me, right? And that's all of this, that it feels so good. That's what all this is. It's the generative drive, right? It's the, it's the Gratitude. It's the contentment. It's like all that coming together and it's interesting. We could contrast that to when you talked about a repeated cycle that's - right. Then you're not feeling that
2:32:15
Right? So so think about the learning that can come from it right that you can you can achieve this and feel this and be in this state in one aspect of your life. Like what can you learn from that to bring to the other place it and more? Yes, that's important. It's more, it's often starting with what's going on in the place. That's not doing well, right? Like, is it why the repetition, right? So this is how we can have what we're seeking in parts of our Lives. Even if we don't and others. But if we can have it in parts of our Lives, we can have it in others.
2:32:45
To and we can become role models for ourselves. We can learn from ourselves, we can learn from what brings the good to how to raise up the things that about us in our lives in aren't there yet?
2:32:59
I often get the question from the general public. How can I stop over thinking? You know, I have to imagine based on the fact, I get that question. So often that there are a great number of people who sense their own generative Drive. What are your thoughts on that thinking? Can be wonderful if we're using thinking to learn right to figure things out. So when thinking is doing that thinking is great but a lot of thinking
2:33:29
Just in the service of something else, right? And a lot of thinking works against us. So imagine the person making the garden. Look at the person has to think about it. If you think about what seeds to make, they have to think about where the tools are. They have to think about what they're doing when they're planting when they're watering, there's a lot to do, but the beauty of it isn't in the thinking, right? The thinking is in the service of what is generative. So so that's a different kind. It's just thinking in the service of
2:33:59
There. But a lot of our thinking is that, you know, it's planning. It's projecting, we tend to glorify the planning and the projecting and and it can be great when we're learning when we're figuring things out, but a lot of that is is there so that we can do the things that are good for us to do, right? The planning in the projecting around, making the garden, where the point of it is the garden. It's not the thinking part, right? We can also use thinking against us. So much thinking is repetitive and and not just not just unproductive
2:34:29
Sharon.
2:34:31
You know, when I look at this and I think, okay, this is a choice to focus on placing myself in have to assume it placing myself into situations that are challenging for me in a way that I know is preventing me from living in certain ways that I want, and from being Quantico, happy in certain ways that I want, when you hear a scenario like that, like, I can do it over here, but I can't seem to do it over here. In fact, I see myself doing it, the wrong way here, right? A little bit different than the exam.
2:35:01
Will you give a moment ago? Because, yeah, I was driving to work, not listening to music, but it wasn't putting two and two together about what was going on. But when somebody can see what's going on, I think this might even be called the repetition compulsion or sometimes. Yeah, sometimes. Yeah what is that about? Are people trying to work out, something specific or are they deliberately creating some friction to accomplish something else, right? I mean I realize this could be infinitely complex. And again, I'm not trying to extract
2:35:31
Clinical insight for my own sake. I started on block on that, thank you, but I think a lot of people do this. Oh yeah, they do what they know they shouldn't be doing.
2:35:44
They know they shouldn't be doing it. Duh I just said that two ways and but they do it like it must serve them in some way. You know, you think about when you get a dog in your talk to a dog trainer they say, you know, a dog's do what works, right. They get a reward for doing something to continue doing it. You apply that to the same sort of thing. I'm describing for myself and that I've observed in other people and you must say, it must work for them. You hear this and kind of Pop.
2:36:13
Ecology, like it must work for them, like you must be solving something.
2:36:18
Why the hell do I do this? Why do people do this? Is it real pathology? Or is it a roundabout way to get to something else? That's actually pretty adaptive. I mean, instead of defining it as pathology would not Define it as pathology I would Define it as humanness, if humanness is not in and of itself pathological, then all you're doing there is is describing something that is common widespread across human beings. Now it doesn't mean we can't understand it and make it healthier, right? I work in the
2:36:48
Wants to put a number on everything, right label, it as something and then do something about it. That's more often than not ineffective, right? Because we're not looking at things in a top-down way. Of what is Human Experience? What are the natural aspects of human experience that are less than ideal, right, that we can then understand and make better? If we come at it that way, then we see. Ah, this is a great example because here's where structure meets function, right? So on the structure side, we said, okay, there's defense
2:37:18
Eames and we imagine the branches right there because that are coming up from the unconscious mind, right? And the here it meets function right defense mechanisms in action on the function side, then determining salience. So what I would imagine in your example, my image is that your defensive structure when you're doing the thing? That's effective, right? The professional decisions, right? Looks elegant, right. Like, there's Harmony to wear those branches, are the Consciousness is sitting in between it. You can see, you can see the Elegance to it, right?
2:37:48
That I can just imagine shifting, right? When the to when you're not doing the thing, effectively, right? Because now, you're using an entirely different defensive structure, which is going to function differently and create different salience. And I imagine that it's convoluted and you know that it sort of piecemeal that it's not something elegant, right? So you say okay what does that actually mean? Let's translate it into. What are the actual defenses? So let's think about what you're not doing.
2:38:18
And you're making good decisions in the professional realm, right? You are not using denial or avoidance or rationalization or projection or projective identification or acting out, right? There are all these things that you are not doing that. Are the sort of unhealthy defenses beckoning to us like, oh, wouldn't it be easier to Kick the Can down the road, right, you know, wouldn't it be easier to just acknowledge? Everything's, okay, everything's going to work out. Okay, wouldn't it be easier instead of being angry at one person?
2:38:48
Who is really intrinsic to the environment if you know, it's actually somebody else you do or you just placing a projecting that that's how people that's what we get ourselves into trouble, right? And if that's going on then that set of defense mechanisms in action right quick, it creates something that obscures the ability to make good judgment, right. But with none of those things going on, then what are you doing? What? You're applying your intelligence, you're applying your discernment, right? You're applying your desire to make.
2:39:18
Things better. You're able to look at it. You're able to bring diligence perseverance, right? You're able to bring healthy aspects of self to the question and decide like, oh, I don't want this in, it should be different, right? And there again, what's going on? There's a complexity under the surface, but now, we're coming up towards Simplicity, right? We're coming up towards the things that are healthier, that are simplistic. If we look then, okay, what's going on? If you're making the same mistakes over and over again? Well, we could, you know,
2:39:48
We would dive under the hood and really look and say, okay, what are you doing there? But it has to be an array of unhealthy defenses. There's no other thing. It could be. So we would say, okay, are you using a are using avoidance, maybe a little, maybe a lot. What about denial? What about rationalization? What about projection? Like, you know, you go through the unhealthy defenses and you see what is it that you're bringing to bear. That is leading you astray and then and then of course the goal is to use the role modeling and
2:40:18
Role model for yourself how to be healthy, right? So let's take that role modeling and apply it to the thing, you're sort of carving out and and treating differently. And that's a reason when people talk about repetition, compulsions, you know, that's it's not a formal term because because what we're really talking about is repetition, right? And we're interested in, like, why do we repeat things now? That's one, that's one reason, right? Because we bring an unhealthy set of defense's, and then at the end of the day, things,
2:40:48
Has come out the same because we're bringing an unhealthy set of defense's right. There can be other motivations that are related to all of that and there's going to complexity to it. But but the compulsion part can be that we can re-enter situations that didn't go well with the idea that we're going to we're going to fix what happened in the past. We're going to make ourselves feel better. We're going to take away the mark of trauma because when we trauma doesn't care about the clock or the calendar, so that's why you'll see someone who has had
2:41:18
Se5, abusive relationships. That looked very much of the same, right? And is about to enter the sixth, right? And he said, it's not because hopefully, in most cases, not because that person like wants to be hurt, right? I mean, sometimes the different problem, right? But but there can be a drive inside of us to try and fix something. If I can make it work, this time I won't have to feel so bad about the other five, right? So, an attempt to change the past through one's current actions, right?
2:41:48
Right? Which is rooted in the limbic system and how and how trauma affects us and how again it's outside the clock in the calendar. So that kind of magic, so to speak can happen. So the brain can seek that magic. But again, they're unhealthy defense is coming into play right there has to be denial, right? Otherwise, the person would map, you know, if the same thing happened five times in this looks the same. It's probably going to happen now, right? So, so anytime you think a person most often it's us right? You know is
2:42:18
Smart enough for worldly enough to like know better, which happens all the time, right? Then look for the answer, right? You say, well, shouldn't that person know better than to get into the six abusive relationship. The answers are yes, right? Like, because it's not that hard. If you saw a set of circumstances five times to map, that the six is going to have the same outcome, right? The person would do that in other scenarios, right? So then you say right, that is true. So now, let's look for why the person is doesn't recognize that and again, we go.
2:42:48
In into the structure of self and the function of self defense mechanisms in action, salience of things that were talking about now, does that fit? Yeah, makes sense. And what comes to mind is the idea of getting into a car that, you know, is going to get into an accident over and over and over again, but being quite cognizant of safety and its importance in every other domain of Life. Yes, not even jaywalking, right? But getting into like, if certain
2:43:18
Arrived with a little flashing light. That said this ride is going to have an accident like getting getting into that vehicle. And I see this in others as well. Yes. And it raises all sorts of questions. Like, is the person actually unconsciously afraid of the vehicle arriving where they want to go? Because then, like are people actually afraid of things working out? I mean, this gets to something that gives us an idea. We can, I can I say, yeah, that's we have to know the person right? Like who
2:43:48
Is that person, right? Why do they not want to get in that car? Right. Are they afraid they're not going to get somewhere? They further going to get somewhere, right? But ultimately, we're looking for unhealthy defenses and I so want to emphasize that that, you know, I will often think that the aspect of my education that's most helpful in me doing my job. When I'm when I'm in the job as a practicing psychiatrist is it actually my mathematics minor, right? Because there's a lot more math to this, right? You people tend to think of mental health, it's also
2:44:18
Eric and you consider say anything, you know, anything you want. And there's no way of proving or disproving. It's not like that at. All right. There's a mathematical aspect to it. So if you do the correct, logical, common-sense thing, right in all aspects of your life except one and you're like 100 times more intelligent than you need to be to figure it all out, right? Then if there's a carve-out, we say look that's a huge interest, right? I mean, the probability that we're going to find something interesting.
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There's a hundred percent, right? Because we know that you know better we know that you do better but but why here? So that's so interesting, right? Like that's where the x marks the spot. Look, let's go dig there, right? So then when we go and dig their like we're going to find something, right? And and will take what is that? Like do we find that like oh it's an array of really unhealthy defense mechanisms, maybe we find that. Do we find that there's a deep unconscious motivation, right? Like we might find that to right there. We might find a lot of
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Things, right? But we're going to find them. If we go back to, what is the structure of self? What is the function of self? If we go and look like that x marks, the spot means, there's Pay Dirt there, right? And then when we figure that out, then we go through and we can make things change. So if it's a deep-seated trauma, driven unconscious motivation, that is resulting in an unhealthy array of defense mechanisms will, let's go look at that, right. Let's look at the trauma. Let's take the thing that's unconscious and, and
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Bring it to Consciousness, right? Then we can make that better and that array of unhealthy defenses again. We're not going to change it overnight, but can we change it very, very significantly, pretty rapidly. Probably yes. And we can almost entirely change it across time. So there is a mathematical aspect of this that I think is so important to point out because, you know, mental health. It doesn't even as a field, right? Just met. We all want to be mentally healthy. Like there's a rhyme and reason to it that. Yes, it
2:46:18
All the science and yes it also follows common sense and if we apply those things we get to answers.
2:46:26
It's very reassuring. Thank you.
2:46:31
Thinking about the functions of self and again, just to remind myself and other people starts with self-awareness involves defense mechanisms in action. Then there's the salience piece, but paying attention to what's inside of us as well as what's external.
2:46:48
And then you're now describing a lot of choices choice making and behavior in action in the world. I have to assume that for the person trying to improve themselves and get to agency and gratitude that paying attention to all of these is important. But of course, if a defense mechanism is unconscious, we can't simply decide, okay? I'm going to see the unconscious defense mechanism. Does that mean that we should ask ourselves about what is most Salient to us? Or should we be focusing on?
2:47:18
Our behavioral choices made in the example, I just gave I'm aware of my behavioral choices. Making certain decisions to engage with certain people and not with others. But should I be asking, for instance, you know what Salient like, what? Like, what are the thoughts, leading up to that decision? In other words, how does salience of internal and external cues and processes relate to behavior and which of these should we be paying attention to?
2:47:48
If our goal is to eventually change our Behavior. Mhm. So so think about we're starting, we're we're so starting at the bottom, right? So we're starting with okay. There is an I right. And that's just not just an apprehension, right? There's a lot to that, right? So for example, I know someone who is doing some mirror meditation staring into the mirror, right? Looking back at self with an it, with a desire to be aware. Like there is a me like, this me is in the world, right? This is the first I've ever heard of such a practice.
2:48:18
Except when I was in elementary school or maybe it was the ninth grade, I had a teacher who talked about look, gave us an assignment to look in the mirror and ask ourselves questions. But if I understand correctly, you think there's utility to people spending a few minutes or more looking in the mirror and thinking about oneself and the I as a way to build up this self-awareness it. Do I have that, right? If you want to take the best care of yourself that you Karen, right? You want to understand yourself the best you can and you want to make your life the best it can be then.
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If there are answers right in, let's say, the answers are in five or ten different cupboards, right? Look in all of them, right? I mean, that's, that's the idea, right? That if we want to know, something, look everywhere for it and also realize what we are building, right? What we are creating maybe a recipe, there may be things from different cupboards that overlap. So the way to translate that practically is to say to find the answers to what? What is either ailing us, why we're repeating things. We don't want to repeat or even if things are going okay.
2:49:18
We want them to be going better because we don't quite feel the peace and contentment. We want to feel then look everywhere. So in this the function of cells and the function of self start with the eye. Right there are ways of increasing self-awareness you know they can range from contemplation of self to meditation to looking in the mirror right there. Things that we can do to more strongly emphasized to ourselves that there is an eye and this eye is going through life. Then we know that
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Their defense mechanisms and that their present of they're acting in us, right? We can't just see them because they're unconscious, but if we start thinking about them, we can learn about them, right? And that's where salience comes into. Play ceilings, kind of points. Both ways right? Sailing is can point us towards the unconscious mind? Right? Well, I realize I'm doing this over and over again, I'm saying this thing to myself over and over again. Where is that coming from? We start becoming curious about ourselves and we look to the unconscious mind and then we also look to
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Conscious mind. That's why after salience is behavior. Like, what am I doing, right? And a lot of times we don't know, she said examples of we don't know why we're doing things, right? Someone who wants to lose weight, but always goes to the grocery store and comes home, and is like, has some sense of surprise that they're things there that they don't want to eat, right? Like, why am I behaving in a certain way? Why do certain things bother me? When other things don't write my my really touchy about one thing and not another. Why might there be things that?
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Or others and not me or vice versa, right? So so you know, we're looking at what's going on inside of us and then how we respond, right? Because how what may be upsetting me or what's going on inside of me both conscious and unconscious is then determining? How am I acting how mm behaving in the world around me if I want a better job, but I never take an interview for another job. I'm not going to get another job. If I want a romantic partner, but I automatically turn away from anyone who Smiles at me. I'm not going to have a
2:51:18
Romantic partner, right? If I want life to be better and there's a certain thing I repeat and I don't want to repeat that. I want to understand myself better so I can change the behavior and that's why the the function of self ends with strivings the strivings are into the future. I know there is an eye. I know there's a network and web of defense mechanisms in action. I know that there's salience going on inside of me, and I'm only going to pay attention to a few things. From the thousands, I could pay attention to, I want to be aware of that and have more control over that
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And then I'm in acting behaviors, I'm engaging in the world around me. And ultimately, I want things, right? I want life to be better. I want to have that feeling that you can get to. I want to be in the state of of agency and gratitude. So again, these two pillars structure of self function of self, that's where all the answers are. So there are all the cupboards right there. These five covers in the structure of self and five in the function of self and I know they'll be we'll have it out there in a
2:52:18
Yes, right, because you can go back there and that's where the vast majority of answers are to both understanding and routes to change. What you just described is incredibly helpful. It's absolutely apparent to me. Why looking at all? The cupboards is so key. It's also apparent that many different aspects of psychology and Psychiatry at least as I understand them might probe for instance just at the level of behavior, you know. I think this is the
2:52:48
The just do it Mantra. Well just do the right thing, right? You know, you're not finding a romantic partner like you know schedule, three dinners with friends and ask them to invite over people who are looking for partners sounds really simple, right? But much as with the example of my friend who lost all this weight through behavioral change that, the fear still lives within them, very, very strongly. And so clearly there's some some stuff happening underneath there. Now, fortunately he did lose the weight has kept most of it off, but it's clear to me that until he addresses some of these other issues of salience and
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Defense mechanism, self-awareness etcetera, that the fear. He still experiencing makes total sense because the foundation of that change is not nearly as strong as it could be. Maybe maybe it doesn't have to have the fear, but he's not going to learn either one without the exploration. So he won't, if there is risk, he won't be able to avert the risk. And if there's not risk, he's then to the laboring through life, which is difficult enough without being worried about. Something you don't have to be worried about, right? So, the
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SS of inquiry will always make that better. It's clear to me that his fear of regaining weight is absolutely sapping. His enjoyment and his productivity in other domains of life. So warrants attention, right because well because we're deciding in that sort of mathematical way, like it doesn't have to be that way. Doesn't mean it can change overnight, but it can be understood and it can be changed. Well, it's for that reason too many other reasons that I'm very grateful that you explain these two pillars structure of self and function of self and how these flow up to empowerment in humility and how those flow
2:54:18
To agency and gratitude, you've given us a ye a set of ideals and a road map of how to get there and one that we're going to continue with. In a moment here, I did want to reiterate what you said which is that there is a pdf version of this, this structure, this roadmap of ideals and how to get there that's been provided as a link in the show notes captions so people can refer to them, they're in visual form. If they, like, if you're interested in understanding yourself and in having goodness, in your
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Your life as much as you possibly can, then you're interested in the structure of the mind. And this means that you're interested in the unconscious mind in all the things that go on a million things. A second that we don't know or understand one by one, but that we can explore and understand better in total, we're also interested in the conscious mind and being self aware or interested in the array of defense mechanisms. And whether or not they are elegant and light passes clearly through them or whether they're
2:55:18
Kool-Aid and creating misperception, if you're interested in the structure of the mind, then you're also interested in the character structure. I like, what is your character structure? What is the nest around all of it? How do you interface with the world? And then you're interested in the self that you grow from that phenomenologically. Meaning what is your experience of self? How does it feel to you? These are all important parts of this pillar of health and happiness. The other pillar is the function of the Mind.
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Mind. And of course, there's overlap there different cupboards, but the cupboards all contain different ingredients that together make the recipe. I so if we're interested in the function of the mind, then we want to pay attention that there's an eye, we want to be self-aware and we want to cultivate self awareness. We're also interested in how those defense mechanisms work when they're in action, right? What Salient inside of us and outside of us, would we paying attention to how we behaving? What are our strivings? Do we feel hopeful about ourselves and the world?
2:56:18
Around us. And if we're interested in all of these things, we can't help but be respectful right of just how complicated this is. Like, life is difficult and understanding ourselves is difficult. You know. Wonderful, Joy can come of living life but it is hard and it's hard day by day and trying to understand ourselves going to these places. These pillars that hold the answers, they can't but Makin us a respect for all of it.
2:56:47
Right? And the respect for ourselves for others brings with it, humility, right? When we come to this point of looking at ourselves and exploring, then yes, we become empowered because we've gained a lot of knowledge, right? We're digging where the Pay Dirt is and we're figuring things out. And along with that, empowerment comes humility. A respectfulness for how difficult all. This is how complicated we are, how we can make happiness in our lives, but,
2:57:18
It certainly isn't easy and we take with us the empowerment and the humility and we express them. And if we're expressing empowerment and humility, we come to living through agency and gratitude. So here both are active words. So agency, it's easier to see it. It's an active word where I'm aware of my ability to, to project myself into the world around me. I know that I can't control.
2:57:47
Everything right. But I'm really trying to understand, what can I control, right? How can I control it? What did my decisions now? Lead to in the future? So agency is very, very active, right? Gratitude is active to right was, we're bringing an active sense of gratitude, a sense of the amazingness that we're here and and pride in ourselves and others for being here and trying to move forward as best we can. And then we bring that to our interactions, we're much more likely
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Which comes from either biological predispositions, right? Or habits over time, right? Thought process is patterns, right? So this unconscious mind is super computer is doing all of these things. Like, you know, at the speed of light, right there are electrical and chemical signals and, you know, multiple Pathways as common as complicated as super highway systems that then get Consolidated and communicate with others, right? And then what comes up from all of that is the conscious mind.
2:58:47
And so imagine an iceberg, right? And it's a really, really big Iceberg, right? And and we see the part above the surface, right? That's the conscious mind, right? But there's a huge part of this Iceberg maybe 95% of it. That's underneath the water right there. There's this hulking mass that we don't see that's the unconscious mind, right? And it's feeding up to the conscious mind which is a much smaller part of our brain function, right? But it's
2:59:17
Part that we're aware of, right? It's sitting on top of all the unconscious things which are extremely important. But then we become aware so that we can engage in the real world. In order for us to have this conversation, the millions of things per second have to be going on underneath the surface. So that you and I as conscious eyes, right, as conscious selves Can Ride Along on top of it. So that's the part of the iceberg. That's above the water. It's the conscious self. Then imagine that the
2:59:47
Conscious self is girded by by a set of, you know, long tendrils that come out from under the water, right? That their defense mechanisms that are unconscious to us that sort of GERD the conscious mind. So do we rationalize automatically? Do we avoid automatically? Do we act out automatically are these things in Us in ways that we can observe and change? But that are there to try and protect
3:00:17
The conscious mind from the slings and arrows of the world around us. Right. So if you imagine, there's the big part of the iceberg under the water, the unconscious mind the conscious mind is riding on top of it, but the conscious mind that part sticking out of the water is vulnerable, right? So imagine that there's a defensive structure then that arises from the part of the iceberg, that's underwater. That is there to defend and protect the conscious mind.
3:00:44
So when you say to defend and protect when you say that, the conscious mind is vulnerable, what do you mean? Do you mean that it's vulnerable to physical attack or that it's vulnerable to us, realizing that we're just a bunch of neurons that are clicking away underneath, but in other words, where does the vulnerability of the conscious mind really reside? Not physically? Where does it reside? But you know, what am I so worried about in terms of my safety? I mean, right now, we're in a room. I feel pretty safe. I don't think you're going to
3:01:14
Attack me verbally or physically. I suppose it's possible that could happen, but it seems like a very distant possibility. So when you say that these defenses, are there to protect us from some sort of awareness, what awareness are we trying to avoid? So, the vulnerability of the of the conscious mind is to fear confusion despair, right? There's so many things that we can fear, right? Some people are afraid of snakes or spiders, some people are afraid of death. Some people are afraid of health issues that could
3:01:44
Come to them or two people. They love. We can get confused and not know what decisions to make, and how to navigate the world and how to be who we want to be to ourselves and to others, right? We can feel tremendously, vulnerable and despairing. If we lose others or we know we start to see things happening in the world around us that that we don't like, right? We start to feel like what will happen to the planet we live on. Will there be War where I live? Well, my children be safe, right? There's so much that we need to protect ourselves against. Oh,
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Vulnerable part of of us, write the part of the iceberg sticking out above the water. Needs a defensive structure around it, to protect it against the vulnerability of fear confusion despair, right? And because the conscious mind is sticking out of the water with a defensive structure around it, right? It is the the raw material from which we create our character structure. So the character structure is all of that, the part under the
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Water. The part above the water, the defensive structure. So imagine like a nest around all of that and that's the character structure that we utilize to interface with the world, right? So the character structure is, like, the thing that I'm using, right? It's like if you're driving somewhere in a car, right? The car is the thing that you're using to go there, right? The character structure is the thing that we're using to interface with the world? So for example, how trusting a my versus suspicious right? How readily
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Do I come to make friends with people, right? How, how much do I act out if I'm frustrated? Right? How much do I, you know, exclaim something - right as opposed to holding it inside of me. How much do I rationalize? If something isn't going well. Do I want to look at it and maybe see that it is so that I don't have to face it, right? How much do I avoid problems in the world around me? How much do I exercise, altruism? Right. These are all the ways in which we are engaging with.
