Getting to unknow yourself is to let go of the very limiting stories you’ve been carrying around so you can live your life, not the story you’ve been telling yourself about your life. So many of us are walking around living some story we’re telling ourselves about our life that doesn’t reflect reality.

So many of us self-flagellate. We think that if we self-flagellate, it'll help us feel better. It's very paradoxical ... Self-flagellation never leads to long-term change. It might make you do something in the moment, but it won't last.

We like to say that insight is the booby prize of therapy, meaning you can have all the insight in the world, but if you don't make changes out in the world, the insight is useless.

There's a difference between pain and suffering. We all experience pain at various points in our lives, but we don't have to suffer so much. Sometimes we're the cause of our suffering.

Why do people need a terminal diagnosis to really pay attention to what they want to do in their lives? We shouldn't need that ... We all have a terminal diagnosis—life has a 100% mortality rate.

Be aware. Be aware of the gift of your life today when you wake up be intentional about how you want to live your life. What are your priorities? Are you living those?

All these studies will tell you if you look them up that the most important factor in the success of someone's therapy is the relationship that you have with your therapist. It matters more than the training the therapist has, than the modality that they're using, than the number of years of experience. Not that those things don't matter—they absolutely do, but the thing that matters the most is that relationship.

Our fear of our feelings is often scarier than the feelings themselves.

I don't think there is a greater ROI that a person can make than investing in their emotional health because without it, all of the other things don't matter.

You can have all the insight in the world, but if you don't actually make changes out in the world, the insight is useless.

Humans are ridiculous. And I mean that in the most compassionate way that I think that we as humans we say one thing and we do another all the time. And I think that's funny the ways that we act the ways that we try to protect ourselves, which actually don't protect us.

When the story of my life is gonna be told, the people who are going to have literally saved my life are going to be the people who helped me with my mental health, and I don't think that can be overstated.

Denial is a way of staving off these uncomfortable feelings that we don't want to acknowledge. My job as a therapist is to get under that denial and help somebody realize that dealing with the feelings will be a lot easier than staying in denial.

So many of us are carrying around fascinating stories that we don’t think are fascinating. We think of our lives are pretty ordinary, but as a therapist, I can tell you that the most extraordinary stories come out of people grounded in the ordinary.

So many times people come to therapy and say, 'Tell me what to do,' and what I want to help them do is find the answer inside because it's there—they just can't hear it yet.

We have these voices in our heads that try to talk us out of things. Often, the most authentic place in us is the quiet voice.

I think those moments in life when you feel like you really didn't want something to happen are often the moments when something really transformative is about to happen.

I love giving books as gifts. They're my favorite gift to receive. I love giving them because it feels like I'm giving an experience to somebody ... Books, to me, are the best gift.

Often, in a relationship, the person saying, "You never listen to me," isn't a good listener themselves.

That's why... change is so hard—because we cling to the familiar. We cling to what we know. So, even if you're making a really positive change, sometimes we fight that because we don't like uncertainty.

Feelings are like weather systems. They blow in; they blow out. Just because you feel something doesn't mean the storm will stay there indefinitely.

I feel like I went from telling people stories as a journalist to helping people change their stories as a therapist.

Historically, one of my main challenges has been identifying what I'm unwilling to feel. I've been trying to practice allowing those feelings and being kind to myself when I'm experiencing them instead of beating the living shit out of myself for opening the door to any of those feelings.

Before diagnosing someone with depression, make sure they're not surrounded by assholes.

A lot of us would rather blame other people or other circumstances for why we can't have happiness or joy or meaning or whatever it is in our lives than to say, 'Oh, now I'm responsible for that, and if it doesn't work out, that's on me.'

Acknowledge the fact that life has a 100% mortality rate.

There's one thing that nobody can take away from us, and that's the freedom to choose our attitude in any given situation.