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With the world around us and this determines the self. Imagine that the self. Then grows out of this Nest from the, the character structure that we used to interface with the world. And the decisions that we make so far character structure is the thing through which we engage with the world, then we're enacting. But what is inside of us, what we've determined through our unconscious mind, our conscious mind, our defense mechanism. There's a certain us that that comes at the world in.
3:04:14
Certain way and if we're more or less trusting, more or less avoidant, we rationalize more or less, these are the factors that determine like, where do our lives go? Right. Because on top of all of this, imagine that the nest of the character structure around all of this grows from it, the self write the product of the feelings inside the things that we know about ourselves, and don't know about ourselves, the decisions that all of it leads to. So, I may choose to be, for example, more trusting and
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It may bring an opportunity to me that I wouldn't have otherwise had, right. I may choose to be more trusting and it may bring risk to me that I wouldn't otherwise have had. So we want to be as healthy as we can as knowledgeable of ourselves in the world around us so that it's safe for us to have a healthy character structure through which we can engage in the world around us with a sense of prudence, right, taking reasonable risks, right? Not too little so that we shut ourselves down and maybe end up
3:05:14
Despairing not so much that that scary things can happen to us and we end up fearful, right? But the idea that if we know ourselves, well the character structure is healthy right? Because it's built upon a structure of Self in a function of self that are healthy and out of it is coming empowerment, right? And empowerment and humility right then, lead us to agency and gratitude, right. The idea here is that this is the character structure that we create that can then
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An interface with the world in a way that's good for us and good for the world around us that leads us to be able to live in much more Harmony inside of ourselves and outside of ourselves. So if I understand correctly defense mechanisms that grow up out of this portion of the iceberg that we're calling the unconscious mind, they protect our conscious self in ways that can be adaptive, or that can be maladaptive. In other words, defenses can be healthier, they can be,
3:06:14
Unhealthy, yes. And perhaps in a few minutes we can get into what a healthy versus unhealthy defense. Looks like, but the way you described character structure, sounds to me like an array of contextual dispositions, I don't want to add unnecessarily complex language, but it sounds to me, like, a bunch of dispositions like like if I'm walking into the office where I know everybody, and I see familiar faces. There's no reason for me to be on guard.
3:06:44
If I trust those people, but if I'm walking down a street at night, that I'm not familiar with and and I'm starting to get the sense that, you know, this neighborhood might not be the best. It makes sense for me to be on relatively high alert, so different dispositions depending on different conditions. I can't help but mention my Bulldog Costello who had basically three dispositions who was asleep. But in all seriousness, the second one was kind of bored. The Bulldog face of cardboard or if
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Something was given to him that he liked or if we were doing something, they like Delight, he busy at three dispositions, as far as I could tell, I think one of the reasons we like dogs so much or that many of us like dogs so much. Is that their decisions are very predictable, take him to the park. He's happy unless you happen to be able that day which was rare, you know feed him he's happy right. There wasn't a lot of I don't like this particular meal or I don't like this particular parkour. This Bijon Frise doesn't smell so good to me. You know. There's a it was so simple.
3:07:44
And yet, people are very complex, right? I can look at myself and say, okay, what like, what is my character structure, character structure, is certain things. I like certain things, I dislike certain things really irritate me certain environments and people, I just delighted, okay, so is the definition of a healthy character structure, one in which the dispositions match, the context perfectly? I mean, I don't know how any of us could be like that, but is that sort of the ideal much in the same way that
3:08:14
You know, we could probably arrive at at an ideal degree of stamina that one could have. I mean it some people want Run ultramarathons, 100 miles or more. Somebody want to run a marathon. Some people like me don't really desire to run a marathon but I want to be able to run a mile if I need to without being completely exhausted and injured. So, you know, when we, when we ask ourselves about character structure, are we asking ourselves about context-driven dispositions and how do we start to evaluate that for ourselves?
3:08:44
Because we're more complicated. I think it's not dispositions as much as its predispositions, right? So, so in the example that you gave right, you of a certain predisposition to be either trusting or weary, right? And and your and that's healthy in you, right? So when you come into a setting where there's not a good reason to feel mistrustful to feel anxious to feel vulnerable, right? Then you feel at ease, right? So you walk into the work setting their people, you know, they're people you like
3:09:14
Everything is okay, right? You have a different predisposition when the context is different, right? So if the context, could bring a lack of safety, then you respond accordingly with the lack of safety, right? But but it's possible, certainly those predispositions can be in unhealthy places, right? So for example, you might have been traumatized in a certain way or you might approach the world in a certain way because of Prior experience that you may not register it as trauma but it may be that
3:09:44
In you, is a predisposition to be Miss trustful. So you could walk into a room of people that, you know, of people who've never met you any harm and still feel unsafe right now. This happens most often after trauma but there are other ways people can get to that. Where the predisposition isn't so healthy, the converse is true too. Right there are people who can have too much of what's called an omnipotence defense and then they don't recognize danger when danger is around them. So the idea that character structure that nest
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Just right. That's built around the defensive structure and the conscious mind that's sitting on top of the part of the iceberg. The unconscious mind underwater, right? It's that Nest, that is interfacing with the world through a whole set of predispositions. I'd like to take a brief break and acknowledge one of our sponsors. A G1 H G1 is a vitamin mineral, probiotic drink that meets all of your foundational nutrition needs. I started taking a G1 way back in 2012, so I'm delighted that they're sponsoring the podcast.
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Cam huberman to claim a special offer they'll give you five free travel packs and they'll give you a year supply of vitamin D3 K to again, that's drink. AG, one.com huberman to claim this special offer. I think most of us are familiar with assessing and assigning names to the character structures of others, and at least for most of us, we do that with no professional training or authority, right? Was it? That person is great. They're super nice persons. A jerk Larry.
3:12:14
Like weird, you know, etcetera, Etc. I think very few of us are familiar with assessing our own character structure, right? And I have to presume that some of what happens when somebody comes to you as a psychiatrist or to a psychologist, is that certain questions are asked and certain narratives are told that start to reveal to the clinician the character structure and perhaps from there, some of the possible defense mechanisms and you know, structure of the person's unconscious mind.
3:12:44
Conscious mind that obviously are unaware to them, but would be cleared by a clinician much in the same way that if somebody goes into the doctor and says, you know, I don't feel well, you can start probing with questions or they going to put, you know, take a, take a listen to their breathing, right, and their heart, right? Amazed it out, the stethoscope and figure it out of the probes. Whereas that the psychiatrist or psychologist uses words and language to probe. Yes. So what are the sorts of aspects of character structure that we can be aware of in ourselves?
3:13:14
You know, in other words, should we be asking what type of character do I have dependent on one circumstance or another? Should we ask ourselves what sorts of defense's we have? And maybe this would be a good opportunity to address this issue of what are healthy versus unhealthy defenses. Because it sounds to me, if I understand correctly, that the defense mechanisms are very strong component in determining, what our character structure is MHM, right? Because the defense,
3:13:44
Isms are unconscious and the character structure that Nest around the defenses. In the conscious mind through which we interface with the world is very, very complicated. So there is many character structures as there are human beings, right? So it's very, very complicated. But there are factors that are consistently relevant across people and get identified as such. So. So one example would be isolation versus affiliation, right? So do does a person tend to group with others, right?
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Or does the person tend to avoid grouping, right? And, and go about thoughts tasks, approaches to life in a more singular manner, right? So it's just one element, I'm making value judgment about it because it can be good or bad on either end of the spectrum, right? So we're just saying, what are the factors? So am I more affiliative or do I tend to isolate and be more a singular? That's just one example, right? Another example could be things. Like for example, use of humor, right? Does a person use
3:14:44
Myrrh. And in what way, right is a person use whom humor to deflect. Discomfort in negative situations, is a person use humor in order to belittle others or to be little themselves or does a person not use humor, right? So, these aspects of character structure, and so much research has been done on this over the years to determine what is most Salient right in this. This thing that we use in order to interface with the world around us about of which grows our
3:15:14
self. It makes good sense and it makes me want to revise a little bit. What I asked about before which is I said that when it comes to an exam of physical health measure blood pressure measured breathing Etc maybe even a blood test. Look at some biomarkers but what you're describing is a little bit more analogous to The Physician addressing a patient who's having some physical discomfort or malaise and saying tell me about your day you know.
3:15:44
What do you do when you get up in the morning? If the prison says, well, you know I drink a, you know, quarter pint of vodka. It C is a very different answer than, you know, I go outside and get some light in my eyes, drink a glass of water and maybe have a cup of coffee, right? Right. You know or if somebody says I have six espresso, if I understand correctly, the character structure is better revealed by exploring the action states that someone still lies in isolation versus engagement as opposed to a read of one specific biomarker. Yes.
3:16:14
So, as to structure, brought to life, right? Yes. Immediately. I'm thinking about movies and books where we learn so much about somebody through observing, the way that they interact with people in in very, very potent ways. So for instance, I can think of countless movies where you learn a ton about somebody in the first scene simply because of the way they react to somebody who you know Cuts them off on in traffic they just explode.
3:16:44
Okay, well then we think of that person as reactive from that point on unless there's a significant amount of material to revise that, but it's in the action of getting explosive and cursing etcetera as opposed to, if they just kind of laugh it off or laugh at themselves or blame someone within their own vehicle or something like that. So is are those the sorts of things that a clinician like yourself is listening for when somebody says, you know, I don't feel well and he said well tell me about what's going on lately and they start describing what's going on in there.
3:17:14
Life and are you listening for those places where the defense mechanisms can be? Our start start to reveal themselves? The character structure starts to reveal itself through these action steps that the person seems to be taking is it? Yeah. Yeah. Maybe one way of looking at character structure is that it's potentiality is and predispositions, right? That there's so much that that's latent that then interfaces with events like person stuck in traffic. How does that person respond if that person weren't stuck on?
3:17:44
I think there wouldn't be a response to it, right? So their potentiality is their predispositions and then we live through enacting them as we're moving, then through life, right? And the attempts to understand. So using the physical health parallel, right? If you came in and you said, I don't feel well right? We might run a lot of tests, right? We might get an MRI or a CAT scan or even putting the stethoscope and listening to us inside of you those we can say our unconscious things like you know you're not aware.
3:18:14
R of what the Imaging may show, where the blood test may show or how your lungs may sound when someone put the stethoscope on them, right? So so a clinician if you're trying to understand and help someone, then you do want to look for those things, right? You want to look for the things that are underneath the surface, but that, but that can be very, very important, right? You also want to look at everything that's on the surface, right? So if you're, if you're engaging with someone, you're engaging with the self, right? The self that grows out of the characters.
3:18:44
Sure Nest. Right. So by engaging with and, and doing one's best to understand the self, then you learn about what is underneath it, right? So, I may then learn, well, how do you respond in certain situations, right? Just like, I could ask you questions. Well, when do you not feel well or right? So, you're asking a person questions because the idea is to understand elements of the character structure. So, how do you respond in certain situations? What's going on inside of you, right? What do you understand about yourself and what do you not understand about?
3:19:14
Self, right. How do you bring yourself to bear in the world around you? So there's a similar process going on but here we're trying to understand the self and the understanding of the self can help us understand the components underneath of the self because that's where we're going to go to make things better, right? The idea is there shouldn't have to be mystery or certainly not mystery any more than there is in physical health. I mean, you know, rarely someone comes in and they're really not feeling well and a whole set of
3:19:44
Thing that should be done is done right Labs physical examination, history Imaging, right? And you still just don't know, right? I mean, sometimes that can happen, but it's very rare and the same should apply here that if we're examining a self, right? And we're looking for the components out of which that self comes right, then we should be able to understand, well enough to go back to the components of self and to make change. So that the self is in a better.
3:20:13
Replace right and and that self can then be empowered, can feel humility, right? Can then come at life through the altruism and gratitude that we seek because again, you show me someone who's coming at life, through altruism and gratitude and is not happy with their life and you'll be showing me something I've never seen before something entirely new. So if we want to get there, we want to know how to get there. And there are ways as there should be that parallel physical health, that aren't
3:20:44
Mysterious that we can come at to make understanding and change. I'm wondering about the role of anxiety in all of this. The reason I asked about anxiety is that you said that so much of character structure is determined by a set of predispositions and potentiality 's and earlier, we're talking about sample of either being afraid or unafraid in particular environments or feeling like we can walk into a classroom and learn or whether or not we overly concerned about
3:21:13
what people think about us or both. But it could be a mix whether or not, we can Embrace novel environments and safe and adaptive ways whether or not we can grow from them as opposed to whether or not we can be overtaken by them or perhaps even the injured harm psychologically, physically or both.
3:21:32
Anxiety to me is a very basic function. I think about in terms of the autonomic nervous system and degrees of excitability and Etc and abilities sleep at night, ability to wake up, feeling reasonably good but not have a panic attack but anxiety to me does seem like a key node in all of this meaning, you know, most people including myself, I don't walk around thinking about my character structure. I don't walk around thinking about how I'm going to behave in.
3:22:00
In a bunch of hypothetical environments, think about the fact that most mornings I wake up and I feel pretty good to be quite honest, not as good as I would like to feel and then I said Italy, because anything is wrong, but because I think I'm wired to be a little bit more on the anxious side and to predict what's going to happen next and what needs to be done. And so until I'm actually engaging in certain behaviors that anxiety homes, a little bit high for me, gears turn a little bit faster perhaps than I would like when I wake up in the morning but once I engage I feel like that the
3:22:30
Need of that gear turning matches the demands of Life pretty well. I feel agency. Okay. So if you don't mind, could we explore this. This feeling of anxiety or lack of anxiety, that I think people are pretty familiar with within themselves different times of day and in a under different conditions. Because to me, it seems like it an interesting lens to explore this notion of character structure. And defenses is anxiety, a healthy defense or an unhealthy defense, or does it.
3:23:00
Simply depend on the circumstances? Mhm. Well, we all have some degree of anxiety in us, right? We all have some awareness that we're navigating the world and like not everything is perfect, right? This is not Nirvana. So, there's some anxiety within us and the thought is that, that anxiety can keep us. Vigilant about the things, we should be vigilant about, you know, health and safety, right? But that too much anxiety, Then becomes counter productive and we can look at this in a very regimented.
3:23:30
It way, right. So, so some anxiety makes sense, right? It keeps us being careful. Keeps you because you being careful, as you're pulling out of a driveway, for example, right? So, okay. It can be, it can be absolutely fine. But let's say you bring something to clinical attention. That isn't absolutely fine. Alright, let's say, I didn't know you and you come in. We have the example that we that you use before, where, where you walk into work, and there's the group of people that you that, you know, well, in like, right, let's say you told me when I walk in there,
3:24:00
are I feel very anxious, right? I don't feel like things are, okay? Right, so then we would go through a we said that's not good, right? Maybe it's impacting a professional life. Things are not going well. Like you really want this to change because it's impacting your life in a negative way, we say. Okay, let's look at that from the perspective of structure of self, right? So first unconscious, right, is it, that just genetically, are you built with just higher levels of anxiety, right? So we could learn. Okay. Have you always been anxious? Like this is this is this
3:24:30
He's been in your life since you were a little kid, no matter what. So we're looking for biological nature. So to speak variables, we might also look for things that have happened to you that are lodged in your unconscious mind. Right? Is there trauma that you haven't processed right that now is underneath the surface, but is spinning off more anxiety, right? It let's say you tell me. Oh, it wasn't that long ago you started being anxious. I like did something happen that I did. You walk into a group of people and I don't you tripped and he felt bad about something.
3:25:00
And then then you get more anxious, right? So are there things going on underneath the surface that are impacting? You like let's let's look into that, right? Because that's the biggest part of the iceberg, right? Then your conscious mind we could start thinking about. Okay, what, what's going on? What do you actively thinking about? Right? So this is where sometimes cognitive behavioral techniques can can come into my like, are you thinking like oh no, I'm scared isn't going to go. Well, right look like having thoughts are the thoughts and making you more anxious, right? What's going on in your conscious mind, right? I would also
3:25:30
Very interested in the defense's around you. So for example, do you tend to avoid right? Has this been getting worse for three months? But you just your mind wouldn't acknowledge it, right? And by the time you have to acknowledge it now, it's really bad, right? Or do you not avoid? And like this started just started happening and you want to nip it in the bud, right? So I would be interested in the defense mechanisms, right? That our girding, your conscious self and I would be interested in the character structure. What decisions are you then making like?
3:26:00
Are you going anyway? Right? Are you having trouble? So sometimes you avoid are you then making decisions that make you late and that causes problems? How does it impact you once you're there? Are you engaging differently with people doing your work differently? So, I want to understand the character structure, and ultimately. You understand all of this by probing the self that's riding along on top of it. And then what is the experience of that self? Like, do you see that? Okay, this is a problem and I want to address it but like
3:26:30
Look, I know that I'm good at what I do and you know, I mean this isn't some like awful thing about me, I just have to deal with it, right? Or is yourself impacted we you start thinking maybe I can't do this anymore. I'm not good enough for, you know, we want to understand what's the experience of the self and if we do all of that, how is it that we don't get to a place where we can understand that anxiety and we can make things better so just like in physical health. Okay, maybe we can't, but that is a dramatic out.
3:27:00
Liar. If we bring ourselves to Bear, we would say you should not have to have this in you, right? Because it is something - it is making unhappiness for you. It is taking away from empowerment, right? And it's also taking away from humility, right? Because if someone's beating up on themselves, you're beating up on yourself about it, then that's not humility, right? Then, that that's being falsely persecute Tori, right? This is not an honest humility to that. It leads us away from health, so it's like, we don't want it to be this way, right? Because
3:27:30
That is working against agency and gratitude so we can understand it and we can go after it and make it better.
3:27:41
One of the most common questions I get on the internet and I get a lot of questions is what can be done to improve confidence and I've thought a lot about that question. And you know what is confidence in the context of what we're talking about? Now is one reasonable definition of confidence, our ability to trust our predispositions and our potentiality. He's enough that where we to encounter scenarios a through z.
3:28:10
We feel pretty good that we respond the right way in a way that wouldn't threaten our conscious mind at a core level. Right. You know that we wouldn't I used to use the term and joke-a-lot in my laboratory with the phrase, you know, dissolve into a puddle of our own tears. Right? Is kind of this, like, hyperbolic explanation of what I think many people fear, like they're going to be called upon, to answer a question publicly or give a speech, or they're going to be at a critical moment in.
3:28:40
Enroll relationship or something in there, and just everything is just going to go so badly. Wrong that it's just going to dissolve them as a person. It's impossible, right? Dissolving a bottler of our own tears is impossible, but I think that's a fear that a lot of people live with because we can get into this a little bit later and we will, I'm sure, you know, this notion of like protecting one's ego is seems really vital to being a human being some level. Like we don't, we don't want to dissolve into a puddle of her own tears. So is confidence the ability to trust ourselves.
3:29:10
In a bunch of different contexts. And at the same time, I do have to raise the this notion of narcissism. I think, you know, this word gets thrown around a lot lately, but it seems to me that any truly psychologically healthy person would also not want to be the idiot that thinks that they're better than they actually are. That's a, what are your thoughts on this? Well, I agree with the things that you that you said about confidence.
3:29:40
Except I would add two factors that I think are really big, big factors, right way, one being State dependence and the other being phenomenology, right? So think about this state dependence first, right? We're talking about confidence, it's not uniform right? Or it's not automatically uniform, right? So if so, if you were to tell me, oh, I lack confidence. Right. Then I want to understand is that across the board is like, is that a way that you feel about yourself that like, right? I'm not good enough at anything.
3:30:10
Example, right? Or do you lack confidence in a specific area? And this is often the case, right? And it's a huge difference, right? It says that person has the Machinery of confidence, so to speak, right? They have the potentiality is in the predispositions for confidence, right? When that character structure, this self build upon, it is engaging with the world, right? But they're not able to bring it to bear in certain in a certain special situation so to speak. So for some people, for example, the
3:30:40
The way we most often. See, this is like the carve out of romance, right where because it's so emotionally Laden, right? And like rejection can feel so bad right that we can see people who are very confident in many, many aspects of life, but they are very different about romance and will say different it, so it never works out for me or no one will ever like me, right? And he's like, that's not how that person actually feels right about themselves, is a whole human being, right? Which is just, then we are coming at how to make that better.
3:31:10
In a way that's very robust, right? We may say something like, hey, here's the good news. Is you have the tools in the Machinery that you need, right? You're confident in so many ways, right? In fact, maybe in all ways except this one. So let's go take a look at like, why is that special right? And then and where are we were back to? Is it something in the unconscious mind? Is it something in the in the conscious mind about how that person is engaging, right? So we have to understand what the state is and if the lack of
3:31:40
Vince is state-dependent, if the person is not confident across the board, then again, we go back to the same. You always go back to the same places to look, right. But then you might more think, okay? Is there an impact of childhood trauma or early life, trauma that, that took away from that person, you know, their ability to gain confidence? Right? Because if you have no confidence across the board, there's a deeper problem, right? Because there would be this something anyone can be good about and feel confident in
3:32:10
So the state dependence is very important as is phenomenology. So what is your experience of being confident? If you tell me, well, I'm let's say in a different version of this example. You say, you know, actually I'm quite I feel quite confident when I, when I walk into a room of people say, Okay. I want to understand more about that too, right? Because if I ask questions about that and you say, well, I feel confident because you know, look I'm a I'm a
3:32:40
Pretty smart person. I can think on my feet I can I can deal well with with people if something doesn't go right I can recover from her like I've got you know II why I have feel confident, you know and say okay that sounds pretty good. If you say well I feel confident because I know that I'm better than everybody right now. We have a problem, right? Right. Like that's not going to go well in other, you know, in other aspects of life and engagement like this, you know, it's not going to lead to humility and gratitude. So where's that coming from it again, maybe there's
3:33:10
A problem. Where, as you said about narcissism, right, which can be a reaction rate, which is a reaction to vulnerability, right? So then there's was going to reaction formation, and now the person is actually deeply diffident, right? But presents as very, very confident and with a sense of superiority and that that's not a recipe for happiness, right? So, so in the, in approaching it, we do want to understand all the things that you said, what are the factors and the
3:33:40
Set of predispositions and the set of potentiality is. But then what's the real world experience of that across situations and what is the person's experience of that inside? Which is why if we're going to understand and help people, like that's the understand part, right? You know, it's why the conveyor belt medicine, you know, that it doesn't work right in situations where we're dealing with human beings, like mental health, right? We have to understand something about people to understand, whatever. They're telling us means
3:34:10
Wise, you have no context, so you have no knowledge, another very common set of questions that I get that, I believe is very directly related to this is about beliefs and internal narratives, you know, people ask me all the time, how can I change what I believe about myself and they also asked, how can I change the script in my head? How do I typically? It's how do I shut down? A particular narrative in my head, it seems to fit very well in thinking about structure of self, because as you
3:34:40
Pointed out, you know, the self or the structure of self includes the unconscious mind. You know what's going on below? The surface of the water in, this Iceberg model, what's going on in the conscious mind that the conscious mind is protected by these defense mechanisms that grow up from the unconscious mind from that comes a character structure and then this thing that we call the self, right? But when it comes to beliefs and internal narratives, those seem to me the things that people are pretty well aware of. In fact, the very example that people are asking me this all the time. How to change
3:35:10
Internal narratives means they are aware of them. It also suggests that for many people out there their beliefs about themselves and their internal narratives are not healthy or at least they don't feel are serving them well, or that they are intrusive. I don't know how open people are about their beliefs and internal narratives when they come to you in the in your clinical practice. But you could tell us a little bit about beliefs and internal narratives and whether or not they are important to rewire in and reset. Mhm.
3:35:40
This part is extremely important, right? So imagine, for example, that I'm saying to myself over and over again that I'm a loser, right? Or I'm not good enough, right? I mean, imagine trying to go through life and someone else were saying that to you all the time, right? I mean it's worse when it's inside your own head, right? So what's going on inside of us? Our internal dialogue, our internal narratives are extremely important and here's where we run into a very big problem. Is that we live in an era?
3:36:10
In a culture that is very attuned to Rapid gratification, right? And all of this that we're talking about can change, but it does not change quickly and it's amazing to me when you'll see under Insurance paradigms often, right? No matter what's going on with someone they have 10 sessions of cognitive behavioral treatment. Right? If there's something we're trying to change beliefs it's a guarantee of failure, right? Because beliefs don't change.
3:36:40
Change that fast, right? So imagine for example that we you and I chose a word random word and we decided to say it 500 times, right? We teach be saying it tonight, right? It's not going to be out of our minds by tonight, but because we want took a random word and set it 500 times, right? So imagine that there's something that's highly emotionally Laden and we've said it thousands and thousands and thousands of times, right? This not going to go away quickly, right? But it can go.
3:37:10
Way. And during the process of it atrophying, right? Our lives can get better, right? This is the opposite of hopeless, right? It's actually very very encouraging but in a world that's rapid gratification, right? Like how do we fix? Is how do we fix this? Now, that doesn't acknowledge this. We hear all the time. That person is failed therapy, right? Like this is said, all the time that person failed. It was failed therapy mean, right? I mean I think therapy failed that person right? But we
3:37:40
Label like oppa person isn't better, right? But there are things going on inside of us that could take months and months or years to make better. Now again, that's okay, if we're aware of what's going on, just the very fact that we understand and we're making change, right? Helps us feel better about ourselves and more confident right? That we can change all of this but we have to approach it in the right way. So let's say that I'm telling myself over and over again, you're not going to get there, right? And let's say, place I want to go pro.
3:38:10
Nationally right? Or no one's ever going to really want you, right? If it's am looking for a romantic partner, right? So so imagine these things are going on and they're going on over and over again. And you can imagine now that it's intruded into the unconscious mind it's going on in my conscious mind, my defensive structure is Shifting in negative ways and becoming more avoidant. Like nothing about this is good and I want it to change and I wanted to change to something that says like you can do it, right? Or you are loved
3:38:39
able, right? You can be a good partner to someone with. So I want to change it, right? So imagine now, when I start to make that change I'm blazing a path, right? And and I'm blazing a path where there wasn't a path before, right? And I can blaze a path and I can go through that path, but that path is going to be nothing. Like, maybe the four-lane highway, right adjacent to me where the things that I've been telling myself for years and years and years born of trauma. Right is is you know, it
3:39:10
Is going back and forth, right? It's got a four lane highway, I'm cutting a path, right? But over time, you cut that path, more and more. You tread that path, more and more, you take energy towards that path. It becomes better. Now, let's imagine like the path is well lit, and it's 12 feet wide and maybe we can pave the path. So more more traffic. So to speak goes down it and we're taking energy away from that four-lane Highway, and maybe it starts to be overgrown a little bit and there are cracks in the road like we can change all of that. But
3:39:39
We have to understand what's going on and and identify it. Like, what is going on inside of me? What do I make of it, right? How do I understand the process of change? How do I increase my empowerment during the process of change? If we come at it? The right way, all of this can be changed, its not hardwired in us. It's just very, very strongly reinforced the same way. Our brains are built this way, so we don't forget our own names, right? You know, we don't forget where we live, you know, back when we were
3:40:10
Doing and Gathering. And we don't, we don't forget, you know, where where the good fruits are, right? I mean, it goes on in human life. Now, we have to remember things. It's very, very important. If something is has high emotional valence and we thought it a lot that we don't forget it but that mechanism gets hijacked by things that are not good for us and we can take it back but not if we don't understand what are the tools or the questions that you give or ask of patients in order to help.
3:40:39
Um, along that pathway because I totally agree that changing beliefs and internal narratives is very, very hard. Just one quick example, that meshes, with the physical health realm, I have a friend and colleague, he's a very accomplished scientist who was very overweight for a long period of time. He finally made some behavioral changes that allowed him to lose. I think it was in upwards of 80 pounds, a significant amount of weight felt much better, looked much better.
3:41:08
He just delighted in his ability to do that but then started to reveal to me that he was deathly afraid that he was going to lose control and start eating the way he was before and stop exercising in a way that would return him to his previous weight and feelings of malaise. And I said, well all the things you're doing are in the direction of Health, none of what you're doing, speaks to the possibility of this all crumbling. This was
3:41:37
the dissolve into a puddle of my own tears kind of narrative, but at this point coming from him and he just said, I know, but despite doing all the right things, I'm still incredibly afraid that it's going to happen. It was as if that the beliefs and the internal narratives hadn't changed despite the fact that he was engaging in the world differently and more positively I haven't checked in with him, recently to find out where he's at with this. Now, several years later, he has kept off most of the weight. Not all, they gained a little bit back but he still
3:42:07
Far healthier than he ever was so hopefully he's experienced some relief. But you know, what, do you tell a patient who is saying, you know, I've got this Loop in my head that tells me I'm not good enough or that even when things are going. Well, they're going to return to that state that I fear so much. Once again this kind of like, you know lack of agency right just lack of agency lack of agency lack of empowerment. What what sorts of practical tools can can one give up.
3:42:37
Themselves or that you would provide to somebody no matter what is behind what's going on in that person's mind. It's addressable but you don't know what it is and how to address it until we asked the question of what's going on inside, right? So if he's afraid that he's going to gain all that weight back, right and he has a history that if significant negative things happen. He throws self-care to the wind, right?
3:43:08
Then we come at it through that pattern, right? Because he would have a very kind of a good reason to be worried, right? Because this pattern of something bad happens and I can take care of myself for six months. You know. Maybe someone I'm just making this up, maybe someone in his life is ill or he's fearing a death, you know. And if you choose something that would say that's a very legitimate fear to have like, let's let's talk about that. Let's look at where that comes from. Right. What got that person into the that pattern in the first place, right? By understanding the
3:43:37
Learned and by working together, right? Can we can we Stave that off, right? But it could be different. The person might say, well I'm really I'm having a lot of food cravings, right? And we like okay well what does that mean? Where's that coming from or maybe he's depressed. And when and he's getting depressed and when he's depressed he can't stop eating more, right? So you know you would look or might just be plain old fear. Like this is so good, right? That that I'm worried it will go away, right? Then we might want to reinforce like, okay, like, you know, you're a person who's able to use circumspection and
3:44:07
Perseverance and preserve goodness, right? So like you do that and you do that really well. So let's let's make sure we're doing that here, right? So you know a lot of times a person is worried but that worry is coming through the lens of Health like they're healthy, right? So then we look at okay, can we Sue that way? We're going. Where's that coming from? Right, we can come at it and reinforce the positive, but if there is something - there's a trauma driven cycle, there's depression their Cravings, we can understand that too. So so I come back to
3:44:37
The idea that there's answers to just about everything and in a very regimented, scientific way, it's not that hard to come to them, right? Just like in Physical Medicine, like we have the print. We have the tools that we need to bring to bear, but you have to understand the person again, if you come in and say, I'm not feeling good and someone else comes in and says, I'm not feeling good. The doctor better not do the same things, right? As is, how are you not feeling good? Okay, let me understand that. And then that, when we map that also to you whatever underlying state
3:45:07
Healthy may have or diagnosis, you may have the same is true in mental health. If we just apply that, then it's remarkable. The good that we do, which I've seen very consistently across 20 years of doing this, not only in my own practice while they who are the people who do really, really well, trying to understand and take care of people including sometimes not doing too much and realizing like, hey, this person is okay like there's a state of healthier, but this person is worried. How do we reassure them, right? How do we help someone living a good life live? A better life, right? If we're going to do,
3:45:37
All of this. We have to approach people as individuals. It's just I mean the science tells us that in common sense tells us that too, but if we do that, a person can get to the place they want to be, I'd like to address a different person as an example, a hypothetical person. Okay. And I'm certain, there are many, many of these people out there. These are the sorts of people that think, okay, there's a self and a mind and a unconscious mind etcetera. But you know, at some level
3:46:07
Why not just do what needs to be done in life? Like the people that don't want to explore the self, you know? Because to me it seems so absolutely clear that just as it's important to have a certain level of endurance strength flexibility. So that one can extract the most joy and agency and gratitude and empowerment and humility from life. That it makes sense to explore the self to ask, you know, where am I internally strong? Where am I internally week? You know, where might I perceive myself as strong, where, as I'm actually week,
3:46:37
Seems like you seem like very important if not crucial questions to ask, but I know that there are certain number of people in the world. Think all of that is just kind of a waste of time, right? It's all about doing stuff. It's all you know, why explore the self, you know. And I think the rest of us are looking at that person often than thinking, well, you're exactly the kind of person that needs to do this because of the way that you great on other people, but, but not always right, sometimes people just appear to be just very effective. They're all about.
3:47:07
The outward expression of what they're doing. And I certainly don't know how other people feel waking up in the morning and going to sleep at night and throughout the day, but to the person that feels like introspection and exploring, maybe even Excavating for trauma that they haven't been in touch with or haven't dealt with yet for the person. That feels that all of that is kind of not really worth the effort and that's all about action. You know, what can we say to that person or those people?
3:47:38
Put differently, does one need to change a need to believe in the power of these sorts of approaches. In order for them to work, we often hear that people don't change until they want to change. And, and could we also say, perhaps that even for the people that feel like they're functioning extremely well in all domains of life? I know, no, such people and I know some very high cheating was as you do too. I know no such people, the only people who seem to exist in that sphere are the Nars.
3:48:07
The clear narcissists that to them just seem like they're doing great but everyone else can't stand them. By the way narcissist. No one else can stand you. What do we say to those individuals? Because I think it's a big swath of humanity and I think it it accounts for a lot of suffering in the world, including their own suffering. Yeah. So I would make an appeal to common sense, right? So imagine you take someone who doesn't know anything about health, they don't know. They don't know how to exercise. Don't know how
3:48:37
Eat well, they just don't know. And they're very, really, really unhealthy, right? They're overweight. They have low energy. They have sleep apnea, they didn't know. Need to have you. And and any why not just say to them? Well, like just go be different. Like in fact be different now. Why don't you different right now, right? Like of course we would never do that because it's a it's absurd. Oh and by the way also would be cruel, right? So it's absurd and its crew so we would never do that, right? Let's say now you
3:49:07
You, let's say, we fast forward some period of months saves. Make it up, right? And we see that person and wow, they are much healthier. They have much more energy. They've lost way. They're physically fit. A lot will have gone on in between those two snapshots of that person that person has to learn a lot, right? How does one take care of oneself, right then more specifically. How do I take care of myself? Right? What healthy foods? You know, will I like what healthy foods will I will I eat? How will I put that on the table? What kind of exercise?
3:49:37
This can work for me, how they work for me, how do I strengthen muscle? How do I strengthen the hard? How do I increase lung capacity, right? There's learning, there's diligence, you know, there's stick-to-itiveness right? There's resilience that's how the person gets their right. Is no different in its mental health, right? If we say well, you feel you feel different across the board, or you feel Superior across the board or whatever it is like, life isn't going well. And you don't have things, you want and know the self talk.
3:50:07
Talk is negative. Then we said, well, look what just be different right now, right? I mean, it's remarkable that people will say that at times, not just in a way that's denigrating an awful for others. But to themselves to write, I mean, I hear people say this most often to themselves, like, I, why am I not just different right? I want to be different or what's wrong with me that I'm not and I'm like, yeah, it's like everything else. Like you have to play understanding and work and effort. Like the good news is you can get to whatever.
3:50:37
And you want, I mean, a person can get to whatever reasonable change that person wants like, you know, I'm 54 years old. I'm not going to climb Mount Everest. I'm not a mountain climber, right? But if I want to, like, I want to learn to climb some mountains. I want to get out there and do some things. I can go do that, right? The same thing is true with our mental health goals, but not at the snap of a finger, not by Magic, right? It's through applying the same science and Common Sense combination of Science and common sense that we apply to other things. That's why we go through.
3:51:07
This procedure of unconscious mind conscious mind, the structure and function of the self because that's how that's how it's done. That's how the after snapshot looks different than the before from the mental health perspective as well. That's very helpful and I think it's going to be very helpful to a lot of people and thinking about what to think about, what sorts of questions should to address, maybe even whether or not to get therapy and hopefully, we'll remap their Notions of therapy. I mean, if
3:51:37
This critically relies on the therapist, being good to excellent. And I think in the previous sit down, we had around the, in the episode on trauma. Specifically, you mapped out a number of the features of quality therapy, so we can refer people to that if they're thinking about it's time-stamped in that episode of. So you know what to look for in a therapist, what, how to assess whether or not it's going well or not whether or not to move on or stay put with that therapist and so on.
3:52:06
You've been telling us a lot about the structure of our of the self unconscious mind conscious mind defense mechanisms character structure self.
3:52:16
We haven't talked so much about the function of self. I realize it's been woven in here or there. Yes. Could you tell us about the function of self the functions of self verb actions? I mean, are these things that we are all doing right now, that reflect our character structure, are these things that we can change more readily than trying to snap our fingers and say, okay, I'm now going to be a more altruistic person because I can decide that right now, but then ultimately, I have to engage.
3:52:45
In some altruistic behaviors to lend support to that again. Same with the parallel that I can just snap my fingers and say, lower blood pressure. You know, I have to do some meditative practices, some cardiovascular training and things of that sort. What is this function of self thing? What goes into the functions of self. Okay, so, so just stepping back to the framing, right? So there these two pillars upon which we build our lives. The struggle
3:53:15
Sure of self and the function of self. And we've been talking, as you said, more about the structure, which is more than nouns of it, like there is an unconscious. What is in that unconscious? For example, there are defense mechanisms, how are we using them? I guess not all nouns, but it's more. What are those things? And then we start talking about how we put them into practice. The function of self is much more the verbs, right? So if the structure is more nouns, the function is more the verbs, write the actual engagement, right?
3:53:45
Right. So, so that would start with an awareness of iso, a function of self has to start with an awareness that, like, there's a person there isn't there isn't me that is separate from others. And I have responsibility for this. I write like, it is me, no one else is guiding it, like, it's me. I know there's a me. Okay. Then on top of that, we start seeing defense mechanisms in action, right? Because we're thinking about function, right? We're aware that there's an eye, but the first thing,
3:54:15
It starts happening to that, I are unconscious things, right? So the defense mechanisms because we're not choosing them, right, they start doing things automatically. So if for example I have a defense of avoidance, right? Then I'm not thinking, you know, if it's, I'd like to meet a new person but I automatically am shying away, right? Then that's not. It's not good, right? It's a factor, right? But it's a factor. I'm not aware of until I start this process of
3:54:45
Introspecting. Right? So the defense mechanisms are then kind of determining the lay of the land, right? So in that example I'm sorry to interrupt but yeah, sorry to interrupt but in that example that the Turning Away you described as reflexive. So you're talking about someone perhaps who would like to have a romantic partner or meet somebody have a companion and they go to the grocery store and somebody says something is they're reaching for the milk and you know there's that moment of opportunity where they could say something back. But instead they
3:55:15
Kind of go. Yeah, thanks and them, they kind of way. And then they, the narrative in their head might be, gosh, thought that was silly, right? But they don't really think about the, the alternate possibility. There might be no narrative. I think they're just gonna head off to. They hauled off to the produce section, and then they go home, and, and sends his own anything happened as it goes. You meet me once the groceries. No? Right. Because all unconscious, right, okay. Right now, again, we can a, can we explore that and change that? Yes. But it's important to understand,
3:55:45
That whatever that nest of defense mechanisms is like, that's what I've got right now, right? And I'm living through that right now, right? That it's performing a function, right? Just because it's an unconscious function, does it mean it's not a very, very important function. I can see in that example how it protects the conscious mind from risk, because there's always the possibility of rejection. There's a possibility of over interpretation of what the other person is talking to them. For Right? Light is the person interested in them, or whether or not, this is just, you know, front.
3:56:15
We banter the sort that anyone would have next to anybody that it's not special to them. So you can see how the unconscious turning away is protective against all the negative possibilities. And in some sense is pretty rational because the the probability that that one interaction could ratchet up to a life of companionship and romance with somebody is it is in exceedingly, small, really, although you can imagine a set of data points where you string together
3:56:45
Together, you know, like five second Clips you know, all look the time something like that has happened, right? So maybe this is a person that intermittently like people are interested in them are saying, Hey, or saying, hello or showing interest. You could string all those together, and the person hasn't noticed, one of them, right? And then could have a very negative, see nobody? No one wants me. No one's interested in me or says, whatever the person is saying, but but like it's different if you see from the outside, like it's objectively different. But that person,
3:57:15
Doesn't know. And that's why after being an awareness, there is an eye. The next thing that I think of in the in the function of self is is the defense mechanisms in action? What are some other examples of defense mechanisms in action? Because I think there's immense interest in this, you know, the idea that we have unconscious processes in us that are reaching up out of the iceberg and preventing us from seeing our life and ourselves.
3:57:45
The way that it actually is occurring and perhaps preventing us from achieving these ideals of agency and gratitude, empowerment and humility, you know, I mean, you seem like very powerful and important forces. And, and I, and I know many other people out there want to understand whether or not what we're doing and what we're feeling and experiencing whether or not that is serving us well, or not. So I think the, the place to start is to say that there's something very, very complicated going on.
3:58:16
The part of the iceberg underneath the surface right that biological super computer, that's running at a million thoughts, in a million actions and million. Internal processes is second right, is constantly shifting, our defensive structure, so so it's complicated. And you can almost imagine that like one leaves and another comes in and they're shifting and there's a little bit of wine and some of another like. So it's a very complicated process, but we can look at it and understand. So, so an example of a defense mechanism
3:58:45
That's very common and can cause us a lot of problems is projection, right? So I'll give two examples of projection, so. So one is the experience of sitting in a car, right? And being stuck in traffic being a little bit late, right? And feeling beleaguered, right? I mean, this has happened to me more times than I can count. But at some point, I started through my own therapy looking at like, what's going on in me, right? When I'm doing this right? So think about the be feeling beleaguered, right? As if
3:59:16
What does that mean? Like this something called traffic that exists and has a mind and wants to thwart me? Right? Is it individual cars? Is it the people in the cars, right? What's going on? Is that I'm having a perception of hostility. I feel beleaguered, right? But it's anger and frustration inside of me, right? I'm the one feeling angry and frustrated, there's there's there's no one and nothing but me that stealing anything about this, right? But I have this sense of the world around
3:59:45
And me being hostile because I'm projecting my anger out word right now. Think this isn't good because instead of sitting in traffic and saying look maybe a totally makes sense that I'm stuck in traffic and that I'm not happy. Like maybe I should leave a little bit earlier and I wouldn't be late or if it's go I'm going to work. Should I live closer to work? I could make a whole set of decisions that I'm not making right or maybe I'd know I thought was going to be a 15 minute drive and like those in
4:00:15
Accident rate. And okay, there are things that I can't control. I am I supposed to control everything, right? If you think about, what can I control being aware of that and what can I not control right then it can make the situation much better. So this doesn't happen with this frequency and it also takes away the anger and the frustration, right? So I think that's a good example because it happens a lot. It's very, very common, but projection then also happens with people, right? So let's say you and I work together and we're going to do something.
4:00:45
Operative together. And I'm just not having a good day and something negative happened before I came to work. And, you know, I'm not at my best and I'm a little bit. I'm a little bit irritable and frustrated, right? This happens all the time within the person sits down with someone and then I'm being irritable and frustrated which doesn't feel good to you, right? And and you may become irritable and frustrated, right? And then I say, oh look, he's irritable and frustrated, right? But even if you don't the fact that I feel that way, right? That projection
4:01:15
Oftenly would lead me to think that it's you. Who's that way? Here I come wanting to do this job and you're not at your best. It's me who's not at my best, right? But we do this all the time and then we make incorrect or inaccurate, attributions, right? Soso projection is an example of a defense mechanism that can cause us a lot of trouble, right? A lot of trouble, another can be displacement where if I'm feeling angry
4:01:45
anger or frustration say in a certain realm, then I the idea of feeling it at work and then kicking the dog, right? Like it's not good that we do that, we're not acknowledging what's going on inside of us at work, what we could change what we could make better and the dog doesn't want to be kicked, right? And the dog is often, you know, also the family right? And that could be physical or could be through words, right? But the idea that with that there's something - being generated in us but inside, where were perceiving that it's coming from.
4:02:15
Somewhere else, right? I mean, the thought, because all things to lead us astray, right? When they're - defense is right there, can be positive defenses to such as altruism, right? That that someone could do something negative to me, right? And instead of me passing that along, I could decide. You know, I'm going to do something, I'm going to do something nice for the next person. I have an opportunity to do something nice for right. Like that's a defense as sometimes we could think of it and decide that way, but they're people who react that way, like, there's something negative that happens.
4:02:45
And they respond with something that's, that's different from that. So, defense mechanisms can work against us, they can work for us, they're complicated, their combinations of them but we can look inside and say, for example, if I'm using projection all the time, right? And I think everyone around me is kind of always angry and frustrated, right? And there's always bad traffic, right? But then as we start to talk about it more it becomes apparent that there's a lot I'm angry about. Right? But I'm not aware of it and then reflection or
4:03:15
Be right. If it were a good friend, were talking to a can help us see, right? That? Hey, this is going on inside of me, right? And that can really help us same with use of humor. Like, if I'm using humor and I'm, I'm kind of decompressing uncomfortable situations or things that make me feel uncomfortable. Maybe that greases the wheels of social progress. But maybe over time, I come to use humor in a way that self denigrating, right. Well, that's not so good anymore but I may not be aware.
4:03:45
Of the shift just because I could maybe be funny in certain situations that I'm now not using that for myself anymore. I'm using it against myself and by talking to people why reflection like we can be aware of the defensive structure that's going on inside of us. And then there's not an automaticity to it. If you point out that I'm using projection a lot, I can start to be aware of that. Just like if someone, let's say you were with me at the grocery store, right? And someone says something nice and I shy away. And you say,
4:04:15
Hey, you know, you didn't weren't even aware someone said, hello to you and then icing, I want to be more aware of that. Like I want, I don't want that thing to happen, unconsciously. So maybe now I think, okay, anytime someone, I don't know, says something to me. I'm going to just stop and think, like, what's going on here, right? Is that person being friendly to me? Is it is they just, you know, it's just a person, exchanging money to cash register like, what's going on. So we take what's on conscious and we make it conscious so that we can change. It sounds to me like exploring and thinking about
4:04:45
Out, our reflexes is what's really key here. The example of displacement that you gave, you know, kicking the dog. I couldn't help but smile not because I think it's a good thing to do. I never once kicked my dog, by the way folks, terrible thing to do also he was the size of a boulder with an injured knee. More than would have injured him, but I never would do such a thing. However, in Academia, there's this phenomenon, it's very common that that I refer to, as trickle-down anxiety, where the person running the lab
4:05:15
Tori is inevitably under a tremendous amount of stress, grants and papers, Etc, and graduate students. And postdocs, will immediately be familiar with what I'm describing. But for those of you that haven't gone to graduate school, this will be a little bit foreign, but you'll think of other examples where when the lab head is under stress
4:05:34
It's incredibly common for lab heads to walk through the laboratory and start asking about experiments and telling people to do additional experiments and basically just assigning busy work to people or pressuring what simply cannot be moved. Along any faster. And when I was a graduate student, I worked for somebody who is the exact opposite of this phenotype. When I was a postdoc, frankly I worked with someone who's a little bit of that phenotype, although I still liked working for him very much. But I used to have a response that at least for me was adaptive, which was, I would always say
4:06:04
I'm working as fast as I carefully, can because no scientist ever wants somebody to cut Corners. No. Good scientist. Anyway, but trickle-down anxiety is common in every occupation. I think we see this sort of displacement all the time where someone is anxious and so they go start creating anxiety for other people when you can just as you're describing I was just seeing how pathologic that is for everybody involved. So that the academic the trickle-down anxiety that you were just talking about, is it's a related but it's a different
4:06:34
defense mechanism and it's projective identification, right? Which is, which is causing others to feel the way that you feel in order to get your needs met? Is this a form of projection? And actually, perhaps you could clarify the definition of projection versus displacement versus projective identification. So projection is, when you don't own it. So so it's not me who's mad, it's you, right? So I don't own that, I'm mad at all, right, I just think that it's you even though I'm the one who's mad, right.
4:07:04
Displacement is what comes out of us, or what we're attribution can shift, right? It's it's not. This person is making me angry. It's that person because that's a safer person, right to be angry at, right? Or if I'm, then going to take out my anger, right? Instead of metaphorically, kicking a person who might who might respond to me in a way, I don't want. Maybe I kicked the dog that's helpless to respond back, right? That's displacement. Projective identification is theirs.
4:07:34
There's an expression of an emotional state inside of a person that then becomes contagious to other people. Even though the person isn't trying to do this person says I'm going to make you anxious. That's not a defense mechanism anymore, right? So here's an example, I think I did. This is the best example of projective identification. So for a little bit of time at work, I would occasionally lose my keys, right? So now I'm trying to go and I can't find my keys, right? So I say, oh, I don't know where my keys are, right. So I'm going to start expressing something, right? And I'm anxious, and I'm tense right now, people around
4:08:04
Hear that right? And what do they start feeling? They start feeling anxious and tense the way that I do, right? And now they're like, well, now they want to know. They want to find my keys, right? They want to help me so that I stopped spreading anxiety and tension into the whole environment around me, right? So then they helped me find my keys. I say thank you. My own emotional state comes down and upon reflection. I think look, I don't want to do that, right? I got my, I'm getting my needs met by making other people, feel in a way.
4:08:34
It's like, not a good or comfortable way to feel. So here's a way around that, like, put my keys in the same place every day, right? So then I can avoid that because it doesn't feel good to me. Like then if I get out to my car, like, I find, you know, I'm a little bit, I'm breathing, a little heavy. Like I don't doesn't feel good because I was just agitated, right? And I did that to other people too, right? So it's an example of how projective identification works and it's kind of a simple example, but what it shows is happening all the time, you know, all these things are happening all the time but we can become aware of it. Then I don't
4:09:04
My keys. I don't have to feel bad about off to activate myself for no reason and they don't have to activate other people for no reason so thinking and reflecting like change that thing for the better and it can do it with much bigger things to thank you for those clarifications. I'd like to touch on humor for a moment. Obviously humor is a wonderful thing or can be a wonderful thing. I've also seen a lot of examples of where very smart and or accomplished people because those are not always the same.
4:09:34
Same thing. Use sarcasm.
4:09:39
As a form of humor and it can be very funny. But I have to imagine based on everything I'm hearing from you today that there's a form of sarcasm which is an unhealthy defense. I'm thinking of the person that no matter what someone else says, that's positive word or no matter what someone does, that could be viewed as positive, they find some way to diminish it by like through sarcastic humor. Yeah, I see this a lot and I think closely
4:10:08
Nested with sarcasm is cynicism. In fact I have a family member. I won't name who they are to protect the not. So innocent who used to be very cynical and I want to ask you what is the thing about cynicism? And they said well I have had a particular genre of schooling growing up a formal schooling where if anyone behaved too happy Express too much happiness, rather too much delight.
4:10:38
They were viewed as stupid like, as if to be happy, is to, to be unaware of of the sophistication and the importance of things in life, right? And I hope that this is unrelatable to most people listening, but I do think that sarcasm is a double-edged blade in this sense. And that cynicism is, is perhaps a double-edged blade as well, but that it might even be worse than sarcasm because it's a way of really now reflecting.
4:11:08
Backwards by definition. What's not good about life, what's not good about what's happening and, and it does seem protective, right? It protects one from disappointment. If you're already disappointed, how could you be further disappointed? It's also seems to me like, a bit of a power move. It's like, you're going to be happy. Well, I'm going to take that away forever from everybody, like something that's like for myself. And it is any of this, actually, hold in the inside, of just went clinical literature because, again, I enjoy a good
4:11:38
A stick joke. In fact, there's a collaboration around a sarcastic joke. It can be truly funny to everybody but sarcasm and cynicism, I feel like are often used to cut down what would otherwise be benevolence or or bonding experiences absolutely? Like, I grew up in central. New Jersey, humor is a weapon, right? Or it certainly can be and people can be very aggressive through humor. So so acting out which is you just letting our aggression.
4:12:08
Flow. Right, that's a defense. Right? So just being aggressive and pushing someone back, write it. However, that means like I if I don't feel good about myself, I want you to feel not so good about yourself, right? Is where we start getting into into envy and humor can be used that way. So, so that sort of biting sarcastic. Humor is a form of acting out. It's a form of aggression, right? It's not humor as a healthy defense, right? We can call it the same thing, but we could also call it different things. It's just a Nuance of our
4:12:38
language, right? If if humor can be a defense, like, I trip and fall, I make a little joke. People are laughing with me instead of at me, right? Hey, humor is a good defense. I made myself feel better May things flow more easily, but if I'm using sarcastic humor to assail someone, right, then that's not, it's not that thing anymore, right? And, you know, now it's a manifestation of aggression, right? And the idea that cynicism, you know is is more than was talked about a worldview, right? Like sarcasm is
4:13:08
It can be done now like we can make a sarcastic joke, funny. Or not then it's over, right? But cynicism is a way of coming at the world is a different kind of Defense, right? The idea that hey it's like the fox and the sour grapes. Like I don't I don't think there's anything good to be had anyway, right? So you can't take anything away from me. Can't make me feel worse, right? I already feel very, very bad about the world and about everybody in it and I'm protecting myself that way. Like, that's then an unhealthy defense because what does that lead to
4:13:38
East isolation at least to mistrust, you know, we know that if people are happy, if they lived through altruism and gratitude and they're well connected with others. So so the cynical point of view, which again, to some degree being in the world, build some cynicism in us, right? Like that's okay, that's part of, that's just a part of awareness in some sense. But I think what you're talking about is a very pervasive cynicism that than is an unhealthy defense. That is very harmful to others it, right. The idea that I feel lousy about everything
4:14:08
And if you don't, I'm going to try and bring you down, right? Like too much happiness will label that as something right? We label. It is stupid, right? So now it's like, it's not okay to be happier than some sort of cynical Baseline, right? And again there's nothing about altruism and gratitude. That's not happy, right? I mean who's happy in that situation, cynic, the people who are overly cynical, or not happy and the people around them are not happy. Nobody's happy.
4:14:33
Thanks for the clarification on New Jersey. A good portion of my biological family is from New Jersey. I'm not well armed, I adore them, but it's true. I there was once a moment at a family gathering where somebody said let's let's hug or something and the reaction was like, oh we're gonna hug now, you know. It was like it was it was, it was entirely sarcastic and cynical and like in the the hug that resulted from that was this like little like like distant hats kind of thing. It was
4:15:02
Now I'm laughing about it, it's funny and they're very loving people, but you're right. It's a it's a different style of humor and discourse. Yeah so you've been talking about these two pillars of the self and who we are and how things play out in the world for us as the structure of self and the function of self. And in terms of the function of self-described, self-awareness, this notion, or this realization, that there is an eye, there's a me and then we've been talking about defense mechanisms in action, how these play out
4:15:32
Out in the real world, both positive and negative.
4:15:36
Seems to me that a lot of what is happening here in terms of understanding, the function of self, has to do with what we pay attention to where we place our our efforts or choose to not place our attention, and not place our efforts. Do I have that right? Right. Yeah. Salience is is a huge Concept in I think in in human existence, right? Mean there are thousands upon thousands of things that you are. I could be paying attention to right now, right?
4:16:05
But we're not paying attention to anything, except what we're doing right here. So we are gaining out, so many other thoughts ideas, narratives inside. Now, if something were to shift very quickly, if we heard a loud noise, right? Our attention would shift, right? So, so our attention is it's focused. We're sailing it to one another, because this is what we've chosen, we're focusing, our minds and we are also somewhere inside of us aware that we could shift away from it, if something more important like something dangerous, like, weird.
4:16:35
Happen, right? So it lets us be here and be sailing it to one another and have this conversation, right? But in the course of Life, what's alien to us, is so complicated and determined by so many factors that is absolutely worth a lot of attention to. So, one example, is so many people have a negative internal dialogue, that's running in them over and over again or they're running through images events. You know, they may be traumatic events or things that they're not happy with images.
4:17:05
Of themselves in negative ways that these internal narratives or internal images can become so strong. That there's no room for anything else. So, you know, an example would be a person who, who really, really loved music, right? And could have, you know, just in addition to enjoying music, like had a good thoughts while listening to music, like you know what, I could go do this, right? And and, and that a history of of like that, really working out well.
4:17:35
Like following is interests and and like really creating sort of goodness in his life, right? Who now was going for long drives like longer than would be needed to go somewhere. Get something like why the extra time in the car and I had had a presumption. Okay, person's listening to music and thinking, but it didn't quite add up. And then, I learned that the person is not listening to music, right? That they're using that time. So that the internal narrative, right? Which was a very, very negative repeated in
4:18:05
internal - you're not going to get anywhere. You're not going to make anything other of yourself, right? It could be there in his mind, right? So it was a form of self-punishment. It was a form of taking the anger and frustration inside and enacting it towards himself. And that was so Salient. That this person could not see his way to any goodness, like nothing could change. Nothing could get any better, I felt very sure and very resolved about that. And the answer was yes.
4:18:35
Right. They nothing can get any better with this constant Mantra running over and over again, but things can get better, right? If that becomes less Salient over time in your own thoughts and Reflections become more Salient. So at the other end of that shift, you know, that narrative that was still there, but it was weakened, right? Because it takes time to really change things. It was very much weakened. The person was listening to music again. Those thoughts had kind of come back to
4:19:05
To the surface and they were being sort of jumbled, you know, in ways that are that brought new and interesting thoughts coming from them. And the person was in an entirely different place in like completely changed their life, right? I mean this is it's this is true, right? It's a dramatic example. But dramatic examples inform us right where the salience shifted and then the life shifted. After that, what you're describing in terms of the specific example doesn't resonate with me in terms of my own experience. Although, as you point out it's very
4:19:35
King. It's very dramatic but it resonates with me from a different perspective. I'm not seeking a free clinical session here, but but to give meat to the example, I'm about to ask you for insight on, you know, I've never allowed myself to stay in a bad professional situation for very long. You know, when things didn't feel right, or when I send someone, I was working with or for wasn't the right situation. I got out. Despite if I were to really
4:20:05
We think about it. There could have been pretty severe long-term consequences
4:20:09
Fortunately it all worked out in fact, so much. So that I would say, you know, I pay attention to whether or not people I work with, and for our of the sort that I want to be working with. And if I sense a particular type of danger, I'll look at that. And I'm 100% so far, knock on wood, but 100% so far on recognizing later that it was a great decision to move on. And on the flip side of it, I've made, I believe excellent decisions in terms of who to work with.
4:20:38
In terms of my podcasting in terms of my academic career, Etc. But I've had to move away from people that just weren't right for me. Hmm, I don't think they were truly Bad actors. But thank goodness. I moved away. And thank goodness. I found these other wonderful people to work with. However, there are circumstances that have been repetitive in my life where I've just be honest, repeatedly made not good decisions about who to be.
4:21:08
Involved with over a fairly long periods of time and there can even be an awareness or I should say there has been an awareness, like, this isn't a good situation and yet I'm persisting in, in seeking out this and similar types of situations. So, I consider myself a at least partially rational human being with some degree of introspection.
4:21:28
You know, when I look at this and I think, okay, this is a choice to focus on placing myself in. I have to assume it placing myself into situations that are challenging for me in a way that I know is preventing me from living in certain ways that I want, and from being Quantico, happy in certain ways that I want, when you hear a scenario like that, like, I can do it over here, but I can't seem to do it over here. In fact, I see myself doing it, the wrong way here, right? A little bit different than the exam.
4:21:58
Will you give a moment ago? Because, yeah, I was driving to work, not listening to music, but it wasn't putting two and two together about what was going on. But when somebody can see what's going on, I think this might even be called the repetition compulsion or sometimes. Yeah, sometimes. Yeah, what is that about our people trying to work out, something specific? Or are they deliberately creating some friction to accomplish something else, right? I mean, I realize this could be infinitely complex. And again, I'm not trying to extract
4:22:28
Clinical insight for my own sake. I started on block on that, thank you, but I think a lot of people do this. They do what they know, they shouldn't be doing
4:22:42
They know they shouldn't be doing it. Duh I just said that two ways and but they do it like it must serve them in some way. You know, you think about when you get a dog in your talk to a dog trainer they say, you know, a dog's do what works, right. They get a reward for doing something to continue doing it. You apply that to the same sort of thing. I'm describing for myself and that I've observed in other people and you must say, it must work for them. You hear this and kind of Pop.
4:23:11
Ology like it must work for them like you must be solving something.
4:23:15
Eyes. Right? What's going on? Is that I'm having a perception of hostility. I feel beleaguered, right? But it's anger and frustration inside of me, right? I'm the one feeling angry and frustrated, there's there's there's no one and nothing but me that's feeling anything about this, right? But I have this sense of the world around me being hostile because I'm projecting my anger out word right now. Think this isn't good because instead of sitting in traffic and saying, look maybe
4:23:45
Totally makes sense that I'm stuck in traffic and that I'm not happy. Like maybe I should leave a little bit earlier and I wouldn't be late or if it's going to work. Should I live closer to work? I could make a whole set of decisions that I'm not making right? Or maybe I'd know I thought was going to be a 15 minute drive and like there was an accident, right? And okay, there are things that I can't control. I am I supposed to control everything, right? If you think about, what can I control being aware of that and what can I not control right? Then it can make the situation much.
4:24:15
Better. So this doesn't happen with this frequency and it also takes away the anger and the frustration, right? So I think that's a good example because it happens a lot. It's very, very common, but projection then also happens with people, right? So let's set you and I work together and we're going to do something collaborative together and I'm just not having a good day and something negative happened before I came to work. And, you know, I'm not at my best and I'm a little bit. I'm a little bit irritable and frustrated right now.
4:24:45
This happens all the time within the person sits down with someone and then I'm being irritable and frustrated which doesn't feel good to you, right? And and you may become irritable and frustrated, right? And then I say, oh look, he's irritable and frustrated, right? But even if you don't the fact that I feel that way, right? That projection oftenly would lead me to think that it's you. Who's that way? Here I come wanting to do this job and you're not at your best. It's me who's not at my best, right? But we do this all the time and then we
4:25:15
Incorrect or inaccurate, attributions. Right? Soso projection is an example of a defense mechanism that can cause us a lot of trouble, right? A lot of trouble, another can be displacement where if I'm feeling anger or frustration, say in a certain realm, then I the idea of feeling it at work and then kicking the dog, right? Like it's not good that we do that, we're not acknowledging what's going on inside of us at work.
4:25:45
What we could change, what we could make better and the dog doesn't want to be kicked, right? And the dog is often, you know, also the family, right? And that could be physical or could be through words, right? But the idea that with that there's something - being generated in us but inside where were perceiving that it's coming from somewhere else, right? I mean, the thought, because all things to lead us astray, right? When they're - defense is right there, can be positive defenses to such as altruism, right? That that
4:26:15
Could do something negative to me, right? And instead of me passing that along, I could decide. You know, I'm going to do something, I'm going to do something nice for the next person, I have an opportunity to do something nice for right. Like that's a defense as sometimes we could think of it and decide that way. But there are people who react that way, like, there's something negative that happens and they respond with something that's different from that. So, defense mechanisms can work against us, they can work for us, they're complicated, their combinations of them, but we can look inside and say, for
4:26:45
well, if I'm using projection all the time, right? And I think everyone around me is kind of always angry and frustrated, right? And there's always bad traffic, right? But then as we start to talk about it more it becomes apparent that there's a lot I'm angry about. Right? But I'm not aware of it and then reflection or therapy, right? Or a good friend. We're talking to a can help us see. Right? That? Hey, this is going on inside of me, right? And that can really help us same with use of humor like, if
4:27:15
Using humor. And I'm, I'm kind of decompressing uncomfortable situations or things that make me feel uncomfortable. Maybe that greases the wheels of social progress. But maybe over time, I come to use humor in a way that self denigrating, right. Well, that's not so good anymore but I may not be aware of the shift just because I could maybe be funny in certain situations that I'm now not using that for myself anymore. I'm using it against myself and by talking to people why reflection like we can be aware.
4:27:45
We're of the defensive structure that's going on inside of us and then there's not an automaticity to it. If you point out that I'm using projection a lot, I can start to be aware of that. Just like if someone, let's say you were with me at the grocery store, right? And someone says something nice and I shy away, and you say, Hey, you know, you don't have weren't even aware. Someone said, hello to you and then icing, I want to be more aware of that. Like I want, I don't want that thing to happen, unconsciously. So maybe now I think. Okay. Anytime
4:28:15
I don't know, says something. And let me just stop and think, like, what's going on here, right? Is that person being friendly to me? Is it, is they just, you know, it's just person, exchanging money to cash, register the, what's going on. So we take what's unconscious and we make it conscious so that we can change. It
4:28:31
sounds to me like exploring and thinking about our reflexes is what's really key here. The example of displacement that you gave, you know, kicking the dog. I couldn't help but smile not because I think it's
4:28:45
A good thing to do. I never once kicked my dog, by the way folks, terrible thing to do also he was the size of a boulder. It will change your name more than would have injured in, but I never would do such a thing. However, in Academia, there's this phenomenon, it's very common that that I refer to, as trickle-down anxiety, where the person running the laboratory is, inevitably under a tremendous amount of stress, grants and papers, Etc, and graduate students. And postdocs, will immediately be familiar with what I'm describing. But for those of you that have,
4:29:15
on to graduate school, this will be a little bit foreign but you'll think of other examples where when the lab head is under stress
4:29:23
It's incredibly common for lab heads to walk through the laboratory and start asking about experiments and telling people to do additional experiments and basically just assigning busy work to people or pressuring what simply cannot be moved. Along any faster. And when I was a graduate student, I worked for somebody who is the exact opposite of this phenotype. When I was a postdoc, frankly I worked with someone who's a little bit of that phenotype, although I still liked working for him very much. But I used to have a response that at least for me was adaptive, which was, I would always say
4:29:53
I'm working as fast as I carefully, can because no, scientist ever wants to somebody to cut Corners. No. Good scientist. Anyway, but trickle-down anxiety is common in every occupation. I think we see this sort of displacement all the time where someone is anxious and so they go start creating anxiety for other people when you can just as you're describing I was just seeing how pathologic that is for everybody
4:30:15
involved. So that the academic the trickle-down anxiety that you were just talking about, is it's a related but it's a different
4:30:23
defense mechanism and it's projective identification, right? Which is, which is causing others to feel the way that you feel in order to get your needs met?
4:30:33
Is this a form of projection? And actually, perhaps you could clarify the definition of projection versus displacement versus projective
4:30:41
identification. So projection is, when you don't own it. So so it's not me who's mad, it's you,
4:30:47
right? So I don't own that, I'm mad at all, right, I just think that it's
4:30:51
you even though I'm the one who's mad, right.
4:30:53
Displacement is, what comes out of us, or what were our attribution can shift, right? It's it's not. This person is making me angry. It's that person because that's a safer person, right to be angry at, right? Or if I'm, then going to take out my anger, right? Instead of metaphorically, kicking the person who might who might respond to me in a way, I don't want. Maybe I kick the dog. That's helpless to respond back, right? That's displacement. Projective identification is theirs.
4:31:23
There's an expression of an emotional state inside of a person that then becomes contagious to other people. Even though the person isn't trying to do that, the person says I'm going to make you anxious, that's not a defense mechanism anymore, right? So here's an example, I think I did. This is the best example of projective identification. So for a little bit of time at work, I would occasionally lose my keys, right? So now I'm trying to go and I can't find my keys, right? So I say, oh, I don't know where my keys are, right, so I'm gonna start expressing something, right? And I'm anxious and I'm tense right now, people around
4:31:53
Hear that right? And what do they start feeling? They start feeling anxious and tense the way that I do, right? And now they're like, well, now they want to know. They want to find my keys, right? They want to help me so that I stopped spreading anxiety and tension into the whole environment around me, right? So then they helped me find my keys. I say thank you. My own emotional state comes down and upon reflection. I think look, I don't want to do that, right? I got my, I'm getting my needs met by making other people, feel in a way.
4:32:23
That's like, not a good or comfortable way to feel. So here's a way around that, like, put my keys in the same place every day, right? So then I can avoid that because it doesn't feel good to me like that. If I get out to my car, like I find, you know, I'm a little bit. I'm breathing, a little heavy. Like I don't doesn't feel good because I was just agitated, right? And I did that to other people too, right? So it's an example of how projective identification works and it's kind of a simple example, but what it shows is happening all the time, you know, all these things are happening all the time but we can become aware of it and I don't lose
4:32:53
Like he's I don't have to feel bad about off to activate myself for no reason and they don't have to activate other people for no reason. So so thinking and reflecting like change that thing for the better and it can do it with much bigger things to
4:33:05
thank you for those clarifications. I'd like to touch on humor for a moment. Obviously humor is a wonderful thing or can be a wonderful thing. I've also seen a lot of examples of where very smart and or accomplished people because those are not always the same.
4:33:23
Same thing. Use sarcasm.
4:33:27
As a form of humor and it can be very funny. But I have to imagine based on everything I'm hearing from you today that there's a form of sarcasm which is an unhealthy defense. I'm thinking of the person that no matter what someone else says, that's positive word or no matter what someone does, that could be viewed as positive, they find some way to diminish it by like through sarcastic humor. Yeah, I see this a lot and I think closely
4:33:57
Nested with sarcasm is cynicism. In fact I have a family member. I won't name who they are to protect the not. So innocent who used to be very cynical and I want to ask you what is the thing about cynicism? And they said well I have had a particular genre of schooling growing up a formal schooling where if anyone behaved too happy Express too much happiness, rather too much delight.
4:34:27
They were viewed as stupid like, as if to be happy, is to, to be unaware of of the sophistication and the importance of things in life, right? And I hope that this is unrelatable to most people listening, but I do think that sarcasm is a double-edged blade in this sense. And that cynicism is, is perhaps a double-edged blade as well, but that it might even be worse than sarcasm because it's a way of really now reflecting.
4:34:57
Backwards by definition. What's not good about life, what's not good about what's happening and, and it does seem protective, right? It protects one from disappointment. If you're already disappointed, how could you be further disappointed? It's also seems to me like, a bit of a power move. It's like, you're going to be happy. Well, I'm going to take that away forever from everybody, like something that's like for myself. And it is any of this, actually, hold in the inside, of just went clinical literature because, again, I enjoy a good
4:35:27
A stick joke. In fact, there's a collaboration around a sarcastic joke. It can be truly funny to everybody but sarcasm and cynicism, I feel like are often used to cut down what would otherwise be benevolence or or bonding experiences absolutely? Like, I grew up
4:35:46
in central. New Jersey, humor is a weapon, right? Or it certainly can be and people can be very aggressive through humor. So so acting out which is you just letting our aggression.
4:35:57
Flow. Right, that's a defense. Right? So just being aggressive and pushing someone back, write it. However, that means like I if I don't feel good about myself, I want you to feel not so good about yourself, right? Is where we start getting into into envy and humor can be used that way. So, so that sort of biting sarcastic. Humor is a form of acting out. It's a form of aggression, right? It's not humor as a healthy defense, right? We can call it the same thing, but we could also call it different things. It's just a Nuance of our
4:36:27
language, right? If if humor can be a defense, like, I trip and fall, I make a little joke. People are laughing with me instead of at me, right? Hey, humor is a good defense. I made myself feel better May things flow more easily, but if I'm using sarcastic humor to assail someone, right, then that's not, it's not that thing anymore, right? And, you know, now it's a manifestation of aggression, right? And the idea that cynicism, you know is is more than was talked about a worldview, right? Like sarcasm is
4:36:57
It can be done now like we can make a sarcastic joke, funny. Or not then it's over, right? But cynicism is a way of coming at the world is a different kind of Defense, right? The idea that hey it's like the fox and the sour grapes. Like I don't I don't think there's anything good to be had anyway, right? So you can't take anything away from me. Can't make me feel worse, right? I already feel very, very bad about the world and about everybody in it and I'm protecting myself that way. Like, that's then an unhealthy defense because what does that lead to
4:37:27
East isolation at least to mistrust, you know, we know that if people are happy, if they lived through altruism and gratitude and they're well connected with others. So so the cynical point of view, which again, to some degree being in the world, build some cynicism in us, right? Like that's okay, that's part of, that's just a part of awareness in some sense. But I think what you're talking about is a very pervasive cynicism that than is an unhealthy defense. That is very harmful to others it, right. The idea that I feel lousy about everything
4:37:57
And if you don't, I'm going to try and bring you down, right? Like too much happiness will label that as something right? We label. It is stupid, right? So now it's like, it's not okay to be happier than some sort of cynical Baseline, right? And again there's nothing about altruism and gratitude. That's not happy, right? I mean who's happy in that situation, cynic, the people who are overly cynical, or not happy and the people around them are not happy. Nobody's happy.
4:38:22
Thanks for the clarification on New Jersey. A good portion of my biological family is from New Jersey. I'm not well armed, I adore them, but it's true. I there was once a moment at a family gathering where somebody said let's let's hug or something and the reaction was like, oh we're gonna hug now, you know. It was like it was it was, it was entirely sarcastic and cynical and like in the the hug that resulted from that was this like little like like distant hats kind of thing. It was
4:38:51
Now I'm laughing about it, it's funny and they're very loving people, but you're right. It's a it's a different style of humor and discourse. Yeah so you've been talking about these two pillars of the self and who we are and how things play out in the world for us as the structure of self and the function of self. And in terms of the function of self-described, self-awareness, this notion, or this realization, that there is an eye, there's a me and then we've been talking about defense mechanisms in action, how these play out
4:39:21
Out in the real world, both positive and negative.
4:39:25
Seems to me that a lot of what is happening here in terms of understanding, the function of self, has to do with what we pay attention to where we place our our efforts or choose to not place our attention, and not place our efforts. Do I have that right? Right.
4:39:42
Yeah. Salience is is a huge Concept in I think in in human existence, right? Mean there are thousands upon thousands of things that you are. I could be paying attention to right now, right?
4:39:53
But we're not paying attention to anything, except what we're doing right here. So we are gaining out, so many other thoughts ideas, narratives inside. Now, if something were to shift very quickly, if we heard a loud noise, right? Our attention would shift, right? So, so our attention is it's focused. We're sailing it to one another, because this is what we've chosen, we're focusing, our minds and we are also somewhere inside of us aware that we could shift away from it, if something more important like something dangerous, like, weird.
4:40:24
Happen,
4:40:24
right? So it lets us be here and be sailing it to one another and have this conversation, right? But in the course of Life, what's alien to us, is so complicated and determined by so many factors that is absolutely worth a lot of attention to. So, one example, is so many people have a negative internal dialogue, that's running in them over and over again or they're running through images events. You know, they may be traumatic events or things that they're not happy with images.
4:40:53
Of themselves in negative ways that these internal narratives or internal images can become so strong. That there's no room for anything else. So, you know, an example would be a person who, who really, really loved music, right? And could have, you know, just in addition to enjoying music, like had a good thoughts while listening to music, like you know what, I could go do this, right? And and, and that a history of of like that, really working out well.
4:41:23
Like following is interests and and like really creating sort of goodness in his life, right? Who now was going for long drives like longer than would be needed to go somewhere. Get something like why the extra time in the car and I had had a presumption. Okay, person's listening to music and thinking, but it didn't quite add up. And then, I learned that the person is not listening to music, right? That they're using that time. So that the internal narrative, right? Which was a very, very negative repeated in
4:41:53
internal - you're not going to get anywhere. You're not going to make anything other of yourself, right? It could be there in his mind, right? So it was a form of self-punishment. It was a form of taking the anger and frustration inside and enacting it towards himself. And that was so Salient. That this person could not see his way to any goodness, like nothing could change. Nothing could get any better, I felt very sure and very resolved about that. And the answer was yes.
4:42:24
Right. They nothing can get any better with this constant Mantra running over and over again, but things can get better, right? If that becomes less Salient over time in your own thoughts and Reflections become more Salient. So at the other end of that shift, you know, that narrative that was still there, but it was weakened, right? Because it takes time to really change things. It was very much weakened. The person was listening to music again. Those thoughts had kind of come back to
4:42:53
To the surface and they were being sort of jumbled, you know, in ways that are that brought new and interesting thoughts coming from them. And the person was in an entirely different place in like completely changed their life, right? I mean this is it's this is true, right? It's a dramatic example. But dramatic examples inform us right where the salience shifted and then the life shifted. After that,
4:43:16
what you're describing in terms of the specific example doesn't resonate with me in terms of my own experience. Although, as you point out it's very
4:43:23
King. It's very dramatic but it resonates with me from a different perspective. I'm not seeking a free clinical session here, but but to give meat to the example, I'm about to ask you for insight on, you know, I've never allowed myself to stay in a bad professional situation for very long. You know, when things didn't feel right, or when I send someone, I was working with or for wasn't the right situation. I got out. Despite if I were to really
4:43:53
We think about it. There could have been pretty severe long-term consequences
4:43:58
Fortunately it all worked out in fact, so much. So that I would say, you know, I pay attention to whether or not people I work with, and for our of the sort that I want to be working with. And if I sense a particular type of danger, I'll look at that. And I'm 100% so far, knock on wood, but 100% so far on recognizing later that it was a great decision to move on. And on the flip side of it, I've made, I believe excellent decisions in terms of who to work with.
4:44:27
In terms of my podcasting in terms of my academic career, Etc. But I've had to move away from people that just weren't right for me. Hmm, I don't think they were truly Bad actors. But thank goodness. I moved away. And thank goodness. I found these other wonderful people to work with. However, there are circumstances that have been repetitive in my life where I've just be honest, repeatedly made not good decisions about who to be.
4:44:57
Involved with over a fairly long periods of time and there can even be an awareness or I should say there has been an awareness, like, this isn't a good situation and yet I'm persisting in, in seeking out this and similar types of situations. So, I consider myself a at least partially rational human being with some degree of introspection.
4:45:17
You know, when I look at this and I think, okay, this is a choice to focus on placing myself in. I have to assume it placing myself into situations that are challenging for me in a way that I know is preventing me from living in certain ways that I want, and from being Quantico, happy in certain ways that I want, when you hear a scenario like that, like, I can do it over here, but I can't seem to do it over here. In fact, I see myself doing it, the wrong way here, right? A little bit different than the exam.
4:45:47
Will you give a moment ago? Because, yeah, I was driving to work, not listening to music, but it wasn't putting two and two together about what was going on. But when somebody can see what's going on, I think this might even be called the repetition compulsion or sometimes. Yeah, sometimes. Yeah, what is that about our people trying to work out, something specific? Or are they deliberately creating some friction to accomplish something else, right? I mean, I realize this could be infinitely complex. And again, I'm not trying to extract
4:46:17
Clinical insight for my own sake. I started on block on that, thank you, but I think a lot of people do this. They do what they know, they shouldn't be doing
4:46:30
They know they shouldn't be doing it. Duh I just said that two ways and but they do it like it must serve them in some way. You know, you think about when you get a dog in your talk to a dog trainer they say, you know, a dog's do what works, right. They get a reward for doing something to continue doing it. You apply that to the same sort of thing. I'm describing for myself and that I've observed in other people and you must say, it must work for them. You hear this and kind of Pop.
4:46:59
Ology like it must work for them like you must be solving something.
4:47:04
Why the hell do I do this? Why do people do this? Is it real pathology? Or is it a roundabout way to get to something else? That's actually pretty
4:47:14
adaptive. I mean, instead of defining it as pathology would not Define it as pathology I would Define it as humanness, if humanness is not in and of itself pathological, then all you're doing there is is describing something that is common widespread across human beings. Now it doesn't mean we can't understand it and make it healthier, right? I work in the
4:47:34
Wants to put a number on everything, right label, it as something and then do something about it. That's more often than not ineffective, right? Because we're not looking at things in a top-down way. Of what is Human Experience? What are the natural aspects of human experience that are less than ideal, right, that we can then understand and make better? If we come at it that way, then we see. Ah, this is a great example because here's where structure meets function, right? So on the structure side, we said, okay, there's defense
4:48:04
Eames and we imagine the branches right there because that are coming up from the unconscious mind, right? And the hear it meets function right defense mechanisms in action on the function side then determining Salient. So what I would imagine in your example. My image is that your defensive structure when you're doing the thing? That's effective, right? The professional decisions, right? Looks elegant, right? Like, there's Harmony to where those branches are, the Consciousness is sitting in between it. You can see, you can see the Elegance to it, right?
4:48:35
That I can just imagine shifting, right? When the to when you're not doing the thing effectively, right? Because now, you're using an entirely different defensive structure, which is going to function differently and create different salience. And I imagine that it's convoluted and you know that it's sort of piecemeal that it's not something elegant, right? So is that okay what does that actually mean? Let's translate it into. What are the actual defenses? So let's think about what you're not doing.
4:49:04
And you're making good decisions in the professional realm, right? You are not using denial or avoidance or rationalization or projection or projective identification or acting out, right? There are all these things that you are not doing that. Are the sort of unhealthy defenses beckoning to us like, oh, wouldn't it be easier to Kick the Can down the road, right, you know, wouldn't it be easier to just ignore? And everything's okay, everything's going to work out. Okay, wouldn't it be easier instead of being angry at one person?
4:49:34
Who is really intrinsic to the environment if you know, it's actually somebody else you do or you just placing a projecting that that's how people that's what we get ourselves into trouble, right? And if that's going on then that set of defense mechanisms in action right quick, it creates something that obscures the ability to make good judgment, right. But with none of those things going on, then what are you doing? What? You're applying your intelligence, you're applying your discernment, right? You're applying your desire to make.
4:50:04
Things better. You're able to look at it. You're able to bring diligence perseverance, right? You're able to bring healthy aspects of self to the question and decide like, oh, I don't want this in, it should be different, right? And there again, what's going on? There's a complexity under the surface, but now, we're coming up towards Simplicity, right? We're coming up towards the things that are healthier, that are simplistic. If we look then, okay, what's going on? If you're making the same mistakes over and over again? Well, we could, you know,
4:50:34
We would dive under the hood and really look and took it. What are you doing there? But it has to be an array of unhealthy defenses. There's no other thing. It could be. So we would say, okay, are you using a are using avoidance, maybe a little, maybe a lot. What about denial? What about rationalization? What about projection? Like, you know, you go through the unhealthy defenses and you see what is it that you're bringing to bear. That is leading you astray and then and then of course the goal is to use the role modeling and
4:51:04
Role model for yourself how to be healthy, right? So let's take that role modeling and apply it to the thing, you're sort of carving out and and treating differently. And that's a reason when people talk about repetition, compulsions, you know, that's it's not a formal term because because what we're really talking about is repetition, right? And we're interested in, like, why do we repeat things now? That's one, that's one reason, right? Because we bring an unhealthy set of defense's, and then at the end of the day, things,
4:51:34
Has come out the same because we're bringing an unhealthy set of defense's right. There can be other motivations that are related to all of that and there's going to complexity to it. But but the compulsion part can be that we can re-enter situations that didn't go well with the idea that we're going to we're going to fix what happened in the past. We're going to make ourselves feel better. We're going to take away the mark of trauma because when we trauma doesn't care about the clock or the calendar, so that's why you'll see someone who has had
4:52:04
Say five, abusive relationships. That looked very much of the same, right? And is about to enter the sixth, right? And he said, it's not because hopefully, in most cases, not because that person like wants to be hurt, right? I mean, sometimes the different problem, right? But but there can be a drive inside of us to try and fix something. If I can make it work, this time I won't have to feel so bad about the other
4:52:28
five, right? So, an attempt to change the past through one's current actions,
4:52:34
right?
4:52:34
Right? Which is rooted in the limbic system and how and how trauma affects us and how again it's outside the clock in the calendar. So that kind of magic, so to speak can happen. So the brain can seek that magic. But again, they're unhealthy defense is coming into play right there has to be denial, right? Otherwise, the person would map, you know, if the same thing happened five times in this looks the same. It's probably going to happen now, right? So, so anytime you think a person most often it's us right? You know is
4:53:04
Smart enough for worldly enough to like know better, which happens all the time, right? Then look for the answer, right? You say, well, shouldn't that person know better than to get into the six abusive relationship. The answers are yes, right? Like, because it's not that hard. If you saw a set of circumstances five times to map, that the six is going to have the same outcome, right? The person would do that in other scenarios, right? So then you say right, that is true. So now, let's look for why the person is doesn't recognize that and again, we go.
4:53:34
In into the structure of self and the function of self defense mechanisms in action, salience of things that were talking about now, does that fit?
4:53:42
Yeah, makes sense. And what comes to mind is the idea of getting into a car that, you know, is going to get into an accident over and over and over again, but being quite cognizant of safety and its importance in every other domain of Life. Yes, not even jaywalking, right? But getting into like, if certain
4:54:04
Arrived with a little flashing light. That said this ride is going to have an accident like getting getting into that vehicle. And I see this in others as well. Yes. And it raises all sorts of questions. Like, is the person actually unconsciously afraid of the vehicle arriving where they want to go? Because then, like are people actually afraid of things working out? I mean, this gets to something that
4:54:29
gives us an idea. We can, I can I say, yeah, that's we have to know the person right? Like who
4:54:34
Is that person, right? Why do they not want to get in that car? Right. Are they afraid they're not going to get somewhere? They further going to get somewhere, right? But ultimately, we're looking for unhealthy defenses and I so want to emphasize that that, you know, I will often think that the aspect of my education that's most helpful in me doing my job. When I'm when I'm in the job as a practicing psychiatrist is it actually my mathematics minor, right? Because there's a lot more math to this, right? You people tend to think of mental health, it's also
4:55:04
Eric and you consider say anything, you know, anything you want. And there's no way of proving or disproving. It's not like that at. All right. There's a mathematical aspect to it. So if you do the correct, logical, common-sense thing, right in all aspects of your life except one and you're like 100 times more intelligent than you need to be to figure it all out, right? Then if there's a carve-out, we say look that's a huge interest, right? I mean, the probability that we're going to find something interesting.
4:55:34
There's a hundred percent, right? Because we know that you know better we know that you do better but but why here? So that's so interesting, right? Like that's where the x marks the spot. Look, let's go dig there, right? So then when we go and dig their like we're going to find something, right? And and will take what is that? Like do we find that like oh it's an array of really unhealthy defense mechanisms, maybe we find that. Do we find that there's a deep unconscious motivation, right? Like we might find that to right there. We might find a lot of
4:56:04
Things, right? But we're going to find them. If we go back to, what is the structure of self? What is the function of self? If we go and look like that x marks, the spot means, there's Pay Dirt there, right? And then when we figure that out, then we go through and we can make things change. So if it's a deep-seated trauma, driven unconscious motivation, that is resulting in an unhealthy array of defense mechanisms will, let's go look at that, right. Let's look at the trauma. Let's take the thing that's unconscious and, and
4:56:34
Bring it to Consciousness, right? Then we can make that better and that array of unhealthy defenses again. We're not going to change it overnight, but can we change it very, very significantly, pretty rapidly. Probably yes. And we can almost entirely change it across time. So there is a mathematical aspect of this that I think is so important to point out because, you know, mental health. It doesn't even as a field, right? Just met. We all want to be mentally healthy. Like there's a rhyme and reason to it that. Yes, it
4:57:04
All the science and yes it also follows common sense and if we apply those things we get to answers.
4:57:12
It's very reassuring. Thank you.
4:57:17
Thinking about the functions of self and again, just to remind myself and other people starts with self-awareness involves defense mechanisms in action. Then there's the salience piece, but paying attention to what's inside of us as well as what's external.
4:57:34
And then you're now describing a lot of choices choice making and behavior in action in the world. I have to assume that for the person trying to improve themselves and get to agency and gratitude that paying attention to all of these is important. But of course, if a defense mechanism is unconscious, we can't simply decide, okay? I'm going to see the unconscious defense mechanism. Does that mean that we should ask ourselves about what is most Salient to us? Or should we be focusing on?
4:58:04
Our behavioral choices made in the example, I just gave I'm aware of my behavioral choices. Making certain decisions to engage with certain people and not with others. But should I be asking, for instance, you know what Salient like, what? Like, what are the thoughts, leading up to that decision? In other words, how does salience of internal and external cues and processes relate to behavior and which of these should we be paying attention to?
4:58:34
If our goal is to eventually change our Behavior.
4:58:36
Mhm. So so think about we're starting, we're we're so starting at the bottom, right? So we're starting with okay. There is an I right. And that's just not just an apprehension, right? There's a lot to that, right? So for example, I know someone who is doing some mirror meditation staring into the mirror, right? Looking back at self with an it, with a desire to be aware. Like there is a me like, this me is in the world, right? This
4:59:01
is the first I've ever heard of such a practice.
4:59:05
Except when I was in elementary school or maybe it was the ninth grade, I had a teacher who talked about look, gave us an assignment to look in the mirror and ask ourselves questions. But if I understand correctly, you think there's utility to people spending a few minutes or more looking in the mirror and thinking about oneself and the I as a way to build up this self-awareness it. Do I have that, right? If you want to take the best
4:59:26
care of yourself that you Karen, right? You want to understand yourself the best you can and you want to make your life the best it can be then.
4:59:34
If there are answers right in, let's say, the answers are in five or ten different cupboards, right? Look in all of them, right? I mean, that's, that's the idea, right? That if we want to know, something, look everywhere for it and also realize what we are building, right? What we are creating maybe a recipe, there may be things from different cupboards that overlap. So the way to translate that practically is to say to find the answers to what? What is either ailing us, why we're repeating things. We don't want to repeat or even if things are going okay.
5:00:04
We want them to be going better because we don't quite feel the peace and contentment. We want to feel then look everywhere. So in this the function of cells and the function of self start with the eye. Right there are ways of increasing self-awareness you know they can range from contemplation of self to meditation to looking in the mirror right there. Things that we can do to more strongly emphasized to ourselves that there is an eye and this eye is going through life. Then we know that
5:00:34
Their defense mechanisms and that their present of their acting in us, right? We can't just see them because they're unconscious, but if we start thinking about them, we can learn about them, right? And that's where salience comes into. Play ceilings, kind of points. Both ways right? Sailing is can point us towards the unconscious mind? Right? Well, I realize I'm doing this over and over again, I'm saying this thing to myself over and over again. Where is that coming from? We start becoming curious about ourselves and we look to the unconscious mind and then we also look to
5:01:04
Conscious mind. That's why after salience is behavior. Like, what am I doing, right? And a lot of times we don't know, she said examples of we don't know why we're doing things, right? Someone who wants to lose weight, but always goes to the grocery store and comes home, and is like, has some sense of surprise that they're things there that they don't want to eat, right? Like, why am I behaving in a certain way? Why do certain things bother me? When other things don't write my my really touchy about one thing and not another. Why might there be things that?
5:01:34
Or others and not me or vice versa, right? So so you know, we're looking at what's going on inside of us and then how we respond, right? Because how what may be upsetting me or what's going on inside of me both conscious and unconscious is then determining? How am I acting how mm behaving in the world around me if I want a better job, but I never take an interview for another job. I'm not going to get another job. If I want a romantic partner, but I automatically turn away from anyone who Smiles at me. I'm not going to have a
5:02:04
Romantic partner, right? If I want life to be better and there's a certain thing I repeat and I don't want to repeat that. I want to understand myself better so I can change the behavior and that's why the the function of self ends with strivings the strivings are into the future. I know there is an eye. I know there's a network and web of defense mechanisms in action. I know that there's salience going on inside of me, and I'm only going to pay attention to a few things. From the thousands, I could pay attention to, I want to be aware of that and have more control over that
5:02:34
And then I'm in acting behaviors, I'm engaging in the world around me. And ultimately, I want things, right? I want life to be better. I want to have that feeling that you can get to. I want to be in the state of of agency and gratitude. So again, these two pillars structure of self function of self, that's where all the answers are. So there are all the cupboards right there. These five covers in the structure of self and five in the function of self and I know they'll be we'll have it out there in a
5:03:04
Yes, right, because you can go back there and that's where the vast majority of answers are to both understanding and routes to change.
5:03:14
What you just described is incredibly helpful. It's absolutely apparent to me. Why looking at all the cupboards is Sookie. It's also apparent that many different aspects of psychology and Psychiatry at least as I understand them might probe for instance just at the level of behavior, you know. I think this is the
5:03:34
The just do it Mantra. Well just do the right thing, right? You know, you're not finding a romantic partner like you know schedule, three dinners with friends and ask them to invite over people who are looking for partners sounds really simple, right? But much as with the example of my friend who lost all this weight through behavioral change that, the fear still lives within him, very, very strongly. And so clearly there's some some stuff happening underneath there. Now fortunately he did lose the weight has kept most of it off, but it's clear to me that until he addresses some of these other issues of salience and
5:04:04
Defense mechanism, self-awareness etcetera, that the fear. He still experiencing makes total sense because the foundation of that change is not nearly as strong as it could be.
5:04:16
Maybe maybe it doesn't have to have the fear, but he's not going to learn either one without the exploration. So he won't, if there is risk, he won't be able to avert the risk. And if there's not risk, he's then to the laboring through life, which is difficult enough without being worried about. Something you don't have to be worried about, right? So, the
5:04:34
SS
5:04:34
of inquiry will always make that better. It's clear to me that his fear of regaining weight is absolutely sapping. His enjoyment and his productivity in other domains of life.
5:04:43
So warrants attention, right because well because we're deciding in that sort of mathematical way, like it doesn't have to be that way. Doesn't mean it can change overnight, but it can be understood and it can be changed.
5:04:53
Well, it's for that reason too many other reasons that I'm very grateful that you explain these two pillars structure of self and function of self and how these flow up to empowerment in humility and how those flow
5:05:04
To agency and gratitude, you've given us a yeah, a set of ideals and a road map of how to get there and one that we're going to continue with. In a moment here, I did want to reiterate what you said, which is that there is a pdf version of this structure. This roadmap of ideals and how to get there that's been provided as a link in the show notes captions, so people can refer to them, they're in visual form. If they, like,
5:05:29
if you're interested in understanding yourself and in having goodness, in your
5:05:34
Your life as much as you possibly can, then you're interested in the structure of the mind. And this means that you're interested in the unconscious mind in all the things that go on a million things. A second that we don't know or understand one by one, but that we can explore and understand better in total, we're also interested in the conscious mind and being self aware or interested in the array of defense mechanisms. And whether or not they are elegant and light passes clearly through them or whether they're
5:06:04
Kool-Aid and creating misperception, if you're interested in the structure of the mind, then you're also interested in the character structure. I like, what is your character structure? What is the nest around all of it? How do you interface with the world? And then you're interested in the self that you grow from that phenomenologically. Meaning what is your experience of self? How does it feel to you? These are all important parts of this pillar of health and happiness. The other pillar is the function of the Mind.
5:06:34
Mind. And of course, there's overlap there different cupboards, but the cupboards all contain different ingredients that together make the recipe. I so if we're interested in the function of the mind, then we want to pay attention that there's an eye, we want to be self-aware and we want to cultivate self awareness. We're also interested in how those defense mechanisms work when they're in action, right? What Salient inside of us and outside of us, would we paying attention to how we behaving? What are our strivings? Do we feel hopeful about ourselves and the world?
5:07:04
Around us. And if we're interested in all of these things, we can't help but be respectful right of just how complicated this is. Like, life is difficult and understanding ourselves is difficult. You know. Wonderful, Joy can come of living life but it is hard and it's hard day by day and trying to understand ourselves going to these places. These pillars that hold the answers, they can't but Makin us a respect for all of it.
5:07:34
Right? And the respect for ourselves for others brings with it, humility, right? When we come to this point of looking at ourselves and exploring, then yes, we become empowered because we've gained a lot of knowledge, right? We're digging where the Pay Dirt is and we're figuring things out. And along with that, empowerment comes humility. A respectfulness for how difficult all. This is how complicated we are, how we can make happiness in our lives, but,
5:08:04
It certainly isn't easy and we take with us the empowerment and the humility and we express them. And if we're expressing empowerment and humility, we come to living through agency and gratitude. So here both are active words. So agency, it's easier to see it. It's an active word where I'm aware of my ability to, to project myself into the world around me. I know that I can't control.
5:08:34
Everything right. But I'm really trying to understand, what can I control, right? How can I control it? What did my decisions now? Lead to in the future? So agency is very, very active, right? Gratitude is active to right was, we're bringing an active sense of gratitude, a sense of the amazingness that we're here and and pride in ourselves and others for being here and trying to move forward as best we can. And then we bring that to our interactions, we're much more likely
5:09:04
You have a kind gesture towards others. Instead of being angry, who are much more likely to have something compassionate to say, including to ourselves than we are to have something angry to say that gratitude, accompanies agency, their their active words and their active together. And if we're living life through agency and gratitude, I mean, there's a lot of wisdom about this is a lot has been written and researched about this and if you look at what is it telling us, right? Remember things are getting simpler right as we're getting
5:09:34
Being higher up the, the levels here. Right. The unconscious mind is most complicated. Now we're at. Hey, can we live our lives with agency and gratitude at the Forefront? And what does it bring for us? And I think it brings what we are seeking that we might say, okay, we're seeking happiness and that can mean a lot of things, you know, a lot of different things that can be a very active thing. Am I happy in the moment and we can use happiness, sometimes to distract ourselves. Like happiness is important. But words, when people really think, like, what is it that they want,
5:10:04
On door. What is it that they have right? If they're Overjoyed to be alive? They're finding a sense of Peace. They're finding contentment, they're finding Delight. The ability to be delighted. This is what people want, our human history at our searchings, tell us this in our own experiences. Tell us this. And now it could lead a person to think. Well. Okay, what's going on? I mean is this someone who's, you know, levitating at the top of a mountain?
5:10:34
In like, is this just a state, is this a state that people are in? And the answer's? No, will be. Sometimes we could be in that state where we can feel peace. There's no tension inside of us, right? I can feel to have times when I don't feel tension inside of me, there's contentment, there's peace, I don't have to drive towards anything, right? But it's not the passive experience of it because we are living life. It's that that feeling goes hand-in-hand with a drive within us that were
5:11:04
When were in this healthy place, we are living life. The decisions that we're making, what is putting the rubber to the road. It is a generative Drive within us. There is a drive to make things better to understand and to explore and it's that drive that we access and cultivate and synonymous with happiness is it's not just the the state when people want to be happy and that very, very general way. Yes, contentment, peace Delight.
5:11:34
Right. But they're happening. As we're living life, right? As we're enacting a generative Drive where we're looking at ourselves in the world around us. And we're interested in understanding, we're interested in making things better and that's the place that we're trying to get to. I believe that with all might with all my heart and my, and my brain, right, my education training experience, and also experience living living life. And, and for 20 years doing this work with, people tells me this is
5:12:04
We're seeking and it's an active way of experiencing ourselves and our place in
5:12:10
life. I love that because it merges both the nouns and the adjective 's and the verbs. You know, and this notion of a generative drive to me, is so compelling because I have the sense and I hope I'm right that we all have some sort of generative Drive within us starting at an early stage. Maybe the
5:12:34
Starts as visual foraging or touching things with our hands as an infant and that you know exploration of the world, right? It is what brings about the changes in the neural circuitry that allow us to engage even more and in an in progressively on the one hand narrower ways but also with more richness and more detail could you tell us more about generative drive? And and how this shows up in different types of people is it always positive. Can there be too much of it?
5:13:04
I certainly know a number of people who are addicted to work. Those of you listening, I'm raising my hand, but I would say, nowadays, I'm not as addicted to work, as I once was in the sense that I derive, far more satisfaction from less work. Now provided that the work is really in depth, you know, I think there were years and in graduate school where I wanted to publish a bunch of papers and then quickly realized through the not. So, gentle persuasion of my mentors that like
5:13:34
Let's just do the best possible work. We can do and there's so much more richness and experience and things to be gained from that. So I'm familiar with generative drive as I understand it. But maybe if you would, if you could flush out a bit of what generative Drive is and does it arrive in parallel with, or before we are able to access peace, contentment and Delight. Can it even be separated out from that? What? What is this generative Drive?
5:14:04
Yeah, so drives are built into us. So the the synonymous with our existence, like if we exist then then we have the drive. I mean, that's how the drive is defined, and we understand going far back to psychodynamic and psychoanalytic roots. And and when people were really thinking hard about human beings and what's going on inside of us that we've sort of identified and then validated over the period of time since that we have aggressive.
5:14:34
Drives within us and we have drives towards pleasure. Now, this often gets misunderstood that so aggression can be, it can be active violent, aggression, for example, but aggression can also be a sense of agency, right? Is the inaction of agency, like, I want to do things, I want to change things, I want to, I want to make the world a different place, right? That, that all of, that comes under this drive. So, so aggressive, and aggressive drive is not a bad thing. If we had no aggressive drives, the thought was, we just lie down and
5:15:04
Nothing else would happen and then we'd all be gone, right? So so there's a way in which this drive within us, moves us forward, right? And of course, extremely complicated. The ways we can manifest too much of it or too little of it, or how our defense mechanisms can intertwine with the drive. But the drive is there. It's like it's fuel within us that comes with our existence and then how that fuel moves us forward. How much of it there is though that is determined by the meshing of the drive with how we're
5:15:34
are living life, right? And the same would be true of pleasure. No. The pleasure Drive doesn't just mean that we all want to be hedonists, right inside. It means that we want things that are gratifying but we want to feel good, right? This isn't just, you know, the drive towards physical pleasure, like a sex drive, or eating food or having Comfort, like all of that can be part of it, but it's a drive for Relief, right? The idea that we don't want to be white, knuckling life, right searching for pleasure. So having
5:16:04
Action within us as we white-knuckle life and we searched for some pleasure and relief, right? These drives within us can be healthy they can be unhealthy, you know they can be anything right there, Wellsprings within us that then fuel us forward. And there's controversy to the idea of, is there a generative drive and they're certainly at parts of the field that do not think so. But there have been strong thinkers in the field that have thought we do have a
5:16:34
generative drive that it is within us to look around us to be curious to be amazed, right? To think. Like how, how can I engage with this and make this better or happier to think outside of ourselves right to think. If I if if I feel good and you're in pain, can I make you feel better, right? We having nothing to do with me right? The, the idea of altruism coming to the fore and having industriousness with us within it, right? And and the idea that
5:17:04
Is generative drive it strengthened when you look at how humans behave when you know we're not struggling right? That people are interested in learning, you know, you think about how how much of people give of themselves to learning, right? Or to serving others. Like there's so much of this goodness in the world around us. Now, if we shut people away, right? Have no you imagine, you know, God forbid, someone is in a solitary confinement from when they're the moment. They're born. You know, then there's not an opportunity for the
5:17:34
Active drive to thrive, right? And we see so many so many situations where it doesn't Thrive enough, right? You know, violence in people, surroundings lack of opportunities, right? That we can squelch a generative Drive anyone's generative drive, but if we give ourselves opportunities, if you know, if we're healthy that we are not weighed down by trauma and illness and misperceptions of self, and we can live life in a way that brings us to agency and gratitude. Now we're alive.
5:18:04
Playing with the generative drive that I absolutely believe is within us. I think just look at life, look at human beings. We observe that we have this drive within us and if that drive is at the Forefront and that drive then naturally, of course allies with agency and gratitude. Then I think we're at the place that is the place we ultimately seek, right? And that we can find it for brief periods of time. So so bye.
5:18:33
Really pursuing this and like really strongly and my own therapy and reflection and attempts to understand I can have periods of time where I can feel that way I can feel outward growth and interest in the world and and I feel good. I'm not trying to answer some question of like, why am I alive or like I'm doing things that I feel good about and I feel good about doing those things in about being in the world. And I think this is not uncommon, you know, it may be far more common in societies that are
5:19:04
Jubilee less Advanced, right? That is have less distractions or maybe, you know, less knowledge of all the awful things in the world that can happen to us that are constantly fed to us like this, their whole bunch of other questions and topics about it. But, but this, this I'm is absolute belief that there's this generative Drive in us, that wants to alai with agency and gratitude and that we all have it within us to bring those to the Forefront. And to find that thing that we seek weather,
5:19:33
If someone's person says it's Nirvana. The other person says it's Joy or happiness, or peace, or numbing you don't, whatever it is. There's, there's something to it where we're not feeling the tension within us. We're not feeling the anxiety. The pressures were feeling a sense of goodness.
5:19:51
The way you're describing it makes perfect sense. Why peace contentment and Delight be so closely linked to this generative Drive. The the word peace as as you alluded to is.
5:20:04
Often brings to mind the idea of passivity, but generative drive and the inclusion of things like aggression, and a drive for pleasure or anything, but passive. So anything that's important for me. And for everyone to understand that peace, contentment and Delight can really be action terms again, move it moving them from, you know, from the more typical conception of them to
5:20:33
Verb States. So peace, contentment and Delight are not passive states. There can be periods of time where we can be just very peaceful and very much at rest, but those words are not synonymous with in action, right? In fact, they're synonymous with action. A lot of the time if we are suffused with peace. Contentment, the ability to Delight. Then what we're doing is, we're raising up.
5:21:04
Generative Drive, we're making conditions that are permissive for the generative drive to come to the Forefront, right? To be Paramount over the aggressive and the pleasure drives, right? In. Remember, we're not trying to get rid of those drives, right? We just want the generative Drive in us to be at the Forefront, then we'll be able to harness the aggressive drive through, for example, a strong sense of agency, fueling the sense of agency forward as opposed to destructive aggression, right?
5:21:33
The search for pleasure, which sure can include physical pleasures and in ways that are good and reasonable and healthy for us, but also the pleasure of learning, right? The pleasure that altruism brings that we can take the aggressive drive that we know is in us and the pleasure drive that we know is in us and we can dial them to the right places like this gets very complicated and it's easy to dial that too far up and it's easy to dial it too far down, but if both are serving the generative,
5:22:03
Five, because we lift up the generative drive and we bring it to Primacy by being able to handle Our Lives to understand ourselves to go back to those pillars and to build upon it. The agency and the gratitude that then leads us to peace contentment and Delight. We can put all of this together and like we're really and truly living in an active way in the world. That's good for us. Good for the world around us and doesn't leave us with a sense of Yearning or
5:22:33
sense of tension within us.
5:22:36
You think it's also the case that generative drive has kind of a self amplification feature to it, what comes to mind as you're describing generative drive and its relationship to peace. Contentment and Delight. Is that approximately a half hour after I wake up. I start to feel more physically energized. I'm not somebody who just pops out of bed and is ready to go exercise or do mental work, but about 30
5:23:03
Sir. So, after waking my mind starts to wake up. And I've noticed that if I read a scientific paper or if I read a chapter in a book, or if I do something that feels a little bit, difficult, cognitively difficult in particular that the sense of satisfaction that I get from that is immense and it's
5:23:28
not necessarily the case that I
5:23:29
have to learn something that I'm going to use that day. But for me learning,
5:23:33
And and often learning and sharing what I learned with the world whether or not they want to hear it or not is part of my pleasure Loop. And and I've learned that if I don't capture some new knowledge in a way that's challenging in the morning time, I I feel like the gears are still turning but but I start to lose energy whereas if I find something interesting in particular and, and write it down, and
5:24:03
And I feel like I own it. That's what I enjoy so much about learning. It's like it's in there, maybe it'll be useful at some point, maybe it won't. But it's like a, it's like a animal finding a tool that it can maybe use to forage more more. Effectively later in life. I get such a sense of satisfaction that then I find that I have immense energy to do whatever is next. Like, whether or not that's exercise or learn more or prepare podcast or write a grant or writing work on a paper. And this feature of my mental life has is so prominent that
5:24:33
I almost have to force myself to do it each day, and there are so many distractions in the world. Nowadays that I've come to a place where I almost have to force myself to do. What I know works for me, but when I do, it feels like a almost like a chemical Rocket Fuel, and it doesn't make me Manticore crazy. I don't need to pick up the phone and call somebody or tell everybody about her post on social media. It's more of a deep sense of satisfaction and and I get energy from it.
5:25:03
That degenerative Drive. Well it's great that that works for you. What you're saying is that for you? Like you can prime your generative drive that way, right? And then you prime it is U prime the pump it gets revved up, right? Like and then and then you know, it's really manifesting itself inside of you. I mean there's many different manifestations of the generative drive as there are people, right? So some things are going to work for some person, other things are going to work for different person, right? But but but you're saying that, hey, I know this thing works for me.
5:25:33
And even though sometimes it's not easy to do, I do it. And then look what it gets for me, right? And that's that's really healthy, right? It's like knowing that this thing works for you and then you become committed to it because your generative Drive is, is really strongly supported by it, right? And then you have this sense of Good Feeling, right? So then you have that, you have the piece and you have the you just the overall sense of goodness, right? That, you know, peace and contentment and Delight that you're getting.
5:26:03
And learning and in teaching. So it's a, you you're figuring out like, hey, this works for me, right? And again, you don't have to figure it out through this lens. It's if we find parts that aren't working, then we go back and we figure them out, right? It may be a good example, maybe is. So let's say, you take someone who really enjoys gardening and get something out of gardening, right? So, there are as many generative drives, and how they're measured out as there are humans, but there can be common outcomes of that, right? So the enjoyment of
5:26:33
Of fostering plants growing a garden is like, that's not uncommon in humans, right? So imagine someone who hasn't been doing that, right? They really want to, they have a drive to do it. There's a plot of land in the back that they used to cultivate, right? So, if they're not doing, if there are any number of reasons, maybe maybe they were depressed and they needed mental health treatment, maybe they just got away from the path that they were on. Maybe their defense has shifted a little bit, whatever the case may be, they go back to the pillars and they figure it out.
5:27:03
Right? And now they're in a chord with themselves, right? And they're living through agency and gratitude and they flick way I can go back out there. And I can tell that land, I can, I can get the hell out. I can, you know, I can make the plus I'm going to put the seeds in. I'm going to nurture like I can go do that and I can do it even. What even though I was depressed, even though somebody assaulted me five months ago, you know, even though I lost my job even though even though even though right the overcome the even
5:27:33
Those right? And the sense of agency tells him, right? I can go do that, right? And the sense of gratitude, no one who's miserable. And, and hey, and, and now is, is in such an awful position about life because they were attacked or lost their job or something bad happened. Whatever it may be, or they're lost in cynicism. There's no gratitude there, right? It's a gratitude for being in Life or having the capability of going back and, and, and planting seeds in that Garden, that's the alliance between agency.
5:28:03
In gratitude and then the person goes and does that, right? So think of what's going on there, they do this thing, they feel good about this thing. They can have, they can look out at the Garden, feel some peace, right? Feel some contentment to them. Be delighted by what they did. Remember how much they loved it before? How much it means to them. So yes that goodness. Comes that goodness suffuses us and it raises up the generative drive that says, right, it's good. We breathe some life into it.
5:28:33
It right enough to get that Garden done. Now the generative Drive is further fostered forward by the goodness. The person feels so. So the example at the difference between the person who's like, wants a garden, feels terrible about themselves. If they're not doing it and they feels lousy every time they look out the window and there they are looking out the window, right? The difference between that and having made a garden, looking out, the window added is a night and day difference. And the, the person who's looking out the window with the garden that they
5:29:03
Overcoming whatever was inside of them because they went and addressed it and and prove to themselves that they could, that's what we're after in life, right? It's it. We all know this, it doesn't look like somebody levitating at the top of a mountain, right? That's what it looks like. The person looking out the window at the Garden and thinking about what they /, comment / came to create the garden and seeing the goodness of it
5:29:24
all. I'm glad you said the word creating because it seems It's about creating things. Get real tangible things. But that the
5:29:33
Us to get there is every bit as important. Oh no, it's created. When you
5:29:37
create knowledge that that's tangible, right? Like you, you create knowledge, may be that, that person looks down the row of beautiful flowers, and has the same sense of goodness inside of them that you do when you're willing, right? I just I just went and learned something
5:29:51
as you describe that. I I've been thinking, I certainly hope so because for me it's an incredible sense of satisfaction and and one that I enjoy so much that I almost don't want to look at it too much because to me it
5:30:03
Sits in this rare domain of perfect. Like it's just it just feels so good. And, and that I can get back. There is very, is very comforting to me,
5:30:15
right? And that's all of this, that it feels so good. That's what all this is. It's the generative drive, right? It's the, it's the Gratitude. It's the contentment. It's like all that coming together and it's interesting. We could contrast that to when you talked about a repeated cycle that's - right. Then you're not feeling that
5:30:33
Right? So so think about the learning that can come from it right that you can you can achieve this and feel this and be in this state in one aspect of your life. Like what can you learn from that to bring to the other place it and more? Yes, that's important. It's more, it's often starting with what's going on in the place. That's not doing well, right? Like, is it why the repetition, right? So this is how we can have what we're seeking in parts of our Lives. Even if we don't and others. But if we can have it in parts of our Lives, we can have it in others.
5:31:03
To and we can become role models for ourselves. We can learn from ourselves, we can learn from what brings the good to how to raise up the things that about us in our lives in aren't there yet?
5:31:17
I often get the question from the general public. How can I stop over thinking? You know, I have to imagine based on the fact, I get that question. So often that there are a great number of people who sense their own generative Drive. What are your thoughts on that thinking? Can be
5:31:37
wonderful if we're using thinking to learn right to figure things out. So when thinking is doing that thinking is great but a lot of thinking
5:31:47
Just in the service of something else, right? And a lot of thinking works against us. So imagine the person making the garden. Look at the person has to think about it. If you think about what seeds to make, they have to think about where the tools are. They have to think about what they're doing when they're planting when they're watering, there's a lot to do, but the beauty of it isn't in the thinking, right? The thinking is in the service of what is generative. So so that's a different kind. It's just thinking in the service of
5:32:17
There. But a lot of our thinking is that, you know, it's planning. It's projecting, we tend to glorify the planning and the projecting and and it can be great when we're learning when we're figuring things out, but a lot of that is is there so that we can do the things that are good for us to do, right? The planning in the projecting around, making the garden, where the point of it is the garden. It's not the thinking part, right? We can also use thinking against us. So much thinking is repetitive and and not just not just unproductive
5:32:47
Harmful right? That person who's looking out the window at the Garden. May be thinking, I mean, sometimes there's just pauses in our thinking, but, you know, a lot of times, a person must be thinking. And, and what often goes on there is just repetitive - thinking it's, you know, gosh, I used to have a garden. I remember when that was beautiful or go remember before such and such a person passed away and then we stopped making the Garden or I'll never be able to make a garden.
5:33:17
Again or gosh it's too much. You know it's just something that's negative and unproductive mean what else is there to think? If the person is actually looking out the window at the Garden, right? And they're in this sort of stuck state, they're not in a generative State, then the thinking becomes becomes repetitive and it furthers all the - right. As we said, The more we further the - the more we take, if there's a four-lane highway that we want to atrophy, let's not make it into a six-lane highway, you know? But we do that when we have this repetitive thinking, which then can evolve into
5:33:47
The Narrative, the things that we say to ourselves, right? So, so you thinking is wonderful. It's wonderful, but it can also just subserve, something else. And it can also be used against us. So what we're talking about here, doesn't glorify thinking, I mean it does if it's in the service of the generative drive but it doesn't in and of
5:34:06
itself. I think many people set a time say you know 9:30 a.m. or 10 a.m. when they are going to begin.
5:34:17
Doing something that they want to do or know they should do. It's a little bit challenging to be exercised. Could be cognitively demanding work, and then ten o'clock rolls around. They say, Okay, 10:15 and they're distracted. By often social media texting, these days. I think those are the main culprits, really? I don't know, too many people, they get distracted by exercise and reading books. Some do and doing complex puzzles or math, but social media is a
5:34:47
Like mental chewing gum, except that I would add to that this, that kind of chewing gum that really does safety appetite in a way that prevents you from eating nutritious food unless used correctly. And then people feel bad about themselves because the whole morning went by now it's noon then they require some food like any regular person right? And eat then they might need a little nap for the postprandial, dip in energy, and then the afternoon and then it
5:35:17
goes on and on. I mean, I hear this all the time I've experienced this before. So I'm not immune to this myself. That's why I try and capture that early wave of energy. Whatever it might be, adrenaline noradrenaline some combination, the way you described thinking and its potential relationship to generative drive. It seems to me it's so important that we capture those moments of potential creation. However, small the action might be to
5:35:47
Cells that we are capable of moving things from point A to point B because in the description, I just gave of the person that lets the morning Escape. There's there's really no external barrier except these distractions, but differently, all the tools exist within most. All of us to be able to create what we want to create or at least to create
5:36:08
something. Right. And that, right?
5:36:11
And yet many, many people just don't fulfill that that
5:36:17
Right? That they were in that, we've all been given,
5:36:19
right? So let's think about what's going on there. So, the person is I'm going to exercise at 10:00 right now and push it back to 10 15 and they do something on social media or they push it back to 10:30. It'll be okay, I'll get it all in what they're doing is they're they're engaging in is unhealthy defense mechanisms, right? So if we go back to the pillars, right? The the structure of self the function of self, there may be other reasons for it, but
5:36:47
Just identify the unhealthy defenses of avoidance and rationalization, right? And then there's no thinking going on about that right there, just unconscious processes and you kick it down, you know, you could get down the clock 15 minutes, right? If you're not thinking about it, thinking then is sub serving something different, right? The thinking is observing the avoidance. If I'm going to go, look on something a weed, a couple things reply, you know, I'm thinking I'm planning, right? I got to get the baby, got to get the phone out, I got to tap, you know, my code into it. I got to go to a
5:37:17
Certain website. Look, we're doing something that we're thinking about it. I think about what I'm going to write back but the thinking is all in the service of the unhealthy defenses, right. So then by understanding ourselves better we can we can bring that way to a healthier Place how by actually using thinking for what helps us, right? So let's think of what what? Okay, what's going? Let's say if you're doing that, okay? What's going on when you're doing that, right? So you so do you, do you really want to
5:37:47
Sighs, right? But like it's not easy to exercise, and sometimes maybe just problem solving, are you doing a thing? You like, maybe something you like more there's lower barriers, Etc, but let's say we're just working within the psychological, right? Then you can come at that a couple of ways. Like, I don't want to do that thing. That things hard, right? I mean, I think that about things in my life sometimes and it always makes me happy. Makes me weighty and unhappy, right? I may as well put 20-pound weights on either side of me, right? I mean I can look at it that way, right? Or
5:38:17
Or there's a different way of looking at it that actually fits much better, which is like, I'm not daunted by doing difficult things and I can get out there and apply myself. And you know, when I feel good about that, when I do difficult things, it's like part of my identity, right? Is like part of how I see myself. So right, I'm going to go do this thing and I'm going to feel good about it and isn't it amazing that I get to do it right? Look here I am. I'm alive. I'm healthy right now. I can go do this thing up. My health is good but I want to make it better right by working out or I'm at least alive and if
5:38:47
I lose a little bit of weight. I'll feel healthier like a come on. This is good, right? And then I'll feel different about that, right? And unlike truth is one or the others like oh, both can be true. Now, what will be true is what you choose, right? And if you choose the - then yes, you, the unhealthy defense is perpetuate. And even if you get yourself to do it today, it's harder to do it tomorrow. That's why sometimes I'll say to a person like just take a look at it and decide if you want to do it or not. If you don't want to exercise just decide you don't write. And then okay there's a trade-off for
5:39:17
Everything may be okay with the trade-off, right? But what am I trying to do there, right? Is bring to Consciousness. That that person is making a choice, right? Do you want to do it? If you want to do it, if you want to do it, it's great to just do it, right? And if you don't, it's great to not do it. At least you're being honest and clear with yourself and you're not wasting all that time. When you keep kicking it, 15 minutes down the, you know, down the clock, you know, until it's too late. Does that make sense? That's I think how the structure here really does? It works because it's
5:39:47
Pulling together what we know from the biology to the psychology of like, how to understand ourselves, and how to understand, when things aren't the way, we want them to be so that we can make them the way we want them to be is not magic. It's following the sort of mathematical aspects of, you know, going to the factors, assessing them making changes. And then, of course, we see the outcome. We want to
5:40:08
see the way you described. It does make sense. And I appreciate it because I think ultimately it seems to ratchet back to action.
5:40:17
Ins two verbs to bring us to these feelings states that, you know, I think are what people are seeking, you know, peace contentment to light, you know, through agency gratitude has active terms, right? And there's yes, you know, I think these are Universal desires. And again, you're providing this wonderful roadmap for people to arrive there. Thank you. I do have a question about some of the underpinnings of generative Drive. In particular, this notion of aggressive Drive, I've known people that
5:40:47
I have a lot of this, just have a lot of get-up-and-go or a lot of drive to create in the world or to figure things out. They often do create great lives for themselves and work and relationship Etc. I've also observed that these people often don't have the best relationship to themselves or that they run up against barriers or frankly, sometimes straight into brick walls in certain domains of their life, perhaps as a consequence of having too much of this generative or aggressive Drive.
5:41:17
And at the same time, I know that there are people in the world. Many that have, what seems to be a low generative Drive? I don't know if that's the case or not but that they they seem to have a hard time engaging like in doing things and often you get the impression that they some water completely given up. Like there's just like life is just too hard or sometimes. It's even more subtle like I know someone who they like their job but they
5:41:47
Come to the place that, you know, like, it's just work like it's a paycheck and the and that might be enough, but they're always talking about it. So I have to assume that it's not enough, they aren't able to slot their work into one domain and and just focus on the other aspects of their life that are going. Well, it doesn't compensate for them to think about the other aspects of their life that is. So, is there a Continuum of generative drives that exist in us? Are these intrinsic? I realize there are near infinite number of conditions that could
5:42:17
Give rise to one or the other, the hardwired could be nature. Could be nurture, but what is the relationship between? And I want to say arousal or potential for arousal and aggressive drive, and, and these things that were seeking?
5:42:35
Yeah, yeah. If it's okay. I'd like to start like the first principles of the drives, right? So the theory of drives came about when when people were observing very closely,
5:42:47
Like human beings and human behavior, individuals, societies, cultures, right? And and identifying that, hey, that you can boil a lot of things down to to a drive that we call aggressive, right? There's something to like impose myself out there on the world around me, right explains a lot of what people do right and then the other identified Drive was pleasure, right? Was you know so enjoyment even
5:43:17
Leaf of unpleasantness right there. The thaw has like you can describe a lot of human behavior and and that to understand like what's going on inside of us, that means that were here, right? You see that through the lens of aggressive and pleasure drives and like that's the answer to it to how we survive. But I think that is not the answer to it that if it were just aggressive drives and pleasure drives, there's not a value system around.
5:43:47
Like you know as somebody who's very industrious can build or destroy. Right. And we see this in historical figures like being very intelligent, and very industriousness has nothing to do with whether you're building her destroying, right? So if it were just an aggressive drive and a pleasure drive, then we wouldn't be having this conversation, right? Because species would have would not have survived. So if you believe that and I believe that, then you look for something else. You say, maybe we looked and we found
5:44:17
And two things when they're more things, right? And then we start thinking about learning for learnings sake, altruism things that are not explained, right? Unless there's a self-referential, we feel good doing something for someone else. So, therefore it's selfish. Like, there's a lot of gyrations around that. If you really observe humans used to do, see, altruism altruism. You see learning for learnings sake. You see, people being benign when everything about a situation would say that they could would or should under society's rules not be benign, right? And
5:44:47
We start to see that there is another drive. That, how do you explain that? We're here. Yeah, aggression, pleasure and generative, nests or generative Drive the drive to make things better. That's why we build more than we destroy it. We destroy a lot, right? But we build more than we destroy. Otherwise, we wouldn't have clothes on our backs. Let alone have the technology to sit here and to be able to do this. So it's the generative drive, that, that is most realized in the healthy person.
5:45:17
Person, right? And the healthy person has the strong generative drive. Now, as you said, there are other factors, and this is what you were asking about. They're probably their natural levels of aggression or pleasure-seeking or generated and is that differ across people, right? Because we're a product of, you know, the complexity of our genetics and, you know, all the complexities of Nature and nurture. So we're going to get to a place where where some of us have more, some of us have less, right? The the conclusion that
5:45:47
Is for all of us, the generative Drive being at the helm. Is, what? What leads us to be to live? Good lives, right to live to the things that we aspire to the peace and contentment. Right? So we want the generative drive to Rule the Day, right? Whether a person is studying Neuroscience or growing gardens, right? The important is about being generative, then then aggression and pleasure, can subserve, the generative Drive, Right In
5:46:17
Then the question you're asking, I think which is well what if there's too much aggression to little aggression, right? Or too much pleasure seeking to little pleasure-seeking? That's when we can see problems, right? And the problems and lead us back to the pillars to figure out the problems. So too much aggression ultimately becomes Envy right too much aggression means. I want I want to impose myself on the, on the world around me more than I can. More than is reasonable more than I can do without.
5:46:47
Hinging upon others, right? That what you end up doing is taking from others, right? Too much aggression. Becomes destructive, right? Maybe a person destroys tear. Something down, right takes from others says the the nasty comment when it wasn't necessary and now everyone feels bad, right? There's that too much aggression start. It becomes Envy right? And envy is destructive, right? The same thing with too much pleasure seeking. If I say, okay, I want, you know, I want my fair.
5:47:17
A share of pleasuring, you know, relief of distress and all that. But if I start, if I rely on that too much right where now, instead of aggression eclipsing the generative drive? Now it's pleasure, eclipsing the generative drive. Then I want more pleasure and more pleasure, and more pleasure, and how long before I want your pleasure, right? So till then, it's not healthy, right? What it becomes is envious. Right? It becomes destructive. Because now then I become Covetous of your pleasure or if I can't get it, but I could bring you down, then I'll feel better about myself. That's Envy.
5:47:47
Hey, so too much aggression. Eclipsing the generative drive, too much of the pleasure seeking to pleasure Drive eclipsing the generative drive and we end up in places of envy and envy is destructive. And now we're in
5:48:02
trouble, I've never thought before about the relationship between aggression, pleasure and envy, but as you're describing it comes to mind the movie American Psycho, where Christian Bale plays this
5:48:17
sickly an 80s Yuppie in working in finance, in New York. And, and for anyone that's seen, its at can only be described as a violent parody of eighties Yuppie culture. And
5:48:28
it's better to be, how many is there's going to be?
5:48:30
He has his dark and comedies it could be and don't let your young children, watch it because it's very gruesome and and like, very sexual and but the the aggressive features within the character that bail plays are immediately apparent in the movie.
5:48:47
Like, you know, violent aggression, sexual aggression seeking money, seeking wealth, all the time. A narcissism to an obsession with like everything from his skin care routine to his 8 pack abs and like it's ridiculous. But but also an interesting window into some milder forms of those features that still exists in many people today, right? But the Envy component starts to reveal itself a little bit later into the movie. Where the scene I recall is one.
5:49:16
Around where someone hands him a business card and then you hear the narrative in his own mind about how much nicer that guy's business card is and how he hates him. So much, he ends up killing the guy. Yes, it in very violent and sadistic fashion, that's aggression over generative. And so, I hate, right? And so, and the whole movie is about, this one aspect of culture at that times ability to impose their will on every everyone at their whim, you know, basically bail just does whatever the hell he wants at any point.
5:49:47
Those returns videotapes in between and, you know, and there's so much woven into it and that is relevant and so much that's woven into it, that's just purely for people's kind of sick entertainment, but that I believe it was Bret Bret Easton Ellis that wrote down and you know, it's tapping into the the aggression component, the pleasure component, but the Envy component is really what resonates as he come to. The end of the movie is like, there's no satisfying, this guy he could kill her or sleep with as many people as he wants.
5:50:16
It's in the movie and he can have as much wealth as he wants. He can have entire buildings. In fact, I think he's living in an entire building at some point. He takes over people's Apartments after he kills them. It's it's it's wild and disgusting but it really speaks to the extent to which Envy is woven into absolutely aggression and pleasure-seeking and it's not something that had a really sunk in for me until you describe it now because I think, for most people, they imagine, okay, when somebody has X number of
5:50:47
Millions or billions of dollars that they'll reach this place of Peace. Contentment and Delight. Right? They'll have enough and in the movie Wall Street, there's that one scene. Where someone says, you know what's your number, like at what point is enough? And the guy says more, that says, all sorts of things about the dopaminergic system of reward systems in the brain etcetera. But I think it says a lot more about Envy. I just let just what and what a pit of despair and V is for everybody
5:51:13
involved, right? Right. Look, Envy may not be the
5:51:16
Out of all evil but Envy plus natural disasters. Maybe
5:51:22
So much evil and destruction arises from envy, and it may be that it's at the root of all of it. And we, so under appreciate that, right? We still under appreciate why people are destructive, right? Which is why the roots aren't always in trauma. But a significant aspect of where Envy arises from, can often be trauma, creating a sense of guilt, and shame, and vulnerability, but
5:51:51
Wherever a person may come by it and it's a larger discussion of MB and where they come from, is it drives destruction? And if the aggressive Drive is greater than the generative drive, or if the pleasure Drive is greater than the generative drive, or if both are greater than the generative drive, it will drive destruction.
5:52:13
And that destruction, the vast majority of times if you look deep enough you find at its roots, envy that Envy may arise from guilt and shame within the person. But as soon as it becomes about another right, I feel guilt and shame and inadequacy inside of me. But then I feel Envy of those around me. They drives the vast majority of
5:52:32
Destruction. Do you think that's what's happening when we see these? Sadly ever, more frequent examples of active Shooters and a school,
5:52:43
Shootings things of that sort.
5:52:44
Yes, there are other people who have life and that person doesn't feel that they do. So they want to go and take it away from them. That's why is, as long as we have human tribulation and a lot of Guns is going to happen. It's a, it's a logical, conclusion of enough. People being in places of Despair and how Envy can be cultivated within us and then ultimately How It lines people.
5:53:13
It creates such a desire for Destruction that then people will take life away from others and often they have to be able to sometimes take their own
5:53:21
life, which I
5:53:22
think really brings to the Forefront like that that person doesn't feel that they have a life. Certainly not a life worth preserving. So they're then going to take the lives of others. And I think we're seeing that is as Stark.
5:53:38
A portrait of where Envy can lead, I think, as we can find on the one person basis, we can go, we can look at Wars and their destruction on a societal basis, but I think that's that's the ultimate in understanding where Envy can drive a
5:53:53
person.
5:53:55
What about the other end of the spectrum? When aggression and pleasure-seeking, or
5:54:01
Too low. Mmm, the other side of the spectrum
5:54:04
is demoralization. So it's imagine very, very low aggression, solo self-assertion low agency. Like with there comes a place where the person is not then imposing themselves or believing that they can in much of any way on the outside world. And that creates a sense of isolation, understandably, right? A sense of powerlessness and vulnerability and isolation, and that then becomes.
5:54:31
Steam moralizing, which is not the same as depression. I mean. Do you know, we know depression is a is there's a neurochemical imbalance, right? Whether that imbalance came purely biologically or came psychologically or because of external events there's a neurochemical imbalance here. We're not talking about an illness State as identified by modern. Psychiatry there's not a number in the, in the book of diagnosis that goes along with, with being demoralized. Right? But why? Because it's a state that humans can be
5:55:01
in and too low of an aggressive drive, right? And all the things that come of that it's isolating and it's demoralizing the same with too low of a pleasure drive, so example that may be relatable is to some people is knowing someone who has had a couple of really bad breakups. And then says, I'm not, you know what I'm done with that, there's no more Romance. I'm going to be single right? And and you know, like that person has a drive in them, like you know, they're an interconnected person, like they want romance.
5:55:31
Today, these are things that are important to them, but they make a decision. I'm not going to have that in my, in my life. What would be called in some? Psychodynamic senses. Inviting death into life. A little bit of death by swearing off. Something that that the person has a drive towards, right? The pleasure Drive of companionship and of romance, right? That that then becomes demoralizing as well. So sure those things demoralization can predispose to depression but demoralization is a thing in and of itself is where
5:56:01
Then there's a sense of hopelessness. There's a sense of the goodness that is inaccessible anymore and that's the other side of Envy
5:56:10
can low levels of aggression and the resulting demoralization be coupled with high levels of pleasure-seeking. So, I'm thinking about the person that is like, very overweight clearly headed for health issues if they don't already have them and no, perhaps would
5:56:31
Like to remove that weight would like to feel more vigorous doesn't want type 2 diabetes and an early death but at some level they given up. But because the the pleasure of eating is something they really enjoy, they really love it. And and yet it has a component to it in their life where they either self-soothe with it or they're just trying to hit Baseline levels of satisfaction with it and they allow themselves to effectively be sedentary and and then the other
5:57:01
ER, sorts of trouble starts to show up, you know, sleep apnea, from carrying excessive weight and then they're feeling tired during the day and then who can exercise, when they're too tired, when you got to work, and maintain other life demands, and you can kind of see where this could rise and makes perfect sense. She can also see where if there were just a little bit more aggression, it could all be turned around but they don't have it. So is the scenario describes something that you've seen clinically. I certainly observe it in my non-clinical stance out there in the world a
5:57:30
lot.
5:57:31
Well, I think the most important thing you pointing out is that aggression and pleasure on the high-end, right? We know can Trump the generative drive, right? But that this can also happen on the low end, right? So, you're describing a situation says, it's a great example. It was, it's not uncommon in the world around us. So the aggression, meaning the fuel to put oneself out there in the world, right? To utilize the sense of agency, right? So, this is going to be a person who's low agency, right? The
5:58:01
Of drive, it has as little fuel than to give the sense of agency. It's further squelch. Bye - bye - sense of self and negative self-talk. Now, you find where the aggressive Drive is is too low. And too low can also Trump the generative drive, right? Because then that person can't take care of themselves. A generative drive would say, there's a lot of Life to Live, and there can be great things in life and take better care of yourself. And by the way, they're like people that you love and people that love you or if not, you know, there's an
5:58:31
The regarding you love, right? So the generative drives is saying that right, but it's not winning the day because the aggression or, you know, aggression is one word, we could put to that drive, you could call it an assertion drive, you know, we caught an agency dry but that's, you know, we're using agency in a different way, but that thing is too low. So it wins out over the generative drive and then in the example you gave it's not surprising. That the pleasure Drive goes the other way. Maybe there's a predisposition to that genetically.
5:59:01
Lee maybe it's just reinforced because a person in that place could say, well think of what this the the self-conception would be, right? I'm in this terrible place, you know, means I'm a terrible person. I can't make myself better or I'm not good enough to get better, no one cares about me. I can't make anything. Right so. So, therefore, like, I don't, I don't matter is no reason to take care of myself. So why would I not do if I eat that one thing that I enjoy and it gives me pleasure even because he pledged
5:59:31
For two minutes and I'll eat another one like incense. So what? Well, because I don't feel that I'm worth preserving or that I can preserve myself, right? There's a nihilism to it that then kind of makes it make sense to overindulge the pleasure Drive, whether it's a whether it's biologically predisposed to it, one is just arriving there but the the reason all that is bad is because the aggressive Drive is too low and if I could slow enough that it's outweighing the generative Drive in the pleasure drives going to come until you know one place or another. If it's
6:00:01
Also really low. The person does not much of anything in wastes away, which tragically happens a lot in our society, right? Or if the pleasure Drive is high, maybe that person over indulges in things that provide short-term gratification and then that causes a different set of problems. But but what's deterministic, there is whether whether aggression or assertion, again, we can put different words to that drive, but what we've been calling the aggressive drive and the pleasure Drive are they is one or the other or both high enough to trust
6:00:31
The generative drive or low enough to Trump, the generative drive. And I think all problems that we see, like, everything fits into this model because it honors, what we know, right? It honors. What we know about human behavior and insights into human behavior over hundreds of years, right? Over thousands of years, like the wisdom that we beings Ford and it honors the science, and that's why it fits together, because I think it honors who we are as the, what our species is, what we are. And
6:01:01
And you know what, it's like what life is like as as we try and engage with it, I've
6:01:09
seen cases of demoralized people where they simply, you know disappear, they hide they isolate they slow down, they take terrible care of their health. And you know sadly I've known several people like this in my lifetime. One of whom killed himself. The the other who just has
6:01:31
Men's number of health problems related to overeating and inactivity and and knows it and talks about it in any but nothing seems to change despite multiple interventions of from a caring standpoint, from Friends Etc. I've also seen examples of people who are demoralized to seem to bandwidth. Other demoralized people sort of try to recalibrate the standard that they feel oppresses them. You know, that they and this isn't necessarily just in the realm of physical fitness.
6:02:01
This is also in the realm of school demands. I went to a very demanding high school as I've talked about before on a couple of podcasts. I barely finished high school. I was not an attentive student. I was my aggressive and pleasure drives went into and non academic Endeavors and I regret that you know, I had so much making up of learning to do by time. I fortunately got to college eventually caught up but my experience high school was
6:02:31
There were these, you know, kids scoring perfectly on the SAT and the early admission to Harvard and early admission to Yale and all these places. And then there was, you know, a distribution in the middle. And then there was a collection of of kids who were not doing well knew, they weren't doing well and kind of banded together around the idea of not doing well, I didn't consider myself part of that group because I frankly wasn't there that often. And, and I was focused on other things as I mentioned. But but
6:03:01
What came of that group was actually quite tragic, not just for them, but for a lot of other people they eventually engage it wasn't school shooting type scenario. But they eventually, you know, set off explosives in the on the school campus. This was after they graduated, I don't know where they are nowadays, but things did not go well for them and they exerted a lot of Destruction to other people around them. But before they did that, there was this kind of banding
6:03:31
Together around there. The fact that they didn't fit in that they and they weren't bullied. As I recall that I could be wrong about this, but I've seen this in other forms to like, you know, if you can't meet the standard band up with other people and change the standard, and then you don't feel as demoralized perhaps, I can understand. I can rationalize why this would be a reasonable approach. But
6:03:57
I'm seeing this more and more. I'm also seeing, by the way, you know, the other end of the spectrum people are overly aggressive and pleasure-seeking and things of that sort. But for the moment, I'd like your thoughts on, you know how demoralization can split off into two different Expressions, depending on how people feel and who else they're relating
6:04:18
to? Yeah. Yeah, well I think the place I would start is to say our society rushes headlong forward in a way that
6:04:27
Causes our society to trample people who are vulnerable and vulnerable people are demoralized. People demoralized. People are vulnerable people in our society, often tramples them and then they're not here with us any longer and that is tragic. But at times, they don't get trampled, they get cast aside array. They're injured right and cast aside. And from that place tragic things happen, right? People then stay isolated. You know I think it's a tragedy that we don't
6:04:57
All band together and go door-to-door, right? To like seek people who aren't coming out of doors right? You know in the sense of like we let people be so so isolated and and oftentimes that's that's the tragic end of someone's story, right? But sometimes people do engage right either demoralized but they can engage in in ways that involve an affiliate of Defense. So sometimes people who are demoralized can affiliate they can ban together
6:05:27
In in ways, as I think you were alluding to that. Can that can make things better. So if people are demoralized because say, they're a group in society that is chronically very mistreated, right? Then, it can be very powerful to ban together both because there's what's called an affiliate of defense that if I feel bad about myself about something and I'm alone, it's highly likely on the continue feeling bad about myself about that thing, right? But if you feel bad about yourself about the same thing, and then work together, right? We
6:05:57
I helped each other feel better, we don't feel so lonely, we don't alone, we all feel so isolated. We don't feel so ashamed, right? So an affiliate of Defense can help people to say, wait a second like I'm not there's nothing wrong with me and I'm not going to take this lying down or something, right? And then and to make assertions that create better rights in the world around us so so very good things can happen from from affiliation in the context of demoralization. But very bad things can happen to write because people can also
6:06:27
Affiliate around things that are very destructive. And if I hate full of society, and I would like to be destructive and I'm alone, okay, I could do destructive things alone, but if I ban together with a couple other people who feel that way, now, I'm empowered to feel that way, right? Instead of maybe I feel that way and or there's racism or Prejudice, and I don't feel like I can say that right? But then when it's permissive, right? Because other people are are in the same place then people can accentuate the the hatred within you know, within
6:06:57
Them. So affiliation is very very powerful and part of society, rushing. So headlong forward and either trampling or marginalizing people, is that we then don't pay attention or not enough attention to what happens with the affiliative groups, right? How do you guide people towards towards being able to affiliate in ways that are productive? How do you give them routes of being productive, right? How do you try and protect against the ways that affiliation can lead to destructive Behavior? So I think you know a lot
6:07:27
This is the, these are the natural things that happen within us but a lot of what we're talking about now gets impacted a lot by society and societal standards, which we of course all together. You know you determine right and arise from us but they start to sort of transcend because it's now people interacting with a whole social
6:07:48
system.
6:07:49
Going back to the other end of the spectrum, excess. Aggression in particular, was in a conversation with somebody recently, very successful, like Beyond most people's comprehension of successful financially successful. And seems to just said, you know, checked off the, their goals, one one box at a time, you know, from from go but who described his underlying psychology and
6:08:19
Motional State as one in which much of what he does on a day-to-day basis is driven by aggression. In fact, he volunteered an anecdote about the fact that he hates early morning meetings on Zoom but he shows up to them as sort of like a nephew towards somebody. That might not even be on the meeting, right? And and so there's a friction point for him that allows them to engage in a way that you wouldn't otherwise be able to engage any. He channels that
6:08:49
That towards productivity and clearly it's worked for him, you know, I don't know if he's done this sort of introspective Deep dive, imagine no through the structure of self and function of self. But you know, what are we to make of that? Sort of example, I mean I like the idea that if someone has a strong aggressive drive that they would Channel it towards good, I mean, I have no reason to think this person is doing anything but good in the world for themselves and others, certainly not.
6:09:19
And no one is listening to my to my knowledge.
6:09:23
But that seems like a rough place to live. For me. It seems like a rough place to live, and at the same time, I'll offer a very brief anecdote that, you know, at one point in my career, namely, when I was a postdoc, I was in a position by virtue of having left a laboratory and the nature of the field at the time, where the work I wanted to do, was directly pitted against the work of another very powerful laboratory. Except that I was alone. Postdoc working in a laboratory, essentially, on my own on this problem. And I remember going to my postdoc advisor,
6:09:53
The late been beerus and saying, you know, I think it might just move to a different problem because I don't really want to go up against this Goliath and he said you know this is the best day, you know, I can capture Ben's voice. He said they're absolutely not like there's no way you love this stuff you have to do it because you love it and he kept telling me how much I loved it and he reminded me that indeed I did love the questions and once I was able to tap back into the love for in the Curiosity, around the questions I was able to push
6:10:23
Aside the concerns and off that we did. Well in publishing certain papers, they did well. But those five years frankly, we're a lot less pleasureful than they could have been. I think, because much of the script in my head was that I was in friction with this. Like, you know, at least in my mind, this oppressive force, it was, it was purely competitive and I truly believe that we can't be a tattoo in our most creative state when we are competing with someone else by definition, because then your
6:10:53
Creating against a standard as opposed to Raw Creation. So in both cases a lot of aggressive Drive, frankly, I have some of that and I had that. But a desire for Revenge, a component of friction mixed in you know, or integrated with this aggressive drive like this picture. Like even as I describe it is, you know, causing the release of a little, little bit of adrenaline. It's not a comfortable
6:11:20
State. It's not, it can't be a state of
6:11:23
Happiness, right? So as you said people can do good in the world, they can do not good. And we're like, we're not making a value judgment about what the person is doing, because that's not what the question is about, right? It was like, how are they feeling our they doing, right? What's going on inside of them? And that can't be happy, right? That can't be happy because if if you're built to be pretty good at competition, right? So you can size up. What are the factors? You know, you can strategize, right? So a person is built to be really good at competition. Then, you know,
6:11:53
It sounds pretty good to make everything a competition, right? Because you have the highest winning percentage, right? And that's, that's good to achieve some end, right? That doesn't have any feeling intrinsically associated with it, right? And if all you're doing is a series of competitions and what you're doing then is winning right? And like, winning is something like, you know, winning is I want and I beat you, whatever. That is like, that can be part of happiness, but it doesn't have to be right? That's not happiness.
6:12:23
He's right. So, so yes. That kind of, I'm really built to compete well, and I'm going to just see a series of competitions in front of me. That's it for expedient. Forward progress, right? That's a very effective. But again, expedient, forward progress is nothing to do with peace contentment delay. The like, it's not, you know, it isn't anything to do with that in order to have anything to do with doing good or bad, right? And I think the example you gave in your own in your
6:12:53
Career is like, it's such a good example, right? Because, you know, if you think about it, when the way that you were sort of framing it inside, is like, there's a question. I'm asking, there's a question. They're asking, right? And there's a competition, right? I think it has to be 22 to compete, right? So, so there's almost an automaticity, right? That, like the setting, the same thing, maybe, you know, they feel competitive or certain people there, too. They were
6:13:20
were in are definitely competitive. They know who they are.
6:13:23
They're extremely committed and very
6:13:24
successful. Okay? So then so then you'll all come in a competition now. Again, but you never decided to be in a competition, right? But but automatically, right means, interesting, way to understand you're acting as if you're in a competition because I don't want this competition, right? Because like they're bigger than me is gonna be unpleasant. It's going to take you away from really thinking about what you want to do, right? It's going to make it harder to do a good to do the job, you want to do, right? Because now you're embroiled in, you know something that's you know that has a
6:13:53
Passion behind it, right? So you choose. No I don't I choose not to do that, right? And then then beerus reframes it to the truth. And says what this this isn't this is not a competition because you're not choosing to compete, right? But because been pointed out, what was important to you was the questions, right? So it's like almost as if Ben remind you to know this is not through the aggressive Drive, look at it, through the generative drive. That's what wins out in you, right? And then you go and apply yourself to it.
6:14:23
It.
6:14:23
Yeah, and bless him for doing it because from that point forward, I've made it my firm mission to always do things from a place of what I was thinking about us the light. You know, curiosity Delight that the things that give me energy and that give me more energy from doing them. It wasn't a coincidence. I believe that in those five years when I was operating from a mix of generative drive and the competition would then resurface and you know I couldn't hold
6:14:53
Hold it constant. That I was absolutely exhausted by the end of that phase. I just in a way that sucked a lot of the pleasure out of it. I still drive some pleasure, but then, as I mentioned, fortunately, I was able to Pivot back to doing things out of love, you know? And and, and getting back to peace contentment and especially Delight right
6:15:17
now, right? And I absolutely make a value judgment about that, right? That what you
6:15:23
Did is better, right? So what if you did, what if you were different? So think about if we talk about it through this accurate lens, what if you were different at that time, and the aggressive Drive in you was greater than the generative Drive-In you, right? Which would be an unhealthy state to be in, but let's say you were in that unhealthy State, then you probably would have still done what you did, what you would have done it through the lens of aggression. Like, I'm going to get that right now. You're competitive with them. There's, there's anger in you, there's you know, there's aggression, right?
6:15:53
You're in acting and fantasy as you're, you're thinking about them and how you're going to win. I like all sorts of things go on inside of us and I would say there is no way on Earth. You could have done the science as well as you did write. It couldn't be because all that stuff is distracting, right. It's, you know, that kind of negative effect pools for energy and time from you and also what seeds with you have planted in the the microcosm that you operate and write more more competition, right? More competitiveness.
6:16:23
More Badness, right? So let's look at what you did do, right? Because you're healthy or this particular question about this particular thing. We know for sure because you're generative Drive, eclipses the aggressive drive, then you set yourself to the work in a way that's going to be more effective, right? Your brain isn't clouded. You're not wasting energy, you know, plotting, some Revenge, you're plotting. What you're going to do, if they come take something from your lab, I mean, whatever it is, you know, like you're not living in any of that. So you're going to do a better job at what your what's so
6:16:53
Orton to you to do. And what seeds are you selling that, right? You're sowing seeds of collaboration, right? And even then if someone could say well what is even that matter writes a really does matter because what you are doing, then we just follow for the math of it, right? Is contributing to understanding that's contributing to human health, right? And the better understanding we have of human health the more people stay alive and the more people stay healthy which could mean any one of us just like any one of us could be the vulnerable person. That's
6:17:23
Society tramples are cast aside, we all have it in us to be that or been that it stages of our lives, right? We also all have it in us to be the opposite of that. We have it in us to be generated. We have it in us to make good. We have it in us to contribute to health to survival and that I place a value judgment upon. Its why doing good is better than doing bad. Why creating is better than destroying? And why ultimately is the generative drive that has to Trump.
6:17:53
Other drives. And when it does, we're happy, we're healthy. We make the world a better place. We alai with and are suffused with the Gratitude and agency in us are fully active, and we're suffused with peace contentment to Delight. As you said, that's the place to be from that place. We get this thing that we want and we help to make the world a better place, which helps us to keep the thing we
6:18:17
want.
6:18:19
It sounds so simple because as you pointed out the manifestations of looking at the right things and doing the right things are so simple. Yes. Right. It's a list. Really? And again, we have a PDF that includes this list and and the structure of the pillars and how they flow up to this list but ultimately it's peace, contentment and Delight, you know, undergirded by agency and gratitude as active terms. I mean
6:18:48
Very simple at some level. And yet, for many people, including myself, at certain times in life, the, the excess, or, or lack of aggressive, drive or excess, or lack of pleasure Drive can interfere with people's ability to access these. These simple, but incredibly powerful being States
6:19:10
because its nature and nurture, right? So, you might be built with a greater or lesser natural amount.
6:19:18
Of OneDrive than I am, right. But then we've had life experience that creates a Delta around that, right? So so we say, okay, we're built with different amounts of all these drives. Yes, yes, we are right. But we also have control right through our decisions to how we handle Our Lives to modulate them. Okay. So that makes sense because the thought maybe we'll do the drive is with the drive is and it varies across people know there's a range. The drive is in and that range can be very broadly. People can do all sorts of things to cultivate is to cultivate the
6:19:48
We all can. So if we look at it as an unlimited upside, right then what we what we see is I want to know where they at me now, right? What's going on inside of me? What are all those other factors, right? Because I want to cultivate the good. I want to cultivate that generative drive, and I want to make sure the aggression in the pleasure aren't out of balance, one way or another, like we can actively. Look at that and manage it. And I think that's like, so what we're striving for because there's nothing here that we don't have some control over, right? And
6:20:18
The higher we get upright, the simpler it gets the more, we have control over it
6:20:23
and for people who feel like the the ideals that were providing a roadmap toward are not accessible for whatever reason, maybe the feeling a little bit or a lot, demoralized overly aggressive and not ending up where they want to go or ending up where they want to go and not experiencing deep satisfaction, peace, contentment and Delight.
6:20:44
Where should they look in this framework? That includes these pillars at the Deep levels of structure of cell function of self that you know give rise to empowerment humility agents. See gratitude peace, contentment to light you if someone should find themselves unmotivated or we're stuck, you know, a metaphorically speaking staring out the window into the garden that could be in that they want so very much, but they're not creating again that should translate to whatever domain of life. You're, you're seeking or not even
6:21:13
in touch with what you really want. Yeah, infinitely confused about what to do in relationship school work life, you know, and, and thinking about all the oppressive forces in the world, like the political chasm in the, you know, pandemics and lockdowns and like and all the stuff and all the things that are weighing down on us out.
6:21:35
What should that person in other words? What should we all? Do at that moment, you know, stop and what
6:21:42
each pillar has five. Cupboards look in all five and follow the clues that you find there.
6:21:49
That's the answer.
6:21:50
So go back to structure of cell function of self, ask questions about and engage in practices, that bring about more self-awareness practices. That draw our attention to what Salient for us. Ask ourselves, you know, what am I thinking about internally? What is my internal script? What it, what am I focusing on externally? You know, about my spending all day on Twitter? Looking at accounts that I know I hate because it activates something in me etcetera, etcetera. I might have revealed something,
6:22:19
Myself that I'm just kidding. That's not my behavior, but I see a lot of other people doing it. What are my behavioral choices? You know, what could bring about more hopefulness. And strivings I have that
6:22:30
right in this, right? And there's so much of this as a one could do on ones own, right, because we can think about ourselves and we can learn things. We say, I don't really know that much about defense mechanisms. Okay? Look we could read about it right? Like we can do a lot of this on our own and we can get so much from talking to other people, you know?
6:22:49
People in our Lives who are close to us, who love us, right? We can talk with them about what's going on inside of us, right? And that is such an amazing mechanism of learning and they're also Professional Resources. I mean, like good therapy, should Encompass like this should be what it's doing, right? It might come out of through one lens or another lens and you know, because everybody everybody's different and we can bring different modalities, but ultimately that's what good therapy is doing, right? It's looking at all ten of those cupboards and it's seeing. Where is the issue? Let's
6:23:19
Follow the clues. I get this spirited inquiry right whether we're doing it on our own, or we're doing it with other people, in our personal lives that we're doing it with someone professionally, it's a spirited inquiry to follow the clues, because if we follow the clues, there are answers, right? And if we have the answers, then we can bring things into better alignment, and then we're in a better place. Those pillows are more stable and we can build on top of them. What we want to build on top of them and the drives come better into line. That that we can do that, and it can be
6:23:49
Be an iterative process of, you know, if we take some better state of mind and like, life is better and like we're happy like this happens to people. There's a lot of contentment and peace and if things are going well and now something isn't as much go back and look again, right? It's a process we can use over and over because it works because it fits with the truths and the reality is we as we have understood learn them, you know, our education, the this will learning about humans that
6:24:19
across hundreds of years, tells us
6:24:21
this
6:24:23
It makes very good sense to me in the way that you have mapped it out for us. So much sense. In fact, that just struck by how Divergent it is, from what I think, most people think of, when they think of therapy or the some of the risks of going to a psychiatrist, which I think it's only fair to consider in particular the way that least from my outside non-clinical understanding.
6:24:53
Sorts of situations of high levels of demoralization or excessive aggression or just people not being in the place or being able to exert their their, their actions in the world, the way they want or not get the results they want. Is they will start asking questions like, you know, maybe have a chemical imbalance or or maybe they'll go to a clinician may be a cognitive behavioral therapist or or psychiatrist and more often than not. It seems they'll get, you know, prescription for X. Number of milligrams of
6:25:23
Some serotonergic Agonist or dopaminergic agonists and of course as a neurobiologist. I you know, I applaud the exploration of underlying brain mechanisms and the involvement of neuromodulators like dopamine and serotonin. But what you're describing today is is very different. I, I think, then what most people are can expect, if they go to the typical psychiatrist, who are typical psychologist, which is part of the reason we're having this conversation.
6:25:53
Action. But I'd love your thoughts on that. And I don't want to make this about me. I only offer this anecdote as a way to round out. A little bit of the earlier discussion. I'll never share this publicly, but when I was a postdoc and going through that very hard phase of competition that I didn't want. And having a hard time staying in touch with that and there were some other developmental things, starting to resurface just by virtue of moving. Back to the town, I grew up in ETC, is there. I recall getting to the stairway of the building. I was working.
6:26:23
In the time, which is the same one where my laboratory exists now actually and realizing I couldn't go up the stairway. I've always been reasonably fit and just being so exhausted and then driving home that day on 280 and thinking you know like none of this matters like what am I doing? Like none of it matters. I could have been exhausted, I don't know what it was but what that ultimately resulted in was me talking to a psychiatrist, who gave me a low dose of of a
6:26:53
Serotonergic antidepressant, I took that low dose of serotonergic antidepressant recall which one it was, maybe it was Citalopram. Would that make sense? And spent that evening staring at my plate? Of Thai, noodles for about two hours, hit me really hard. And, and I hated that feeling and then just stop taking the drug. Now, I'm not, this is no knock on Citalopram or the use of serotonergic agents in the proper context, they've saved lives. So the problematic too, but I just, you know, that wasn't the
6:27:23
route that eventually got me out of it. And it was, it was mainly talk therapy and and self-care. But I just offer that because I, you know, I even as a neurobiologist, I perhaps, especially as a neurobiologist, I thought, okay, here's the solution, right? It's going to shift some internal module ettore system and I'm going to feel okay about the situation I'm in and thank goodness. It didn't work even for a short while because the while I didn't do all the things that you're describing here of
6:27:53
The function of self because no one has ever laid this out for me. I I took the route of talk therapy which I find immensely beneficial takes time, but immensely beneficial. So what are your thoughts on the current strategies for diagnosis where those succeed where they fall short and and the role of medication in navigating this, you know, simple and yet complex landscape
6:28:20
we are so dramatically over
6:28:23
Reductionist, you know, it's almost to the point of
6:28:26
unbelievable.
6:28:28
I mean, think about getting a medicine, getting some sape Citalopram because of what happened, right? It can't possibly work right now. Maybe a judiciously. Chosen medicine, could provide a little more distress tolerance and you can sort of think about it more and you could find your way through it. But clearly it was an issue of self, right? Like you're in a situation that was high stress and you're going to have to have
6:28:53
Competition or not. Is it going to be good for you and, you know, you don't want that, but can you avoid it? Like there's something going on, that makes you not be able to walk up those stairs, right? So like I'm not criticizing, I don't want the person, what kind of conversations you had about it with rhythm, with the idea that a pill will fix that is like, that's insane right now. Medicines can help smooth the way. So, so let's say you initially went in the first time you see someone they say, okay, we have to talk about this. Really what's going on in your life and, you know, because normally you
6:29:23
Walk upstairs and go to work, right? Why can't you now? Like we need to think about that. When you talk about that, let's say you start doing that and you're having a lot of trouble with it. We're just having really high levels of anxiety, we might see. Look, a medicine can kind of take the temperature down a little bit, you know, give you a little more distress tolerance and then, you know, we can you can think about it better inside of you and we can talk about it better, but it's medicine in the service of understanding. Now, sometimes medicines are doing things like medicines that can help prevent bipolar episodes.
6:29:53
They're doing something that is purely biological, but we use so many medicines for things that are not biological their psychological. But we are so over reductionist that we could actually over reduce the problem that you said, write like a clear. Wow, that's fascinating, right? Like how many times have you gone up those stairs and now you can't. It's so interesting idea. Like us is give you a pill. I mean it really makes no sense but if we're over reductionist enough, you could see how that's the logical endpoint.
6:30:23
Point of analogical process, right? I'll give you another example. And this is really the true story of a woman who young woman comes into the emergency room and she says, she can't sleep and, you know, she looks anxious and she feels very, very anxious you by her description and it's why she can't sleep and and she gets a sleeping medicine. She goes home and then she comes back. He comes back a couple days later and she's very, very anxious and she can't sleep and she looks like she did before. Like nothing seems to be different and she hasn't gotten
6:30:53
Sleep at all. So the doctor in charge gives her a higher dose of the sleeping medicine, then she goes home and then she comes back yet again and nothing is any different. She still not sleeping, she still anxious and then the doctor concludes that she's drug seeking because she wants more and more of the sleeping medicine, okay?
6:31:16
Was actually going on was, she's getting hurt at home. She was terrified to go home. Of course, you
6:31:24
couldn't sleep, right? Like bad things
6:31:27
were happening, but no one asked the question, right? They thought she cannot sleep will give sleeping medicine instead of asking why, right? And then she gets home, just send home and when the medicine doesn't work well, now there's something wrong with her.
6:31:44
Right? And if you put that label on her now, she's drug-seeking, right? Then she's not going to get any help. All right. So I'm not against medicines. I mean, I use psychopharmacology as part of my practice and I think from a, from a biologically based perspective about many things but we have to know what something is the answer for and what something is not the answer for. And in the overly reductionist world of throughput in in Healthcare Systems, people are being trained these days. It don't know any different, I don't remember.
6:32:13
Overly critical of practitioners whose often practitioners are working in impossible situations, where the goal is throughput, and that's more efficient in the short term, all right? It's more efficient today, right? But it's of course not good in anything. But the today term and is interesting because it's never good for the person even today. It's like never good for the people in it. Right. But often these decisions are being made based upon business and money and I understand business and money. I'm I'm a capitalist I'm interested in
6:32:43
These things but the way that we have, let things get the business and money with a short-sighted short-term perspective than bonds with the over reductionist ways that we approach medicine. And then we have these bizarre things happen and these kind of bizarre things and lives rate of change the courses of lives. Like, fortunately, you, you know, you got, you got what you needed and you figured things out, but if you hadn't, would you have the career, you have, like, we don't know, right? Or if
6:33:13
Someone else hadn't realized like let's talk to that woman and see what's going on. They would she have survived and we don't we don't know at what the point of that is like lots of bad things happen, right? There's we're rolling the dice too many times with too many people. And it doesn't have to be that way and the way that we're doing it now it's not only inefficient you financially, right? The things that we seem to be caring about most it leads to bad outcomes and it also makes no sense, right? We're looking at it through the sort of bizarre lens then we met
6:33:43
I find within us the strength to change that and to change it in a way that actually fits the science and fits the common sense.
6:33:50
I have to imagine that both for people who require medication in order to cope in order to manage their way through these questions about function of self and how they are in the world. What they're paying attention to etcetera. And for people who don't require medication to do this exploration that this very same exploration, is the road
6:34:13
Up to feeling yes, agency, gratitude, peace, contentment, and Delight
6:34:19
medicines may have a role. So if for example, we go look at the pillars and things are not going so well. And you see that, whenever that person has a bipolar manic episode while things get really, really damaged and like it. It's very, very hard day. They can't recover from that. In the ways they want you. Then we'd say, well, let's we're going to use medicine to help this right now. Of course, there are other things to use behavioral changes, for example, right? But
6:34:43
There's but there's a clear biological role just like we use medicine to stop seizures, right? But people also have to make sure they're not super sleep-deprived. There's another part to it, too. We can use medicine to prevent bipolar episodes, but there's another part of self-care involved too, but it's a role of medicine, right? Just as if anxiety levels aren't coming down too much say, for the person to get at the trauma, right? They know there's a trauma, they've talked around it, you know, for 20 years, they know it's been impacting them. They're not sure how it's hard to go there there with a
6:35:13
Therapist will still try to put words to it and now, you know, there may be having a panic attack, right? Anything okay. Let's we can use medicines to take the temperature down to two sort of e, two e's that person's Way Forward so that they can understand something. Right? Then provides a resolution in that part of the pillar and then, you know, things are set in a better place. So, so the biological aspect, you know, and specifically here, we're talking about medicines has its place, but the idea that medicines are a substitute for understanding
6:35:45
It makes no sense.
6:35:47
Well, you've provided us an incredible framework. Thank you. This framework really speaks to all of us. All right. You know, that the components that make us who we are. You know, that, as you put it, the structure of the self, you know, everything from the unconscious mind conscious mind, defense mechanisms character structure self and the functions of self. You know, these components of self-awareness defense mechanisms reaching up from that Iceberg under the
6:36:16
What we pay attention to our behaviors and hopefully our strivings and sense of hope and how those two pillars flow up into empowerment. Humility agency and gratitude again as action terms as active terms and eventually to peace contentment and Delight in this notion of generative drive as well as some of the pitfalls and challenges that can pull down on generative drive or a clued generative drive and you very clearly.
6:36:44
Pointed us to where we should all look.
6:36:48
In terms of understanding ourselves better and where we could do better and be better in the world because this is a series, we have the wonderful opportunity to have. You tell us even more about how this structure plays out with in terms of its healthy expression. And in terms of its unhealthy expression knowing different pathologic conditions that most of us are familiar with at least in name. And and I'm sure you're going to tell us more about what the what the real both.
6:37:18
Zen expressions of things, like narcissism and extreme and Mild form. You know, anxiety and its extreme and Mild forms. And also some of the names and diagnoses that were more familiar with hearing about such as you know, bipolar disorder, obsessive-compulsive things of that sort. But that all relate back to and really are nested in the this structure and function of self and where it can all go. So first of all, I want to say and
6:37:48
Thank you really, an immense. Thank you for so welcome for defining the structure and making it so clear to me and to everybody else. And as you said it has its complexity. There's in fact, immense complexity down there at the bottom but that flows up from complex to very simple ideals, and a road map to get there. And again, the PDF is available to people as a link in the show notes captions. Should they want to see this in visual form? I also want to thank you for assembling the structure, not just as a tutorial but because
6:38:18
At least to my knowledge, no such structure or summary of these structures exists anywhere in the world and certainly not in any form that the non-clinician and not, you know, highly trained psychiatrist could ever access or understand. So, this is both an immense resource and an immense gift to us all. Thank you so, very much.
6:38:40
You're so welcome. And thank you for having me here, which is a gift
6:38:44
to be continued in the next episode. Thank you.
6:38:48
Thank you for joining me for this first episode of our series on Mental Health with dr. Paul Conte. And I encourage you to keep an eye out for the second episode in this series, which is going to be about how to improve your mental health. I'll just remind you that all episodes of The huberman Lab podcast can be accessed completely zero cost and in all formats by going to huberman. Lab.com. If you're learning from and are enjoying this podcast, please subscribe to our YouTube channel. That's a terrific zero-cost way to support us. In addition. Please subscribe to the podcast on both Spotify and Apple.
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6:40:18
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